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BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, and ... - 8/10/2007 8:28:07 AM

BlueCollar

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Joined: 7/31/2007
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This isn't so much of a question or comment, but just a story of myself and a scenario I had a few months ago. The feelings involved were so incredibly powerful, I just can't help but post them to help vent my mind a little.

My friend John was seeing a girl a while back and had a pretty rocky relationship with her from the very start. I didn't much care for her, and by that I mean I absolutely resented her with every fibre of my being. I won't use the word "hate" to describe it, but you sorta see what I'm getting at here.

In any case, while listening to one of her tiresome "the world revolves around me" discussions, she briefly mentioned her submissive nature and immediately it piqued my interest. The girl who was moments before such an annoying little attention whore suddenly became an object of desire to me. I had never thought for a second before that she was physically attractive or even mature enough to warrant my attention, but it was such a twist in my mindset.

And it wasn't like I could call her a legitimate sub or anything. From the way she talks and acts, she pretty much just does everything for the sake of receiving attention and so much of her personality is calculated for shock value. I tend to see right through that though and she gets little respect from me over it, but why this sudden attraction?

I started thinking that perhaps because she really had no idea what the BDSM culture really constitutes, I might as well be the one who takes her back down to earth, in a way. I just felt (and still feel) a great desire to dominate her PROPERLY, not to satisfy her ego, but to really drive home the reality of it all.

So yeah, there you go. A pretty unremarkable story, but there you have it!

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 8:33:14 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Is she still with your friend?

Possibly you may be just having feelings of "I can tame her and show her 'real' BDSM." But as the whole things subjective, I would say it's more ego on your part, which there is nothing wrong with at all.

And then again, a challenge can always rock.

Peace
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 2

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 8:52:18 AM

BlueCollar

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Joined: 7/31/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Is she still with your friend?

Possibly you may be just having feelings of "I can tame her and show her 'real' BDSM." But as the whole things subjective, I would say it's more ego on your part, which there is nothing wrong with at all.

And then again, a challenge can always rock.

Peace
the.dark.

Oh, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest that it's more an ego thing on my part. Personally, in my mind it ws more like "Oh, you THINK you know what you're talking about, eh?"

But of course, it could have been a lot more complex than that. :D

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 8:58:27 AM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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If I lived in some remote part of the world where there were few women....Would I ever consider fucking a friends ex.

a few years ago I spent some time out in Breckenridge, Co.....There are a zillion guys to one girl, especially once the tourists go away....In a bar the local guys were laughing about the fact, "You never lose your girl...Just your turn."

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Post #: 4

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 9:00:04 AM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
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My desire to enlighten girls to the depths of their depravity does not outweigh great oodles of pain in the ass factor.
Good luck.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 9:09:58 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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i do not know. one being a friends ex to me might have some outward problems if you approch this avoid always creating ripples in the fabric of your life ones that will come back to bite you in the ass later

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Post #: 6

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 9:23:47 AM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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I wonder if she mentioned her submissive nature in a way that she seemed to think she was submissive or did she mention it in a way that she was saying *ahem* "Dom me big boy, I dare ya"

A lot of people say they seem to have submissive personalities but that doesn't make them think they are submissives...so I wonder before I make conjecture.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 7

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 9:30:10 AM

Rover

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A week spent in any online community should cure you of the desire to waste time on dolts, or to disabuse you of the notion that they can be "taught" anything of value.

John

P.S. - Of course, there is always the chance that she is simply so annoying that the thought of beating her senseless (is that redundant?) under the guise of BDSM appeals to your base instincts.

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Post #: 8

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 9:54:47 AM

CutieMouse

Posts: 81
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There's always the possibility that little miss "the world revolves around me" has noticed that you find her distateful, and decided you are a challenge, in a simmilar manner as you suddenly seeing her as a challenge.

(in reply to BlueCollar)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/10/2007 3:43:34 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

If I lived in some remote part of the world where there were few women....Would I ever consider fucking a friends ex.

a few years ago I spent some time out in Breckenridge, Co.....There are a zillion guys to one girl, especially once the tourists go away....In a bar the local guys were laughing about the fact, "You never lose your girl...Just your turn."

I think this happens in more than places where women are out numbered. There was a group of guys in my high school in South Florida and I think I was the only girl friend of one of them that didn't date the other guys. He and I considered getting married after college but changed our minds. He is now married to the high school sweetheart of one of his best friends.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 8/10/2007 3:44:22 PM >

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(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 6:01:39 AM

BlueCollar

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Joined: 7/31/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

A week spent in any online community should cure you of the desire to waste time on dolts, or to disabuse you of the notion that they can be "taught" anything of value.

John

P.S. - Of course, there is always the chance that she is simply so annoying that the thought of beating her senseless (is that redundant?) under the guise of BDSM appeals to your base instincts.

LOL! Actually, you could very well be on to something there, Rover. Cutiemouse (Hi! - I remember you from the Literotica forums), I never actually thought of that until you just mentioned it now. It's very possible that she might have her eyes on me as a bit of a challenge as well.

Oh, and to answer a question, from way back, yes, she still hangs out with my friend John, but as far as I'm aware, she does have a new boyfriend.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 6:32:30 AM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

The true opposite of love is apathy. The same for hate... Take a moment and examine the fact that you have such an emotion reaction to this person and ask yourself why that is so. Her comment just becomes the trigger to change the vector of the reaction, but not the reaction itself.

And that's a common tactic amongst people who would manipulate you.

And dude, dating a friend's ex is only slightly tacky... good friends are hard to find, but pussy's down to a nickel a dozen these days. Subprime market and all. ;)

(in reply to BlueCollar)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 7:22:08 AM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

Blue, you don't seem to be asking for advice but I have two thoughts:

1. Her saying that she is submissive strikes me as just one more way to try to get attention. Even though BDSM not the shock it once was, declaring kinkiness still carries a bit of a charge.

2. Run away. Actually, for a narcissist like this, the worst thing you can do to them is ignore them. If you get the urge to teach her some humility, try that.

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to BlueCollar)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 7:29:25 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I think your reading way to much into this. Like my mate is asian and brings home drop dead asian females that I would beg to just hug me and I sit there thinking I really want to fuk you but thats all it is. Just a thought.

Also about having sex with mate's ex's I did but without knowledge as I picked up the same gal yrs later. My mate did not care but she hated my mate and thus it did not last long.

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 7:39:54 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like TSB... and with TSB after awhile... they all start to look good.

btw... TSB = toxic sperm buildup

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 15

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 7:46:18 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Don't shit where you eat. Period.
The feeling will pass wait for it.

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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to BlueCollar)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 7:48:11 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I think that intense dislike and lust can go hand in hand.
Just like intense liking doesn't necessarily mean lust.
It would depend how strong the lust was for me to actively want to do something about it.
It can overide the deepest moral dilema or the most pragmatic side of me.
In other words if it itched enough I would scratch it if I could.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 7:57:29 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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When i read your little story the word projection came to mind. You want to bring her down to earth or teach her - maybe you see a little of yourself in her, more than you are comfy with? If she annoys you to the point you want to do something about it, i think you have to start examining why, most people would simply avoid her, if she bothered them so much rather than indulge in the game you seem to want to play with her.

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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Post #: 18

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 8:01:48 AM

BlueCollar

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Joined: 7/31/2007
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Oh, just to make everyone aware, I don't intend on ever hooking up with this girl. The fact that she's a friend's former love isn't the reason in on itself - I should have also mentioned she made his life significantly "dramatic" and while she still hangs around us from time to time, there's nothing going on between them.

Laterlist makes a good point, though. For me, it's an intense revulsion towards her, yet underlying lust. It's like: "I hate her so much, I can't wait to make her scream for me". It's truly an odd mix.

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM and friends (issues of self-control, desires, ... - 8/11/2007 8:10:09 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I think it sounds like a sudden case of fleeting animal lust, which is kinda sexy, if you think about it

Possibly, (and I love speculating into deep psychology, even though I'm full of shit most the time), you found this girl so revolting up until now that, when she finally said the one thing that could spark an interest, "I'm a submissive", all your repressed loathing came roaring up into, well, fleeting animal lust, lol. Or not.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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Post #: 20

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