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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/12/2007 10:18:01 AM

masterdstar

Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My take on all this; Yes to all you perceive this to be about for you during the actual act however I would say there is an even deeper level to the fulcrum point which is also endless argument of contention; Love. Can there be love in Bd/Sm, can a Dominant love a sub/slave blah blah blah?

I postulate that you are “fucking” when accepting the pain, use, etc and on a deeper level you are being loved and loving back, why? The Dominant is giving you what you need, NOT what you want and the same in return to the Dominant. Then Y/you have moved into love.

There is no shame or less Domination or submission in this. Because this is the very thing that makes for the perfect balance and yes, equality between the genuine Dominant and true surrendered submissive rather it solidifies both needs. Perhaps you will learn to move beyond humiliation and fear, and simply into love.

That is the difference between mere situational power and personal power.

“They are the chosen ones
Who have surrendered.
Once they were particles of light
Now they are the radiant sun.
They have left behind
The world of deceitful games.
They are the privileged lovers
Who create a new world
With their eyes of fiery passion.”

Rumi

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 41

RE: Power or Pain? - 8/12/2007 10:46:29 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterdstar

My take on all this; Yes to all you perceive this to be about for you during the actual act however I would say there is an even deeper level to the fulcrum point which is also endless argument of contention; Love. Can there be love in Bd/Sm, can a Dominant love a sub/slave blah blah blah?

I postulate that you are “fucking” when accepting the pain, use, etc and on a deeper level you are being loved and loving back, why? The Dominant is giving you what you need, NOT what you want and the same in return to the Dominant. Then Y/you have moved into love.

There is no shame or less Domination or submission in this. Because this is the very thing that makes for the perfect balance and yes, equality between the genuine Dominant and true surrendered submissive rather it solidifies both needs. Perhaps you will learn to move beyond humiliation and fear, and simply into love.

That is the difference between mere situational power and personal power.

“They are the chosen ones
Who have surrendered.
Once they were particles of light
Now they are the radiant sun.
They have left behind
The world of deceitful games.
They are the privileged lovers
Who create a new world
With their eyes of fiery passion.”

Rumi

I postulate that the above relates to you personally, but not to multitudes of others, and therefore the use of "you" in the post seems to overgeneralize.

(in reply to masterdstar)

Post #: 42

RE: Power or Pain? - 8/12/2007 3:47:13 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

~fr~
I love the pain. It's about the power.
I am not one to give power easily, I crave giving it to one person.
I can get pain anywhere, I'm clumsy!

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 43

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 5:44:36 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

(2) Psychological reinforcement of control, used as a reminder that she's in control and can do what she wants, whether I like it or not.

That's what does it for me.

and me also!

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 44

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 8:12:54 PM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

Focusing on the non-relationship stuff only, I would say that most of it for me is power. There are endless controls within controls that can be manipulated and used. If I know someone's limit I will take them right to the edge of it and look over. The pain is only an outgrowth of that power. I can cause pain in the degrees that I can give pleasure, and the choice of which is mine.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 45

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 9:33:55 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Power or Pain?

Okay, this is NOT a thread to fight over which is better or more about BDSM. Hopefully this will be an adult conversation regarding your thoughts of both Power and Pain…and how, in your mind, either adds to or draws you interest here. I’ll start:

I see my interest in BDSM as primarily an interest in D/s. Having said that, I’ve spent about four years in ‘the lifestyle’ and have become somewhat edgy, people have said. I’ve been whipped bloody, have enjoyed needles run through my breasts, like hard play and welts & bruises.

For me pain goes hand in hand with humiliation and fear, too. I’ve said before I subscribe to that bit about the conscious suspension of reality (OMG…can people really see me; is my flesh actually being carved off my body…I can’t believe I’m doing this, will he still love me when we’re done?) But there is not much better than moving or stretching for the next day or seven…and remembering every delicious moment.

Still, I will say that what is even better than pain, for me, is the control, authority and power another may have over me. It is most often a subtle thing, but can be as strong and direct as a handful of my hair grabbed from behind. While I prefer sensitive, intelligent men there IS something about being bent over and taken; one hand holding me down on the small of my back, basically for his pleasure only…whenever, wherever, however. <swoon>

What say you?

Neither.

it's about using the intensity to strengthen trust and intimacy.

Sensation is transitory.

Power is an illusion.

I value what is real-not dust in the wind.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 46

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 9:59:37 PM

cautiousiasub

Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

<snip>
I’ve said before I subscribe to that bit about the conscious suspension of reality (OMG…can people really see me; is my flesh actually being carved off my body…I can’t believe I’m doing this, will he still love me when we’re done?)
<snip>

For me, it's the power or authority. I get more out of the power exchange. This has become more apparent lately when I have actually asked for things I find humiliating. I ask for them because they remind me of my position and more importantly, his power over me. Humiliation isn't the only thing that reminds me of this, it's just a good example. Pain is a close second, but mainly because I see it as a way for him to exert that authority. He has the control to inflict it or stop it when he chooses. I trust that my limits will be honored, and that he recognizes when I've had enough. My interest lays mainly in the D/s or M/s aspect as well and is leaning more that way every day.

I quoted part of the OP that I found interesting and wanted to comment on, simply because I remember saying it myself. "Will he still love me when we're done?" I remember thinking along those lines when I first got involved in the lifestyle, and it really bothered me. I even asked him about it, and his response was that he wouldn't think any differently afterwards than he did before. It's been a while since I remember being concerned about that, and his response really put me at ease. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who had those concerns at some point.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 47

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 10:50:35 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

He has the authority to do what ever he desires to me in play. I'm a masochist and I love the pain, I fell no shame in it ( at least not now. The first time Rob watched me bottom I was worried he would think less of me but I was proven very wrong) I actually feel a great sense of pride when being played. Even tho I identify as a bottom I don't play randomly, pain is far to personal a thing for me to share with someone I don't have a connection with or feel I can trust and transfer authority to in that space of time. Control is something I see as a bit of an illusion, no one really has control, there are always variables but you can give someone authority over yourself, which is incredibly intimate

denika

(in reply to cautiousiasub)

Post #: 48

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 11:00:58 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

My question to people lately has been: If you had to choose between sex, BDSM (kinky stuff) or D/s, which would you choose?

For me it's a given. Much as I love sex and am willing to do kinky stuff, unless there is D/s involved, it's not going to truly float my boat. I *need* the energy that comes from a D/s situation. That is what I need to thrive.

Just my thoughts.........

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 49

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/18/2007 11:25:49 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Power...there have been points in my life where i have said i couldn't have an orgasm without pain...but it was a missunderstanding...i couldn't feel the power that person had -the authority- with that person without the pain...now as a masochist the pain is a happy plus...but it is not an absolute must...i can get it elsewhere...i have a whole body as a canvas and pincushion....heck i just got the left side of my lip pierced for the 3rd time today in a 13 month span...hehe....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 50

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/19/2007 1:40:15 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

mmm...power...

Pain alone doesn't get me off. Pain is something to tolerate because what causes me pain can cause him pleasure. Rough sex and sodomy come to mind with that one. I also like pain that doesn't hurt all that much...like being choked or having myhair pulled. That might make me wince a bit but its not like a five minute spanking. And pain like spanking, or slapping me - I see as punishment for when I fight back. He's not causing me pain for my pleasure, he's doing it to keep me in line. And that's hot. Because it's about the power not the pain.

I guess that's one reason I see a problem with the acronym BDSM. It lumps people who are just into bondage, people who are just into D/s, and people who are just into SM into one big category that has slight overlap but three entirely different focuses. Pain and power both have something to do with BDSM, but pain is not necessary for power, and power is not necessary for pain. In fact that's why SM practitioners often call themselves "top" and "bottom" rather than "dom/me" or "sub" - because they are both equal, one is just sadistic and one is masochistic. As far as D/s goes, pain can be used to enforce power, but it is certainly not required. Most people submit because they respect the power of the other, and adore it, and want to ubmit to it, not because they have to be coerced...and punishments do not have to be physical in nature.

You know...they have boards for poly and Gor, boards for Femdom, Male dom, sub/slave boards...why not add a bondage board, a D/s board, and a SM board? Instead of just a "General BDSM" board that encompasses three totally different concepts.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 51

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/19/2007 5:33:57 AM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

Oh, agreed... and then there'd be people like me who then crosspost so much when things overlap: submission expressed as masochism, dominance through bondage yadda yadda yadda.

It may not be the best system for you, but the system definitely works.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 52

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/19/2007 12:01:38 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

LOL well I'm not saying get *rid* of the general BDSM board...just *add* to the system. I mean there's a thread about poly right now in this forum...it's not so rigid!

(in reply to e01n)

Post #: 53

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/19/2007 2:01:34 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

Power or pain? I say power.

Pain is merely the expression. Power is the experience.

_____________________________

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 54

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/19/2007 2:38:04 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

My biggest thrill is bondage. Not necessarily physical bondage, while hot and fun, not the biggest high for me.

Long before I knew any of this other stuff existed I loved the frisson I felt when I realized that I had power over another person. That I could ask someone to do something they didn't particularly want to do but because I asked, they complied.

I love the seduction of that. I love seeing it unfold. Them becoming, more and more, mine. To find that there were those that loved being helpless to it, in a way. Those that wanted to be under my spell. OMG, the delicious thrill! That it could exist within a relationship was like discovering a priceless treasure. I get to run the show without being "wrong". Someone out there wants to make my pleasure, my happiness and more importantly, our relationship, a priority. In return I get to unleash all of the lovey gooey stuff that brings out in me.

There is no physical pain play that feel I could not live without. With the right person, I certainly enjoy it and hope to explore more of it. But it certainly isn't on my priority list.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 55

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/19/2007 5:57:17 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Power or Pain?

What say you?

For me, it is about the power.

Any pain to be endured is only a turn-on for me when it is in the context of humiliation or other emotional responses that add to the Domme's power and control over my mind. Otherwise, it just hurts.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 56

RE: Power or Pain? - 9/20/2007 5:08:18 PM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline

Historically, my interest was in SM. My primary skill set still revolves around SM and I think SM is a fabulous playground for self examination and exploration of life.

I've also played with d/s and I think that it's interesting, but primarily in a romantic, fantasy sort of way.

Both are interesting to me, though in different ways. D/s has more opportunity for exploration for me right now, but I don't currently see forming my most important life relationships around a d/s dynamic.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 57

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