Female Dommes for Female Subs

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ariadnev -> Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 7:57:17 AM)
Hi everyone, I'm a bisexual female sub that when it comes to S/M only likes to play with other females. I have a couple of questions about this.. Why do men feel angry that I don't put myself down as lesbian? I mean I'm not a lesbian I just don't play with men in S/M situations. Are female dommes that play with female subs that uncommon? I'm having a really hard time finding one. And I'm in NYC! Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to find a domme other than this site? I've had local munches suggested but I just wouldnt' know how to "find" a domme that way. Would anyone suggest going to Paddles and just asking dommes if they are looking for a sub? I mean I dont' know if I have the ovaries to do it but what do you think about the idea? Thanks! Ari

MsMagdalene -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 8:41:19 AM)
Oh, sadness! I wish I was in NYC. I am a female domme who will only play with women, unless I'm working. And screw the dorky net doms who get their little panties in a bunch because you aren't easily searchable. I had a page that said lesbian for a while, and trust me, I had plenty of men respond. And going to munches really is a good way to make friends in the community. And if you have friends in the community, and you're cute and single, then they will ALWAYS try to hook you up with someone. That's why munches are a great idea. And I don't know about Paddles... is that kind of forward for that place? If not, then absolutely go for it! I personally don't mind a sub who takes a little initiative. I think it's flattering.

sexyred1 -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 8:42:50 AM)
OP: join TES in NYC. You will most definitely be able to meet a Domme.

LadyLynx -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 8:51:41 AM)
Some guys,(regardless of their role in the lifestyle.) are just plain obnoxious. I have in my profile that I am not interested in having a Master, yet I am constintly getting email from guys who so generously offer to be my master. "Gee thanks for reading my profile guys." lol. Personally I wouldn't go and ask straight out if a Domme is looking for a sub, but I would casually mention over time that is what I am looking for. Have patience, have fun, and be careful!

TheDiva -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 8:59:25 AM)
The categories that collarme (or any other online site) offers can't address every possibility. I think that the men who express anger are disappointed in that one "wasted" search result...someone who would seem to meet their criteria, but is not interested in playing with them. Not sure about the second comment, but perhaps a yahoo group or website that focuses on lesbian and bisexual women might be a handy tool. I belong to a 'nilla group under my lifestyle handle, and a couple of women have expressed some curiosity about playing with me. I haven't been to Paddles in years, but the one time I went I brought my sister, who's not in the lifestyle. She was horrified when a submissive asked about worshipping her feet. I don't think she'll be returning, so going there and asking a Domme about playing would probably be a good idea. You might not have to worry about your ovarian fortitude; I imagine at least one person would approach you. Even if it's a male, "Sorry, I only play with females" might lead to an introduction. Finding someone at a local bdsm event or convention might be a possibility...a little networking is a Good Thing(tm). Good luck in your search!

PairOfDimes -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:02:06 AM)
I'm a dominant woman, and I like to play with submissive women. These days, I tend to prefer women to men. Yes, I'd suggest that you go to munches, and TES meetings. LSM, Lesbian Sex Mafia, might suit you well--it's a women's SM group, and I know I've met a few good playmates through a kinky women's group in Boston. How do you "find" a dom that way? You find a woman to whom you're attracted, chat her up, flirt, drop hints about your orientation, and try to get her to talk about hers, then, if you seem compatible, you offer to exchange emails and then perhaps coordinate a lunch or dinner. (How does this begin? You walk up to her, offer your hand to shake, and say, "Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Ari.") If you already have cues that she enjoys dominating or topping (perhaps she has offered a topping demo at a group meeting, or you're in a group conversation with her in which she mentions topping someone), even better--then, you know that she tops and dominates, and perhaps you know that her style is attractive to you--now, it's just a matter of deciding whether you and she are personally compatible, or whether she has room in her life for someone.

ariadnev -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:10:37 AM)
quote: Oh, sadness! I wish I was in NYC. I am a female domme who will only play with women, unless I'm working. And screw the dorky net doms who get their little panties in a bunch because you aren't easily searchable. I had a page that said lesbian for a while, and trust me, I had plenty of men respond. And going to munches really is a good way to make friends in the community. And if you have friends in the community, and you're cute and single, then they will ALWAYS try to hook you up with someone. That's why munches are a great idea. And I don't know about Paddles... is that kind of forward for that place? If not, then absolutely go for it! I personally don't mind a sub who takes a little initiative. I think it's flattering. Awww I checked out your profile and I'm also sad you arent in NYC. Maybe if you ever visit? :) I keep getting the suggestion of munches but in real life situations like that I tend to clam up and not speak up. sigh That's why I was hoping my idea of going to Paddles and roaming might work better since I might get so excited seeing a scene that a particular domme is doing that I'll get the ovaries to go up to her and talk to her. Do you have any suggestions on what I should wear?

ariadnev -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:11:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 OP: join TES in NYC. You will most definitely be able to meet a Domme. sexyred...I've thought about joining TES but it's a bit expensive and I don't know if I would go to enough events. How would joining it help me find a domme?

Grlwithboy -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:13:05 AM)
This is the price I pay for leaving NYC for the cheaper rent and shiny lakes of Minneapolis. Yes, there are Dommes who prefer female subs and Dommes who are open to subs regardless of gender. Don't worry about the kind of men who would be pissy about something like that. You're not here to please the world, especially people who have nothing better to do than get pissed a woman might not be interested in them. I would definitely check out LSM - I felt perfectly comfortable and welcome as a bi woman and out of towner at the workshop I had the good fortune to go to a few years back. Cool people.

ariadnev -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:14:24 AM)
quote: I'm a dominant woman, and I like to play with submissive women. These days, I tend to prefer women to men. Yes, I'd suggest that you go to munches, and TES meetings. LSM, Lesbian Sex Mafia, might suit you well--it's a women's SM group, and I know I've met a few good playmates through a kinky women's group in Boston. How do you "find" a dom that way? You find a woman to whom you're attracted, chat her up, flirt, drop hints about your orientation, and try to get her to talk about hers, then, if you seem compatible, you offer to exchange emails and then perhaps coordinate a lunch or dinner. (How does this begin? You walk up to her, offer your hand to shake, and say, "Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Ari.") If you already have cues that she enjoys dominating or topping (perhaps she has offered a topping demo at a group meeting, or you're in a group conversation with her in which she mentions topping someone), even better--then, you know that she tops and dominates, and perhaps you know that her style is attractive to you--now, it's just a matter of deciding whether you and she are personally compatible, or whether she has room in her life for someone. My best friend is a member of Lesbian Sex Mafia and I went to one of their play parties but it seemed like everyone was already "hooked up" and I didn't see anyone I would want to play with. Most of the dommes were too "butch" for me. I wish Lesbian Sex Mafia had personals or something. I love the idea of it. Just women looking for women. :)

sexyred1 -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:16:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ariadnev quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 OP: join TES in NYC. You will most definitely be able to meet a Domme. sexyred...I've thought about joining TES but it's a bit expensive and I don't know if I would go to enough events. How would joining it help me find a domme? Years ago, I had joined TES and I was looking for a Dom. Instead, I met alot of great female Dommes!! I also went to LSM and had some interesting experiences with women. I don't recall TES being expensive (unless it changed) and you don't have to join with dues, you can just go to special events, say when a Mistress is doing a demo and then afterwards, they have a group where you can introduce yourself and talk. At LSM, you get to state your reason for being there as well, and everyone was very cool.

Drifa -> RE: Female Dommes for Female Subs (8/12/2007 9:31:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ariadnev I'm a bisexual female sub that when it comes to S/M only likes to play with other females. I have a couple of questions about this.. Why do men feel angry that I don't put myself down as lesbian? I mean I'm not a lesbian I just don't play with men in S/M situations. Are female dommes that play with female subs that uncommon? I'm having a really hard time finding one. And I'm in NYC! Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to find a domme other than this site? I've had local munches suggested but I just wouldnt' know how to "find" a domme that way. Would anyone suggest going to Paddles and just asking dommes if they are looking for a sub? I mean I dont' know if I have the ovaries to do it but what do you think about the idea? Ari, I, too am bi, but I've been in a committed relationship for 14 years now with my Lady. Some of our straight, 'nilla friends introduced us. I think we both knew from almost the very beginning this was going to be serious, because we fit so well. Looking for a domme you have the advantage of being able to pursue contacts through the lesbian community and the BDSM community alike. Even Austin, which is tiny compared to NYC, has a women's BDSM group, Bound By Desire. And most clubs I've visited had flyers and the like somewhere up for upcoming events, seminars and so on that can be leads to places to find a play partner. In general, I think you should approach finding a domme much as you would any other relationship. Find good places to meet good people, look for people whose overall interests and outlook are compatible with yours, strike up a conversation and go from there. Communication is critical in any kind of sex, especially kink... so you shouldn't be afraid to talk to people and get to know them some before you go deeper. This doesn't say you must form a life-long bond - casual play is a joy also. But do talk to people! Alison Bechdel's Dykes To Watch Out For comic had a panel one time in which the heroine, Mo, is emitting "need rays" of desperation longing for someone, and that has the effect of acting like a sci-fi repulsion field. The best place to be is "open to meeting someone" while still not going to the "desperate to be owned" emotional place.

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