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being friends, then F/friends with - 8/12/2007 12:30:51 PM

solvr70

Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
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is the interest in being friends. pretty close friends. no play or D/s involved. talking much, exchanging much to see if there are overlaping interests, then F/friends that play (F/friends with benfits i do believe it is called today, but in a D/s way), an exclusivly guy's way of meeting, the slowly progressing?

i've noticed a number of Woman are looking for exclusivity and/or a slave to start right off, and that seems to be a bit fast for me.

the goal of course to always to bring W/both parties to new levels of excitement and pleasure.

mark

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/12/2007 2:32:10 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Is it odd to be friendly with a person, begin to flirt, and then begin to play? Not at all--lots of people do it that way for face-to-face contacts. It's not quite the same online, partly because of serendipity--face-to-face, you might strike up conversations based on your mutual proximity to the guacamole at a party, while online, those random contacts don't really happen (with good reason--one is meant to have a reason for actively contacting someone. I suppose forums allow it to an extent.)

I also don't think that casual sex (or non-exclusive sex or casual SM, or nonexclusive SM) is an especially masculine thing. I'm a woman, and I like casual SM and open relationships.

(in reply to solvr70)

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/12/2007 11:59:00 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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For me, it is understood. This is just like dating in framework. You can't make it work without getting to know someone.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to PairOfDimes)

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/13/2007 6:06:37 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm not sure if I'm understanding the question properly.

Are you asking if some of Us prefer to start out as friends before We would consider a submissive for play? Or, are you asking if, once a friendship is established, are We more likely to play with that person?

For the former, I would have to say yes. If I know I can talk with someone comfortably about other things, and We have a good rapport going, I know I'm more likely to feel that the transition from friend to play partner can be made. There are a lot of factors that play into this, but that is one of the primaries.

For the latter, I wouldn't say that is necessarily true. I know I am often contacted under the guise of 'I just want to be friends', while the truth of the matter is the person really is doing so in hopes that this is the approach that will lead to play. It's very easily seen through and doesn't go over well with Me. If a person isn't genuine about their intentions, they usually aren't friendship material in My book anyway.

I do play casually with friends at times. However, those are situations where the friendships exist in other areas besides a BDSM context alone. The subject of play isn't the only thing We can, or ever do talk about. It's just another facet of Our friendship and not what it's solely based upon.

(in reply to earthycouple)

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/15/2007 11:45:37 AM

solvr70

Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

thanks to everyone that supplied feedback thus far

it is good to know there are at least Some out there that think share the thoughts that finding out online that there might be overlaping interests, then getting to know E/each other a bit, then possibly playing a bit if there seems to be enough of a spark between B/both parties, then possibly (but not always) a collar and exclusivity is a reasonable way to think about meeting O/others with similar interests.

a great number of the write up's that i have noticed appear to want to go straight from "hello" to fully collared.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/15/2007 12:21:05 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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I don't play with friends.
I try to make friends with people who understand my 'lifestyle' because then I don't have to cover up part of who I am.
I can talk about my sexuality if it's comfortable to do so.
However I do BDSM with my sexual partner or partners.
I don't have sex with friends so I don't do BDSM with them because it's my sexuality.
However if it's just an enjoyable hobby then I guess you can do it with anyone that you can spend time with. Or if it is about sex for you then you can do it just like a one night stand or short fling vanilla wise. I just think it's honourable to be honest about what you want as in the vanilla world. However relationships can change over time. I think starting out as friends is a good basis for any relationship. If it doesn't change from friendship into something deeper then it doesn't. You can still enjoy the friendship.

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/15/2007 12:29:26 PM

all4yourplsr

Posts: 156
Joined: 4/5/2005
Status: offline

Here is my situation.

A woman who I currently consider one of my best friends just happens to be a Domme. We met online and as of yet(although it is probably about to change)have not met face to face. While our relationship has yet to reach the physical stage, I definitely defer to her in conversation as she is definitely dominant to me. Would I like to "play" with her, or better yet, her to play with me?? Most definitely!!

ed

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RE: being friends, then F/friends with - 8/15/2007 9:10:39 PM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: solvr70

thanks to everyone that supplied feedback thus far

it is good to know there are at least Some out there that think share the thoughts that finding out online that there might be overlaping interests, then getting to know E/each other a bit, then possibly playing a bit if there seems to be enough of a spark between B/both parties, then possibly (but not always) a collar and exclusivity is a reasonable way to think about meeting O/others with similar interests.

a great number of the write up's that i have noticed appear to want to go straight from "hello" to fully collared.

I agree with you. I like for the most part to become friends first, although if I am with a good friend, and they have already played with this other person a lot, I may jump into play right away.
Re: collaring: means different things to different people, so does the word 'play'.

I am not usually into casual sex, and really enjoy hanging out with sub friends m or f. The more D/s I get to do, the happier I am. I like to take my time getting to know someone, although a great 'click' can happen quickly.

A pro domme friend I have works differently. She plays first, then may start a frienship.

For me: a good relationship starts with a lot of communication and seeing how we are f2f happens fast, otherwise life races by.

*waves Hi to Lady Pact*

(in reply to solvr70)

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