Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands?

Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (Full Version)

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fungasm -> Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 7:51:11 AM)
Greetings! Today's Challenge for my Toys was titled "Look Ma, No Hands" and it is working with my toys towards building an erotic response without touch. But as I was typing it- I was really curious, and I have questions for Subs... * When you are in a scene and it's "no hands", does that mean you are not supposed to have an erotic response? * Would the ability to have an orgasm while bound or the ability to bring yourself pleasure without touch violate in some way the basic elements of your d/s relationship? * If you are in a relationship with a Dom/me- do you feel like it's inappropriate to seek out someone else to teach you more? On the one hand, I want to help explore pleasure... On the other hand, I don't want to take those who are truly submissive past their boundaries. Your thoughts and opinions would be wonderful. Alison ----------

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 8:02:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fungasm Greetings! Today's Challenge for my Toys was titled "Look Ma, No Hands" and it is working with my toys towards building an erotic response without touch. But as I was typing it- I was really curious, and I have questions for Subs... * When you are in a scene and it's "no hands", does that mean you are not supposed to have an erotic response * Would the ability to have an orgasm while bound or the ability to bring yourself pleasure without touch violate in some way the basic elements of your d/s relationship? * If you are in a relationship with a Dom/me- do you feel like it's inappropriate to seek out someone else to teach you more? On the one hand, I want to help explore pleasure... On the other hand, I don't want to take those who are truly submissive past their boundaries. Your thoughts and opinions would be wonderful. Alison ---------- I'm afraid I don't quite understand the premise or questions based on the premise. Can you try and clarify?

feastie -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 10:36:56 AM)
Got me scratching my head, too.

Vampyrefledgling -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 10:58:33 AM)
I'm confused as well... If I could summon an orgasm without any kind of physical contact I would probably be the happiest woman alive! ~Fledgling

breatheasone -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:00:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fungasm Greetings! Today's Challenge for my Toys was titled "Look Ma, No Hands" and it is working with my toys towards building an erotic response without touch. But as I was typing it- I was really curious, and I have questions for Subs... * When you are in a scene and it's "no hands", does that mean you are not supposed to have an erotic response? * Would the ability to have an orgasm while bound or the ability to bring yourself pleasure without touch violate in some way the basic elements of your d/s relationship? * If you are in a relationship with a Dom/me- do you feel like it's inappropriate to seek out someone else to teach you more? On the one hand, I want to help explore pleasure... On the other hand, I don't want to take those who are truly submissive past their boundaries. Your thoughts and opinions would be wonderful. Alison ---------- Ditto....what are you trying to say/ask?

ownedgirlie -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:02:51 AM)
I'm confused too but will try to decipher: quote: ORIGINAL: fungasm Greetings! Today's Challenge for my Toys was titled "Look Ma, No Hands" and it is working with my toys towards building an erotic response without touch. Your toys being the submissives? Erotic response being orgasm? quote: But as I was typing it- I was really curious, and I have questions for Subs... Ok. Got that part :) quote: * When you are in a scene and it's "no hands", does that mean you are not supposed to have an erotic response? If by "erotic response" you mean orgasm, it makes no difference whether I can touch myself or not. I'll have an orgasm when he tells me to have an orgasm. He's made that very clear, so there is no guessing. quote: * Would the ability to have an orgasm while bound or the ability to bring yourself pleasure without touch violate in some way the basic elements of your d/s relationship? I don't know what you mean by violate. I would violate my commitment to obedience if I had an orgasm without him commanding me to, touching or not touching. My orgasms are for his pleasure, not mine, and he rather likes that he can cause me to have one without touching, so no, there is no violation by this ability. quote: * If you are in a relationship with a Dom/me- do you feel like it's inappropriate to seek out someone else to teach you more? It depends what you mean by that. At first I was thinking "abso-freakin-lutely" but then I've had friends, both dominant and submissive, who have helped me learn about myself and my submission, through conversations we have had. But this was not a formal seeking out of another dominant for training or anything. That would never happen. He might instruct me to do that, but I would never do that on my own. If you mean teaching me sexually, no one touches me without his say-so, so absolutely not. quote: On the one hand, I want to help explore pleasure... On the other hand, I don't want to take those who are truly submissive past their boundaries. I am unclear what you mean by this. When I met my Master I was at a certain level in what I could handle and what I could not. We can call them boundaries for the sake of conversation. Over time (I've belonged to him for 3 years), he has pushed those boundaries further and further outward, so I can handle more and more. Had he not done that, I would not have grown with him as I have. quote: Your thoughts and opinions would be wonderful. Your post was a bit confusing, so hopefully I answered the questions you were asking. Alison ----------

earthycouple -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:03:29 AM)
This is the person, who not too long ago put up a ramble about what she makes her "onlines" do for a challenge. Something blah blah about two days worth of misery blah blah.... Unless something changed, I was the only one who responded and it wasn't overly favorable. She "promised" never to share that kind of thing again...S silly me for believing. Attention seeker of the highest form here. And look at me giving into it.

Vampyrefledgling -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:11:53 AM)
I'm going to respond to the questions based off of ownedgirlie's translation... I think in any play scene, I'm going to have an erotic response, not necessarily an orgasm, but my Dom being near me, talking to me is going to elicit some response from my body, even if he isn't touching me. I don't know how exactly I would bring myself pleasure without touch, or have an orgasm while bound (unless he did it). But would it violate the tenants of the D/s relationship, not unless I did so without his permission, or against his will. If I'm in a relationship with a Dom and I seek out another Dom for training and/or experience then yes that is absolutely inappropriate! It is different if I post something on a message board asking for advice or chat with a Dom my Master already knows I have a platonic friendship with and pose a question to, but to seek out another Dom for training? No way. I am one who seeks a monogamous D/s relationship. To go outside of that would be violating the trust that I expect from my Dom. ~Fledgling

YourShyPet -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:20:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie My orgasms are for his pleasure, not mine,... (raises hand).... um.... how do you exactly go about having an orgasm for someone elses pleasure not your own???... I mean how do you orgasm and it not be pleasurable to you but to someone else???... sorry, but I'm just lost on this... my Daddy controls the when... where, and how I have my orgasms... but concerning my actually orgasm... his pleasure come from feeling what he can while I'm having one, and watching me enjoy it.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:26:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourShyPet quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie My orgasms are for his pleasure, not mine,... (raises hand).... um.... how do you exactly go about having an orgasm for someone elses pleasure not your own???... I mean how do you orgasm and it not be pleasurable to you but to someone else???... sorry, but I'm just lost on this... my Daddy controls the when... where, and how I have my orgasms... but concerning my actually orgasm... his pleasure come from feeling what he can while I'm having one, and watching me enjoy it. They become so long and intense they are actually overwhelming and stuff happens which I won't get into detail about, but he loves it when my body lets loose and makes a mess. I end up totally exhausted afterwards. The pleasure I get is his pleasure in them, but my body goes through a lot during the course of it, as does my mind. Also, my focus during the orgasms are completely on him, not me. He drives them and I follow. I am not thinking of how good this feels, rather how much harder can I push my body to deliver more and more to him. He sometimes refers to me as his orgasm generator, calling on me any time of day to push and exhaust myself for him.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:27:01 AM)
She doesn't mean she doesn't experience pleasure from it (although forced orgasms CAN be painful/tiring and not at all what the person really wants or gets pleasure from). She means she orgasms at his pleasure, and it is always FOR him to enjoy. Her enjoyment is secondary at best. Not speaking for her of course, she could kick my ass.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:30:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Not speaking for her of course, she could kick my ass. LOL Yeah, put 'em up, biatch! [sm=boxer.gif]

YourShyPet -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:45:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: YourShyPet quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie My orgasms are for his pleasure, not mine,... (raises hand).... um.... how do you exactly go about having an orgasm for someone elses pleasure not your own???... I mean how do you orgasm and it not be pleasurable to you but to someone else???... sorry, but I'm just lost on this... my Daddy controls the when... where, and how I have my orgasms... but concerning my actually orgasm... his pleasure come from feeling what he can while I'm having one, and watching me enjoy it. They become so long and intense they are actually overwhelming and stuff happens which I won't get into detail about, but he loves it when my body lets loose and makes a mess. I end up totally exhausted afterwards. Ok I can totally understand this. The pleasure I get is his pleasure in them, but my body goes through a lot during the course of it, as does my mind. Also, my focus during the orgasms are completely on him, not me. He drives them and I follow. I am not thinking of how good this feels, rather how much harder can I push my body to deliver more and more to him. He sometimes refers to me as his orgasm generator, calling on me any time of day to push and exhaust myself for him. I thought in your first post that I was having a comprehension problem... but I think I've got it now... well actually I don't, but now I know that it's not along similar lines of myself and my Daddy... thank you for taking the time to try to further explain yourself... very much appreciated.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 11:57:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourShyPet I thought in your first post that I was having a comprehension problem... but I think I've got it now... well actually I don't, but now I know that it's not along similar lines of myself and my Daddy... thank you for taking the time to try to further explain yourself... very much appreciated. You are very welcome, and thanks for taking the time to ask :) Here's an example. I may be at the very height of the most intense orgasm in the world, totally consumed by it, and he'll call out to me to STOP!!!. Do you remember the Road Runner cartoons? Where Wyle E. Coyote runs off a cliff and for a moment is running in thin air, legs frantically trying to propell him forward while he lingers before dropping and crashing to the canyon floor? It's painful, not pleasurable, and exhausting. But it oh so delights and amuses him. [:D] That's just one aspect of having orgasms for his pleasure.

YourShyPet -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 12:34:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie You are very welcome, and thanks for taking the time to ask :) Here's an example. I may be at the very height of the most intense orgasm in the world, totally consumed by it, and he'll call out to me to STOP!!!. Do you remember the Road Runner cartoons? Where Wyle E. Coyote runs off a cliff and for a moment is running in thin air, legs frantically trying to propell him forward while he lingers before dropping and crashing to the canyon floor? It's painful, not pleasurable, and exhausting. But it oh so delights and amuses him. [:D] That's just one aspect of having orgasms for his pleasure. Ok I can understand being held off... it's just my Daddy never does it to cause me pain or to amuse himself.... he does it to extend my pleasure and so I have a bigger more intense orgasm in the end.

fungasm -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 1:36:47 PM)
For those who are confused: Let me clarify. I'm sorry it was confusing. Now it gets more pedantic and for that, I apologize as well: *First Question: When you are in a scene- and you are not allowed to use your hands- does that mean you are not allowed an erotic response. In other words- you are with your master/mistress/partner. You are in a scene (a time when you are playing together sexually). You are unable to use your hands. (This is because your hands are bound or because you have been forbidden). Does your dynamic (how you interact with your partner) permit you to give yourself an erotic response (anything from flushing to orgasm) at that time? Does your partner remove your hands from play to keep you from getting relief? Is it a matter of orgasm control as well as movement control? * Second Question: If you possessed the ability to have an orgasm without your hands- would that be something that violates your arrangement or agreement with your partner? If you are a sub, in a relationship now with a dom/domme- would your dom/domme be angry that you didn't need them for an orgasm? Or that you seek out how to do this without your partner? *** Third Question: If you are in a bonded sub/dom/me relationship- and you seek out this kind of experience, is that inappropriate? Would your partner/mas/mis be upset that you did this? Would it be a bad change in your relationship? --- For those who actually answered the question: It's an esoteric question- and I'm grateful for those who got it. You made me understand where my boundaries need to be closer than they are now. I'm fairly certain that this is a skill to be used only with permission. And that my toys who are in service, need to be sure that their mistress agrees with this training. --- For those who asked: An orgasm without hands is possible. It's something you have to be trained to do. It involves a strengthening of the muscles and a strengthening of the will. Start with Kegels. Lots of Kegels. For women, this is something better learned in Tantric workshops. There are some fabulous ones on each of the coasts. --- For Ms. D (Earthycouple): I do ramble. I am very pedantic. Sorry. You can choose not to read what I write. I shared a bit of what I do. It's not meant to be advertising- but to explain why I'm asking. As you can tell the question was complicated enough without a "why does it matter". You did an "ahem" on a previous post. Others wrote me directly and said that they were interested in hearing about this since it's FREE. My blog, the link in my signature: Free. Sharing what happens with my toys: Free. I'm sharing an experience that you never have to pay for. So I don't know why you are bothered by it. But you were the only one who said anything. I am not here to find new toys. This is a place where I can talk about what I'm doing with them, and hopefully get feedback when I have a question (something that was covered in a different post). Like now, I had a question. If you don't like my questions, go read something else, or write your own. If you catch me trolling for toys, you can nail me on it- but that's not what this is. We are all here to share. like you can talk about your life and gaining/losing Robert and the joys of combining a family. I asked a question of subs, and while I appreciate that a Domme answers, it would have been nice if you had actually answered the question. Would it piss you off if you told your sub no hands, and he made himself feel pleasure anyway? Would you feel he violated your trust/arrangement if he learned how to do this under your watch without you? Alison

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 1:45:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fungasm In other words- you are with your master/mistress/partner. You are in a scene (a time when you are playing together sexually). You are unable to use your hands. (This is because your hands are bound or because you have been forbidden). Does your dynamic (how you interact with your partner) permit you to give yourself an erotic response (anything from flushing to orgasm) at that time? Does your partner remove your hands from play to keep you from getting relief? Is it a matter of orgasm control as well as movement control? Ahhh I thought this might have been the disconnect- "scene" for me does not necessarily entail sexual contact, energy, or sexuality at all. Considering we can become aroused by a gazillion ways other than physical touch, it would seem odd to tell someone "Don't get aroused!" I can and do become aroused when taking out the trash sometimes because of the thoughts that come in my head. It's not really something to allow or disallow, no matter what dynamic. Now, when it comes to actual orgasm, I need repeated and prolonged specifical clitorial physical stimulation in order to have that occur and yes, my partner certainly can prevent me from having that in order to prevent an orgasm. quote: Second Question: If you possessed the ability to have an orgasm without your hands- would that be something that violates your arrangement or agreement with your partner? If you are a sub, in a relationship now with a dom/domme- would your dom/domme be angry that you didn't need them for an orgasm? Or that you seek out how to do this without your partner? Just because you don't NEED a particular stimulus for orgasm, why on earth would that make me angry? I'd consider it an interesting and amusing discovery and use it to my advantage. They'd still need PERMISSION to orgasm, no matter how many ways they figured out they COULD orgasm. quote: Third Question: If you are in a bonded sub/dom/me relationship- and you seek out this kind of experience, is that inappropriate? Would your partner/mas/mis be upset that you did this? Would it be a bad change in your relationship? See above. quote: Would it piss you off if you told your sub no hands, and he made himself feel pleasure anyway? Would you feel he violated your trust/arrangement if he learned how to do this under your watch without you? I'd be amused and realize I need to be a bit more precise in my language- unless I felt they were sincerely just trying to disobey me rather than amuse me. It's pretty easy to the tell the different IMO.

Vampyrefledgling -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 4:30:17 PM)
quote: **First Question: When you are in a scene- and you are not allowed to use your hands- does that mean you are not allowed an erotic response. I don't think its possible to control every erotic response. Personally, I cannot control when or how wet I become when aroused. I can't control my heart beat or if I begin to shake a bit (its been known to happen). I realize some things (like heart beat, respiration rate) can be learned to be controlled through biofeedback and other methods. But to try and control every erotic response I don't believe is entirely possible. Besides, what would be the fun of teasing if you can't get someone worked up and delay their release of that tension? "Does the dynamic permit you to give yourself and erotic response?" Again, that would depend on what has been set up for the scene. I can't control what erotic responses I get. As of right now, I cannot make myself have an orgasm without touching myself (although I must confess I'm intrigued by the notion, I'm not going to lie!). quote:* Does your partner remove your hands from play to keep you from getting relief? Is it a matter of orgasm control as well as movement control? My hands are not removed from play for the purpose of keeping me from getting relief. They are bound in order to make me helpless and completely at his mercy. Is it orgasm control? Yes, I suppose a part of it is. But I guess you could say that most bondage is a form of orgasm control, as the one performing the bondage decides when the one in the bondage is allowed to feel pleasure. At least, that is how I look at it, a large part of the reason I enjoy it so much! quote: *** Second Question: If you possessed the ability to have an orgasm without your hands- would that be something that violates your arrangement or agreement with your partner? Yes, it would. I don't possess such an ability and don't think I will pursue it. I don't want that power, it seems a bit like a passive-aggressive way of trying to top. ~Fledgling

AquaticSub -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 4:46:00 PM)
quote: * When you are in a scene and it's "no hands", does that mean you are not supposed to have an erotic response? Hell if I know. The only thing "no hands" means to me is from the dojo - that it's a no hands sparring match and we only kick. quote: * Would the ability to have an orgasm while bound or the ability to bring yourself pleasure without touch violate in some way the basic elements of your d/s relationship? Umm... no. Why the hell would it? Basic element of my d/s relationship: He orders, I obey. quote: * If you are in a relationship with a Dom/me- do you feel like it's inappropriate to seek out someone else to teach you more? Only if they say I can't. And then the lack of appropriateness has nothing to do with being educated by someone else, it's that I disobeyed and probably lied.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Q for Subs: Erotic Response w/o Hands? (8/13/2007 4:55:14 PM)
Answering for angel, as I usually do. quote: ORIGINAL: fungasm * When you are in a scene and it's "no hands", does that mean you are not supposed to have an erotic response? Angel has an erotic response to wearing certain clothing for me, or hearing certain words I say... I dont need to touch him and he certainly doest ned to touch himself for it. quote: * Would the ability to have an orgasm while bound or the ability to bring yourself pleasure without touch violate in some way the basic elements of your d/s relationship? You make the assumption here that orgasms and the subs pleasure is inherently NOT part of the d/s relationship. For us, itis. And how I decide to allow him to orgasm is up to me and my whim. For him, the only violation of our relationship is not obeying. quote: * If you are in a relationship with a Dom/me- do you feel like it's inappropriate to seek out someone else to teach you more? He does, becasue I do. It is one thing to learn from friends but something very different to seek out someone else to learn from. There is nothing he can learn to further himself in his service to me that isnt going to come from me. And he knows it. Hope that answers what you are looking for. DV

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