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new to being a master - 8/13/2007 6:55:43 PM

jagothedom

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Joined: 8/7/2007
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Im new to this and i would like to learn how to be a master correctly, ive been dominant but i want o be more then that, i want to know how to be a real master.

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RE: new to being a master - 8/13/2007 7:09:46 PM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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pick up your twue master (monster?) manual at the front desk first *S*

No, really...you can't learn that from anything but experience and finding someone who agrees with you in what that definition is. I'm "real"; I do what I do..but I bet I don't do it like Michael or LA or Rover. We are all "real" and how we execute is up to us.

Now if we are talking toy techniques....that comes with time and working in person with someone who has technique

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: new to being a master - 8/13/2007 7:21:27 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jagothedom

Im new to this and i would like to learn how to be a master correctly, ive been dominant but i want o be more then that, i want to know how to be a real master.

A real master is a real person. Be yourself. Be real.

(in reply to jagothedom)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/13/2007 7:26:31 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Pick and choose from the following list...

Master yourself
Master your interactions with others
Master fetish play
Master your finances
Master your style
Master your responsibilities
Master seduction
Master leadership
Master your flaws
Master understanding others
Master adding things to this list

And if you manage to do all of the above, you do not get to call yourself a Grand Master... in fact, you'll probably not be inclined to call yourself a Master at all... you'll be too comfortable and at ease simply being you... and who you are will say the rest.

PS - there's no manual, I was gonna write one but I haven't mastered that yet

PSS - If you're really paying attention, you might see past the humor and sarcasm to realize there actually some good advice here. Think about it.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to jagothedom)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/13/2007 7:31:59 PM

jagothedom

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Joined: 8/7/2007
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thank you guys for shedding some light on all of this, i truly appreciate it. i know what i have to do now and i hope i can become friends with all of you and share some experiences with me.

(in reply to Padriag)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/13/2007 7:46:37 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jagothedom

Im new to this and i would like to learn how to be a master correctly, ive been dominant but i want o be more then that, i want to know how to be a real master.

With very few exceptions, there really isn't a right or wrong way to do this. The only "fake" master, in my opinion, is someone who doesn't actually want to be one - they just say it because they think they can get a sub/slave to put out.

There is only you and the way you like to do things. Perhaps more important is make sure that you find a sub/slave who loves the way you like to do things.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to jagothedom)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/13/2007 11:50:51 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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I learn by going to leather and Ms focused events. I learn by going to BDSM spiritual events (since BDSM and Mastery are a part of my spiritual path). I read, too. Check out the Ms link in my signature for good books.

Some national events that are Ms related:
Southwest Leather Conference (Phoenix, Jan)
South Plains Leatherfest (Dallas, Feb)
South East Leather Conference (Atlanta, June)
Master/slave Conference (DC, July)
Great Lakes Leather Alliance (Indianapolis, Aug)
and there's a new one for the northwest, but I don't have the info in my head for this one. I THINK it's held in Northern Cali in August.

Spiritual events that I attend regularly are Southwest Leather Conference (note that it's also listed above) and Butchmanns (http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/AcademyHome.htm)

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 6:26:53 AM

goodpet

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Get a Mentor, Mentor, Mentor, Mentor.

Attend conferences, trainings, meetings, munches, and events.

Watch the others, talk to everyone. Ask the subs and slaves you see and admire what they look for and value in a Master.

Get a mentor. Go to one of the many Master trainings and retreats to have some focused talk and time with others Masters.

Did i suggest a Mentor yet?

Work more on mastering yourself and living by a strong code of ethics.

Get a real life, real time, face to face, in the fleash mentor.

Laugh at yourself as you learn, be humble and ask for help and advice, watch others. Take it slow.

Check out http://masterslavetraining.org/home.htm for trainings and retreats. Do a web search for Iowa BDSM groups.
Take you time and let it develop naturally.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 8:20:13 AM

SimplyMichael

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Mentor's for dominants aren't a bad idea, fewer people want to use and fuck them.

There ARE good books, anything by Dossie Easton, Midori's new book is a great first book, and for someone in your position I would even recomend "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" as it is a good overview of technique that is well presented.

If there are local groups, go. You are going to get shit on because of your youth. You got two choices, be angry about it which will get you nowhere, or suck it up, show some class and ignore it and most importantly, rise above it. Do that and you just took a VERY important step.

Padriag's post is quite good despite the sarcasm and humor. Spend less time thumping your chest and simply BE. Spend time learning the technical skills, for the most part becoming a competent top at the level most people play isn't all that hard, six months to a year ( I know but I have a low opinion of most people's technical play) should do that.

Watch and learn from other's if you can. One thing every new person including myself fuck up is we don't understand what we are looking at. What we think is intense often isn't and the things we dismiss as casual are anything but. The people who have the most intense D/s are often the ones who spend the least amount of time "doing" D/s stuff at parties. It takes time to see who is play acting and who is really exchanging power.

Don't slut around, it is tempting but don't do it. Stay a bit aloof, pick your partners slowly and with care. Try to keep the drama as low as possible, all things I didn't manage to do when I entered the scene!

Best of luck.

(in reply to goodpet)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 11:59:09 AM

Enlightenedespot

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There more I read, the more I learn. Thank you one and all. you are all so helpfull.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 12:06:56 PM

mmb1

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jagothedom, I think it is similar to being a submissive, even if you are new, it is a calling and a natural thing, I have confidence you will find your way as we all do. I wish you the best.

(in reply to Enlightenedespot)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 4:20:41 PM

labrat18610

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Joined: 7/24/2007
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Sir;
You were a Master since birth. Just as I was born submissive. It's not something you "learn". The other members have given You excellent ideas how You can develop as a Master. It's like someone born with the talent to be an artist, you have to learn to draw.
Hope your journey goes well, Sir.
Rick

(in reply to mmb1)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 4:38:43 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jagothedom

Im new to this and i would like to learn how to be a master correctly, ive been dominant but i want o be more then that, i want to know how to be a real master.

By your works (and attitude... and desire to care for your submissive) you shall be known. I find people will define you as a"master" when they know you. It's heart and intent above all. Any monkey can learn a few tricks.

_____________________________

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 4:47:45 PM

SimplyMichael

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Trust me, I wasn't born a dominant, I was born a domineering asshole, it took me a very very VERY long time to learn to be a healthy mature dominant.

(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 4:50:10 PM

jagothedom

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all of you, thank you so much. yes i really feel that i was born a master and dominant. i will take everyones advise and put it all together. now i need to find a slave that likes what i can do.

(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 4:51:56 PM

jagothedom

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yeah i guess i might have been an asshole in the past but i always felt dominant and only comfortable in that.

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 8:19:06 PM

MadRabbit

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Putting aside the play skills and focusing on "being dominant", I've found it to actually be a lot more practical than people online make it out to be. It involves the same skill sets that you use to be a good leader as a officer in the military or the boss at job. Good communication and being able to effectively manage people. Of course, that all begins with being able to effectively manage yourself.

However, as someone who is quite a bad communicator at times and far from perfect when it comes to managing myself and other people, its not as easy as I made it sound.

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 8:50:04 PM

Padriag

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Is that my cue to post my reading list of books on leadership? Which is actually not that difficult, just read anything/everything by John C Maxwell. There's a couple of others I'm working on reading that seem promising by another author, I'll post about that later.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 8:51:51 PM

MadRabbit

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I will look them up. I always give your recommendations preference, Padriag =). Thanks

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Padriag)

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RE: new to being a master - 8/14/2007 9:56:25 PM

SmokingGun82

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I'd second what people have already said, or third it if that's the case.

In particular, pay attention to what SimplyMichael had to say about youth. Yes, if you're younger you're going to catch a ration of shit in some instances. Learn to be amused by it, don't let it shake you, all that.

I'd also suggest maybe trying to find a TNG group in your area. It can be a little easier of a group to meld into sometimes, and you might feel a little more comfortable among people closer to your age.

Finally, above all else, just be comfortable with who you are, and find someone you can be comfortable being yourself with. That alone will make an unbelievable difference.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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