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LadyEllen -> RE: how do i find a mistress that will train a transgendering male (8/15/2007 7:07:09 AM)
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Hi Linda
First off, you say GID (gender identity disorder) – is this self diagnosed, diagnosed by a specialist psychologist or self diagnosed and confirmed by a specialist?
This is important, because there is a difference between GID and transgender behaviour in general, and it is essential to be very sure where youre headed in case it’s the wrong direction; there are scores who take the wrong direction in all this – some live to regret it and others end their own lives. What concerns me is your identification of transition with your sexuality. These should in my view, be seen as two distinct matters.
GID indicates that there is some form of self-identification as being of the opposite gender, and this causes the person difficulties in their social functioning. GID comes designated as primary cases where the person was aware from childhood of being in the wrong gender, and secondary, where the person becomes aware in adulthood of such a disjoint, and there are likely some crossovers between these. In my own case, I fall into the secondary category in that although I was never right as a male from childhood, I was largely unaware what the cause was or solution might be.
Three important things to remember;
1) Resolving GID issues does not have to mean transition.
2) Resolving GID issues does not have to mean transition. And,
3) Resolving GID issues does not have to mean transition.
Why do I say this? Well, quite simply Linda, successful full time transition to female is just about the most difficult thing any male can accomplish, regardless of their need to do so. And by successful, I mean being accepted as female in the wider world, socially and professionally. By difficult I mean the potential to be rejected both socially and professionally, and harassed, abused and subjected to violence in the wider world.
I have been lucky, incredibly lucky; I passed facially for female with little effort, I have a small build, no brow bones or male chin, no Adam’s apple and I’m not particularly tall. I have hair on my head but none on my back and chest. It was easy for me in that way – but most are not so lucky.
But, that’s less than half of what’s required. The most obvious thing is the voice – male puberty causes irreversible change, discounting dangerous and unreliable surgery, making the voice lower – this requires a lot of work even to produce a tolerably androgynous sound let alone a female one. And then there is the issue of male and female speech patterns and vocabulary choice to tackle. Again, I was lucky in being able to just assume what was required with little effort – most are not so lucky.
And then I’m afraid there is more in the way of manner – presenting as female not only in terms of movement and so on, but doing so in a natural way. This is where many fall down, acting out in a stereotyped manner that comes across as such and reveals the person regardless of any other factor. Yet again I was lucky, not needing to make any effort but to be myself.
The result of my incredibly good fortune is that I have transitioned successfully in all ways and experience no difficulties at all. But I also work with the local police here and see the incidence of hate crime against the likes of me, and it isn’t good reading. I do often feel guilty that its been so easy for me; but for the loss of a job and the break up of a marriage I suffered no ill effects.
However, what you must ask yourself is, is transition what you need to do? Because given the difficulties involved, want is not enough. You must also ask yourself whether the need is so great that you are prepared to lose your kids, your marriage, your home, your family, your job, your friends and everything to resolve it? Hopefully it wont come to that, but such loss is what you must be prepared for. It happens, trust me – and its not something to be taken lightly. All I lost was my marriage, my home and a job – and just that small loss compared to the potential, nearly resulted in suicide.
Now, assuming this is GID proper, confirmed by a professional, then she/he should be able to help you far better than any domme with it. I suggest consulting a gender psychologist who specialises in this area – expensive, but worth it in terms of avoiding the wrong path. And also a gender counsellor who should be able to advise you on resolving your issues, including ways of doing so which don’t involve full time transition if that’s not what you need to do.
As for hormonal treatments, these can be obtained fairly easily over the internet. But, bear in mind three things –
1) These treatments are not risk free. Liver damage, blood clots and so on can result, and these can be deadly.
2) The effects of these treatments are not localised. Whilst breast tissue can and will form (though often little), the effect is on the whole body. Loss of musculature is usual, along with weight gain.
3) The effects of these treatments are also felt in terms of the sex drive and performance. Normal male arousal is diminished, erectile function is lost and the production of seminal fluid and semen is curtailed.
It is by far better to use hormonal treatments only as directed under a proper course of treatment, with regular blood monitoring and counselling in place.
Above all, bear very much in mind that transition is for all the time, even in the most mundane parts of life. It shouldn’t be about an erotic fantasy – for that makes up quite a small part of life. You will be Linda in the checkout queue, getting new tyres on your car, walking in the park, calling at the drive through and so on. And if being Linda is right for you, it will be wonderful, but if she’s just a flight of fancy, it will be hell.
Which brings me to what concerns me about your OP – the mingling of sexuality with transition. If wearing women’s clothes sexually excites you, if the idea of being feminised sexually excites you, then I would advise extreme caution about doing anything that is going to be permanent in nature – be that a full time transition (not necessarily including surgery), taking hormone treatments or indeed surgical procedures. Its not necessarily a definite contra-indication to transition, but you should consider from it, whether transition is right for you.
Because, there is no shame in transitioning temporarily only, from time to time - being a crossdresser in other words. Moreover, being transsexual is not more respectable than or better than or more advanced than being a transvestite, and neither is it a case (as so many think) of transsexuals being those crossdressers who “go all the way”, so proving a point in some way. There are similarities between the two, but these are quickly evaporated under anything more than the most casual observation.
Its pretty much established, by way of diagnosis and indeed prognosis, that I’m transsexual. This means at its most basic that I had problems in social functioning as a male, to resolve which it was indicated that transitioning full time to female would be a solution, and it has been. To achieve this came naturally for me, but there remains the question of how I go about it in term of what I wear. The objective for me is to blend in, so I wear what women wear – most often jeans and t-shirt, and this works just fine for me. Yes, I do dress up from time to time, but only when its appropriate – parties and the like. And I remain me – the same obstreperous, independent and strong personality regardless, but one which fits into the female spectrum, whatever that is.
Now for the average crossdresser, wearing jeans and a t-shirt almost every day would be a pointless exercise all in all. He wishes to indulge in femininity, because in some way or another it gives him pleasure (not necessarily sexual) – so skirts, dresses, nylons and heels are the order of the day. He often feels differently in himself too – able to cast off the cares of his male life and again indulging in what he perceives as femininity, takes on a female persona. This does not make him a lesser being next to the transsexual, for the two situations are as incomparable as apples and tennis balls.
Such are some simple differences. But they are important. And important to someone in your situation Linda, because taking the wrong path is disastrous. What you need to do is a lot of thinking. Both directions are difficult – as a transsexual one faces all manner of problems as have been discussed already, plus more problems in terms of relationships. As a crossdresser one has a lot of prejudice to deal with too – I’m afraid many women are just not interested. Choose wisely. The wrong choice can be deadly.
E
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