RE: The Problem of Virginity

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 8:58:26 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

I've lost my virginity, but I've still got the box it came in.

Shouldn't that read "I still got the box he came in"?

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

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Post #: 21

RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 10:09:23 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

There's an old saying, that sex is a major issue for those who've never had it.

Then again, it's usually a major issue for those who have had it.

Certainly, almost everyone wants their first time to be special. If I was 19, a virgin, and had a huge interest in BDSM, it would make sense that I'd like my first to share my interests. It's true, that finding the right person may be challenging, but you simply can't force the issue. The right person will come along, in due course, and things will feel right if it's not rushed or feared. The butterflies'll pass, though; this is how our species managed to survive for hundreds of thousands of years.

Stephan

EXCELLENT advice!

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When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 10:15:09 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Your profile says you're 19, and you state you have had one casual vanilla relationship.

In other words, you're just getting started. Let it be an adventure, both in experiencing the world of BDSM and experiencing relationships. Explore your local BDSM community; meet people as friends and develop a circle of people you can trust within which you may safely play and experiment.

Allow relationships to develop wherever they spring up. If they're vanilla, so be it. Deep relationships are their own form of challenge (with or without sex, and certainly with or without lifestyle elements).

In any case, I would never regard your virginity as a "problem"; it merely means you are at the beginning of the journey. Enjoy taking the first steps--no matter what happens, you only take first steps once; savor them.

More wonderful advice. Being in too big of a hurry will likely cause you to make a mistake you may regret. Just enjoy getting to know others. Trust your gut feelings. The right One will come along, probably when you aren't even looking, like He did for me.

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 10:17:00 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

I've lost my virginity, but I've still got the box it came in.

Shouldn't that read "I still got the box he came in"?

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

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Post #: 24

RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 10:24:21 AM

angelsub642

Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShannonNoelle

I am new to pretty much everything, both D/s and sexuality in general. I have only had one casual vanilla relationship. As you might guess, I am a virgin to both BDSM and sex, and don't know a whole lot about the former and only theoretically about the latter.

I don't want to jump into a relationship of any type, but I do really want to experience what it is like to be a submissive. I'm not very comfortable at parties or in large groups, so any of the local clubs are a last resort. I was thinking of going to see a reputable Pro-dom/me in the area (Vancouver, BC). (And yes, I understand that it's a D/s thing and not a sex thing)

Does anyone think this is a good/bad idea? I have vague ideas about what I would want to try, and am not uncomfortable talking with a potential dom/me.

Advice would be muchly appreciated.

i was in your shoes, a virgin, not knowing what to expect though i wanted to be a submissive. i did not go through a Pro-Dom, instead i found a Dom willing to give me the training that i needed to be introduced to the sexual aspect and in other areas of training. It has worked out great and we to this day remain friends and he has also told me stories of others like me, who's past has interfered *SP?*, with the girls "sexual development". i was also hurt in the past and for me i was definitely a virgin when i first met him, but now i want it (the sexual/pleasure) aspect of it.

Best of luck

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 11:43:43 AM

ShannonNoelle

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Joined: 8/14/2007
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Thank you everyone! Please allow me to assure all you lovely people that I do not consider my virginity a negative thing (merely one that makes my situationg a tad awkward), and that i have absolutely no intention of jumping into any kind of relationship (even an online one).

And yes, creepy people have already started sending me messages. But they're creepy, so I ignore them.

The advice I seem to have so far is:
a) take it slow
b) figure out what I want
c) be safe always
d) attend gatherings/parties anyway
e) make some friends in the community

All really good advice, now that I think about it. . .

Thank you all so much.

*Sends in the White Flag of Surender*

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Post #: 26

RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 12:57:20 PM

BoundDragon

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Joined: 3/20/2007
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I'm a firm believer in dont knock it til you've tried it.... the only way to know what kinda things you're into is to try a few and get a feel of it.

If you can find a reputable pro-dom/me that you feel you can trust and relax with then I cant think of a better way to take your first steps (Unless you have a close friend you trust & can experiment with).

To be talking to like minded people on here (no matter how experienced) is a great way to build up your own confidence and if there is something your not sure of there is always someone here who could answer.

Have to agree with all your pointers so far... and just remember submissive or not... you're doing it for what you enjoying & how you feel... never let someone tell you otherwise... there are types that would try to turn you into a doormat (I hasten to add that there are loads of honest & very genuine people out there too so dont let that comment put you off)

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 1:28:26 PM

leatherpet32

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Joined: 7/24/2007
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Well, seeing as i am 32 going to 33 and still pretty much a virgin as well, in both sex and D/s, i guess reading what ppl had to say helped me as much as i hope helped the OP. I'm just wondering if gender is an issure with virginity. Seems sometimes it's more "acceptable" for a women then a man being older but virgin. I just have never met anyone besides some casual vanilla dating, and as for D/s, it's never been sexual, just bondage, some boot worship stuff, but never sexual. For myself, i am who i am, what i am and comfortable with it, but i've begun to find dating a harder and harder as Ppl find out i am a vrgin, lack of experieince and such. It's alot like the chicken and the egg. To get the exerience i want/need, i need a relationship, but i most i meet want me to have it. it's frustrating alot of time. Being somewhat shy and timid too hasn't helped, and i have tried not to let it interfer, but i am just not all that good with chitchat, room full of ppl, meeting new ppl for the first time, so it's hindered. And i want a D/s relationship, not vanilla, so that too, has put a few roadblocks.

Anyways, I am comfortable being what i am, but there are sometimes when maybe i wish i HAD the experience ppl seem to want me to have. I'd just thought having a virgin sub would make me wayy more trainable, not having learned anything could be custom trained just for Him/Her! lol

Ya'll have a good one

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 1:58:51 PM

realtuffdom

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Joined: 7/16/2007
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What is this virginity thing people are talking about? And even more importantly, what is this sex thing, too?

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Always, Ram Ford Tough....

I have lots and lots of experience at domination. Now I'd just like to try it with a partner....

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 3:58:13 PM

ShannonNoelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: realtuffdom

What is this virginity thing people are talking about? And even more importantly, what is this sex thing, too?

I don't know if this is sarcasm or not. . .

If it's not, then virginity is a state of being, usually physical, typically refering to someone who has never had penetrative sex (vaginal, oral, or anal) and sometimes has never frotted to orgasm.

If you don't know what sex is, buy a dictionary, a biology text book, or better yet, watch Animal Planet.

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 7:29:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I thoroughly believe he was just teasing about how bad his sex life is. :)

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/16/2007 7:49:16 PM

ShannonNoelle

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*shrug* I know people who would have meant that in all seriousness. Apologies.

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/17/2007 12:21:55 AM

InnocentYoungSub

Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I'm a virgin too so I know how it is. Just hang in there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
Think of it this way....you have waited to make decisions regarding who you have sex with and who you play with until you find the right person and situation. You have not been coerced into making decisions you did not want. You haven't caved to peer pressure.

Actually, no...I just haven't been able to get laid yet. lol. It's the truth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SatanInHeels
Call me old fashioned or whatever (and I don't doubt you know what you want at 19 years old) but I think it may be best to experience sex in general before leaping in the world of BDSM.

I don't see why. I mean, I know I like BDSM. I know I'm submissive. Why torture myself with a vanilla sexlife/relationships when I could be subbing it up? Wouldn't it actually be better for my first intimate experience with a woman to be BDSM-related if it meant having a better time(seeing as I like that sort of stuff more than vanilla sex)?

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/17/2007 12:27:58 AM

InnocentYoungSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherpet32
Seems sometimes it's more "acceptable" for a women then a man being older but virgin.

As a male virgin, I have noticed this. Women get less shit for it because society judges women on whether or not they're "sluts" so if they a virgin its actually often seen as a positive thing. But us men are supposed to be sexual hunters, always out there on the prowl getting or looking for some ass, so if one of us is a virgin we're just some pathetic loser who can't get laid, lol.

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Post #: 34

RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/17/2007 7:22:21 AM

MrDiscipline44

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It used to be that you weren't considered a man unless you've shagged someone. (Or in some coutries something

) But now-a-days an older person thats a virgin is just considered creepy by society and raises the question of why.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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Post #: 35

RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/17/2007 7:27:38 AM

ProlificNeeds

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There's nothing wrong with seeing a pro-dom, provided they are respectable. The only pro-dom I knew personally, would always require a neutral party to be either in the house or int he room if the client was unknown to him. This was as much for his safety as well as that of his client. I'm not sure if that's common or not, but either way, you might find a pro-dom lacking the real feel you desire. It takes time, and knowing a person to really get inside their head, I think if you found yourself more of a mentor figure instead you'd get far more out of a submissive exploration.
If you're a fear and suspense junkie however, having a pro work you over could be very exciting. I'm almost wondering how ever if "Plunging in" isn't a bit of a substitute for "How do I do this?" Being inexperienced doesn't make you any less desirable, and sometimes, even more appealing. I'd say hang onto your niavity and charm someone with it instead of throwing it at a pro who may or may not appreciate it.

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/17/2007 7:34:36 AM

Babybass

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I agree MrD - i have a friend in his late 30's (38 i think) and he is still a virgin. Its not a well known fact - but most people (rightly) suspect or assume, and he does have to put up with people thinking he is strange or that there has to be something wrong with him. He isn't all that strange - he just has different priorities and different things interest him. He is waiting for the right person also and doesn't see the point in having sex with just anyone in order to conform to what society thinks he should be!!

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/17/2007 11:20:39 AM

ShannonNoelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

I think if you found yourself more of a mentor figure instead you'd get far more out of a submissive exploration.
I'd say hang onto your niavity and charm someone with it instead of throwing it at a pro who may or may not appreciate it.

Another vote for going to events I take it? I appreciate what you are saying but I can't help laughing at hearing [seeing?] someone say to hang onto "naivity and charm". I was more hoping to loose the awkward stumbling and babbling, possibly even the terrified-envious staring.

But thank you for the advice, and all those others who have given theirs.

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/19/2007 10:34:39 PM

obis

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If you believe that going to a pro will make you feel more comfortable, I'd say do it as soon as you find someone you connect with.

I've known many sex workers over the years in NYC and DC and much of what they provide is emotional support/comfort as well as a sense of the client being able to control something they feel a little lost about in "real life". You'll gain some confidence in your desires, needs, and abilities so that when you meet potential relationship partners you won't feel as intimidated. If you wind up just sitting and talking for the whole time you're there, you wouldn't be the first.

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RE: The Problem of Virginity - 8/20/2007 1:30:57 AM

obis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShannonNoelle
appreciate what you are saying but I can't help laughing at hearing [seeing?] someone say to hang onto "naivity and charm". I was more hoping to loose the awkward stumbling and babbling, possibly even the terrified-envious staring.

For what it's worth, naive, bumbling, awkward terrified envy can be absolutely beautiful when it is sincere. Much of the attraction of being with a younger partner is that they aren't jaded, they don't act nonchalant about things, so much is new and exciting and powerful and passionate -- and it is contagious! Much of the attraction of being with an older partner is of course their confidence, their experience, practiced technique, stabilizing calm.

The idea being, don't downplay your strengths -- it sounds like you feel like you're just a clueless spaz, but that's because you're only seeing it from your point of view. Everything YOU see as a negative about yourself is a positive to someone else.

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