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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:32:21 AM

Gemeni

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quote:

Well, I can speak for what I know....

I own my own company, make my money, contribute....and so does he.

Yet I fully, and completely belong to my Master. I do not get my way all of the time. And I don't stomp my foot, which wouldn't work anyways. He is the boss. Period.
According to some, the fact that I don't get my way, and what I want...for ...well until he deems fit that I should have whatever it is... I would be gone by now. But I'm not. This is the life I chose to live.

Of course, not everyone is like this. Some subs, slaves, would be gone... or would balk at the idea of be asked to make a positive contribution to the relationship. That isn't what they are there for. So if they are not what you want, you have given yourself the long, and hard task of being patient, and waiting to find one that is.
Then again, some subs, and slaves are just like me in these respects....

I'm sorry you are having trouble.... but look at it from a nilla persepctive, would you expect someone to drop their entire life.... for an unknown? I hope not. It's not reasltic.

Anyways....I hope I helped...somehow...

Tempest's pet
jennifer

Did you actually mean to post this in the relocation thread?

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:32:57 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

The first boy that we played with claimed to be a switch, leaning towards Dominant ... since he played with us, you can guess which role we felt he was in most of the time. Even when he said he was in "Dom Mode" he was incredibly submissive ... but he knew what submissives wanted and how to give it to them, so he thought that made him a Dom.

Most people call that being a "service top"

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:39:27 AM

Tempestspet

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laughs....yes, thank you Gemini
I have just displayed...beautifully, I might add...Why I do( well should) not do this before, and without enough sleep after a show....grins

Again, thank you...and sorry about the confusion

Tempest's pet
jennifer

< Message edited by Tempestspet -- 7/5/2005 10:57:16 AM >

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:42:27 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni

I'm just giving another example of a dishonesty that springs from not knowing yourself.

Don't talk the talk if you won't walk the walk.

And I didn't say they were fakes-just time wasters from someone who takes them at thier word.

Not to come across as pompous, but I know myself far better then most people know themselves. This isn't just my perspective. People remark constantly on my self-awarness.

That said, this is why I hate labels. I say that I'm a bisexual Domme who is SM switch. People will come up with a bunch of ideas about what I am. They might get some right, but most likely will have many misconceptions. Not because I didn't identify myself properly or because they don't have a clue but because that is the way semantics and semiology works. We identify with what we know.

So the princess sub who knows what she is and knows what she wants is dishonest? Nah. I'd say she is assertive. If she however lies and says she is a service sub and then tries to turn the tables, then I'd say it's time for her to reexamine her approach. That said, it might not always be a malicious, conscious decision. Sometimes, it's all part of the discovery process.

- LA

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:47:20 AM

Gemeni

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This is why the first question I always ask is "What does being a sub mean to you"?

It's not up to me to help someone discover thier core.

If not really sure,at least be honest about what you DO know.

< Message edited by Gemeni -- 7/5/2005 10:49:10 AM >

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:54:33 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni
It's not up to me to help someone discover thier core.

Wow! Silly me. I always saw personal relationships as opportunities, even catalysts, for self-discovery. Man oh man, once again, I've got it all wrong folks! Y'all should ignore everything this Lady says ;)

- LA

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:56:01 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni
It's not up to me to help someone discover thier core.

Wow! Silly me. I always saw personal relationships as opportunities, even catalysts, for self-discovery. Man oh man, once again, I've got it all wrong folks! Y'all should ignore everything this Lady says ;)

- LA

I agree with the sentiments of Gemeni, I just think he said it all wrong.

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:58:16 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I agree with the sentiments of Gemeni, I just think he said it all wrong.

I agree that it is ideal when we meet people who know what they want. However, calling them liars and deceivers is a little harsh.

- LA

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:58:29 AM

Gemeni

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Emerald is right, I should rephrase this.

I can't know the core of another person,only they can.

So it's not up to me to attempt to do thier internal work.

I neither can or will-and I would be an idiot to think otherwise.

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 10:59:14 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni

Emerald is right, I should rephrase this.

I can't know the core of another person,only they can.

So it's not up to me to attempt to do thier internal work.

I neither can or will-and I would be an idiot to think otherwise.

Much better. And why not leave it at that?

- LA

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:00:17 AM

Faramir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Yes, I still get these emails on a regular basis, but I am being addressed as a FemDom, and the boy says "I am really a submissive", or "I will only submit to you."

The flip side of that is I regularly have Dommes write to me and say something like, "I wantt o explore my submissive side," or "I've been hurt in the past, so while I want to sub, I Domme to keep control of things."

I have great sympathy for those people. I've only been here a couple weeks and I have had two Dommes approach me that way - but I don't see that as being my bag. If someone isn't ready to say out loud they want to sub, then I would gunshy of getting involved.

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:00:50 AM

Gemeni

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I posted quite clearly about people who lie and do this in the op LA.

Premeditated,cold blooded treachery.

Not "they didn't know any better"

Are you then defending deceit?

And why would you do such a thing?

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:03:05 AM

Gemeni

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I've had the same thing happen over on bcom Faramir.

I didn't want to get involved in casual play,so I had to turn them down. And they didn't want thier subs to see they were bottoming to anyone else.

I appreciated thier honesty,but I felt sad for them.

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:03:55 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni
Are you then defending deceit?

And why would you do such a thing?

Nope. I guess I just don't see people as malicious in general. But I do think that all the labels cause a lot of confusion.

The way that I deal with this is that I get to know people very well before I get involved. Or, on the flip side, if I know them less and I only want them as a play partner, I might know them less but I get less involved.

- LA

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:32:14 AM

Gemeni

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Fair enough LA.

I like to be able to trust people,but I have gotten burned by people who thought and said one thing-and then totally destroyed relationship by doing "other".

So I'm more careful now, and I don't give a lot of "wiggle room."

It rather bites to make an investment into someone,only to find out they weren't really worth it. My whole purpose in this was to give a heads up to people to ask questions, and try to avoid this sort of thing.

And quite frankly, I am still mystified by why anyone would play games like this,and actually think they can win. Maybe I am just too pragmatic in thinking you need a reality to begin with.......................................

To be able to make a fantasy into reality.

The other way round seldom pans out.

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:37:57 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni

Fair enough LA.

I like to be able to trust people,but I have gotten burned by people who thought and said one thing-and then totally destroyed relationship by doing "other".

So I'm more careful now, and I don't give a lot of "wiggle room."

It rather bites to make an investment into someone,only to find out they weren't really worth it. My whole purpose in this was to give a heads up to people to ask questions, and try to avoid this sort of thing.

And quite frankly, I am still mystified by why anyone would play games like this,and actually think they can win. Maybe I am just too pragmatic in thinking you need a reality to begin with.......................................

To be able to make a fantasy into reality.

The other way round seldom pans out.

A great deal of the misleading, mind-changing, fickle, game-playing people complain about here goes on just as much in the vanilla dating world. This isn't entirely a BDSM issue. I wonder if those that complain the most as if it is an outrage perhaps didn't date a lot in the vanilla world and know that this is more human nature, or the nature of online dating? I can imagine how it would seem absolutely insane and one would believe this mindfuck stuff is just for kinky people. I have heard equal horror stories from a girlfriend who tried vanilla online dating.

Akasha

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:43:15 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

I have heard equal horror stories from a girlfriend who tried vanilla online dating.

I've done my share of "vanilla" online dating and in person dating (as I my relationships involve a blend of kink and non-kink) and I find that your comments are dead on Askasha. I use the same precautions in both scenarios. Afterall, people are people are people.

- LA

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 11:46:18 AM

Domin81

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I have heard several female subs complain about experiencing this situation. I wonder if some males, when coming out, have ego issues with being a 'bottom'? I also think that after a lack of success in making a connection as a sub that some try to move to the other end of the spectrum? But it always comes back to ‘you are what you are’.

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 12:48:06 PM

Gemeni

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The subs complaining about other subs was what what sparked this thread.

It bothers me to hear it's not just asshole Doms leading to trust issues. I'm sure that desperation and rejection have a great deal to do with it. But that's no excuse for unethical behavior,is it?

< Message edited by Gemeni -- 7/5/2005 12:49:12 PM >

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RE: Subs in Dom clothing? - 7/5/2005 12:51:35 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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The scene is no better or worse than what happens in everyday life...because WE are the same as everyone else.

So the same issues occur, with everyone.

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