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BeachMystress -> RE: Subs in Dom clothing? (7/5/2005 2:01:19 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Nope. I guess I just don't see people as malicious in general.
While I don't feel that most people are malicious, I think many are self centered, short sighted and don't take other's feelings or needs into consideration. I've been guilty of this myself at times, but since I've noticed it (and find it unattractive) in others, I try hard to minimize it in myself. When people want something, they find it easy to blind themselves to what they're doing to someone else. The old saying about rationalizations being more important than sex is also true in this case. If they realize they might be causing a problem for someone else, they tend to rationalize it away.
I too have noticed the Dom wanting to sub phenomena, mostly because they are asking to sub to me. I think that a lot of male subs end up "going Dom" because that is the only way they can get involved in kink. I do not find it either right or wrong unless they misrepresent themselves. If they take a femsub, they need to honor that and be her DOM. If it is a case of someone having true curiosity spring up about it, it is one thing. (And I feel they need to talk with the sub, explain the problem to her and release her if that is what she desires. In any case, I feel he goes and finds his own Domme rather than trying to get her to switch, unless SHE requests trying to be his Dominant.) But most of these people knew from the beginning that they'd rather sub and are settling for Domming. It isn't a true curiosity they are showing. It is trying to bottom from the top. I feel that misrepresenting yourself on purpose in a BDSM relationship is a breach of trust. What I feel the OP is talking about isn't confusion or curiosity. It is submissive men trying to get their kink met.
Whoever mentioned the male ego/submission thing (I'm in an editing program and too lazy to go look, lol) also may have a point that I'd not considered before. It may be that some men have problems with being "sub" and it doesn't come out until they trust someone. I can see a fem sub having trouble dealing with her Dom suddenly saying.. I want you to do X to me. She sees him as strong and in control. It could break her illusion of his superiority/authority. It's a shame when someone sees the Dominant as an uber person, rather than human with needs, failibilities and who makes mistakes.
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