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Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 3:17:45 AM   
ROPENHIGHHEELS


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline 		Now I can switch but prefer to be the bottom in a relationship with either another female switch or a Female Top/Domme that's ok with me taking the Top role with her only when she'd want that. Are there many woman out here that identify as a Top/Domme that would consider or even enjoy that with their partner after getting to know them and knowing the trust is there even though they never say they will in their profile? I'm thinking and have experienced this with a few Dommes. Do most Dommes say this only because they want the trust there first and making it known that her "bottoming" to her sub would only happen on her terms? Is it done more as a test to make sure her sub is "normal" and so she knows she wouldn't be harmed by him in anyway? As I'm sure any woman would be in any relationship. I just think that as time goes by in a relationship that there's more Domme's out here that will "bottom" for their sub in private and just let everyone else think that's something that never happens. They keep it "their" secret.

Your thoughts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 5:00:39 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am a Switch and so by definition, I bottom, and am happy with the male submissive interest I have right now. But I have no problem being a bottom, to answer your question. As far as whether male submissives want to Top for Switches, well, you'd need to ask them. Some would, some wouldn't. I'd never ask a male sub to Top if they didn't want to do it (I'd seek out a male Dominant, and I have done that).

Some people consider Switches to be the most "abnormal" of all the BDSM orientations - people in general judging anyone else as "normal" or not, as far as what role they prefer, well - it's a waste of time (to me). If Switches exist (as a D/s "role") to begin with, I am not sure why anyone would need to keep anything like that a secret, but then again, people can do what they want in thier own relationships, IMO. If they think it needs to be one, then maybe it does.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2007 5:19:11 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ROPENHIGHHEELS)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 5:40:52 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't believe in "secrets", I have bottomed (NOT submitted there IS a difference) with my sub playing the top. I enjoy it and so does he. I know many Dom/mes like to bottom and yes it usually is with a sub whom they have developed a trusting relationship with.

As long as everyone is having fun, why not?

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to ROPENHIGHHEELS)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 5:57:28 AM   
ROPENHIGHHEELS


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline 		Understood and agreeds with what you said.

As for you saying I'd have to ask other male subs if they want to switch with their partner...that's not really what I was asking. I said I would switch with my partner if she wanted me to. I've been a Dom before but much prefer the sub/bottom role. Like I said, I would switch with my partner if she wanted that but that would be the only way I did it. By her wanting it that way. All are free to add their comments here obviously but my question is mainly directed towards female Dommes and switches as from my experience, I've learned that it seems more common that women have a tougher time dealing with seeing their male partner switching roles. Most saying they lose respect for their man they call a Dom when they seeing him take on a sub role in some manner.  :)

Thanks for your comments though Susan and best wishes. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am a Switch and so by definition, I bottom, and am happy with the male submissive interest I have right now. But I have no problem being a bottom, to answer your question. As far as whether male submissives want to Top for Switches, well, you'd need to ask them. Some would, some wouldn't. I'd never ask a male sub to Top if they didn't want to do it (I'd seek out a male Dominant, and I have done that).

Some people consider Switches to be the most "abnormal" of all the BDSM orientations - people in general judging anyone else as "normal" or not, as far as what role they prefer, well - it's a waste of time (to me). If Switches exist (as a D/s "role") to begin with, I am not sure why anyone would need to keep anything like that a secret, but then again, people can do what they want in thier own relationships, IMO. If they think it needs to be one, then maybe it does.

- Susan

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 6:09:20 AM   
ROPENHIGHHEELS


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with there being a difference in "bottoming" and "submitting" too Lashra. I believe all switches take on the role of a "Top" or "bottom" rather then Master/Mistress and sub/slave. Top and bottom I believe are terms more fit for a switch even though many will hear someone who identifys as a Dom/me say they also bottom with their sub or another Dom/me. Either way, if someone says to me they top or bottom....then to me, they can be considered a switch as they don't stay true to their title they proclaim to be. That's only my opinion. Some may agree with it and some may not. Either way it's cool. Like the saying goes...to each their own. If both are happy doing what they do then it's cool by me. :)  Best wishes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I don't believe in "secrets", I have bottomed (NOT submitted there IS a difference) with my sub playing the top. I enjoy it and so does he. I know many Dom/mes like to bottom and yes it usually is with a sub whom they have developed a trusting relationship with.

As long as everyone is having fun, why not?

~Lashra


(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 7:34:09 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ROPENHIGHHEELS

I agree with there being a difference in "bottoming" and "submitting" too Lashra. I believe all switches take on the role of a "Top" or "bottom" rather then Master/Mistress and sub/slave. Top and bottom I believe are terms more fit for a switch even though many will hear someone who identifys as a Dom/me say they also bottom with their sub or another Dom/me. Either way, if someone says to me they top or bottom....then to me, they can be considered a switch as they don't stay true to their title they proclaim to be. That's only my opinion. Some may agree with it and some may not. Either way it's cool. Like the saying goes...to each their own. If both are happy doing what they do then it's cool by me. :)  Best wishes.

Emphasis added by Me! Have to say I disagree with this sweeping generalisation. By most people's definition I am a switch in that I have a clear Dominant side (which made itself known first) and a clear sub side. But my sub side most definitely submits to Master, W/we have lived together for 3 years and this is a 24/7 life role relationship. i do way more than bottom to Him (and yes, very aware of the distinction), He controls my life and my body better than i can! My Domme side is currently developing a relationship with a wonderful female sub, and trust Me, already I am most definitely her Dominant, not just her Top.
 
I am happiest when both "sides", Dominant and submissive, are functioning simultaneously with a smooth flow. I have absolutely no difficulty with taking an order from Master and saying "yes Master" and in the next breath giving an order to My sub. It is totally natural to do that. Friends where I used to live coined the term "Duality" for me and I really like that, it is the best description of how I work that I have seen. I believe I am equally "true" to both titles, Domme and sub.
 
To return to your other qn, unlike many other Dommes I've met who admit to bottoming at times but only wear their Domme face in public, i had absolutely no problem with subbing to Master in public, no loss of face at all. i am happy to sub to Him in front of My subs ... have done so with male play subs as well as with the fem sub I mentioned. The boys were impressed, one said it increased his trust in Me as he realised I could take what I could dish out and had a good understanding of how it might feel to him to be on the receiving end. With My fem sub, i really enjoyed subbing to Him so she could watch and learn and it caused no loss of respect on her part ... more of a gain! Especially when Master gave her just 1 spank at the same intensity that i'd received 100 of LMAO! More like shock and awe!
 
OK, just when you think, all well and good, this person only takes on the various roles with different people, not quite what I was initially referring to ... well that might be the case now, but when Master and I first met ... I Dommed him! And no, there was and is no loss of respect in him having done that, more if anything, as he was doing it to find out if it was as hard as His previous sub had made it out to be! It wasn't, He realised she was a "convenience sub" as in, i'll do it only when it's convenient to! He knows He was well rid of her. And besides ... he was a lovely subby *grin*. And every time I remind Him of that ... He reminds me He's superglued that particular switch the other way LOL!
 
So while you gave the disclaimer about it being cool for people to disagree ... it might be better not to make such a sweeping generalisation in the first place without the evidence to back it up.
 
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 8:57:28 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Now I’m just going to second Ma’am Jay, since I do so like her term duality. And I think she makes clear how one person can be both dom and sub at the same time.

Now I consider myself a dominant -switch, meaning I want it all, but I like to be in control more often then not. Now, I love to be the dominant in control of all aspects of the relationship working for the achievement of our joint goals in life. Having the focus being on a partnership, with a twist on the 1950s household (at least my image of it, yay for TV Land lol).  Now when it comes to the bedroom (or play) is where my switchness comes out. I like being in control, I love having my partner tied up and at my mercy so many different elements I enjoy all of it. At the same time I like to be the bottom, be in control while my partner is on top. I love being in bondage at the same time giving them directions. I also have a submissive side that doesn’t come out very often, but I love giving up control being helpless. Then my submissive button is pushed, I just fall into this happy submissive goo.

Being dominant makes me happy, I love being in control and yet I love when they are able to push that button (specially when I ask them too).

Now you kinda hint at a switch not owning someone. Well I’ll share a little dream of mine: about 5 years into a marriage to my malewife, I hope to look across the kitchen at him while we’re cooking breakfast. With little feet running around and see my collar around his neck. Giving him a wicked smile, knowing he’s mine; and also knowing he has that little submissive part of me protected. Along with that he will be doing the dishes while I’m running around with little feet. Is trust part of this dream? Oh hell yes it is. I won’t be in a relationship (I don’t play) when there is no trust.  

(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 12:32:32 PM   
LadyClaudiaVan


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline 		Oh gracious, there would be no opposition from myself in this instance! I would love to be a receiver of pleasures!

(in reply to ROPENHIGHHEELS)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 12:39:34 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Clarification: I should say that I don't simply bottom, I completely Switch, in that I fully submit to male Dominants, too. Lashra is right, that is quite different from simply bottoming. Just felt I should clarify that (because I said in my first post that because I as a Switch, be definition, I was also a bottom, which isn't quite true).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2007 12:43:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 3:11:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ROPENHIGHHEELS

I agree with there being a difference in "bottoming" and "submitting" too Lashra. I believe all switches take on the role of a "Top" or "bottom" rather then Master/Mistress and sub/slave. Top and bottom I believe are terms more fit for a switch even though many will hear someone who identifys as a Dom/me say they also bottom with their sub or another Dom/me. Either way, if someone says to me they top or bottom....then to me, they can be considered a switch as they don't stay true to their title they proclaim to be. That's only my opinion. Some may agree with it and some may not. Either way it's cool. Like the saying goes...to each their own. If both are happy doing what they do then it's cool by me. :)  Best wishes.



I'm going to be one of those who do disagree with this statement.  Having experienced the bottom doesn't change the fact that I'm a Domme.  Where I might be seeing the difference in the opinion is knowing for Myself the reasons that I have bottomed before.  For Me, it is more about the experience that I, or another, might acquire, rather than anything else.  My primary reason for doing so is for Me to see things from the other side of the whip, and give My husband a bit of Top experience.  In the scenerio, We both gain something out of it.  I don't bottom for anyone else, and really have no desire to do so.

(in reply to ROPENHIGHHEELS)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 3:22:04 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		This might be off topic, but I think another interesting question is just how many Dommes and subs enjoy "Vanilla" sex. I appreciate "Vanilla" sex, I really do (not more than BDSM-type sex), but occasionally, I really do enjoy it. I am not ashamed to admit it.

Since nobody is running the show in this instance (like the Domme), but since it's not the Domme actuallly being in control of any "scene" - would that count as "bottoming" to the OP, I wonder? 

Sorry to hi-jack, but this question did pop up in my head (nobody has to answer it, if they don't feel like it - I realize it is kind of off track).

- Susan 

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 4:44:13 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

This might be off topic, but I think another interesting question is just how many Dommes and subs enjoy "Vanilla" sex. I appreciate "Vanilla" sex, I really do (not more than BDSM-type sex), but occasionally, I really do enjoy it. I am not ashamed to admit it.

Since nobody is running the show in this instance (like the Domme), but since it's not the Domme actuallly being in control of any "scene" - would that count as "bottoming" to the OP, I wonder? 

Sorry to hi-jack, but this question did pop up in my head (nobody has to answer it, if they don't feel like it - I realize it is kind of off track).

- Susan 


Actually was wondering those same things myself Susan. The answer of which would greatly affect my reply to the OP. Sounds like an interesting new thread as well for you to put out there.



_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 8:41:57 PM   
ROPENHIGHHEELS


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with what everyone is saying here...lol. I guess those hear have misunderstood what I wrote or I just didn't make it clear enough to be understood...lol. If anyone hear says they're a Domme but likes to play the bottom role too I'm not saying they're not a Domme, I'm just saying that they also (to me at least) have bottom tendencies which is why I say I'd also consider them a switch too. Not a total switch but some switch in them simply because they like to bottom every now and again. I guess the better way to phrase this thread would be... Do any Dommes out here also enjoy "bottoming" to their sub? Maybe that would clarify and make more sense to my original post. The main reason I ask this is because I've found that there are Dommes out here that says they're 100% Domme then as time goes by in a relationship they show they do enjoy bottoming as well. I found that odd because if you do enjoy it, why not just say it in your profile too? I guess the answer to that is because they only enjoy bottoming when it's a sexual thing. Or maybe not just a sexual thing but when it's not a sexual thing it's only done so they can enjoy the other side to while still having their partner know that she is the one that's really in control of the relationship. She's only doing this because she loves some aspects of the sub side too but it's not a regular thing. The regular thing will always be that she's in control.

I hope everyone can follow and understand what I'm trying to say here...lol. Maybe I'm just not good at explaining something like this by typing words on a page and I'd do better actually talking one on one to somebody about this...lol. Seems like my friends I do talk to in person about this do understand exactly what I'm saying and it's just harder for me to explain it on here..lol. I'm sorry in advance if I've caused anyone to have to go take some Advil due to the headache I gave them trying to understand what I'm saying here...LOL. I shall bend over now and take my spanks if you deem it neccessary...lol. Best wishes everyone. :) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

quote:

ORIGINAL: ROPENHIGHHEELS

I agree with there being a difference in "bottoming" and "submitting" too Lashra. I believe all switches take on the role of a "Top" or "bottom" rather then Master/Mistress and sub/slave. Top and bottom I believe are terms more fit for a switch even though many will hear someone who identifys as a Dom/me say they also bottom with their sub or another Dom/me. Either way, if someone says to me they top or bottom....then to me, they can be considered a switch as they don't stay true to their title they proclaim to be. That's only my opinion. Some may agree with it and some may not. Either way it's cool. Like the saying goes...to each their own. If both are happy doing what they do then it's cool by me. :)  Best wishes.

Emphasis added by Me! Have to say I disagree with this sweeping generalisation. By most people's definition I am a switch in that I have a clear Dominant side (which made itself known first) and a clear sub side. But my sub side most definitely submits to Master, W/we have lived together for 3 years and this is a 24/7 life role relationship. i do way more than bottom to Him (and yes, very aware of the distinction), He controls my life and my body better than i can! My Domme side is currently developing a relationship with a wonderful female sub, and trust Me, already I am most definitely her Dominant, not just her Top.
 
I am happiest when both "sides", Dominant and submissive, are functioning simultaneously with a smooth flow. I have absolutely no difficulty with taking an order from Master and saying "yes Master" and in the next breath giving an order to My sub. It is totally natural to do that. Friends where I used to live coined the term "Duality" for me and I really like that, it is the best description of how I work that I have seen. I believe I am equally "true" to both titles, Domme and sub.
 
To return to your other qn, unlike many other Dommes I've met who admit to bottoming at times but only wear their Domme face in public, i had absolutely no problem with subbing to Master in public, no loss of face at all. i am happy to sub to Him in front of My subs ... have done so with male play subs as well as with the fem sub I mentioned. The boys were impressed, one said it increased his trust in Me as he realised I could take what I could dish out and had a good understanding of how it might feel to him to be on the receiving end. With My fem sub, i really enjoyed subbing to Him so she could watch and learn and it caused no loss of respect on her part ... more of a gain! Especially when Master gave her just 1 spank at the same intensity that i'd received 100 of LMAO! More like shock and awe!
 
OK, just when you think, all well and good, this person only takes on the various roles with different people, not quite what I was initially referring to ... well that might be the case now, but when Master and I first met ... I Dommed him! And no, there was and is no loss of respect in him having done that, more if anything, as he was doing it to find out if it was as hard as His previous sub had made it out to be! It wasn't, He realised she was a "convenience sub" as in, i'll do it only when it's convenient to! He knows He was well rid of her. And besides ... he was a lovely subby *grin*. And every time I remind Him of that ... He reminds me He's superglued that particular switch the other way LOL!
 
So while you gave the disclaimer about it being cool for people to disagree ... it might be better not to make such a sweeping generalisation in the first place without the evidence to back it up.
 
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 8:48:53 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		FR~

Secrets?  No.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/17/2007 11:12:36 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Since I see Top/bottom as physical roles, I count them different from my spiritual role as a Master. So, I can Top or bottom as I see fit. Comes in handy for spiritual purposes since I do ball dances, hook pulls and ritual piercings, both giving and receiving. Pain can be a spiritual tool.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/18/2007 1:06:09 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I won't submit as a sub or a bottom to any submissive or switch male. 

It muddies the waters and My experience has been that once I submitted to a 'subbie/switch' for 'pain play', (many many many years ago, mind you), the sub became a complete jerk.

I love pain, but only at the hands of a skilled master who knows
1. what he's doing and
2. can commit to and follow through with aftercare. 

Fortunately for Me, I have a long term friend in the lifestyle who sessions me as his equal, I see him several times a year for whip sessions that leave me in a state of complete catharsis.  Over the years we've developed a curious peer to peer relationship.

I never subjugate myself to him in any way and he doesn't expect it of me. He's not my lover, he's not my partner, he's not a playmate, he's a friend and mentor and an equal, sort of a professional associate who's become a trusted friend over the decades.

He's a Master who is capable of meeting my cravings for pain without treating me as his submissive in any way.  He's skilled enough to know what I need without making me verbalize exactly what it is that I want from him.

Rather, he treats me as something like his masterpiece, finding the buttons to push and the triggers that stimulate me into multiorgasmic nirvanha through pain. 

I call him only by his first name, never Sir or Master.  Just the thought makes me laugh!  After our session is over and he stays with me through a cool down and recovery period, I leave him without so much as a 'thank you'.  He knows what I'm there for, knows that I had my needs met, knows that I will return when the time comes.

It's a RARE occasion that will prompt me to address him as Mister ....the highest compliment I can or will pay to him.  As in, 'see you again soon, Mister Smith', or 'THAT session certainly recharged My batteries, Mister Smith!' , and he beams with delight.

~~~~~~~

When I'm with my sub, he's my submissive, he's there to serve Me, and never the twain shall meet.  My sub will never be allowed to see me in a session with a Dominant Master of the Whip, he will never know what I am like under the whip, he will never ever have the exposure to thinking of me as a switch or as a sub.  He has been told I have a fetish for pain, that I see a Dom to have those needs met, and that's all he needs to know.

And if he's ever silly enough to presume to top me, we're finished.  He knows that, too. 

~~~~~~

I learned a long time ago never to allow the unskilled or ill prepared to muck about with My Psyche! 

A sub male who wants to switch and play at being dominant with a bottom had better engage a submissive female to do that with, and he'd better engage a different Domme because I won't tolerate a 'sub' who has a relationship with a submissive female on the side.

Is it fair?  It it 'right'? I really couldn't care less!

TM


< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 8/18/2007 1:11:49 PM >

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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/18/2007 1:24:39 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I like to drift off into the stars bound up in rope. I like to be suspended. I made sure that my husband paid good attention when we were in rope classes together so that he could facilitate this for me. I don't see it as switching, really.  I *will* bottom to him, but I would never describe it as a feature of the relationship, because I might want to do it once in a blue moon, years apart, really, so expecting it in a relationship with me is kinda pointless.

I do give a nod to my flexibility in my profile, but really other femmes bring out the bottom in me more often than guys do, so I pretty much look there, if I do feel motivated enough to look. I've found that periodic temporary switching madness has never interrupted the power dynamic with the kinds of subs I personally prefer, and has never made them think "less" of me. It's no secret here, and he's watched and his outlook is "so happy you had fun and got what you needed."


(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/19/2007 7:41:18 PM   
ineedotk


Posts: 109
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		Lashra, I think you said it best as one can either play Top or bottom, but for a Domme to bottom is not the same thing as submitting.  As I see it, the Top/bottom scene is just that, a scene.  But the Domme/sub relationship always remains the same - the Domme is really in control the whole time, reguardless of the play or scene or whatever is happening.

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/19/2007 8:14:52 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Nope. not Me, never, in secret or public, I am Domina--top, in control.

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RE: Dommes that "bottom" too - 8/20/2007 5:25:24 AM   
MsVL1


Posts: 4
Status: offline 		I feel 80% Domme, 20% bottom - and I use that word in the sense that I ONLY ever get any enjoyment out of being a bottom in bed. Try and make me take a submissive role outside of the bedroom and you're in for a hell of a shock.

I do think too that I would find it hard to bottom to my sub - I have only ever bottomed to my Dom husband. I guess I need to feel that whoever is Topping me needs to be stronger than me and I can't say that I do find that in any of my subs, however much I like them or care for them.

As a result, and given that we identify as a Dom/Domme couple means that we both have subs to fulfill our D/s needs.

Ms VL1

(in reply to MHOO314)
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