I'm homesick (Full Version)

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gringuita -> I'm homesick (8/17/2007 3:33:01 PM)

I've been living with Daddy since October, and despite it being a bit of a bumpy ride sometimes (life happens, quite survivable) I was managing alright. 

I had a lot of time with Daddy at home for a few months during a work transition period for Him, and that was in Philadelphia, which was quite far from the small town in Ohio where I came from, but even so, I was content for the most part.

We've now moved to London for a new job for Daddy, and we've been here since July 1st.  I'm miserable.  I'm homesick.  I'm really far from happy and can't seem to find my feet. 

I'm wondering if there are any others that have moved a huge distance with or to be with their partner(s) and if there's any advice on surviving and overcoming feeling totally miserable about a new environment.

Thanks!



Constanza -> RE: I'm homesick (8/17/2007 3:43:07 PM)

Well my partner left the UK to be with me. He is living in the Netherlands right now and having a hard time with the language. That is your positive point. You speak the language in the UK.
Try to find some clubs you can be a member off and try to find a job there yourself ( that is if your Daddy allowes you). That's the best way to settle in i think. Also talk to your Daddy about how you feel, maybe he can help you as well to settle in. Don't forget, it is new to him as well.

I can say you are a great sub as you left to be with him :)



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I'm homesick (8/17/2007 4:07:19 PM)

Schedule visits back to family regularly.  And keep busy and distracted- make London YOUR new home.

And some days it's just going to suck.



NefertariReborn -> RE: I'm homesick (8/17/2007 6:40:33 PM)

Ask him to let you volunteer at a few places that interest you.  you're probably miserable because you don't have anything to exert all that mental energy on if he's at work and you're alone.  There's usually an American Women's club somewhere. 



SunNMoon -> RE: I'm homesick (8/17/2007 8:44:05 PM)

Find away to talk to friends and family at a set time, each week. It'll give you something to look forward to. Also ask your family to send you care packages, which have pictures of home. Put them all up on one wall in your new home, when you look at it you'll think of home and it might not seem so far away.

Plus find a coffee shop, pub, whatnot that you can go to weekly. You'll start seeing the same people, and you won't feel so out of it.

These are the things that helped me. Also look into taking a class, you can make new friends that way.



becca333 -> RE: I'm homesick (8/17/2007 10:17:49 PM)

There's a very active scene in the UK - get involved, find friends, volunteer somewhere or get a job... build a life beyond just being there for him.  You need to be there for you, too.



Trunks1056 -> RE: I'm homesick (8/17/2007 11:35:21 PM)

Perhaps picking up a nice hobby to occupy your time with would be a good idea. I've always found that hobbies are great ways for me to relax and feel at home with myself.



gringuita -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 12:37:43 AM)

Thanks for the ideas!  I appreciate the suggestions and I'm going to get out and work on getting a life going for myself here. 

I'm heading out to an SCA revel later today, so that should get me started in the right direction.

Thanks for the simple honesty LA, good to hear that this sucking is a bit normal.

Trunks, you're right... I've already thrown myself into several huge crochet projects, which is definately helping, but doesn't quite cut through the loneliness (or help me understand why I get served baked beans for breakfast and the light switches are upside down). 



LordSully -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 12:50:12 AM)

Hello Gringuita

I see my sub has posted you a note so let me add my experiences, of moving to a new country, you moved to the UK about the same time i left the UK but as she said you have the advantage because of the language [:D] For me i have had to learn a new language well i say learn, i am learning [;)] however i have found a job and i am looking at the obstacles more as challenges to overcome, so my first bit of advice is stay positive about everything, see it as just another part of your journey through life  [:D]

LA is right when she says make London your new home firstly and i agree with her when she says some days will just suck [;)] At least u have the internet so make regular emails to friends and familiy as SunNMoon says make a regular time each week to talk with them.

Nefretari is corrrect also so get your arse into some volunteer work with your Daddy's permission that way you will start to network and expand your circle of friends also and do some of the things SunNMoon suggested also :)

Becca is right as well with the fact that their is a big scene going on in the UK especially in London, so Google some UK clubs or ask here in the forums the UK members to give u some URLs and what Trunks says is important also, you have to occupy your mind and time at all times, well i certainly do [:D]

London is a great city and there should be plenty to do as has been suggestted to occupy your time that you have, and also remember that you wont settle in overnight, its a slow process, but i would say that if you follow the advice here that you have been given you will soon find yourself settled in and starting to feel happier.

The most important factor IMHO is to stay focused and positive at all times and enjoy your new surroundings, i get bad days but i always remember when i feel like that the reasons for my move, which was to be with my sweet girl 24/7 and then things dont seem half as bad and good luck [:D]



LordSully -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 12:54:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gringuita
(or help me understand why I get served baked beans for breakfast and the light switches are upside down). 


haha , baked beans are a much needed part of the British breakfast and dont forget they drive on the wrong side of the road also and when i got to Holland i thourght that the light switches were upside down for me also [;)]



desertdancer -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 3:29:49 AM)

I moved from the U. S to Australia this time last year to be with husband.  At first it was all so exciting, in many ways it still is, still fresh and new...however I can't get used to a few things, like not being able to shop whenever I'd like, I'm finding I miss name brands that I'm used to like hostess ( Ding-dongs)  Had to trade ho-ho's for lamingtons, what the heck is a lamington anyway, it's NOTHING like a ho- ho (Hehe)  I'm also finding that I miss American holidays like the Fourth of July.. beyond that I miss my mom, miss her a lot.  I'm also finding that I miss th smell of Kansas dirt after a rian storm, I miss the Kansas sky and the changing of seasons.

Even though I daily find things that I miss, I know I would miss my Husband so much more if I wern't with him.  The Kansas dirt smells nice but not as nice as he does.    I'd move anyplace to be with him..that's what's important at the end of the day.

Good luck, I hope you get to feeling better and a little more secure at where your at.





KMsAngel -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 3:39:32 AM)

but but... we have tim tams! and lotsa lamb! and thanksgiving can be done anywhere! i'm a yank transplant too. on the east coast. which coast are you on? send me a cmail if you'd like to talk, sweetie



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 6:39:52 AM)

It's been less than two months.

I've moved back and forthe across the country on several occasions.  Moving sucks. Moving away from friends and family and starting over sucks.  It sucks for a while.  Sometimes 6 months or so before you begin to really get your bearings.   Get out and about. Walk the streets.  Get to know your new world.  Visit museums.  Learn about the history.  Find places to hang out which interest you.  And get home for the holidays.



Bleys -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 4:42:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gringuita

Thanks for the ideas!  I appreciate the suggestions and I'm going to get out and work on getting a life going for myself here. 

I'm heading out to an SCA revel later today, so that should get me started in the right direction.

Thanks for the simple honesty LA, good to hear that this sucking is a bit normal.

Trunks, you're right... I've already thrown myself into several huge crochet projects, which is definately helping, but doesn't quite cut through the loneliness (or help me understand why I get served baked beans for breakfast and the light switches are upside down). 


You're falling into the typical ex-pat trap - comparing "here" to "home".  I'm in the UK  (the West Country) 10 years now from California.  It's truly bizzare, teaching your brain new slang, new spellings, all that.  Baked beans at breakfast isnt all that unusual if you can get your head around steak and eggs.  Things are done differently, that's one thing we just have to accept.

Now - if you REALLY want your head to explode - (with permission, of course) - go visit Westminster Abbey.  Go find the tomb of Elizabeth I.  Then realize that's been sitting there longer since before our home country was settled. Enjoy where you are.  You have all of Europe on the doorstep.  Tune the radio right, you're listening to Holland and France.  You've got Bonfire Night to look forward to, Christmas and NYE in London, the SCA (which I can't get started out here, dammit...)  If you like the SCA, then you'll feel better knowing you live in a city that's was first founded by the Romans!  THE ROMANS!!  And it's still there!!  (Albeit less Roman-y).

Dammit, now I'm jealous of you!

Seriously - homesickness doesn't go away but it gets better.  Find the good things, the good places, the good people.  Stay out of Harrods.  Trust me on that one.

You'll be fine.  Daddy's there.





TemptingNviceSub -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 7:49:48 PM)

I was married to a military man for quite some time..When he was transferred from USA to Germany..I found it took a bit of time to find my feet..However I made the most of my experience ...I found that shopping in a nearby walkplatz rather nice, buying groceries, seeing others interacting..asking questions ( or attempting to in German)..funnily enough some things easily recognised in store but many things were not!..so ask..:0)..I also took many an opportunity to go see all those things I had only read about..I studied a lot to pass the driving exam so I could become more independant..But the biggest thing to help me feel a little in control was to arrange things..within my home or even in my purse..to organize my address book..to make those touches to make it my home..went to the library..sat on benches in parks..ordered soda from an outdoor cafe...but you need to embrace the culture, the people, to appreciate that you have a wonderful opportunity to see and explore that which many will never see or explore..you will be homesick off and on..but do not let it rule your life..otherwise you will shut yourself off from having a life..Life is made up of change, and distance from those that you love..keep in contact..I called family once a month..it helped..(we had no computers then..lol)..but everyday I would look out my window and shake my head in wonder that I was in another country, and a beautiful one at that..Tempting



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I'm homesick (8/18/2007 10:12:19 PM)

Heck it's been over a year for me, I'm completely settled and happy here, and I still get misty eyed looking at toys and thinking about my nephews. 

But you get through it, and you integrate it into your new self.



Rayne58 -> RE: I'm homesick (8/19/2007 12:40:47 AM)

I moved from New Zealand to Australia, and also from the country to the city. Sydney can fit the entire population of NZ in it [;)] I had to come to terms with city traffic, traffic lights, crowds of people, escalators and moving walkways, shopping malls......I still don't drive too far from home [8|] Most of our friends live on the west side of Sydney which is about an hour's drive....too far for me.

There are certain brands of food I miss. I get my mother to send over biscuits and sweets for me. I ring my mother and daughter once a week or so, and IM with my son when he is at work. I reckon it took me about a year to become fully settled here. It got better once I joined the gym - it's "me" time. In summer we are involved with speedway which gets us out and about with friends once a week.

The best part.....I can be ME. No one from my old life is here. I have no family here. I don't have to hide that I am bi and a sub, all our friends know [:D] They tease me with sheep jokes too [:D]



desertdancer -> RE: I'm homesick (8/19/2007 3:06:00 AM)

I do like the Tim Tams, those are yummy.   I'm on the west coast, I am finding more and more I like Australia, the people are nice and now that I've been here a bit I'm making new friends.

I too suggest the volenteering, I did that when I first got here, and now I've managed to turn a hoby ( stitching) into a job.  How cool is that ?!  The more you get outside and experience your new home the better it will be for you.

Just try to relax into it, don't let the new surroundings stress you out to much.  I'm finding now that I'm starting to know my way around bit by bit, that places I I've passed by on the way to get somewhere are all now making sense, I'm knowing the paths and roads, little shires and such and now they don't seem so different.

I do call home one a week same day each week.  I too am thinking of asking my mom to send little bits of home to me, I miss simple things like Sure deoderant the powder fresh kind ( hehe)

Find yourself a stitching/ crochet cirlce maybe and make some new friends?  It may be soothing for you to keep doing the hobies you did at home.





MHOO314 -> RE: I'm homesick (8/19/2007 8:34:19 AM)

I have sent you an email on the other side with My London contact--if that does not work, I have vanilla contacts who can help you get settled--MH



Ysabol -> RE: I'm homesick (8/19/2007 7:48:11 PM)

    I lived in Ohio my entire life, and was always very close in distance to my Mother also. Then I moved to New Hampshire to be with my Daddy/Husband. It was QUITE an adjustement. Because of financial difficulties, I have not returned home to visit my family, OR pick up any of my belongings (left them all behind.).
   It's common to get homesick. I kept myself pretty busy at the start of me moving here, so I didn't have time to think. I also called my Mother quite a lot, and had her add me to her instant messenger, so we could talk anytime. I also keep up with the news back there by internet, and have her send me photos, etc.
   I notice you said you're from Ohio, too? Feel free to write me on the other side, if you'd like, and we can talk about Ohio :)
  



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