a question

a question (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

Justagrrl -> a question (8/18/2007 11:57:27 AM)
even being slave do i have the right to say this offends me i dont want this when we started talking attitude they own me or attitude i might like it ? but they dont want to know the girl just the "slave" How do You respond without getting angry or upset..

CutieMouse -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 12:19:18 PM)
I take it this is with people who answer your personls ad, with whom you don't yet have a agreed upon M/s dynamic? You do it by setting boundaries. If someone offends you, decide if they are worth your time and attention. If they are, tell them you're offended by ___, and if they respect your feelings, continue chatting. If they don't, move on. If you don't like how someone is addressing you, tell them that. If they respect your input, continue talking to them; if not, stop. If someone just wants to treat you like a slave, and has no interest in you as a person (and being in a relationship where you are appreciated as a person is important to you), then you know they aren't a good match. There's no reason to get angry or upset - people who can't respect your boundaries have simply proven themselves to be incompatable. I might also suggest if you are interested in people getting to know you as a person, as well as a slave, you might want to reflect that in your profile.

slaveish -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 12:26:38 PM)
You always have a say. Period. The end. Before you are owned, you have a say and control. After you are owned, you have a say and control. Different situations. Same outcome.

julietsierra -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 12:27:19 PM)
Whether it's online or in person, if they express that they want the slave without getting to know the girl who is the slave, politely thank them and move on. If they press for an explanation, I'd be saying "THIS girl is the slave you're talking about. If you don't want to get to know me, then you can't possibly understand the best way of enslaving me. And frankly, I don't have the time or inclination to continue discussing this with you. We obviously want different things. I am insulted and offended and I don't stay in situations where this happens. Have a nice day." And then, I click the little x or walk away from where he is and that's that. juliet

Celeste43 -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 12:33:24 PM)
Don't get involved with a person like that. You choose who you have a relationship with, you choose to continue a relationship or to leave. You have plenty of power here and it is essential that you figure out exactly what you do and don't need in your relationships. And don't settle for anything less. So if the 'slave's needs are unimportant' types are a big turn off for you (as they are for me), then just say thanks but no thanks, next, when you get written by one of them. Keep looking for a person with the qualities that you find essential. For me, I don't have to have my way, but I need to be heard and have him understand where I'm coming from because when we're deciding things, he will operate from a logic only point of view and not take people's emotions into account. And the emotional fallout is frequently more important that the financial difference to me. So he has to hear what the emotional fallout will be if he makes a decision his way and be prepared to handle it. What he can't do and be in a relationship with me is to say "I am deciding this solely on what's easiest for me and I don't want you to have any emotional response that causes me any trouble" because I can't do that. But he knew this from the beginning because we talked about it all first. Talk about what you need, listen to what they have to offer, and go slow. Meet for coffee ten times before moving to lunch, play in public only for three months - do anything you need to be comfortable. A good man will understand your fears and be willing to go at a pace you can handle instead of pushing you until he pushes you away.

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 6:04:11 PM)
Someone who does not seem to want to know me as a person is incompatible. And I'll tell him so and thank for his time. Being polite is something many of us have learned early on. You must be able to say thanks but no thanks.

Damocles809 -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 9:04:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justagrrl How do You respond without getting angry or upset.. You say "Go fuck yourself," but with a smile.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: a question (8/18/2007 10:01:59 PM)
You have the authority. Until you choose not to. You respond by realizing they aren't important and are clueless and that you control YOUR reactions to things. Unless you want them to control your reactions?

Focus50 -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 2:55:33 AM)
The average sub/slave has an inherent need (read 'attribute') to please. What you don't do, and you'll learn this with experience, is waste that need on strangers who have no appreciation of you equally as a human being and individual worthy of respect. I would suggest that when it comes to responding, you take your cue from the feelings these people are bringing out in you. If you feel yourself getting angry and upset etc, there's nothing to be gained dancing all around it in order to keep the peace. Just be polite but firm in wishing them well and saying 'goodbye' - and MEAN IT! And welcome to the Forums.... :-) Focus.

FrankAr -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 7:42:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveish You always have a say. Period. The end. Before you are owned, you have a say and control. After you are owned, you have a say and control. Different situations. Same outcome. Greetings slaveish, I thought that once you are owned, being a slave or a female kajira, that your life is then in your Owner's hands. It is more different than being a subbie. As a slave , you have an input into a decision, but the decision is the final word of the Master. The control is of the Master and Owner. Because once you are Owned and have a Master and Owner, you would have gone through all the COMMUNICATION and then made your decision if He is the one for you. Then when the decision is made on the females/males side, the Master or Owner has the final say. So the line of ...After you are owned, you have a say and control...I thought should have been ......After you are owned, you have a say but no control. Be well. Frank Ar.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 9:16:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justagrrl do i have the right to say this offends me i dont want this .... How do You respond without getting angry or upset.. Of course. Thats why I suggest checklists and communication. A checklist gives a guide as to what you have done, have not done, like, don't like, etc. Its a tool, just like anything else. Their are things that MJ likes, that I am not fond of, we have talked about them, and 'explained' our positions and definitions of those things, then made decisions based on that information. Nothing wrong with getting angry or upset, those are natural responses. Its how you react or act is what changes things. One of my all time favorite lines from a tv show was "Act, don't react." It was from Xena the Warrior Princess {yes, I can admit to watching it..I LOVED it} Be respectfull and honest when you talk with your partner, how you act will set the mood and tone.

mmb1 -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 9:33:40 AM)
slaverosebeauty, That checklist seems like a wonderful idea, thank you. Do you know where to get it online and how can you check off the list on the computer? I have only seen lists you can copy on the machine...lol.sorry, not computer savvy :)

shyinini -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 9:35:24 AM)
I agree with all of the above ...... just a girl.... this slave .......... only property and then you ask them (d type) to respond to you as a woman of great worth in your third paragraph... ?? might i suggest you present yourself as a woman of great worth...not just anyone's slave, not as just a girl, not just property.... but highly prized property that only one might claim for you are just not anyone's girl, but your own until YOU make the choice

PAcpllooking -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 2:14:51 PM)
Until you commit you have every right in the world to say or do what you want. Once you commit as a slave, thats it no choices. William ((putting on the flame suit))

Redoubt -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 2:35:00 PM)
as the others have said... you may be a slave... but you're not their slave... at least not until you choose to be. And that choice is where the power exchange dynamic comes into it... without your permission, they really have zero control over you. You can be polite, you can be rude, you can be a total bitch... you will of course get the "You're not a slave" response, but you should always reply "I am, I'm just not yours" Anyone who does not respect your wishes prior to (and some would argue, long after) being taken as a slave, is not worthy of owning anyone. Because you are only a slave to someone as long as you choose. Good luck searching for your one

AquaticSub -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 4:35:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justagrrl even being slave do i have the right to say this offends me i dont want this when we started talking attitude they own me or attitude i might like it ? Depends on the relationship. I wanted that so I found an owner who wouldn't dream of taking it away from me. He wants to know whenever I'm upset. He might not change things, but he wants to know.

bandit25 -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 4:39:52 PM)
Only from your point of view. In my opinion (and only in my opinion) a slave ALWAYS has the option/choice to walk away.

MasterGremlin -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 5:54:45 PM)
One word "NEXT!!!" Sincerely, minxy [:)]

CelticPrince -> RE: a question (8/19/2007 6:50:06 PM)
grrl, That is why the lifestyle permits prediscussion on limits. CP

Justagrrl -> RE: a question (8/20/2007 12:10:51 AM)
thank you for all the comments and help, it is helping in my search

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125