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julietsierra -> RE: Who is Real? (8/19/2007 7:07:57 AM)
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Sure there are people who lie online and in real life. Sure, there are a lot of "players, posers and wannabes, and there are even lots of game players out there. However, I have this idea that while they do make their mark, there really aren't that many more of them than there are of what you term "real people."
The problem is not the players, posers, et all. The problem is actually that there is a small pool of prospective people to choose from regarding what you are looking for and then, on top of that, you have the real difficulty that we all face - that of degrees and the intangible.
When it comes to degrees, you see, there is just no way to be able to put into words the degrees of what we want. I can say I don't like arrogance, except that that's not true. I don't like arrogance past a certain degree. I can say I don't like someone who i sset in their ways, but that's not true either. I adore someone set in their ways - coupled with the compassion (or sadism, don't know which would qualify here) enough to make the set ways palatable. Then of course, if they're set in their ways on things that I find ridiculous, that's a deal breaker as well. And there is just simply no way of putting all of that into a profile.
The intangibles are even more difficult. These are the things that can't possibly be translated to a profile. These are the things that irritate us beyond toleration and can change someone from real to poser in an instant without us even realizing it's happening. It doesn't mean the person IS a poser, it's just how we end up thinking of them from that point forward.
Intangibles can be in how a person dresses, to the strangest little thing and even while they are perfectly fine in all other areas, those intangibles can mean the difference between a possible new relationship and us wanting to make our escape as quickly as possible from their presence. And none of this can be communicated through a profile.
That's why, as so many have said, it's better to get off the computer and meet people face to face. There are avenues to do this. And while you admit that you've only recently come out of the closet, and I know it takes courage to go to things like munches, it really is a fine way to meet people. You will be accepted.
And it's always helpful to remember that the person who may be very real to you may be a player and a poser to me. Different people have different views of who is a player and who is real, and just because someone is not real for you, doesn't stop her from being very real to someone else.
So, before you rank everyone who doesn't fit your idea of what real is, you might want to take the different view that the people you're talking to are just not who you're looking for and stop ranking them as real or fake - it's just a more positive way of looking at things during your search. And from my experience, if I start thinking negatively, I start seeing life and my search more negatively. That whole search stuff is enough without adding a negative outlook to the mix.
juliet
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