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So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 5:29:08 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I went to a munch twice, and to be honest it wasn't my thing. I'm really not the BDSM-community-type...I'm more the type who prefers to do things behind closed doors, and sees D/s as a personal thing between my lover and me. I have nothing against any of the people I met there, some of them were really great people, but I sort of get the impression that the type of men I'm into aren't the type who go to munches or BDSM clubs.

And that really sucks for me, because I'm young, and I'm reasonably attractive, and I do NOT want to be stuck meeting men off the internet. Nothing wrong with it per se, but it just seems so limited.

The only other idea I had was to go to more alternative type clubs (there's one in Chicago with shackles built into the wall...it's a punk club, not a BDSM club, but it attracts an eclectic crowd) but so far the only men I've met are subs. I'm obviously not giving up...but it's getting sort of tedious.

Should I just make a tank top that says "I like Alpha Males" and be done with it??? One of my biggest problems is that 'vanilla' people think I'm a kinky freak, but 'kinky' people think I'm a vanilla prude. I'm just...particular

Does anyone have any advice, or know of any places that Dominant guys like to hang out that isn't explicitly BDSM oriented? I'll probably go back and try another munch or two...I don't quite fit in but I guess it's better than sitting at home browsing personals ads, right? But does anyone have any other ideas?

Post #: 1

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 5:31:02 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I dont like munches either. I have went twice also. And I feel the same way you do about it being personal and behind closed doors. Wish I could help you with ideas, but I'm in the same boat.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 2

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:00:43 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

There are a number of places in Chicago here is a link to one.

http://www.lra-chicago.org

And this is not really a munch http://www.geocities.com/c_cosimano/thechicagoslosh.html

Jeff

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 8/18/2007 6:03:29 PM >

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 3

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:01:14 PM

Hisbellaluna

Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

well...first off you've been to a munch twice...some munches change month to month...some cities have 5 to 10 different munches with entirely different groups of people that go to each munch...i don't know about the area you're in, but don't judge us all by one group...
second...i am pretty sure that even the hardest core lifestylers do things other than go to munches...heck if you tried you could probably meet a good Dom at the grocery store...
i personally feel that you will only get out of something as much as you are willing to put into it...so...if you are happy with sitting in front of the computer, do it...don't complain about it...if you want something more, put something more into it...

good luck

His bella luna
beta slave under consideration and in training to Master Ken
sister to alpha slave j

_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 4

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:11:15 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

I've been twice as well. Two different munches. They were not my cup of tea. I know myself well enough to know I won't do it again. That's fine. We are all different human beings and not everything is for everyone. Period. Now I did meet my guy on the internet. But there are many other walks of life. And I believe that the majority of people whom might be interested are neither on these sites nor attending those events. They are people who met each other, started experimenting together, without the language, the roles. And are having a whale of a time. That's my opinion.

You walk through life. You find yourself attracted to someone. you understand what in him attracts you. And maybe he is what you've wanted but without the language and other trappings. There are many possibilities.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 5

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:18:11 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

I'm not into the whole munch thing either, to me it just seems like a lot of people that just like to gossip and hit on one anothers subs and Dominants.

Sir is not exclusive to me however we keep our personal lives and what we personally do private. As far as where to meet other than sites like this I have no clue, other than to say suck the hate up and give a munch, and play party a try again. Myspace is an option but other than that i've met every one of my partners in the past on alt

Good luck,
~meticulous~

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 6

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:26:05 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Thanks for the links Jefff :) I'm going to try to find out more about the slosh thing. As far as LRA....I know a bunch of people who have gone there (but mostly go to GD2) and I've actually been meaning to go to the lectures/classes they have...just because I think it would be fun. But I'm not going to a sex club or play party. Just not going to happen. I would be in a corner trying not to cry because I wanted to go home and I was scared and lonely and all these people are having sex and stuff and they are either strangers who want to TOUCH me (gross) or completely oblivious to me because they are with the person they love and I'm single and ugly and fat especially compared to that girl in latex and...yeah you see where this is going. The only thing about a BDSM club that I could get into is the fact that they have free juice. Seriously. It's like a great big collection of everything that either scares me, makes me sad, or turns me off.

Hisbellaluna - I guess I didn't make this clear, I'm not judging anyone who I met at the munch. Like I said I met some great people. The one I went to was specifically geared to people 18-35 and from what I've been told is where my age group generally congregates. The people were great...that's not what I have a problem with. It's just the public-ness...if that makes sense. I'm not a shy person but I don't like to discuss my sex life, sexual history, and sexual fantasies in front of a group, and that sort of non-participation gives the impression that I'm stuck up...and it's even worse if I don't particularly like to hear about it either. That's the only reason I said I don't think the type of guy I'm looking for is at munches, because I'm not the type of girl who would go to one, and I would crucify him if he started discussing our sex life at one!

I guess what I'm asking is where do the hot Dom guys hang out when they're *not* at munches :P I am going to be blunt, and I don't want this to be taken insultingly at all because it's really not meant that way, but I'm just looking for one decent guy, not a whole community of them! My past 2 relationships were with guys who seemed as 'vanilla' to the outside world as I do, but behind closed doors was a different story.

I was thinking of maybe getting a necklace with the BDSM-triskelion on it or something...as cheesy as that sounds...just to sort of let every guy at a bar know, and the majority of them will just think it's some pretty abstract design.

Now where do I get one of those???

< Message edited by xoxi -- 8/18/2007 6:30:00 PM >

(in reply to Hisbellaluna)

Post #: 7

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:30:06 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

they are like normal people, try bars, easy laid back ones where guys can easily hit on girls without fighting the noise....

Concerts, games etc....alot of these guys are very creative I have noticed, try art museums, gallerias etc. Maybe I'm just over the top but seriously from my experience many of these guys are very creative and I would think that the first place we should be looking is somewhere where creativity is displayed.

~meticulous~

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 8

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:32:23 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I've also been to two munches, two different groups and don't ever plan on attending another.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:34:06 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Heh. Yeah. It's great for the polys and swingers in my area. Seriously, they all know each other. Very very well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

I'm not into the whole munch thing either, to me it just seems like a lot of people that just like to gossip and hit on one anothers subs and Dominants.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:40:58 PM

ProfJoe

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

Must be a magic number with two, hmmm.

Like one poster explained there are LOTS of diffferent groups, each with different tastes and attacting different people.

Is there a large dungeon in the Chicago area that is open to the public? No ... don't go, but if you get on their email list you may find the groups listed who like to play. You can contact the groups and go to their meetings to size them up, then attend the dungeon if you wish and see what sort of play is popular with the group.

In the local area (Atlanta) we have a group whose members are under 39, gay male groups, all female groups, some heavy groups, swingers groups, etc.

The munch itself may not be for you, but you don't need to like everyone, just one or two people. Id suggest you change your approach. Go to a munch and circulate. Size up people. Cozy up to the ones who interest you and see if you can get invited to their private parties ... I was at one munch (no, I don't go much anymore either) where at least six separate parties were in various stages, all located at one home or another.

Another option: go to "events," like leather or lifestyle or dominant events and attend workshops and the play parties. You'll meet lots of different folk, most of whom will be at least somewhat serious.

There are lots of jerks and lightweights in BDSM ... same as in the rest of the world.

Go figger.
Prof. Joe

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 11

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:46:48 PM

Hisbellaluna

Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

instead of going to munches, i would recomend that you go to classes, you're in a major city...theres gotta be something going on, i'm just not familiar with it...i totally recomend leather oriented groups...hate to sound like an eletist...but, they seem to be more into education and generally positive things, rather than just getting laid or just playing...the national leather events i have been to, no one touched me that i didn't want them to (and if they did, all i had to do was tell the nearest, biggest guy in leather chaps and no jeans underneath [well maybe exagerating on the outfit, but yea...] and they took care of it...) and if all i wanted to do and sit back and watch, that was fine, if i wanted to stand outside and smoke the whole time that was cool too, there are classes to go to, choose ones with or without participation...lots to do, enough people that you can be anonymous, but friendly enough people so that you don't have to be...
good luck hon...and anyone with questions, feel free to email me off list...

His bella luna

PS. i said don't judge us all, because i am one of those people at a lot of munches, yet here you are talking to me....

_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 12

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 6:48:13 PM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I guess what I'm asking is where do the hot Dom guys hang out when they're *not* at munches :P I am going to be blunt, and I don't want this to be taken insultingly at all because it's really not meant that way, but I'm just looking for one decent guy, not a whole community of them! My past 2 relationships were with guys who seemed as 'vanilla' to the outside world as I do, but behind closed doors was a different story.

I was thinking of maybe getting a necklace with the BDSM-triskelion on it or something...as cheesy as that sounds...just to sort of let every guy at a bar know, and the majority of them will just think it's some pretty abstract design.

Now where do I get one of those???

You've left me a bit puzzled here xoxi. You're adamant about being intimidated by munches/play parties etc.... but the fact is that I would suppose (note: supposition used, as it seems a logical progression) a lot of those "hot Dom's" would want you to attend such events with them, and actively participate. Don't get me wrong, I sympathise with your situation, as you see it, but a slight attitude adjustment might help. I'm contemplating going to my first play party. I'm not attending with the intention of wanting/hoping to "find" someone, but simply to observe and gauge my reactions to what's being done. But then I'm a generally self-confident cuss who won't give a hoot if they think I'm stuck up because I'm not being a social butterfly, and fully capable of telling anyone who's bothering me (politely first time, bluntly if a second time is needed) to take a long walk off a short plank (and I'm a submissive, too!).

And right now I wouldn't know what the BDSM triskelion looked like if it stood up and hit me in the face.... is it like the typical Celtic/Irish one? I'm just asking, because if I don't know, then you might be flashing a meaningless advertisement to a bunch of onlookers (in the bar) who are, like me, none-the-wiser. Unless of course they're a male sub who wants you to play publicly with him...... (sorry!)

Good luck.

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 13

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 7:01:10 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I went to a munch twice, and to be honest it wasn't my thing. I'm really not the BDSM-community-type...I'm more the type who prefers to do things behind closed doors, and sees D/s as a personal thing between my lover and me. I have nothing against any of the people I met there, some of them were really great people, but I sort of get the impression that the type of men I'm into aren't the type who go to munches or BDSM clubs.

And that really sucks for me, because I'm young, and I'm reasonably attractive, and I do NOT want to be stuck meeting men off the internet. Nothing wrong with it per se, but it just seems so limited.

The only other idea I had was to go to more alternative type clubs (there's one in Chicago with shackles built into the wall...it's a punk club, not a BDSM club, but it attracts an eclectic crowd) but so far the only men I've met are subs. I'm obviously not giving up...but it's getting sort of tedious.

Should I just make a tank top that says "I like Alpha Males" and be done with it??? One of my biggest problems is that 'vanilla' people think I'm a kinky freak, but 'kinky' people think I'm a vanilla prude. I'm just...particular

Does anyone have any advice, or know of any places that Dominant guys like to hang out that isn't explicitly BDSM oriented? I'll probably go back and try another munch or two...I don't quite fit in but I guess it's better than sitting at home browsing personals ads, right? But does anyone have any other ideas?

I think your point of view on the lifestyle is very cool. i Truely hope you find what you are seeking.. i know when you do it will really rock :)

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 14

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 7:09:29 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

That's actually one of the main reasons I'm worried about meeting a guy at a munch or community event ThinkingKitten! If he's actively involved in the BDSM community here, it *is* logical that he probably would want to play at a play party. And I really couldn't get into that. I just can't...the closest I can come is going through the motions with my eyes closed and pretending it's not happening.

I know I sound so negative right now, just saying no no no I don't like this that or the other thing, but trust me it's even harder to live it! I know that people can meet the love of their lives at a grocery store, or on the train, or a million other random places, but it seems so much harder when you want *more* than just 'vanilla' sex, but *less* than full blown kink.

I guess I just need to keep my head up and not turn bitter and discouraged and stuff. And keep reading the replies...seriously you guys are actually giving me hope!

(in reply to ThinkingKitten)

Post #: 15

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 7:10:43 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Awwww....thank you Latex Baby! You're making me blush!

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 16

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 7:11:38 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

xoxi,

The guy you meet at the grocery store may well be kinky. You just can never tell

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 17

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 7:41:19 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

The "BDSM triskelion?" http://www.atruerose.com/rose/bdsmsymbol/myth.htm

Let's keep rolling those myths right out the door.

< Message edited by NefertariReborn -- 8/18/2007 7:42:36 PM >

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 18

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 8:06:36 PM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline

Thank you... I looked at the symbols under my name after I made that remark... and thought "hey, thats a triskelion .. I wonder if that's IT?" In which case yeah, one source would be (amongst others) the Pictish School of Celtic art. And some joker managed to scam people on it.... why am I not surprised. Anyhow, that's a bit off topic.

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to NefertariReborn)

Post #: 19

RE: So I'm not into munches... - 8/18/2007 8:35:41 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

I went to a couple, and they were awful. The first one gave me crap about my age, and nothing else. The next one, every time I said hi to someone, I was accused of hitting on them. It's amazing how immature those people where, being twice my age.

(in reply to ThinkingKitten)

Post #: 20

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