Feelings of resentment

Feelings of resentment (Full Version)

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devotedsylph -> Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 5:41:07 PM)
This is my first post, so if I miss any protocol, please forgive me. I am in a long distance relationship and am the slavegirl to a Dominant male. I have many interests and hobbies that I like to engage in and so does my Master. I don't really have friends anymore because he likes me to stay home. This is not something that bothers me at all - I like my world small and centered on him. I am very clingy and love being close and Master is kind enough to indulge me. He will let me stay on the phone with him for many, many hours. We're not always engaged in constant conversation, but rather he will be doing things and I will be doing mine and we'll occasionally speak (as if I were cleaning in the kitchen and he was watching TV, for example). We'll watch TV together and movies this way. He'll also 'take me along' sometimes when he goes to a friend's house and let me be on speakerphone and participate. He's also kept me on speakerphone when he's gone to concerts since we have the same taste in music. This is just some backstory. We spend HOURS together everyday, despite being 800 miles apart. The majority of our time together is online or on the phone or on a combination of the two (yay for webcams!). I feel that as his girl, I should be as available to him as I can. It's my duty. I have zero problem with being at his beck and call and I LOVE it. The problem I face is when I have to or need to do things that take me away from home and I can't be with him on the phone. I find that I start to resent the activities and people because they're 'taking me away' from Master and I feel a strong amount of guilt because I'm not doing my job and being available for him as I'm doing something else. Things that I normally LOVE to do suddenly become chores. I'll even go so far as to do my personal grocery shopping when he is at work or out to maximize my availability. I will make my personal calls to friends and family when he is unavailable to me as well. Oddly, if Master is busy (say he is out with friends or family) then I can and do happily occupy myself with those same activities or run my own errands. Given this, I know the activities in question are not the issue. Master doesn't seem to mind it. He can certainly order me to go out and do X anyway (and he has), but it just makes me SO unhappy that I can't possibly have a good time. The entire time I am worried that he might need me for something and I'm not there. It doesn't seem to be a problem for our relationship, but I am concerned that it might become one in the future (especially once I move in several months once my lease is up). Is this something that I should learn to overcome? If so, does anyone have suggestions on how I could? If it helps, I don't really enjoy social situations and 95% of the time, I prefer to be on my own when I am without Master. While I will occasionally take a class in something, I keep to myself in it. sylph

Rockwell -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 5:50:08 PM)
That is just not right. You are LD and give all that? Sorry - I think another can give better advice than me. Women?

puppy22DBQ -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 5:55:15 PM)
As a male- although a sub- I might have some small advice that might help... Obviously, you two are not one person and even though he is not around, you must be able to find something to enjoy. If it is not personal gatherings, perhaps a craft or hobby. When my girlfriend left to study in another country, I was left alone for a year. I decided to learn how to play guitar. I thought, 'when she'll gets back, this will make her happy." Playing guitar was fun and I still don't play for people too much, but it passed the time and was something I greatly enjoyed doing --And knew she'd enjoy me learning as well. As far as other activities go; well, always do as you enjoy. You need to eat so you need to go grocery shopping and your Master wouldn't like it too much if you didn't eat anything... lol.. just remember that he is a seperate person from you and you can be there to please him but you need to take some time in caring for yourself, at least in terms of preservation! So, my advice is to find an activity that you can enjoy without him... You see, your hobby can be an activity that will allow you to serve him (in some way anyway) yet, it'll help you enjoy more than just serving him in conventional ways with him being there. I hope that helps a little bit and good luck!

TNDomDiscipline -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 5:56:20 PM)
Based on the level of service you are wanting to give, have you ever discussed re-location? It would seem to me that you should be 24/7 in real life, not on-line...

Drifa -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 6:02:33 PM)
Some of the most important service we do is to keep the Master/Mistress/Owner/etc.'s belongings in good order, clean, and running right. You are one of those belongings. Therefore you are required to attend to your own feeding, grooming, physical health, and mental health. Also, you must keep up with your learning and growth. All those things are part of the service you owe. In any relationship, even D/s, each partner needs their own interests and own friends at times. It's healthy. And outside interests and friends introduce new ideas, keep you growing and learning as a person, and so forth, which in turn makes you more fun to be around for your partner.

ProfJoe -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 6:10:56 PM)
I want to ask you something and hope you give it some thought. If I told you that I couldn't perform my normal daily functions because I was so completely involved in some pleasant activity I felt passionate about, what would you say? Add to it that it is an activity that is, on the surface, harmless but also has me dong my work while the activity continues and constantly calls me away from my "normal" life. I felt this way about my girlfriend when I was 15 ... my mom called it a crush and made me break it off so I could do my work. I have a friend who is nearly 40 and constantly has the HSN on her TV, in the kitchen, even in the bathroom and in the car. What should I tell her? Now you have a "top" who doesn't top but together you have a nice fantasy relationship constructed of moments on the phone. I wonder if you can possibly see this relationship as obsessive and unhealthy? I suspect you sense something of that sort or wouldn't have posted here how concerned you are because you "resent" your normal life. And if you think I'm cruel and insensitive, I suppose I am (as a dominant sadist), but at least prepare yourself for the intensity of this connection to dwindle and fade away as all crushes do. I wish you the best, with respect. (Prof.) Joe

softness -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 6:15:07 PM)
For me there are a great many things to say about your post - but something that you need to do learn to do soon is this simply to be this is something a Man very dear to me taught me, and i think it was the most imporntant thing i ever learned about giving service. A slave is there to ease the life and times of their owner. Through service - domestic or sexual or any other - we bring comfort to our owners lives. We should, with everything we do, be aiming to make their lives easier and more comfortable. So ask yourself this question - what use is a girl who must be constantly occupied to be happy? What companion is a girl who cannot occupy herself in a positive way when not under orders? What kind of integrity is there in a save who does not follow the essence of an order, only its word? I have always thought to answer those questions with - well - that it is a slave needy of much hard work. There is a difference in DOING pleasing things for your Master and BEING a pleasing thing for your Master. You will create a far happier and more comfortable life for your Master if he sees pleasing things in everything you are and do. Imagine his joy when he realises that not only are you his devoted slave when you are at the other end of the phone - or in the eye of his webcam, but that you are also his happy devoted slave when you are away from him, when you are out with friends or shoppig or at the gym. I dont mean to offend, but in my experience of both close and long distance relationships, the hardest part is being equally devoted to Master when you are at his feet, and when you are out bargain hunting for your new clothes. It is easy to adore and to please when you are glowing in his arms, it is quite another to love and adore that strongly when you are apart. When you take into your heart the desire to always be the slave your Master wishs you to be, then you can make each choice based on what best serves that. If your Master wishes you to be busy, happy and fulfilled without him (as your does seem to wish judging by the orders he has given you to that effect) then you decide what would be best to serve that - staying in mopig around waiting for him - or getting on with your own busy worthwhile life so that you are lively and insteresting to him when he does want you. there are a great many here who will disagree with me -and certainly with the statement i am about to make. I have always believed that the slaves most likely to satisfy a Master, to bring comfort and contentment to his life. Is a slave who is able to sustain herself and is not a drain on her Master. How much more precious and honourable to own something strong and independent and complete, that to own something weak and needy and dependent? But that is just my opinion, no flames please

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 7:31:59 PM)
Look up the definition of submissive frenzy...Tempting

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/18/2007 10:10:35 PM)
I'm curious to know how long this relationships has been what it is?

charlotte12 -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 12:10:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness For me there are a great many things to say about your post - but something that you need to do learn to do soon is this simply to be this is something a Man very dear to me taught me, and i think it was the most imporntant thing i ever learned about giving service. A slave is there to ease the life and times of their owner. Through service - domestic or sexual or any other - we bring comfort to our owners lives. We should, with everything we do, be aiming to make their lives easier and more comfortable. So ask yourself this question - what use is a girl who must be constantly occupied to be happy? What companion is a girl who cannot occupy herself in a positive way when not under orders? What kind of integrity is there in a save who does not follow the essence of an order, only its word? I have always thought to answer those questions with - well - that it is a slave needy of much hard work. There is a difference in DOING pleasing things for your Master and BEING a pleasing thing for your Master. You will create a far happier and more comfortable life for your Master if he sees pleasing things in everything you are and do. Imagine his joy when he realises that not only are you his devoted slave when you are at the other end of the phone - or in the eye of his webcam, but that you are also his happy devoted slave when you are away from him, when you are out with friends or shoppig or at the gym. I dont mean to offend, but in my experience of both close and long distance relationships, the hardest part is being equally devoted to Master when you are at his feet, and when you are out bargain hunting for your new clothes. It is easy to adore and to please when you are glowing in his arms, it is quite another to love and adore that strongly when you are apart. When you take into your heart the desire to always be the slave your Master wishs you to be, then you can make each choice based on what best serves that. If your Master wishes you to be busy, happy and fulfilled without him (as your does seem to wish judging by the orders he has given you to that effect) then you decide what would be best to serve that - staying in mopig around waiting for him - or getting on with your own busy worthwhile life so that you are lively and insteresting to him when he does want you. there are a great many here who will disagree with me -and certainly with the statement i am about to make. I have always believed that the slaves most likely to satisfy a Master, to bring comfort and contentment to his life. Is a slave who is able to sustain herself and is not a drain on her Master. How much more precious and honourable to own something strong and independent and complete, that to own something weak and needy and dependent? But that is just my opinion, no flames please Ditto. I could not have said it better.

MamaDomme -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 1:26:54 AM)
You have spent all these hours "together" on the phone, webcam and online.................... have you even met once in real life?

trustingsubHF -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 4:40:54 AM)
i would not submit to ANYONE over the Internet, phone or cam... there is an old saying that my mother used frequently and i have always thought of that saying in situations like this... 'why buy the cow, when the milk is free?' (pretty self-explanatory!)

bandit25 -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 4:51:42 AM)
How the hell does this girl live? She stays home all day, doesn't work. How is this healthy?

lateralist1 -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 5:31:32 AM)
This sounds like real life to me. That's how we are when we are in love. Your Master seems quite cool about it from what you have said. Your feelings might change gradually. But if they don't and you both stay happy with the situation what's the problem? I didn't understand the bit about you moving. Why might that change things? Are you moving to be closer to him? Have you talked about moving the relationship on? My adice is to stop worrying about the future and to enjoy the present. You are getting to know one another. Sharing what you enjoy together be it in a slightly unconventional way. And sharing the times when you are both getting on with something different in the other room. Aren't telephones and computers great. Ok your missing out on the physical which might become a problem for one or both of you in time but it doesn't sound like it at the moment. I think your both sensible in not rushing things. And I don't think it matters if you have been doing this for five years. As long as neither of you is impatient to move on. People used to court for years and years before they even thought of marriage and they didn't have sex either.

odalisqueslave -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 5:51:43 AM)
in response to Softness.... absolutely great post...you have encapsulated completely, at least in my eyes, what our place should be. this breathes of well rounded, grounded, yet empowered, reality based service. odal ...nothing is ever the same as they say it was. it's what i've never seen before that i recognize. diane arbus 1923 - 1971

ProfJoe -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 7:08:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness the slaves most likely to satisfy a Master, to bring comfort and contentment to his life. Is a slave who is able to sustain herself and is not a drain on her Master. How much more precious and honourable to own something strong and independent and complete, that to own something weak and needy and dependent? But that is just my opinion, no flames please No flames from me, softness. Brilliantly said and completely true for many especially in long-term relationships. Best wishes, (Prof.) Joe

devotedsylph -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 7:36:05 AM)
Okay, I obviously left out many things that seem to be important. 1. We have been together for almost 2 years. We visit every 2 months on average, sometimes more, depending on finances. This is by no means an only online submission. Online and phone is just how we spend the vast majority of our time - RIGHT NOW - due to distance. 2. I work full time - 40 hours. Our work schedules are mostly in sync. 3. I'm not NOT doing my shopping things of that nature. I'm just intentionally doing them when he is busy and can't be with me. 4. Yes, I know we have an 'abnormal' amount of contact for a LDR - perhaps for any non-live in relationship. He is wonderful in that he allows me to be close so much and take part in his life. I'm incredibly grateful for it. We are planning on me moving, but I can't just yet. It's not fair for me to pack up my life and plop on his doorstep without being able to contribute anything to our new household until I got a new job, so I am saving up money. I don't want to be a burden on him. Moving to a new city will be hard enough without me adding money worries to the mix. I have property here that I am in the process of selling. The housing market sucks so it's taking time. Yes, he has ordered me to attend social functions at times. I did my best to have a nice time. Guess what? I hate parties and bar scenes (even if it's family, I hate it). Were I uncollared, I would not go unless I absolutely HAD to - and I'd still dislike it. A person will often dislike certain things no matter what. Being around groups of people is mine. Until I was collared, I was mostly alone outside of work. I liked it that way. Now he is in my life, and it is usually he and I instead of just me. I like it that way. I never got much fulfillment from being in social situations. I have loads of hobbies and interests that are independent of my Master. I enjoy them freely when he is busy and I am not occupied with a task/chore/errand. He is open to me initiating a request to attend a function (like a belly dance seminar) or go out with friends. The times he's denied my requests have been for valid reasons, not because he could. I have zero problem keeping myself busy when he is busy. None of the above is the problem - if there is one. My original post didn't say I was unable to shop for myself. I said I rescheduled doing it so that I would when he is busy. I'm not sitting at home, unwashed and starving. I really don't know where people got that from my post. My bills are paid on time, I am financially independent (just recently made my last payment on my car!), my pets are fed, my apartment is clean, I am clean and well fed. Master's got me on his own workout routine even and since I've been with him, I've lost 95 pounds. I am healthier than I have ever been - thanks to his guidance. I was asking how to feel more comfortable about initiating requests to do things on my own which would remove me from his side. I feel guilty about what is effectively asking to be away from him and then resent the event. I think it would be an issue once I moved because I would not want HIM to feel guilty that I had trouble asking to be away from him to do X. Everyone reading should know that things are different in person.

windchymes -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 8:08:53 AM)
Reading your post brought back memories of a relationship I had a few years ago. The dynamics ran almost eerily as they did in my own LTR. I mean, one time when he had the flu, he slept on the couch with the webcam on him, just so I could keep an eye on him...not that I could actually do anything, but it was comforting to both of us. And I also felt the same kind of guilt about not being available to him 24/7. I had this vision in my head that he was sitting around, moping and pining away for me, wondering when I'd be there, even though I knew logically this wasn't true, and I so loved the idea that he "needed" me. Every psychological and relationship-type professional in theworld will tell you that it's important to maintain a life away from your partner. Even you know that deep down inside. It was a struggle, but I had to almost verbally reassure myself that I SHOULD have a life and activities apart from him, that it made me a better person in that I would have things to talk to him about, things to share, and doing these things made me grow as a person. I can't help myself, didn't want to turn this into a downer, but.....when it came time to actually fulfill all the promises made and make it real time, he got major cold feet and called the whole thing off. I was thankful then that I had a couple of activities outside of my job to focus on to help myself move on and get over him. Unfortunately, even the most "perfect" of relationships can cruelly go belly up and you don't want to find yourself completely "lost at sea" and wondering where your life went. Just keep reminding yourself that he is fine when you're out doing things and keep on doing them, struggle through. It will get easier with time. I hope it all works out for you.

devotedsylph -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 10:25:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes Reading your post brought back memories of a relationship I had a few years ago. The dynamics ran almost eerily as they did in my own LTR. I mean, one time when he had the flu, he slept on the couch with the webcam on him, just so I could keep an eye on him...not that I could actually do anything, but it was comforting to both of us. And I also felt the same kind of guilt about not being available to him 24/7. I had this vision in my head that he was sitting around, moping and pining away for me, wondering when I'd be there, even though I knew logically this wasn't true, and I so loved the idea that he "needed" me. Every psychological and relationship-type professional in theworld will tell you that it's important to maintain a life away from your partner. Even you know that deep down inside. It was a struggle, but I had to almost verbally reassure myself that I SHOULD have a life and activities apart from him, that it made me a better person in that I would have things to talk to him about, things to share, and doing these things made me grow as a person. I can't help myself, didn't want to turn this into a downer, but.....when it came time to actually fulfill all the promises made and make it real time, he got major cold feet and called the whole thing off. I was thankful then that I had a couple of activities outside of my job to focus on to help myself move on and get over him. Unfortunately, even the most "perfect" of relationships can cruelly go belly up and you don't want to find yourself completely "lost at sea" and wondering where your life went. Just keep reminding yourself that he is fine when you're out doing things and keep on doing them, struggle through. It will get easier with time. I hope it all works out for you. Loads closer to where I'm coming from! Even when he's busy, I can send texts to touch base. I don't worry that he's pining for me (ick. hope not, that would not be sexy to me). If he needed me or wanted my attention, he can text or call to check in on me - and he does. I don't really worry that he's lonely or anything because he'll reach out to me. I just don't want assistance in overcoming feeling guilty for asking to be away from him because I want to do X. In my mind I am saying "I would rather be doing this than doing something with you" - which isn't true at all, but I just don't know hot to stop thinking it. I don't worry about not having things to talk about. Hell I have so many things to talk about I keep a book with me and write them down so I can remember later.

yrstocollar -> RE: Feelings of resentment (8/19/2007 10:51:51 AM)
How thoroughly have you discussed this issue with him? From the sounds of it, he will probably react well and it is your duty not to withhold information like this from him anyway, so he can decide what to do. Maybe you could beg to be allowed to do other things (personal growth stuff, chores, activities, alone time... whatever) as a service to him? Then when you're doing them you can both enjoy them as a service to him, grow as a person, think about him, report back to him about them later... etc. ... all while being a good a faithful slave and not feeling guilty or resentful. If I were him (and I had all the information) I'd be tempted to order you to spend a particular amount of time each day/week to complete your chores, participate in healthy activities (which you also enjoy) and have alone time for personal growth and reflection. Then I'd have you report back to me. I would also consider denying you the right to contact me during particular times... but reserve the right to contact you and do so occasionally. This would be service to me, you could think about me and be happy knowing that you were doing what I wanted and being / becoming the person I want you to be. Half asleep so hope that's clear!

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