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Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 6:34:32 AM

jtaf02

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Joined: 5/25/2005
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I have an amazing sub right now. The thing is that I fall short in the area of mental dominance. That leaves a HUGE hole I know. How can I get her to submit with just a word or a look? I have no problems physically dominating her but that is just a beating, when its over it seems as though my dominance ends as well. Any advice would be appreciated.

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 6:52:27 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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If it's not an intuitive process for you, then you need to work very hard at connecting with her individually. Get to know every part of her, talk to her, get to know her to the point of predicting her behavior very accurately.

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 7:44:11 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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From: Rochester, NY
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EmeraldSlave is right on the money.

Here are a few more concrete suggestions that might help.

1) Establish a number of rituals where your slave knows exactly what is expected of her. For example, create a greeting ritual where she does the same thing each and every time you two reunite. Closely watch her actions and reactions during these rituals, as they are the outward signs of her submission. Get to recognize them and you will know when she is in that space.

2) Train her in slave positions. Give each position a name and a hand signal. When you want her to kneel in a certain way, use the appropriate signal. I find position training to be a great way to bring service and submission into the mental level...

3) Be very consistent in your tone and facial expressions. When you are pleased, show it in your words, eyes, tone, and timbre. When you are displeased, let her know it without saying a word.

4) Talk, talk, talk, and more talk. Communicate your feelings and get her to talk about hers. Talk about a scene before it happens, talk about a scene after it has happened, talk about the scene in the middle of the scene, if you can... In my style of domiance, I create periods of intense training and service, these periods are preceded by negotiation and expectation setting. The slave knows what I want and how I want it, and it is rather easy to communicate without saying a word. Once the period is over (and it may last from anywhere between 2 hours and 7 days), I talk about the things that went right and those that went wrong. I learn how things I said (or didn't say) were understood (or misunderstood). I use this information to learn about myself and my slave...

You must remember that no one is a mind reader. The kind of control you are looking for comes with a deeper relationship and a complete understanding of your power exchange dynamic.

Taggard

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My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 7:54:40 AM

Faramir

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Is it possible you are a top - that what you are suited for and need is topping encounters vs a D/s relationship?

When you talk about this hole you have - do you mean you think you ought to have it, or she wants it, or is this something you natively want and feel a need for?

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 10:24:58 AM

jtaf02

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quote:

When I say hole I mean that it leaves a hole in the relationship where there should be structure that my sub needs from the D/s lifestyle.

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Is it possible you are a top - that what you are suited for and need is topping encounters vs a D/s relationship?

When you talk about this hole you have - do you mean you think you ought to have it, or she wants it, or is this something you natively want and feel a need for?

(in reply to Faramir)

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 11:16:05 AM

Faramir

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jt, I saw your post on B.com also.

The only thing I can say is To thine own self be true. If you are doing something out of character, something forced (like giving orders for order's sake) you are going to have a tough time my man. What you wrote over there and over here sounds like you are trying to force yourself to be someone you ain't. That doesn't work.

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 11:29:10 AM

FangsNfeet

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Start letting her know that the snap of your fingers, tapping of your foot, and the crack in your belt means something.

She'll figure you out soon enough and will beging to read your body language to relize if she's being good or bad.

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RE: Mental Dominance - 7/6/2005 11:59:41 AM

sub4hire

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quote:

How can I get her to submit with just a word or a look?

The same way you get a child to listen. Earn her respect. Make her feel bad when she upsets you knowing she has let you down.

Little rituals and stuff sure they will work at teaching her control by fear but that just isn't a dom.
The lifestyle is based on trust and respect. It takes time to earn the respect required.

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