How much do you give up for your Dominia?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How much do you give up for your Dominia?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> How much do you give up for your Dominia?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/18/2007 7:03:13 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I have a younger brother who has given up everything to be with and stay with his dominia. When they were first together, everything about him was fine. As is submission grew to her and after there marriage, she has slammed him with unconditional rules.

He has now given up his religious practice, rune readings, friends, participation in medeval reinactment, and his family with exception of talking to our mother once a week on the phone. He's no longer allowed to hang out or even call me untill his Wife/Dominia decides she wants to start talking to me and my wife. She's upset because my wife and I are currently a tad more successful than they are having higher paying jobs, a new home, and a baby on the way. Because of my success, I'm no longer able to talk to my own brother and he's not doing much about the ruleing.

After having to give up so much, can he really be happy?

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/18/2007 7:24:21 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

After having to give up so much, can he really be happy?

"much" is a relative term of value... you may see alot of value in it but he might not.

Secondly, your forget the other part..

How much has he gained?

I suspect thou that if the value of what he has given up is more than he has gained... it will not last long-term.

but only he can assess the value of this equation

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/18/2007 7:31:57 PM

sublimelysensual

Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I can only tell You what I know from my own experience, only Your brother knows if he's truly happy in his relationship. I was married (vanilla) to someone with delusions of Domliness who pretty much subjected me to everything You mentioned. It was a slow evolution from "you don't have to work", to the point that when he went to bed his wallet and the checkbook were in one pocket, and his car keys were in the other. I was happy in the relationship for maybe a year, the more those types of things progressed, the unhappier I became. I realize it wasn't a lifestyle relationship, but there's a difference between being a Dom/me and being domineering, and to me, that would cross the line. Having said all that, it took me three years to get out (after I decided I needed to). My advice would just be to be there for him and listen, and should he ever express concerns, to make sure he knows he has a place to go if he should decide he wants out. Feel free to mail me on the other side if You need to talk more, have questions, whatever...

-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/18/2007 8:46:44 PM

MisTabsDratt

Posts: 32
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with sublimelysensual here. While from the outside, you may question your brothers happiness, that is your perception. Only your brother knows if he is happy or not. And all you can really do is be there for him if he decides he needs to reach out. But you also have to step back and understand that while it may be very difficult to not have as much interaction with your brother, his focus is and should be on his Wife. It is hard to lose, or have change, past relationships with loved ones, but part of growing up is understanding that the priorities in their lives have changed.

Best of luck...

_____________________________

Slave Dratt
Mistress Taboo's Slave/Husband

(in reply to sublimelysensual)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/18/2007 10:15:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

My partner gave up not being fulfilled.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MisTabsDratt)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/19/2007 6:29:36 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

I have a younger brother who has given up everything to be with and stay with his dominia. When they were first together, everything about him was fine. As is submission grew to her and after there marriage, she has slammed him with unconditional rules.

He has now given up his religious practice, rune readings, friends, participation in medeval reinactment, and his family with exception of talking to our mother once a week on the phone. He's no longer allowed to hang out or even call me untill his Wife/Dominia decides she wants to start talking to me and my wife. She's upset because my wife and I are currently a tad more successful than they are having higher paying jobs, a new home, and a baby on the way. Because of my success, I'm no longer able to talk to my own brother and he's not doing much about the ruleing.

After having to give up so much, can he really be happy?

There is a fine line that you have to walk in D/s between submission and abuse. An abusive person will gradually strip you of all outside friends, contacts, and support groups. The actual abuse inside the relationship can be mental, physical, financial, emotional - and thus REALLY hard to tell from consensual, safe, sane kinds of activity.

BUT, in a D/s relationship, there will be times when you need your attention totally on your Lady - training is often a time when you are asked for total focus to the exclusion of all else. But in my experience, the healthiest couples D/s or vanilla, absolutely both partners have outside interests, and outside friends.

But it is also true that you as his brother cannot make the decision of which side of the line your brother is on. Being the victim of abuse is kind of like alcoholism - you personally have to decide you are not going to be the kind of person who accepts abuse, get counselling, and change yourself from within. It cannot be imposed from outside.

The best advice I can offer is to let him know that you support him and are there for him whenever he decides he needs you. He may be in heaven... he may be in hell. If the latter, when he decides he's had enough, it would be good to know you're there and care for him. If the former, it's also to know that your loved ones support your choices as an adult.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/19/2007 7:54:52 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I have to agree with KOM---"much" is an objective term and you are defining it as a Dominant---vastly different---

we have talked much and have agreed that the end result is what the individual feels---

Personally, I would not ask a boy to give up his religion, his family, his hobbies ( as long as they were reasonable)--however, he is making these decisions based on free will---that meaning, he has chosen to accept Her demands,---he has chosen a path different than yours---you need to accept is as he accepts Yours.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/19/2007 9:55:07 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'd have to really be into her to give up anything these days. I've become an expert at enjoying my own company due to circumstances of really not having much other choice. It makes it really hard to give up anything these days because I find great comfort in the task of writing a novel, so much that I sometimes wonder if I'll ever really seek a relationship with anyone again.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/19/2007 10:09:14 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

to me, if someone gives up their religion, and hobbies and stuff, for someone else, they weren't really into it in the 1st place. I would never give up my religion,family, friends for another person. And would never ask someone to do so. While it did occur to me that maybe she feels that you are a bad influence on your brother, but still................

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/19/2007 5:47:16 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I'm sorry that he's fallen victim to someone who has little or no respect of family and a support system. I only hope that he is able to come to his senses and find someone more respectful of him.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/20/2007 8:05:47 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

If hes happy there is not much you can do about it. It not healthy for him to give up family and friends. Like someone else suggested just be there for him when he does reach out.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MisPandora)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/20/2007 11:10:07 AM

Hisbellaluna

Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

i have a friend that her Master had to cut her off entirely from her family because they were toxic and abusive...she's much happier now...
at one point in my life i didn't have a single friend that was worth anything and i have no idea where any of them are today...
religion is not always right for you at this time...
Medieval reenactment costs a lot of money...

yes for all those things you listed, there are logical, valid reasons why they would be implemented...all at once...with the little bit of, granted - biased, background given...it sounds a little fishy to me...it will either work out or it won't...don't try to "save him"...put down the cape, step out of the spandex....be there for your brother should he need you...i know you care, but he's an adult...he's made his decision...who do you think should be making choices for other adults?

_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to littleone35)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: How much do you give up for your Dominia? - 8/20/2007 2:18:55 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I wonder how much of the envy is hers and how much is actually his. Because the odds are he shares this envy. If they are childless not by choice and you have a baby, then it really is too much for them to be okay seeing your family grow while knowing all the time they will never have such a blessing.

If his envy is toxic, then he needs to be out of a situation that makes him feel worse about how he isn't a real man; ie he's sterile, he's a (comparable) failure in the work place etc.

How much crow should he be expected to eat just so you can brag about how good you have it?

(in reply to Hisbellaluna)

Profile

Post #: 13