Non-masochistic techniques

Non-masochistic techniques (Full Version)

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haelmoro -> Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 8:00:09 AM)
If there is a Dom who loves inflicting physical pain, and a sub who likes some of it but prefers the psychological aspects, what might you suggest as a middle-ground or compromise? I understand that too large of a difference means the two might just be incompatible, but I mean when the difference isn't quite so pronounced. Also, what might be some psychological techniques or schenarios that might appeal to someone who enjoys being more rough than not? Admittedly I'm a new sub and have looked around a bit, but I'd like a Master's opinion. Anyone have experience with a similar situation?

Aileen68 -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 8:45:07 AM)
this is a sub point of view I'm not a huge masochist. It's not my draw to this. I'm much more of a control freak in that I adore being completely controlled physically and mentally. I find that I can endure a lot more pain if it's administered in a controlled manner...if I'm bound, forced to remain in a certain position, humiliated while it's occuring, made to beg for it, etc. If it's just a matter of being spanked then my tolerance is much less than if I'm spanked while my wrists are tied to my ankles. For me, it's the lack of any choice of what I can endure that allows me to endure more. Hope this is the kind of ideas you're thinking of.

haelmoro -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 9:09:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 this is a sub point of view I'm not a huge masochist. It's not my draw to this. I'm much more of a control freak in that I adore being completely controlled physically and mentally. I find that I can endure a lot more pain if it's administered in a controlled manner...if I'm bound, forced to remain in a certain position, humiliated while it's occuring, made to beg for it, etc. If it's just a matter of being spanked then my tolerance is much less than if I'm spanked while my wrists are tied to my ankles. For me, it's the lack of any choice of what I can endure that allows me to endure more. Hope this is the kind of ideas you're thinking of. Yes, that helps some. Thank you :)

Damocles809 -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 10:28:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: haelmoro Also, what might be some psychological techniques or schenarios that might appeal to someone who enjoys being more rough than not? Admittedly I'm a new sub and have looked around a bit, but I'd like a Master's opinion. Perhaps an agreement that the dom will only inflict the more painful acts on you as punishment for some specific offense, and not for it's own sake. Then the threat of pain becomes more of a control technique than straight up sadism. I.e. whipping a sub to make her crawl faster, for losing her balance holding a certain position, etc. And that may end up being a win-win situation, if it turns you on enough. As Aileen mentioned, if you love being strictly controlled, then your pain tolerance will go up when the sadistic acts are used as a threat to keep you in line, instead of just tenderizing meat every time it's bent over.

haelmoro -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 10:50:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Damocles809 Perhaps an agreement that the dom will only inflict the more painful acts on you as punishment for some specific offense, and not for it's own sake. Then the threat of pain becomes more of a control technique than straight up sadism. I.e. whipping a sub to make her crawl faster, for losing her balance holding a certain position, etc. And that may end up being a win-win situation, if it turns you on enough. As Aileen mentioned, if you love being strictly controlled, then your pain tolerance will go up when the sadistic acts are used as a threat to keep you in line, instead of just tenderizing meat every time it's bent over. Thank makes sense, yes. Using it as punishment or guides. Thank you :)

SimplyMichael -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 12:04:28 PM)
To me the joy of bdsm is that the rules don't trap us, they don't define us. We can create a relationship that is unique to "us" whatever and whomever that "us" contains. I have played in ways that are completely sensual with no pain, I have done scenes where the sub is blindfolded and the "scene" is going on in her mind as I tell her a story augmented by hints of sensations, sounds, and smells (sometimes called a guided fantasy) the list goes on and on. It must nurture both of you in the long run is really the only rule I have. This will rule out being involved with certain people, such is life but know what you want and need, communicate that fearlessly and find someone who's ying matches your yang.

PAcpllooking -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 2:00:02 PM)
I am in a situation that is close to what you are talking about. I am a major sadist my slave is not. Can I do what I want to her and will she endure ist ? yes, but I know its not something that she truely enjoys for herself. Yes she is into flogging, single tails, clamps, suction, bondage and more but not at a level that I can and would like to go too. Now in every other aspect of our lives she is perfect, there is no other way of saying it. So, like most things in life its a compromise. Do I want someone who is a major maso and be lacking in other ways or the reverse? Sure I suppose I could find someone who fits it all, but in many years of looking I have never found the 100% everything slave or sub. Non maso techniques we use are, puppy play, plastic wrap, fisting, sexual "stuff", total control of her life and more that are focused on the mental aspect/ William

mstrjx -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 7:32:30 PM)
This is a situation with which I'm fairly familiar. I have a lot (many years) of BDSM experience, and most of that time topping was a healthy part of my relationships with subs and slaves. My new partner has emotional triggers to some types of pain play, so 'play' in the traditional sense is something we're working at fairly delicately. Our middle ground going in (what we both knew to be the case) was bondage, restraints. Our discovered interests include breath play and knife play. Being, in a sense, forms of edge play, there are incidents that don't work quite as well as others. Fortunately, we are both aware that these things have the possibility of happening, and the level of trust is sufficient that the activity can be scaled back. Also, our relationship dynamic (D/s) is solid in that we each know who/what we are to one another, whether 'play' is involved or not. Other things you might wish to consider is rape play, kidnapping play, both of which are forms of fear play, objectification, humiliation/degredation, and other things that play more in the mind. I find that someone who enjoys a healthy dose of giving pain in a physical sense can enjoy creating scenarios where the emotional 'tweaking' can bring about the same sort of reaction. Jeff

haelmoro -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 9:41:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx This is a situation with which I'm fairly familiar. I have a lot (many years) of BDSM experience, and most of that time topping was a healthy part of my relationships with subs and slaves. My new partner has emotional triggers to some types of pain play, so 'play' in the traditional sense is something we're working at fairly delicately. Our middle ground going in (what we both knew to be the case) was bondage, restraints. Our discovered interests include breath play and knife play. Being, in a sense, forms of edge play, there are incidents that don't work quite as well as others. Fortunately, we are both aware that these things have the possibility of happening, and the level of trust is sufficient that the activity can be scaled back. Also, our relationship dynamic (D/s) is solid in that we each know who/what we are to one another, whether 'play' is involved or not. Other things you might wish to consider is rape play, kidnapping play, both of which are forms of fear play, objectification, humiliation/degredation, and other things that play more in the mind. I find that someone who enjoys a healthy dose of giving pain in a physical sense can enjoy creating scenarios where the emotional 'tweaking' can bring about the same sort of reaction. Jeff Thanks much! This certainly helped get my thoughts going.

FangsNfeet -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/19/2007 9:47:39 PM)
Most times, what I do depends on if I'm in a play scene or giving punishment. I know my pets likes and dislikes physically and mentally. My bark can hurt just as bad as my bite. When it comes to giving pain to someone who is not so much a massochist, I start off slow, listen and look for safety words/signs, and we work together on pain tolerance. Anyhow, there are far things more sadistic than inflicting pain. Having my pet in long periods of bondage, taking away hot water for showers, orgasim denile, drving my car down a bumpy road druing a cold night when she has a full bladder, tickle torture, Ice and Water play, and the affect of inflicting fear. Fire play, Knife play, and sued whips are tipically not your big guns on inflicting pain. However, they're great to use when wanting to cause mixed emotions of fear and excitement. Wax play can also be naughty, sensual, scary, and yet smoothing all at the same time. I think wax play is something you should seriously consider trying out with who ever you end up having some fun with.

StellaByStarlite -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/20/2007 7:22:44 AM)
I hope you don't mind a reply from a submissive's point of view. =) I don't regard myself as a physical masochist at all. That is, pain doesn't turn me on. But my husband has a strong sadistic streak. We reached a comfort level with this by appealing to my adrenaline junkie side. I've always been one for physical challenges and little contests of endurance with myself. Getting into that particular mindset before we begin any rough play helps a great deal with what levels I can reach. Plus there's the added benefit of his arousal. =) I guess, in that respect, I could be considered a sexual bottom. =)

haelmoro -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/21/2007 6:53:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite I hope you don't mind a reply from a submissive's point of view. =) I don't regard myself as a physical masochist at all. That is, pain doesn't turn me on. But my husband has a strong sadistic streak. We reached a comfort level with this by appealing to my adrenaline junkie side. I've always been one for physical challenges and little contests of endurance with myself. Getting into that particular mindset before we begin any rough play helps a great deal with what levels I can reach. Plus there's the added benefit of his arousal. =) I guess, in that respect, I could be considered a sexual bottom. =) Thanks, that helps. Yes, I suppose getting into the mindset and getting pleasure from his pleasure does help. I am certainly a bottom who aims to please, heh. And I too use endurance contests with myself. "No, don't say the safeword yet, just a little longer. Just a little longer..."

jaymckenas -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/30/2007 6:37:13 PM)
Psychological power exchange can be 100x more effective than physical with the right individual. Obviously the potential "Psychological" punishments are far too numerous to list. Some however, are just taking away priviledges, taking away eye contact sometimes, taking away just basic ideas. If the relationship is developed enough, a Dom's dissapointment with his sub can replace the effect of any whip, crop, or cane. Though those can be fun too :) -Jayson

Petronius -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/30/2007 6:41:51 PM)
You can try passive sadism where the discomfort inflicted comes from the denial of pleasure rather than the infliction of pain. Works for some; doesn't work for all.

kossack -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/30/2007 7:09:44 PM)
I was in a position similar to what you described. One thing that helped a lot is that the man I was with was a reaction junkie, so I leanred not to hide my discomfort. I wasn't faking it or acting, but I had a choice a lot of the time to either work to calm myself down (focus on my breathing, for example), or not (focus on what he was doing and my situation). By going towards the latter and not going to the forward, I had more extreme reactions than I would have from the forward. However, this is one of a couple of reasons as to why we came apart. It totally sucks! I would like to think that if someone likes chocolate it should work! But I wanted very sweetened milk chocolate and he was looking for the Baker's unsweetened baking squares.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Non-masochistic techniques (8/31/2007 1:34:02 PM)
From chatting to people I gather that sadists aren't just after the exercise, it's a psychological thing, to see the reactions of their actions upon the reciever? (Correct me if I'm wrong on that). You like more psychological torments and aren't big into pain, so have the sadist torture you in ways that get the reactions, without hard pain. Make a list of fears or phobias you have, see if you can turn them into forms of play that make your sadist cackle with glee and you shudder in pleasant horror without tearing off your hide. One example from my own imagination would be, spiders, afraid of them? Bind and apply some chilled spiders and watch the squirming commence.

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