unforgettable punishments

unforgettable punishments (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

gringuita -> unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 1:56:19 PM)
Daddy and I have recently moved from Philadelphia to London. We arrived July 1st and I haven't found my way here yet. In an attempt to help me get back into a routine, find my way here, and get back to the basic rules (quite a bit of this went by the wayside in the process of moving, other things like shopping and laundry are simply a different challenge without a car or washing machine at home yet) Daddy has come up with a list of rules and a number rating for each task each day. At the end of each day my tasks will be reviewed and rated (whether or not they're completed as they should be) and at the end of the week numbers will be added up. Daddy promised me when we got together last October that pain would never be punishment (especially severe spankings), and now a beating at the end of the week for tasks not completed has come up. What I'm wondering is, does anyone have any ideas for a memorable and at least somewhat calculable punishment that doesn't involve bruised ass cheeks? Daddy did say I'm quite willful so it would have to be something that will stick in my mind, but we'd love to hear any suggestions.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 2:02:07 PM)
I'm hesitant to offer advice. I think punishments are given out like candy in too many relationships- a quick way to make things seem better but which do not actually address the issues going on long term. You recently posted that you're feeling really alone and lonely and not fitting into your new home and all that homesickness. I wonder if punishment on such a regular basis for such basic little things will make you feel MORE secure, or if they will just keep you feeling like you're never "good enough?" Willful has nothing to do with it- if you are willful that means you just have extra oopmh in you to COMPLETE the tasks you have been given, even deeper drive. So why aren't you directing your will towards that? I think working together to answer that question will be more useful than a weekly punishment.

valkyriesdaughte -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 2:02:16 PM)
Daddy promised me when we got together last October that pain would never be punishment (especially severe spankings), and now a beating at the end of the week for tasks not completed has come up. Seems to me that a "real" Daddy/Master/Dom etc would keep his promises if at all feasible. To do otherwise undermines trust. The individual should also been aware that there has been a significant cultural change which may neccesitate a review of expectations. Numerous "punishment" ideas have been thrown about the board, should be rather simple to find a whole host of non physical ideas in previous posts. Googling "BDSM + punishment" returns a large number of results also.

winterlight -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 2:11:04 PM)
silence is a good punishment, drives a sub/slave nuts.

PAcpllooking -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 2:11:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I'm hesitant to offer advice. I think punishments are given out like candy in too many relationships- a quick way to make things seem better but which do not actually address the issues going on long term. You recently posted that you're feeling really alone and lonely and not fitting into your new home and all that homesickness. I wonder if punishment on such a regular basis for such basic little things will make you feel MORE secure, or if they will just keep you feeling like you're never "good enough?" Truer words never spoken............................................... William

Redoubt -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 2:28:09 PM)
I've always felt the most severe punishment was ensuring that my partner realized I was disappointed in her. I find that the majority of submissives beat themselves up far worse than I ever could. But any time there is a punishment, there has to be a closure afterwards... something you can say "ok.. I screwed up, but he forgives me and knows I am trying". If pain is play, a symbolic over the knee spanking followed by a long hug can be that closure, provided that first, the two of you communicate about what was expected, what went wrong and what can be done to prevent future occurences. It really does depend on the submissive, and how she learns from her mistakes... some need to spend time in reflection, whether you have them kneeling in the center of the room alone, or sent to the corner... some need to be given an unpleasant task, others need to see how angry they have made their master... it should be something that both D + s should agree on early in the relationship. The trouble is, sometimes punishment can be fun for either partner, and as a result - if you truly want to have the entire cycle of confession> punishment > absolution you have to have something that truly gets the message across, and something that is appropriate to the transgression. What do you think your punishment should be? What would help you learn not to disappoint Master?

PAcpllooking -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 3:07:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Redoubt I've always felt the most severe punishment was ensuring that my partner realized I was disappointed in her. I find that the majority of submissives beat themselves up far worse than I ever could. But any time there is a punishment, there has to be a closure afterwards... something you can say "ok.. I screwed up, but he forgives me and knows I am trying". If pain is play, a symbolic over the knee spanking followed by a long hug can be that closure, provided that first, the two of you communicate about what was expected, what went wrong and what can be done to prevent future occurences. It really does depend on the submissive, and how she learns from her mistakes... some need to spend time in reflection, whether you have them kneeling in the center of the room alone, or sent to the corner... some need to be given an unpleasant task, others need to see how angry they have made their master... it should be something that both D + s should agree on early in the relationship. The trouble is, sometimes punishment can be fun for either partner, and as a result - if you truly want to have the entire cycle of confession> punishment > absolution you have to have something that truly gets the message across, and something that is appropriate to the transgression. What do you think your punishment should be? What would help you learn not to disappoint Master? I never prescribed to anything like a hug after punishment, to me its a confusing thing to do. Punish then make them feel good? Now punish them, before you do make sure they know why, afterward ask them why they were punished and move on. I see man who keep bringing something up even after the punishment. If I have to punish someone more then 3 times for the the same thing, then I will have a long sit down and see if they are serious about the relationship, if I am not giving them something they need or if they just dont care or if they dont understand. Punishment as neer been fun for me in any way shape or form. I see it as a failure on my part in not getting my slave to want to do a good job or me not being clear on something. William

Redoubt -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 3:24:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking I never prescribed to anything like a hug after punishment, to me its a confusing thing to do. Punish then make them feel good? Now punish them, before you do make sure they know why, afterward ask them why they were punished and move on. I see man who keep bringing something up even after the punishment. If I have to punish someone more then 3 times for the the same thing, then I will have a long sit down and see if they are serious about the relationship, if I am not giving them something they need or if they just dont care or if they dont understand. Punishment as neer been fun for me in any way shape or form. I see it as a failure on my part in not getting my slave to want to do a good job or me not being clear on something. William Hello William, and thank you for replying - As I said it depends on the girl. But for me, if I don't show her that I consider the transgression, confession, punishment over... then it's like a weight around her neck. I want her to be eager to please me, not fearful that I will hold every wrongdoing over her head for months to come. She erred... we corrected it... we move on. If the same issue keeps happening, there is obviously something that has not been fully understood by both parties. And thats my responsibility. The hug says "I know you are trying" - if she's not trying, then something else is awry.

AquaticSub -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 4:29:29 PM)
I agree with LA. I may, in the future, be moving with Valyraen to an area that I know will be hard for me. It will be very different from anywhere I have lived and it will take me a long time to find my bearings. While scenes will help keep my spirits high, punishments would only send me further into depression I'm quite sure. Nothing dampens my morale like knowing I didn't please. If he wishes to help you adjust, perhaps it would best to order you to find the local groups in the community and what there is to do? I must also agree with the sentiment that if he promised you that punishment would never involve pain, why is he going back on his word?

Celeste43 -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 5:54:42 PM)
Since you can't get things done because of things out of your control like lack of a car or accessible laundry machines, why are you being punished? That's like punishing you if he's late to work because the bus he's on breaks down. WTF? Better if he keeps his word, finds a way to handle his own frustrations at the differences between home and there, and helps you solve your problems.

abusablepaintoy -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/19/2007 6:03:26 PM)
There are many ways to correct behavior that can be quite memorable that don't involve pain play. But I think you are looking for reassurance that you are needed and appreciated. Still, some suggestions might be handwriting a five-page essay on why your behavior was improper, corner time, cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush (either an old one you would throw away or one that is purchased for just this purpose) not being allowed to speak for the weekend or another specified period of time, a bland diet (bread and water, or other relatively tasteless but nutritious foods) or being forced to eat only food that you hate (for me it would be refried beans.) Forced exercise, or perhaps even meaningless labor (moving a pile of books from one end of the room to the other one book at a time, or moving one rock from one side of your yard to the other, for 4-8 hours at a stretch) repeating a litany over and over (A hundred "Hail Masters" so to speak.) Taking away a favorite accessory, or being forced to wear an ugly shade of nail polish (assuming it wouldn't affect your job.) But make sure that these activities reinforce your submission, and completing them honors both you and your part of the relationship but also fulfill a need of your Dom. That would help you better serve him.

gringuita -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 2:20:04 PM)
Thank you all for your advice. Thanks especially to LA for the point of view, as it was mine initially. However, punishments and discipline haven't been explored for us yet, and it's not punishment for the sake of punishment, it's actually with good intention that this has come up. Redoubt, I think hugs are important, thanks for throwing that in there, clarity, discipline, and absolution are a must for myself as well as I expect most submissives that need a bit of a human warmth in their relationships. abusable, thank you for all your creative suggestions, it's certainly given Daddy some other options and inspiration to mull over in his head. Oh, sad to say, most of the conventional punishments suggested wouldn't actually get very far with me, corner time and silence I could quite happily live with for some time without feeling the slightest bit phased by it. Hopefully Daddy and I can sort through my issues of feeling really out of place and unsure of myself here. However, should punishment be needed still, with everyone's suggestions I believe something that lets Daddy keep his word and also helps me carry through with what's expected will be found.

SimplyMichael -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 2:57:43 PM)
quote: Hopefully Daddy and I can sort through my issues of feeling really out of place and unsure of myself here. I don't think yout need punishment nor discipline. What I think you need is to feel that he is your daddy and that he is in charge and because of the move you have lost touch with that. Instead I would find something that you find puts you deeply into your submissive space and do that with your daddy.

fungasm -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 3:34:35 PM)
So it sounds like punishment is something you both "enjoy", if I'm reading this correctly or that things which have to get done are not getting done... So how about at the end of the week, any tasks not finished will be completed with his help... However, you must do those tasks with one of the following: a. A vibratring egg (or three) in various orifices. b. A butt plug inserted, if anal sex is part of your paradigm... and that is how you will be taken that night. c. With your mouth taped shut. d. Nude. e. Hobbled. The list goes on. Your master decides (from things not in your red zone) how you are punished- and then you work together to get what has to be done accomplished. Alison

natalia31 -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 4:09:26 PM)
Welcome to the UK . I think Aquatic had some very sensible advice in suggerstng your Dominant order you to find out what there is in the local community. Knowing London, I'm sure there are plenty of things that you could do that would help bring you familarity with your surroundings that aren't necessarily pleasant. Find details on every munch, visit every library in your borough, learn the tube map so well you could tattoo it on someones back, do some volonteering work that might not be fun - but might make you some vanilla friends, find the best supermarket for your weekly shop with a detailed price comparison list on your usual groceries, join the WI? A beating MIGHT be a memorable punishment in some respects but I think your problems are going to best solved if you're feeling happy (er) in your new surroundings. All the best

mstrj69 -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 4:38:55 PM)
I believe the OP stated she had originally been told pain was not going to be a punishment. She then went on into how after relocating they (Daddy and her) came up with a list of chores and a numerical number that was to be assigned to all and the total at the end of the week would determine the punishment. That implies she agreed to pain as a punishment after the move. My question is are all the numbers positive or are they a combination of positive and negatives with the ones being for chores not completed or not completed correctly and the other for when she does more than is expected of her and then she gets a reduction for not having completed a chore. In my opinion, if all the numbers are positive and result in punishment then she will attempt to do nothing more than enough to not be punished. Instead, it should have been designed to where she is trying to make her daddy happy. Anything, including memorizing the streets of London could be a punishment but if she knows all that will happen at the end of the week is she will be punished, where is the reason for her to make her Daddy happy ?

theq -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 4:40:12 PM)
fungasm: Wow...deep...interesting...insightful. A unique view that I have not heard before. I'll have to toss this one around inside for a while. Q

theq -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/21/2007 4:48:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrj69 I believe the OP stated she had originally been told pain was not going to be a punishment. She then went on into how after relocating they (Daddy and her) came up with a list of chores and a numerical number that was to be assigned to all and the total at the end of the week would determine the punishment. That implies she agreed to pain as a punishment after the move. My question is are all the numbers positive or are they a combination of positive and negatives with the ones being for chores not completed or not completed correctly and the other for when she does more than is expected of her and then she gets a reduction for not having completed a chore. In my opinion, if all the numbers are positive and result in punishment then she will attempt to do nothing more than enough to not be punished. Instead, it should have been designed to where she is trying to make her daddy happy. Anything, including memorizing the streets of London could be a punishment but if she knows all that will happen at the end of the week is she will be punished, where is the reason for her to make her Daddy happy ? I was once a Psych major at university and my education in that arena would have to concur with this line of thought. What is desired here is a re-enforcement of an activity... (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning#Reinforcement.2C_punishment.2C_and_extinction) Whereas a Punishment is: "a consequence that causes a behavior to occur with less frequency." Maybe I am getting too academic but a "re-enforcement" is what would appear to be needed. Yeesh....some of it is coming back to me now. I need to brush up on my study of operant conditioning. Q

MasterMataeo -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/22/2007 9:05:39 AM)
silence,, a cageing ,, sleeping at the foot of the bed/ on the floor / at the base of the door,,, no physical touching for the next week MM

Hisbellaluna -> RE: unforgettable punishments (8/22/2007 9:53:55 AM)
un-spankings...but they only work on submissive masochists...you put your hand firmly against the butt like your lining things up and you jerk your hand away...and then do nothing...its horrible...wretched...to get the full effect you have to be able to see their face and hear them whine and groan...i never thought i would actually share this with the general public...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875