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would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 1:22:23 PM

dasboot

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline

Hello to E/everyone... i'm dan... i found this website just yesterday... its nice to find a uk based community online like this and from what i've seen so far this place has alot of understanding and cool people. A little about me: I just turned 19 years old, born in Australia but lived in Scotland most of my life... anyway... i dont know how to break this subtly so im just gonna say it...

i have borderline personality disorder...

it means alot of things really... i have a normal IQ, maybe even a bit above average... but emotionally (my EQ) i'm around 6 years old... i had a traumatic childhood and just stopped developing emotionally at that age... I have no personality more just a hole inside me... i tend to 'become' whoever im with and i have no sense of self or identity... i also tend to love or hate people with no inbetweens... and basically i just share alot of traits with 6 year olds i guess... i am good academically (will be studying physics/maths at university soon i hope) and wanna be a physicist... i'm articulate and can have an engaging coverstation with people much older than me... but emotionally i act like a six year old...

im sorry if this sounds confusing (it confuses the hell out of me)... anyway... im writing this cuz i have a deep desire to submit to a Domme... and i guess i just want to ask all the Dommes out there... would You accept a sub like me? and when i say 'a sub like me' i mean, would You accept a sub with a mental illness like i have... i've included bellow the diagnosis for my illness so You know a little more about it... and i fit this description like a texbook case:

Affect

chronic/major depression
helplessness
hopelessness
worthlessness
guilt
anger (including frequent expressions of anger)
anxiety
loneliness
boredom
emptiness

Cognition

odd thinking
unusual perceptions
nondelusional paranoia
quasipsychosis
Impulse action patterns
substance abuse/dependence
sexual deviance
manipulative suicide gestures
other impulsive behaviors

Interpersonal relationships

intolerance of aloneness
abandonment, engulfment, annihilation fears
counterdependency
stormy relationships
manipulativeness
dependency
devaluation
masochism/sadism
demandingness
entitlement

I feel pathetic and worthless when i read the above diagnosis and relate to all of it so well... i have thought about suicide beacuse sometimes its hard for me to see what use i could have in this world.

But i also feel like i have alot of love to give a Domme and even though i dont know who i am i do know that i want to be someone who is a Domme's prized object and i do have a desire to serve and belong under a Domme. I've never been close enough to anyone cuz of things that happened in my childhood to love another so i feel a void there that i maybe could fill if a Domme gave me a chance... but would any Domme ever accept a sub like me?

thx and hello

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 2:33:43 PM

Venusme

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Sweetie,
You can and will be loved by someone who can see your true value. You are still so very young and must work on yourself. I have had many trying times in my life, I believe most people have. I have learned to meditate and it really helps pull ones head together and take bad expierences and turn them into positive character traits. You must learn to give to yourself or you cannot give to another. You must try to make yourself strong for a relationship because if it ends, you have to be able to handle it. Spoil yourself with good books and surround yourself with good positive people, exersice and get a hooby you can enjoy. Fill yourself up with good thoughts and force bad negative thoughs from your mind. If all of this is too much, go to a counselor or even AA helps. Many people gp to AA for support even if they do not drink to make friends and help eachother through tough times. Remember that life is full of waves(ups and downs) and a good days are bound to show up! You are so very young and believe me, you have many many roads to go and bridges to cross, so hang tough. I will be your friend if you want and give you my private email address if you want, I will help you and befriend you, not as a Domma, but a friend. Promise.

(in reply to dasboot)

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 3:21:31 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

Many moons ago, when I was an undergraduate and registered in a class for abnormal psychology, the teacher warned us that as we read our way through the textbook, we'd recognize symptoms that seemed to fit us. She cautioned us that despite the seeming familiarity of the symptoms, that did not mean we were suffering from the diagnosis being discussed.

Borderline Personality Disorder presents many challenges. How do you know you actually have this diagnosis? Did you read material online and decide that you fit the category?

Mental health practitioners, at least those in the U.S., focus on behaviors, not diagnostic labels, when helping clients. They don't tend to hand out labels, which is why I'm wondering how you arrived at the decision you have a specific type of mental illness.

Regardless of what the label is, since you're experiencing so many issues that impede your happiness, not to mention that you've contemplated suicide, I urge you to seek out a psychotherapist on the double. I have to wonder if you're hoping a Domme will do your thinking for you and that will solve your problems. It won't. In fact, you can't serve a dominant well until you are feeling better about yourself.

Developing a network of supportive alliances is always in your best interests. That does not preclude the necessity of having a mental health expert working with you.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to dasboot)

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 3:46:09 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

*waves*

I'm 22, and have bipolar II verging strongly on bipolar I, with all the trappings that come along with it. I have a partner who I love and serve and have been with almost three years.

It -is- possible to fall in love with someone who can see that you are more than a disease you happen to have.

It helps to be in treatment. My partner has helped me get effecitve treatment and I'm a much better functioning person thanks to him.

Anyway, welcome to all this, I -know- that it's possible to be with someone despite mental illness.

(also, again with the creepyness, if you ever would like to talk to someone who's done the "young, invovled in BDSM, and mentally ill" thing, I'd have no problem with that. Drop me a line on the other side of the site)

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~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 3:57:29 PM

dasboot

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline

thankYou Venusme :) would be nice to have someone to chat with sometimes online.

TiNeedsHouseBoy,

i'm sincere in my post i didnt just diagnose myself...
i hope i dont come across as someone looking for an escape from my problems beacuse im too introspective to allow myself to do that. Despite my problems i have a good understanding of them. Before i was diagnosed i was depressed because i knew something was wrong and i didnt understand what so i kept searching in circles for answers...

I think that no-one really knows why they want something deep down... most people act on impulses or learned behaviour or inherent behaviour but if you asked them why they want something... they wont be able to give you a convincing argument... so im not gonna try to explain why i want to be a sub to a Domme, even though i know i'm expected to have a better reason than most just because of my mental issues... my very being just knows that its where i'll be happy and whole. And i believe i have alot to offer and could be a sub She could be proud of...as for hoping the Domme will do my thinking for me... if i wanted that safety net i'd join the military... i'm not scared of living life and thinking for myself which is why i'm here posting in the first place :)

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 7:33:02 PM

CalliopePurple

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

dasboot, my sister has BPD and sometimes, she drives me fucking nuts to the point where I want to strangle her or smack her until she stops hurting herself. But she's still my sister and I love her dearly because she's not perfect and she's not like everyone else. She's 19 and acts, most of the time, like a spoiled, overgrown kindergartener.

Her boyfriend knew her illness when they first got involved and he gives her the support and struture she needs to feel safe. I think they have a D/s type relationship without actually calling it that. So it's just a matter of finding the right Domme that understands and accepts the fact that you may not always be the most rational of human beings (my sister occasionally hallucinates, I don't know if that happens with you or not)

Notice I'm not saying go to a therapist or get on medication - I know those tips don't work for everyone because of the side effects of things like antipsychotics. But if they work for you, all the better once your moods are under control!

And if the Domme you're interested in runs off when you mention your mental problem, they're not worth the hassle.

CP

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Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to dasboot)

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 7:50:41 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
And if the Domme you're interested in runs off when you mention your mental problem, they're not worth the hassle.

CP

AMEN.

100% agree. If they can't accept all of you, they aren't worth it

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~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 9:21:50 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

First of all a tip of the hat to you because it takes guts to admit you suffer from a mental illness. As far as your search is concerned, I am sure that if you are open and honest and patient, you will find the right Domme for you. Just don't be thinking that having a Domme is any substitute for professional help. Continued therapy is recommended for BPD be sure you are getting that. (as for my qualifications to say that, I have several people close to me that suffer from BPD).

Good luck with your search!

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: would any Domme accept me? - 7/6/2005 9:54:51 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

and i have found someone that accepts my o.c.d-p.t.s.d-adult a.d.d.---

and
my paranoid personality w/ persecution complex....

best of it is controlled with meds.

thanks to the V.A.

the wolf

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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

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