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nyrisa -> RE: An injured slave with questions. (8/20/2007 12:52:04 AM)
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How did you and your partner handle the injury (and/or surgery) and recovery process?
I have been through 4 surgeries and 6 hospital stays in the past 2 years. At times, the stress threatened to become overwhelming for both of us. My husband developed this mantra that he made both of us repeat: "little bites". Don't dwell on the whole "surgery/recovery/how will it affect us" thing. Just focus on day to day, one step at a time. He would frequently bring my focus back to the moment by saying, "we will deal with this in little bites."
Was it hard to "let go" of the things you were used to doing before your injury/surgery, or before your partner was injured? How did you or they cope with this?
Good heavens, yes. His most frequent complaint about me is that I am too independant. For me to miss so much work (our joint income maintains our household), and seeing him having to work, juggle the finances, then come home and do the cooking and laundry too, while I rested in bed, was VERY hard. But we developed a whole new level of closeness. We spent more time talking, and cuddling, and just being together, than we'd ever had before.
Did your partner take an active role in the recovery process, and/or was there anything particularly helpful to you (and this could be physically or emotionally) that they did?
He took a very active role in my recovery. I had to have dressing changes and wound treatments every day, and he did this for me. I told him, "I bet when that preacher said, for better for worse, in sickness and health", you didn't quite picture this, did you?" And he said, "This is exactly what those promises meant." He was involved in every aspect of my treatments and recovery, and this is the man who absolutely hates hospitals.
How did you handle restrictions on sexual activity or play? (And, is there a good way to bring this up to a doctor you have never met before?)
Write down your list of questions you have for the doctor about the surgery and recovery. And write the sexual questions right in the middle of the list, and treat them no differently when you ask. All of this is part of your recovery, and your doctor would much rather you know what you need to know, than have you worried or stressed. It is not as hard to ask doctors these questions as you may think.
As far as the sexual activity: my husband was afraid to touch me sexually, for a long time. I got plenty of cuddling and stroking, but he treated me like fragile glass. Once I felt well enough for sex, and once I had the medical ok, I had to actually seduce him. It took a lot of reassurance from me, that it felt good, that I needed it, before he could begin to see me as a sexual toy again. Because my surgery was abdominal, I was able to resume oral service first, and for months that was about all I could do. But I became DAMNED good at it. *smiles*
Is there any advice you have for either my Master or myself in how to deal with this type of situation (and communication is a given, we're pretty good at that thus far *grins*)?
Just remember, you are a valued property. It is natural that he will want you taken care of, and who knows his property better than him? You serve him best by doing everything needed to get healthy. So, follow the doctor's orders carefully.
Don't cheat by trying to do housework when he isn't looking. (I noticed that the toilet needed cleaning......and my husband caught me sneaking into the bathroom with the toilet brush. In a stern voice, he asked "You aren't about to clean the toilet, are you?" So, being caught redhanded, I gave him a charming smile, handed him the brush, and said, "No, YOU are." Never underestimate the value of humor to help you get through tough times.
And remember, this is only temporary. You will soon be back on your feet (or on your back, or suspended......**grins**)
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