RE: ethical and legal quandry

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FullCircle -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/20/2007 1:05:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight ok, we have all had to deal with this at some time or another. What would you do if something that belonged to a parent (deceased) was promised to somebody else. because the other parent was mad at you and you knew that to hurt you told somebody else you can have this item. The other person tells you that it was promised. Now what do u do? It is not specified in a will and the 2nd parent promised it to somebody. The 2nd Parent has passed (the one that made the promise). What is the ethical and legal thing to do? U have nothing else that of the first parent that you could keep as a keepsake (remembrance of that parent, say something they wore everyday.) How would u handle this? Possessions own you so respect your parent’s wishes no matter how misguided unless we are talking about financial value. Fight for things with financial value because they can actually help you out in life other objects just weigh you down.

theq -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/20/2007 6:01:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight U have nothing else that of the first parent that you could keep as a keepsake (remembrance of that parent, say something they wore everyday.) How would u handle this? Wow...I'm the executor of my parents' estate. I hope I'm never left in this bind! Sorry....that really wasn't too helpful, was it? For legal guidance, consult a lawyer. IANAL. It appears this advise is sound: quote: Author: sappatoti (My own family history taught me this lesson. Make a list of the things to be passed down and who is to get them. Either give those things away to those folks before you die or make sure your list is made part of your will.) I'd buy that. A bit late for you now it would seem. One way....is "way back in the day" they would cast lots.... Q

TankII7871 -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/20/2007 8:39:19 PM)
Coming from a family where i have seen this too many times. theq my advice for you is to do as my Grandmother and myself has done. We got a lawyer to write up the will so that it is Iron Clad. The will also have a clause that states if anyone contest the will and looses that they receive 1 dollar and they then have to pay all legal bills of the other parties. I'm talking about both her's and my wills. I know there will be a fight my mother is already tiring little things. My Grandmother went trough a 12 year battle with her brothers and sisters about the family property. In the end the side that wanted to keep the property in the family lost the battle after my Uncle Albert died up to this point it had been 3 to 3 split. It was a long and nasty fight with some of them not speaking again even on their death beds. The sad part is it was all for nothing. In the end myself and my cousin bought the property through a 3rd party so it stayed in the family anyways. to the OP once again i feel for you and now i really feel for you i was told today my Grandmother is terminal so i know the fighting will start again just glad i did as my Grandfather told me to do and moved far away. Eric

Termyn8or -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/21/2007 2:28:15 AM)
winterl..; I had to do a jumpthrough on this one. Show your ass as a human being and just tell them to take it, your memories of the deceased do not depend on any bullshit _________________. I mean it. If you never see it again, cherish your memories. If you get it, cherish your memories. That is really all there is to it. I MEAN THIS, anythin else is being materialistic. If you can't stop yourself then they should stop you. If someone really knows the score and stops you from taking it, they are more likely to share it with the others, instead of throwing it in a closet and smiling with glee.(or not) Get it ? The dead person is still dead, none of this shit matters. If they are all dead, it is all up to you. They really do not care. Even if all the Catholics and the Bible are right and there is St Peter, they actually don't give a fuck about their houses, cars, whatever, and when we get down to things like that, they couldn't care less, would you ?? You want family photos for yourself, you want family heirlooms for yourself. Now just what is this thing ? I want the picture of my Grandfather in the 1900s in front of the Terminal Tower. And after copying it, I would sell it immediately. It is not the picture, it is what is on the picture. I don't know if I am really explaining this right, see I have given up greed. Sometimes I suffer because of it, but other times I do well because of it. That is an abject, what is of value is what you have in your mind, in your memory. If you think any of that is embodied in an inanimate object, you need help. (that is not dealt with these days) In other words forget it but make it VERY CLEAR why you are forgetting it. That your memories of the deceased are far more valuable than any thing they might have possesed. That is just about a mental kick in the balls. Do it. Help others to lear what is real and what is not. No lack of an object can take away memories, and no object can bring them, Yes an object can invoke a memory, but if you are aware of it's existence and origin, you already have it. My Uncle's Widow has that picture, and Grampa's P38, and all kinds of things, and she is in the family by marriage not blood. I mean there is alot. My Uncle, her dead Husband was extremely greedy, and took everything he ever could and died of a heart attack in his 50s. This shit would be so nice for the rest of the family to have, to discuss and share, it would be wonderful, but you know what. It's all a bunch of shit, although I would take the P38. Do you think the old photos would bring our extended family back together ? No way. What is important to me now is my chosen family. Some of them are members of my blood family, some are not. This is the here and now. As much as I would like to even just see that picture, I never will. What does that cost me ? Nothing. I now refuse to put any impot on it, I am not going to go find it, try to get it, nothing of the sort. I live now, not 100 years ago. It's over, I got over it. I hope others can too, otherwise Judge Judy will be very busy. T Be better.

Level -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/21/2007 3:09:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight ok, we have all had to deal with this at some time or another. What would you do if something that belonged to a parent (deceased) was promised to somebody else. because the other parent was mad at you and you knew that to hurt you told somebody else you can have this item. The other person tells you that it was promised. Now what do u do? It is not specified in a will and the 2nd parent promised it to somebody. The 2nd Parent has passed (the one that made the promise). What is the ethical and legal thing to do? U have nothing else that of the first parent that you could keep as a keepsake (remembrance of that parent, say something they wore everyday.) How would u handle this? You do have a keepsake, that's your memories of the deceased person. I can't describe how sickening it is to see people fight over dead people's things. Not saying you're doing that, by the way.

Politesub53 -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/21/2007 3:09:50 AM)
Termyn8tor...... I agree with you, memories in the mind can never be taken away, or replaced by something materialistic. That said, there is also nothing wrong with having something that once belonged to a loved one in the house. Something that makes you think of them and smile, each time you see it. [;)]

Level -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/21/2007 3:11:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule Do the Salomon judgement. Get them all together and say: "Since you all have a claim, I will saw it in equal pieces and each of you will get a piece." The one who is willing to give up his piece should get all of it intact. Alternatively you can allocate it by lottery, by contest or by selling it to the highest bidder. I suggest you do the lottery. Or pile it all up in the yard and tell them to grab what they can quickly, because in 5 minutes, I'm setting whatever is left on fire. Honestly, seeing how people act in this situation makes me want to move to an island somewhere. Alone.

feastie -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/21/2007 9:30:11 AM)
Level is right. You have your memories. A tangible object isn't a memory. It just brings back memories. You can do that well enough without the object. You could always put your sister and your aunt in the same room, tell them that the will says it goes to whomever, but that Mom had forgotten and promised it to whomever. Whoever wants it will have to pay the other fair market value for it. Not that this helps now, but Mom and Dad are working on their will and one of the provisions is that if there is fighting, no one gets anything. Period. Not that there's anything really that I want. edited to correct a spelling error, because feastie can't spell when she's been up late and stuff

LaTigresse -> RE: ethical and legal quandry (8/21/2007 11:16:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol I'd let it go. Things are only things and it's not worth losing your dignity and energy over a thing. This sums up my feelings perfectly. In addition........WILLS PEOPLE!!! Everyone of legal age, regardless of wealth or lack thereof, especially if they have children.....should have a will! In addition, do not forget the living will. Remember the woman in Florida who's husband and parents fought over pulling her life support. Do NOT do that to the people you love. Also, how do you want your remains to be dealt with? In my huge family we have some vast differences in attitudes about burial versus cremation. To the point that it would cause some serious problems depending upon who were to die. One person is adamant about donating his remains to the local teaching hospital and then being cremated. Many of those close to Him think it is wrong due to religious beliefs. Fortunately he put it on paper and now it is taken care of, no grounds for that potential battle. Alot of people do not want to think of their own mortality but, to avoid it is selfish. Do the right thing for the people you love.

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