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Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 12:56:42 PM   
EbonyPhoenix68


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Central Indiana
Status: offline 		I'm curious about something: Being that I am a Dominant without a submissive/slave of my own, I wonder if it is possible if there are others who feel the same as I do when it comes to other D/s couples being collared together? Are we really happy for them or do we feel a bit envious because we wished we had someone of our own to complete us?

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:08:31 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyPhoenix68

I'm curious about something: Being that I am a Dominant without a submissive/slave of my own, I wonder if it is possible if there are others who feel the same as I do when it comes to other D/s couples being collared together?

Which is???

quote:

Are we really happy for them or do we feel a bit envious because we wished we had someone of our own to complete us?

You can feel happy for them and envious for their success at the same time, the feelings are not mutually exclusive.  However, if you really think that it takes another person to "complete" you,  you've got other things you should be worrying about before finding that elusive someone.

~stef 


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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:08:35 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		To begin, I'm a complete individual and don't need anyone else to "complete" me.  And I will not consider anyone that's "incomplete" and needs someone "be" complete. 
 
Beyond that, no... I don't feel envious of anyone's car, home, boat... or girl. 
 
John

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:09:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You can certainly feel both simultaneously.  People in poly relationships learn about this real fast.  There's a lot of pressure to be "in a relationship" and that unfortuantely leads to too many people just grabbing the first half decent thing that comes along.

It's ok to feel envious, as long as you don't let that get in the way of the good stuff.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:15:20 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyPhoenix68

 Are we really happy for them or do we feel a bit envious because we wished we had someone of our own to complete us?


I really don't think this is a BDSM thing. It's a human thing. People are both - they are happy for a friend when they get into a serious, happy relationship but they are also a little jealous because they want to have it for themselves. On the flip side, people in a happy committed relationship can also be a little jealous of their single friends who can go out and party and do as they please.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:31:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I'm happy for them.  I also don't get caught up in feeling too jealous because what you imagine other people have is rarely close to the truth.  I've found that some couples envy me because I am single and they are in not-so-great relationships.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:32:03 PM   
MasterJBK


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		this question raises another why would you be envious of someone else in the first place? i am happy for them but i do wish i had my own but that is not envy i just feel lonely with out someone else. i just feel incomplete with out someone to dominant. But why be envious when we will all get someone one day, whether it is for a brief moment or it is for a long term commitment. you should be excited that two ppl found each other, it increases the odds of you finding someone you like by narrowing down the precent of ppl out there looking.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 1:40:36 PM   
violetaelf


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		As it been said already in few ways... Those two emotions do not replace each other.

I am truly and genuinely happy for those couples who have found each other... who find and go through great experiences. Yes it makes me wish I had similar things (not the same... because no one can go through absolutely the same things) but it's not jealousy or envy towards them but a wish for myself. But that doesn't prevent me from being very happy for the others that are happy in their lives.

'violet'

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 2:09:34 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Use the touch of envy to help kick your search process into high gear. Make lists of your must haves and your deal breakers. Figure out what kind of questions get substantive answers about the other person so you can screen people faster and with better results. Use that envy to send five emails nightly, go to two munches/play parties monthly. Whatever it is you aren't yet doing, start.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 3:29:49 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, of course I'm happy for them?  Why wouldn't I be?

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/20/2007 6:04:34 PM   
Redoubt


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		If I am not content with myself when I'm by myself, what on earth do I have to offer another?

I also find that I tend to only find worthwhile relationships when I'm not looking for one. ::smiles:: and sometimes I have to fake it before it's really true... If you cannot be a whole complete person without someone else, there's something very deep seated that's missing. And that something will invariably rear its ugly head if you get into a relationship without identifying and dealing with it.

Loneliness can suck sometimes, but if you don't like hanging out with just you... who else will?

Friendship can take care of the loneliness, but if you focus too much on finding someone to make you complete, you are kidding yourself.

So am I happy for people who are in successful relationships? Absolutely. Their happiness never should detract from mine.




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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 12:17:28 AM   
rmanrr


Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings
When I was without a girl...I felt great when others told of their experiences, yes I felt happy for them. Why? Simple. Hope.


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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 5:41:51 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Firstl to address the comment that has been made about 'needing' others.

On My Own I am quite content and functional... but there is a large part of Me that has no route of expression, when I Own a girl, when that dynamic is in place, I am more compleat, able to be more Myself and thus happier. This ethos of decrying people for wanting another is IMO a falacy built primaraly by singles self-justifying how 'happy' they are alone.... because they can't find that ying to their Yang. (If someone is non-functional alone, then yes there is a problem. But to be fully able to express their nature and be happier... certainly not)

Most couples out there... I don't really know them so the feeling of "Thats nice" is rather low level, but it is good to see it working for others. People I know then I am happy to see them happy. I don't DO the envy thang. I knew given a little time I'd find that compatability, the dynamic would be back in place and.... well, here I am :)


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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 6:10:05 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Unless I know them pretty well, I am entirely ambivalent.


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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 6:14:28 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		my dearest friend has just become TRULY 24/7 M/s.

i am so happy for her i cant see straight, because i know how much she's wanted this.  it makes me giddy inside for her.  when i see others who have gotten what they want/need, i feel the same.

i know my situation wont ever be quite that way, but it doesnt make me any less happy for others.  i'm owned 24/7, even i dont get to see him enough.

kitten, who knows she is owned.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 6:18:38 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		I believe she meant completeness of her submissiveness, not that she is not complete with herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  As a Dominant feels more complete with a partner, submissive.............a submissive is still submissive but more complete with a partner................I do not see anything wrong with that IMO.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 10:02:31 AM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		I've been debating this very topic recently, at least internally. A very good friend of mine just started a relationship with someone that I introduced him to... someone I had a little more than a passing interest in. I'm not inferring he did anything wrong- they just clicked faster and better than she and I clicked.

So I'm happy for both of them, because they seem to be good together and to enjoy each others company. And I'm a little envious, because I'm still single. As others have said, one doesn't prevent the other. I have a friend that just sold his first company and won't ever have to work again- I'm ecstatic for him, and jealous as fuck that I have to put up with the grind.


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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 10:09:00 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I can say that I am genuinely happy for others when they find what they seek, as I would hope they would be for Me.  Sure, when I have no boy of My own, there is that little twinge of wishing, but it doesn't take away from being glad for someone else.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 11:45:42 AM   
MasterJBK


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		i am not saying that i am not geniunely happy for them. sorry just when i respond to questions i try and put it in terms they will understand by seeing through the eyes.

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RE: Are we really happy for other D/s couples? - 8/21/2007 12:44:23 PM   
PAcpllooking


Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline 		This is a good question.......................
On one hand I would say yes most are happy for those who have found partner, but I have also seen it where people take shots at those who are in a relationship. I am not sure why they do, maybe jealous, maybe they are those who cant stand to be happy and hate seeing others happy, I dont know. But I do know that we ave been attacked more then once for differant reasons. the two biggest ones are our age differance, I am 17 years older and how we live our lives. See she isnt naked 24/7 and chained to the floor plus she actually participates in decisions in our lives imagine that. LOL
Ya know I see a lot of people who are very bitter and say they are in this lifestyle, yet all they talk about are the dangers and how subs arent doormats. Why do they only focus on the negatives? It seems like that negativeness is beginning to permiate the lifestyle turning something that was once fun and open into something closed and dank.

Sorry for the rant its not aimed at anyone in particular

William

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