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Online first? - 8/20/2007 9:18:53 PM   
kreaTure333


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline 		I'm still a virgin, but I am well aware of my desire to be submissive. But I'm trying to be cautious. Is it a good idea that I'm looking for an online sub/dom relationship first? Will that give me any idea what it would be like in a face to face relationship?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Online first? - 8/20/2007 9:29:24 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Personally i don't believe it will give you an idea of what a face to face relationship will be like. I started out exploring my submission online. It did not scar me for life or completley turn me against the lifestyle but neither did it really help me in any way. I now enjoy collarme for the forums and possibly meeting someone but always for a real life relationship.




_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Online first? - 8/20/2007 9:50:29 PM   
Hisbellaluna


Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		i would suggest getting involved in real life groups and networking with other submissives and educating yourself before you get involved in any type of power exchange/kinky relationship...old or young...even though we are no better nor worse than vanilla people...we do do things that can be more inherently dangerous, emotionally as well as physically...you may have a little trouble before you turn 21, not sure about the groups in your area...but look around...if you want to talk, contact me on the other side and i can reccomend some online educational groups...

good luck

His bella luna


_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 4:58:33 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think online helped me understand face to face D/s at all. Sure it helped me to get to know my dom and to know that he was the one I wanted to be with it. But, we both had lots of expectations and notions on how our "real life" D/s would be. Reality is a much different animal then fantasy.

There is nothing wrong with playing around online.  I do agree that you need to get out to munches and meet real life people. Educate yourself as much as you can, and don't fall into the trap of trying to label yourself too soon or try to live up to what you "think" is how its done. Be yourself, be safe, and have fun!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Hisbellaluna)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 5:08:18 AM   
chey


Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what has already been said. Online was not a good indication of what a real face to face D/s relationship was going to be like. I feel that way however about friends I have met online as well. I had some online friends for as long as 6 years before meeting them. There was nothing like being able to have a conversation with them over coffee and look into their eyes while we talked. Nothing like being able to wrap my arms around them and give them a hug. Now I look forward to when we can get together again.

Like bella luna said, getting involved with some groups may help too. I know it was a good experience for me. Even in the absence of a relationship I was in the company of people who understood me and the feelings I was having. It really brings everything together in a real way. At least for me it did! Regardless of whether you are new or experienced isn't so important. I would ask instead, How do you want to live this or experience this? If you want a fantasy and a place to escape from time to time then stay online, at least for now. That could change over time, believe me things change too.

Good luck, I hope you are able to find what you are looking for.

(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 6:07:32 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		Listen to what has been said.. online is NOTHING like face to face real life.. no matter what anyone says, it is not the same.

Join a local group, find friends in the area, attend an event or conference, get a mentor..

Forums are good for asking questions and reading the vast variety of opinions and thoughts. But nothing beats real life.

good luck

(in reply to chey)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 7:42:08 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Get involved in your local groups. Online isn't even close to real life. The feelings and sensations of touch aren't there , the tone of voice etc. Talk to people online but don't expect an online relationship to mirror a real life one.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 7:46:02 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kreaTure333
I'm still a virgin, but I am well aware of my desire to be submissive. But I'm trying to be cautious. Is it a good idea that I'm looking for an online sub/dom relationship first? Will that give me any idea what it would be like in a face to face relationship?

Not really, and in a lot of ways it will give you false expectations and unrealistic ideas.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 7:54:31 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Onlinr is a good place to talk to someombody and decided if you want to meet real life.  As others said real life is never what you expect.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Online first? - 8/21/2007 8:17:42 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I did online D/s for a couple years and i'm glad i did.  It gave me time to mature.  It gave me time to get over the sub frenzy.  I learned tons of good information in forums like this.  If i were new to this again...i'd do it all the same way again. 

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Online first? - 8/22/2007 4:45:42 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
I did online D/s for a couple years and i'm glad i did.  It gave me time to mature.  It gave me time to get over the sub frenzy.  I learned tons of good information in forums like this.  If i were new to this again...i'd do it all the same way again. 


peppermint,
I agree with what you are saying about helping to slow you down, give you time to learn and grow and gain some understanding from online forums and such..
Question for you -  Did you find there was much difference in the online Dom relationships you had compared to real life face to face relationship?
~ann 

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Online first? - 8/22/2007 6:20:29 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

Did you find there was much difference in the online Dom relationships you had compared to real life face to face relationship?


Of course there are differences.  For example, I wasn't able to do certain services for him as I can for my present Dom.  I couldn't make him that special something for dinner.  I couldn't get him a drink when he was thirsty.  However, i could be there for him when he got home from a long hot day at work.  I could listen to what he'd done that day.  I could play a game of spades with him to help him relax. 

I feel an online relationship is as good and serious as the people involved wish is to be.  The one real difference is the method of communication.  If both are honest and dedicated, the relationship can be quite close. 

AND...when the relationship ends, as most relationships do...you feel all the hurt and pain that you would feel if you'd broken a real time relationship. 

(in reply to goodpet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Online first? - 8/22/2007 9:39:59 AM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kreaTure333

I'm still a virgin, but I am well aware of my desire to be submissive. But I'm trying to be cautious. Is it a good idea that I'm looking for an online sub/dom relationship first? Will that give me any idea what it would be like in a face to face relationship?


As newbie looking to explore compatibility, likes and dislikes, etc., or someone limited by distance, on-line training can be a reasonable and viable route. Because D/s is not just about kinky sex or in-the-flesh interactions, I believe with proper conditioning you can, in fact, tap into a D/s mindset through words alone. Over time, however, I'm not sure whether you would be fulfilled exclusively with on-line training (?); only you alone are qualified to decide for yourself.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Online first? - 8/22/2007 1:01:20 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		There's a whole world of stuff related to BDSM that isn't implicitly sexual, so a knowledge of a submissive nature doesn't necessarily have to be tied to that kind of experience. Granted, your perspectives may (probably will) evolve as you experience more things, but that's more growth. :)

Caution, of course, is definitely important. The interweb I think is a good resource to network, talk with people and get [factual/practical] information. Really though, nothing is a replacement for real experience. Playing online for some can be fun - but there's a huge difference between pure fantasy and reality. You can dream about a certain scene forever, but talk is cheap and words are no substitute for real actions, and the experience is totally different.

So no, I don't think that online play will give you much indication at all of what realtime play will be like. That's not to say that it might not be fun for you (I personally don't get anything from it), but it's definitely a different animal.

Whatever the case, be safe and have fun.


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Online first? - 8/22/2007 7:13:39 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Well I didn't start that way and I am well and happy.  So it depends.  But what I do have is a very clear sense of myself, a very clear sense of what works for me, confidence and a touch of arrogance.  They all ehlped me take care of myself and brave the waters.  And I landed with the bestest guy.  First time out of the gate.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Online first? - 8/22/2007 11:16:01 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

but talk is cheap and words are no substitute for real actions, and the experience is totally different.


Strangely, when i did get real experiences they were just what i knew (imagined) they would be.  There were no surprises.

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Online first? - 8/23/2007 2:09:29 AM   
ClandestinedOne


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kreaTure333

I'm still a virgin, but I am well aware of my desire to be submissive. But I'm trying to be cautious. Is it a good idea that I'm looking for an online sub/dom relationship first? Will that give me any idea what it would be like in a face to face relationship?
This is just my experience, but i started off strictly online (mainly due to lack of D/s in my area), which gave me an idea when it came to etiquette.  Then, i moved on to phone play, which gave me an idea on how to talk to a Dominant, and i was able to do some extensive play and acts for my Dominant in that way.  Now that i finally get to meet up, i feel pretty well prepared, i'll just have to get over the humilation of doing those things i've already done actually in front of the Person.

_____________________________

Don't forget the tongue!

(in reply to kreaTure333)
Profile   Post #: 17
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