demoralized...

demoralized... (Full Version)

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simplycomplexsub -> demoralized... (7/7/2005 9:36:36 AM)
Hello all, I am writing because I feel completely demoralized and worthless. Was interested in someone very much but have come to learn that I can't handle punishment for real time/not play time offenses due to past abuse. ANd that looks like a non-negotiable. I am a submissive sexually but am so submissive/vulnerable emotionally that I can't handle criticism/verbal abuse...I am more of a pleaser, worshipper, pleasure slut and would want punishment as a reward for being a good slut...not for being not good enough... I'm very fragile, vulnerable right now...thinking I could find someone here but am feeling so hopeless and rejected... Any words of encouragement??? Am I all alone????? simply

simplycomplexsub -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 9:40:50 AM)
Why is there a vanilla thing by my name??? Oh great...thanks a lot...I assure you I am at least caramel..... This is not my day...lol

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 9:43:12 AM)
Of course not, and the fact that you recognize these things means you aren't as bad as you could be. So give yourself time to heal, ALONE. Become strong in who you are no matter who else is around you. It might not be that you can't take punishments, but possible the TYPE of punishment or the WAY that you had punishment given. It's necessary for all adults to learn how to handle criticism, but verbal abuse is never productive. While some of us can tolerate and even enjoy being called things or talked to in ways that would be detrimental to others, it doesn't mean you can't handle criticism or punishment. As a submissive you have to be willing to be corrected, to be told when you're doing something wrong or not how they want you to do it. And you have to be willing to change to fit that. But that's with someone who works WITH you, someone who is not trying to use their insecurities against you, someone who you feel secure in being in a relationship with. Give yourself time, explore and gain security on your own.

Isolde -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 9:44:43 AM)
The title beneath your name is determined by the number of posts you have on these boards. The more often you post, the more your title will change. As for the problem you're having, I can empathize. I've gone through periods where I've felt extremely fragile and unable to cope with punishment or criticism. I don't see that there's anything wrong in this; you're being honest about it and your ideal partner would/should be able to recognize that. If the person you're interested in can't adapt according to your needs then they're obviously not the right person for you and that's a hard thing to have to face up to. So you have my sympathy, and I do hope you find the one who fits you best. It might take longer than you'd expected but patience is valuable... better it take awhile than you rush into something that's a poor fit for you down the road.

simplycomplexsub -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 9:54:30 AM)
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kindness.... Both of you, your words are like balm.. yes time, patience...I've had a very rough month or two so maybe just some time to rest and take care of myself and close my account here... I know I am submissive...I mean I am in many ways... but maybe I'm not cut out for correction...maybe I'm not a submissive but then I know I am...it's disappointing if that one area would limit me from the others... I feel like I'm going to crazy....but I am feeling validated by the generous responses.. -With gratitude

Isolde -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 10:01:54 AM)
There are many different ways of offering correction. It sounds more as if your partner/s just haven't hit on the right one for you. You may do better with positive reinforcement than with humiliation or corporal punishment. But you may also want to try to learn how to react positively to constructive criticism. If there are areas in which you could improve, it's important to be able to recognize that and act to change, rather than taking it to heart as a personal attack. Of course, that's assuming it's being pointed out to you in a way that isn't cruel and hurtful. I think Emerald said it best: quote: As a submissive you have to be willing to be corrected, to be told when you're doing something wrong or not how they want you to do it. And you have to be willing to change to fit that. You just need to find someone who is able to tell you when you're doing something wrong in a way that doesn't break you down and encourages you to improve.

pandoravampire -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 10:30:59 AM)
I remember a conversation with my D when he said he'd be punishing me. I 'knew' id not be able to take this. We negotiated, that if he wanted to punish me, he would go slow, very slow, and as punishment was a way of behvaviour modifying me to suit his needs, the punishment would be pitched correctly, to install the correct response from me. Punishment, like anything, is a very individual thing. I may require just a hint of displeasure to evoke a contrite submissive response, others may need sever punishment to illilcit the same response. Like training any animal, and we are remember animals, some of us are timid, and a look withers us, some of us are hardy, and it takes a stronger form to be effective. And then there is premenstrual hypersensitivity, bad days, depressive episodes etc etc. A good dominant, will want to dominate in a way the suits you both. Perhaps this is not a suitable style of dominance for you personally. Personally, unless i felt loved and cared for, i wouldnt be able to take punishment at all i dont think, unless it were mild, like 'a look' or something. In your time that you take out, consider what style of dominance you need. Have you for instance looked at a Daddy Dom? More a nurturing role. Dont give up, just because this Dom is not for you. Im sure that you are willing to be corrected and trained so that you may please your Dom, you just need gentle handling. If your honest with your self, and next partner, then from the outset, your more likely to be compatable. you have my sympathy, submission is not all roses, its a difficult journey at times. But it is just that, a journey. Take what you learn to your new relationship. best wishes pandora

mossy -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 1:27:28 PM)
In Response to: simplycomplexsub No you are definately Not alone! :):) and certainly NOT worthless!!! there are many here you can correspond with, and i do believe going offline would be unwise to do to yourself. As you will get much support here as i did. you yourself have just said, you have been greatly encouraged by the support here,,,why stop now? i personally found myself even more sensitive then usual after my experience, it is passing with time. Here is where i got back on my feet, and got the help i needed with like minded people. i thought i was going to lose my mind at first, i felt completely degraded, my self esteem was crushed. By going for some therapy, staying active at this site talking to others, it has kept me strong, and safe. There are Dominants that are very kind, but will use you hard, and know how to be strict without being cold or cruel <big smile> If my Dominant cares for my well being, He will not treat me in a way that would be detrimental to my emotional well being. Therefore He will find ways to help me excel,,, praise and encouragement work for this girl. i have also become more cautious,,, and much more intune with my needs. Making me a better slave/submissive, and happier about having the next Dominant\s in my Life. Excited even! Best wishes whatever you decide Simply:)

BlouLady -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 1:43:46 PM)
Dear simply, My first thought is how much do you trust the person you're with? If it's someone you trust completely,sit down and tell him/her your feelings. People are more understanding then you think. If it's someone who knows how you feel and insists on treating you this way,Honey that's abuse,so get out now. No matter what you have to trust and express yourself.Good luck!-Lady

lonewolf05 -> RE: demoralized... (7/7/2005 10:07:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplycomplexsub Hello all, I am writing because I feel completely demoralized and worthless. Was interested in someone very much but have come to learn that I can't handle punishment for real time/not play time offenses due to past abuse. ANd that looks like a non-negotiable. I am a submissive sexually but am so submissive/vulnerable emotionally that I can't handle criticism/verbal abuse...I am more of a pleaser, worshipper, pleasure slut and would want punishment as a reward for being a good slut...not for being not good enough... I'm very fragile, vulnerable right now...thinking I could find someone here but am feeling so hopeless and rejected... Any words of encouragement??? Am I all alone????? simply ============== Any words of encouragement??? Am I all alone????? ============== i do not know if you are dude or a chick.......but you are never alone on the net. if it gets rough, try to hang on. i have my bad times. back in '03 i broke down and no one was around. so i brought myself up again........ALONE! no one was there for ME! but hey.......ya want a shoulder and an ear........i'm here..k? the wolf

Gem -> RE: demoralized... (7/8/2005 4:51:07 AM)
Brightest Blessings I think Emerald has the right idea about doing things ALONE for awhile, discover you first, understand how you tick and where your head is at any given moment. Seek thearpy for your self esteem, learn what is out there on your own, what turns you on what makes you go yuck, what makes you go yuck wow how interesting at the same time. We all have moments or periods of "I am not worthy" chuckles wondering how we will get thru the day let alone survive a power dynamic relationship, you are not alone you are human. You may even wish to find somebody who uses SM for play and pleasure.....We for one do not call SM punishment, it is for fun, pleasure, reward and is foreplay. I find that many folks call SM play punishment because they can only accept their need for pain and pleausre or the need to hurt somebody if they think of it in terms of a punishment for something they have done wrong. It does not need to be that way, I know many who use it for a job well done, they accept that they are wired to get off on SM and that it is ok. Correction is part of the price you pay, as strong individuals with our own minds, sometimes correction smarts a wee bit on our pride, and with time you will learn how to take it with grace, and very few mutterings under your breath LOL. Blessed Be Gem

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: demoralized... (7/10/2005 2:38:46 PM)
For myself, I do not believe in punishment. I do believe in consequences and discipline. (In all walks of life.) Honest, loving communication, encouragement, and an expectation that I will face the consequences of my actions, and always strive to grow, learn, and improve myself as a human being are what I expect in all my relationships. Punishment isn't something we all accept as part of our D/s relationships. It's an individual call. However, it is important to be able to accept constructive feedback. We all make mistakes, and having the courage to face the consequences of our actions is something we all need to learn in life, kink or vanilla...Invaluable in all aspects of our lives. You are an indivudual, and while there are many here who will support and understand your situation, only you know ultimately what's best for you. There is no right or wrong way to be a submissive...There is only your way to be you. Don't let anyone tell you there is a license to be a sub that will be taken away if you don't accept punishment, or bondage, or canes, or collars... This is your life...no one else's. Hang in there, listen, read, learn, and talk to your partners honestly...You'll find the way that suits you best. Hug, Cin

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