RE: Closet BDSM

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RE: Closet BDSM - 8/22/2007 2:54:50 PM

xolarkinxo

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/10/2005
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When I had my ephiphany about my submissive self I brought different things I had printed from the internet to my, then, boyfriend At the beginning it was not about sex. The first site I began to show him was; if I remember correctly, Bethanys' woodshed. It was a taken in hand site. He was somewhat receptive to it, and he was not all that surprised. The fear of rejection is usually larger in our own mind than in real life.

(in reply to Jeffff)

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RE: Closet BDSM - 8/22/2007 7:04:07 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

There are a lot of people on here who are still in the closet about their interest in BDSM. They are afraid that their spouse(male/female) will not approve.

That was me many years ago.

quote:

Is there something that can be said to the spouse to help them see your side of the issue. Lets keep this to a play without sex issue.

Yep, after He saw pictures of me cuffed to a door on a cam site we had a long talk and He did understand and is now my Dom. I simply explained that i had a dark side that had been brought out by some internet chat and it lead to me wanting to try some things in real life that i had fantacized about but i didn't think He would understand those desires. We went shopping for some bondage items and videos that day and never looked back.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: Closet BDSM - 8/22/2007 7:44:54 PM

Steelriven

Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

Has anyone thought that it might have been something that developed during the marrige? I.E. Dominant A didn't know he-she was dominant until married to their spouce for three years then found out, and now doesn't know what to do.

It happens. However, It should be of course something to be disscused between partners. And if it's something you can't live with out, try compromising. If not, well... Things can end because one or both people have changed.

Oh, and I used to sleep in my closet. In fact I kinda miss it... It was comfy. Maybe if I asked Sir he will lemmie in there all by myself hehe.

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steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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RE: Closet BDSM - 8/22/2007 8:03:34 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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I don't know why it is hard for so many folks here to imagine that some people don't even know there is a BDSM community until they are in say, their mid-40's possibly (or already married at any rate) regardless of whether they may or may not have thought they had BDSM interests they might never have acted on before then. There are many people who didnt "ake up" to any idea of practicing BDSM until way after marriage.

By that time, they may have been married for years.

In that case, I am all for openly discussing it (very gently at first so as not to freak them out) with one's partner.

If they are totally turned off and then want nothingto do with BDSM - then I am all for discussing the idea of having an "open marriage".

Last resort would be a divorce, IMO, or "cheating".

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2007 8:08:52 PM >

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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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