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Dating and Kink - 8/23/2007 4:13:39 AM

JennipherAOnyx

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i just dipped back into a few threads, didn't find the advice I was looking for, so here i go. i'm a straight male and i'd like to incorporate some heavier toys and role play into my sex life. My girlfriend and i have been together for four really great years, and yet i'm still not sure how to bring up the BDSM topic without sounding too extreme. Help me bring out her inner Domme!

Stories, advice, thoughts?

Thanks.

< Message edited by JennipherAOnyx -- 8/23/2007 4:19:09 AM >

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/23/2007 6:09:51 AM

thetammyjo

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I'd recommend you both watch the film "Whipsmart" from Good Vibrations. It's a great way to help a couple talk about this stuff without it seeming seedy.

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/23/2007 5:14:28 PM

Aimtoplease101

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You might want to try first putting her into some light bondage, and see how she reacts. Then suggest that next time you'd like her to try tying you up. If she does it, really react positively, and encourage more of the same. Be particularly attentive and turned on to her before and after such play.

I know it sounds like topping from the bottom (maybe it is), but she may just need a little nudging in the right direction to take control.

Good luck, ATP

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/23/2007 5:20:13 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JennipherAOnyx

i just dipped back into a few threads, didn't find the advice I was looking for, so here i go. i'm a straight male and i'd like to incorporate some heavier toys and role play into my sex life. My girlfriend and i have been together for four really great years, and yet i'm still not sure how to bring up the BDSM topic without sounding too extreme. Help me bring out her inner Domme!

Stories, advice, thoughts?

Thanks.

Four "really great years" would mean you've probably had some time to share fantasies and also develop a lot of trust. Is there a reason you can't come clean and share with her all of it that's inside of you? Has she reacted negatively to the other toys and things you have incorporated into the relationship? What is it that you are hiding - can you be more specific, and also why you worry she would react in a bad way? She must really care deeply to be with you for this long -- so what's troubling you?

Akasha

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/23/2007 5:27:56 PM

MisPandora

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JennipherAOnyx

i just dipped back into a few threads, didn't find the advice I was looking for, so here i go. i'm a straight male and i'd like to incorporate some heavier toys and role play into my sex life. My girlfriend and i have been together for four really great years, and yet i'm still not sure how to bring up the BDSM topic without sounding too extreme. Help me bring out her inner Domme!

Stories, advice, thoughts?

Thanks.

I'm with Akasha. If you've got the really great relationship that you say you do, open dialogue would get you much farther than pulling out a bullwhip, paddle or giant buttplug and calling out "DO ME!" with your ass in the air...... LOL

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/23/2007 11:48:10 PM

fungasm

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I know this conversation is important, but it can be hard for someone to begin. If it were easy, he would have done it sooner... Here's an opener for you. Savage Love. It's Dan Savage's column in The Stranger. http://www.thestranger.com.

Start by having the screen open to the column. "Hey Honey. Listen to this." You either read the column or distill parts of it. This week is a great week to do it- since Dan goes into detail about good, giving, game... (I LOVE this man!).

This gives you both a chance to talk about it, without you having to put pressure on her. (One reason many partners don't bring it up is because they don't want rejection, or to have their partner feel that it is something they must do to be supportive.) When the pressure is off- it's easier to communicate.

Good luck!

Alison

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/25/2007 1:23:57 AM

JennipherAOnyx

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First off, thank you to everyone who responded to this initial post. I guess a more specific question would be how have other couples with a dominant woman, brought up/integrated 'obvious' bondage props. To be specific, the last time we went into a sex toy shop, my girlfriend specifically mentioned that the bondage gear wasn't something she (initially??) wanted to get into. However, during our more vanilla oriented intimate times, she seems to be into light choking, rear slapping, and other power exchange activity. I guess what I'm asking is for advice as how to bring together her like of power exchange, with the toys that are more obviously designed for that purpose, that she seems to be turned off to.

A secondary, but related, issue is that i/I also would like to broaden her domme-like behavior. We are both very accomodating people, and I'm wondering how other women or couples (with women involved . . . 1, 2, whatever) have brought out and encouraged more assertive intimacy in their female partners.

I'm not really looking for philisophical answers, but boring, pragmatic, even silly, yet real life experiences.

Yes, I love her, and I like BDSM, and its just a little scary bringing those two together.

Thoughts?

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RE: Dating and Kink - 8/31/2007 1:35:07 PM

MistressShuggie

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"Honey, I'd like to be your slave for a few hours/days whatever. I'd like to start by dropping you off at the mall/movies/salon while I give the house a very thorough cleaning. When you come home, I'll make you dinner while you open presents."

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