RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous?

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (Full Version)

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Gauge -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/8/2005 9:19:10 PM)
quote: I take issue with people who can't think for themselves,and are so worried about appearances and conformity that they feel they MUST seek every answer from the mediocre "herd". So, let me get this straight... you just insulted every participant on these forums by calling them the "mediocre herd." So... to what authority would you direct such unfortunates that would debase themselves to asking us lowly people what we thought? What, in your perfect estimation, would be the best source of all encompassing information on the topic of BDSM where weak minded cretins (such as myself) could find answers? Funny, but I thought the forums were a free exchange of ideas and points of view devised to give a variety of answers so that one could choose what answer(s) or opinions best suited their concept of the BDSM lifestyle. To think that I have been wrong all this time in seeking answers to questions and soliciting opinions from others involved in the lifestyle. I am so comforted to know that there is someone out there that really knows what they are talking about and has set me straight. quote: This is NOT the way that superior individuals are made people. I'm not even going to touch this comment. [:@]

slavedesires -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 9:30:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge quote: ORIGINAL: Gemeni I reply to the op..It's just basic stupidity born of insecurity, People don't want to think for themselves. Hang on just one cotton pickin' minute. There is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance is curable with education, stupidity is not. I am sorry but I take a bit of an issue with this statement because one of the FIRST things that people tell newbies on this (or any other site for that matter) is to ask questions. This lifestyle is replete with etiquette and protocol and rules and regulations. How is anyone supposed to learn if they don't ask questions? Perhaps they might seem trivial to some, but to the one that is asking the question their issue is important. Maybe it is an old subject that has been beaten to death, but so what? People post links in order to point the new person to an old thread about the same question. Come on... has everyone forgotten that they asked questions too? I am sure your questions weren't original and had been asked before but someone took the time to answer you and educate you. Were your questions born out of stupidity and insecurity? As I was reading this..something came to mind.... maybe just an issue of mine. I seem to talk to more woman who have so much fantasy in their heads and cant seem to find the questions to get the fantasy out and replace it reality. Maybe its the websites they have "learned" on.... I have always maintained, the one that has the most online fantasy stuff (IMHO) is castlerealm and yet, people send peeps there all the time. When given questions and forced to think for themselves, some woman just cant seem toget the fantasy out of the way. So yes, stupidity and ignorance ARE totally different. ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 9:47:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha After thinking about this, I wonder if the increasing presence of self-appointed 'authorities' starts to give the impression that there IS a protocol that people must learn in order to be considered "bdsm community" material. There are a lot of people online now that present themselves as experts. I'm not talking about the obvious things that have seemed somewhat standard from the beginning -- like issues of consent. I'm talking about more subjective things like what a collar represents, what communication/limits are established for various labels (sub, slave, etc.), or appropriate protocol for initiating contact or communicating with each other. It seems like the idea of acting first and foremost like two vanilla people until both people have agreed to engage in bdsm is becoming a thing of the past. Online, all the bdsm posturing starts in the first email, according to whatever protocol that person picked up from the online gurus. Akasha I totally agree. The self appointed "experts" on evey topic, every subject, every relationship dynamic, every toy, every technique, every sort of topic totally imagininable is astonishing!! I had such a dilemna when i started out.... i desired so intrensely, yet seemed inadequate from all the experts i read, so i thought.... what is the TWRUE way. Lo and behold...there is no TWRUE way! There are general principles and many issues of ettiquette and protocol and so on.... but even those "issues" are unique to each relatonship, each dynamic. I do not think that going to munches is ALWAYS the right answer. Yes you meet real live peeps...but, FOR ME, it was more confusing. I just had to risk, take a step and explore, begin my journey.... i would find my way. And the journey changes all the time. [:)] "bdsm posturing starts in the first email, according to whatever protocol that person picked up from the online gurus." Just this statement alone says so much about the stupidity or ignorance factor and the kind of questions that are reciprocally (sorry..spelling) shared between two parties. just some of my thoughts ~~shy

slavedesires -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 9:55:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: caitlyn Ok ... so what kind of shoes should I wear on a first date anyway? [;)] lost among this discussion was one "curious" caitlyn question..... soon it will be "kinky" caitlyn question ...[8D] you will wear the shoes I ask you to wear.....[:D] [;)] Shy

MsPurrmeow -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 10:07:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slatyb Now there seems to be a goodly number of people with the idea that the uncertainties of vanilla dating are somehow magically avoided in the BDSM subculture. Partly this comes from the fantastic nature of a lot of BDSM erotica. Also I think that a number of people who have difficulty establishing vanilla relationships are attracted to the subculture, mistakenly believing that somewhere there is a magic set of BDSM rules, and that if all the rules can be learned and followed then they will surely find an partner. This is a fabulous description and I think it needs to be quoted. I see MANY people that come into BDSM because they think we've got a magic recipe. If they follow a set pathway without missing a beat, they will get the sex, affection, relationship out of the deal wtihout having to process the information for themselves. The "Easy-Bake" version of relationships. People are looking for the easiest method. I believe it's the reason that there is such a rotating door on the lower-end of the experience chain. As soon as they figure out that THEY have to figure it out, they go back to the old way. In many ways, vanilla dating is much easier. Miscommunication, noncommunication, standards of acceptable dishonesty and predetermined cliche's at least get you laid in a hurry. None of those "passive" methods will get you anywhere positive in the BDSM world (except used, abused or neglected.) From a scientific viewpoint, asking questions even if they are dumb is good. We are homosapiens and tool users. Asking a question is determining if there is already a tool or a system available. If it's already proven and in place, then we can use it. The problem is that we really don't in the BDSM world. We have a few loose guidelines that help guide, but we don't have the "standard beaten path" that they are hoping for. Only by asking those questions and getting those answers will they learn that. I'm actually more amused, Aakasha, by the Poly section of this Message Board. So many standard "how to have a poly relationship" questions are asked specifically in the context of BDSM. So many people honestly don't think vanilla people DO poly households. Google would answer a lot of these questions, yet they bring them here. Interesting. The best answer to any of those dating question is always the same... "Ask your date, partner, etc. and find out what THEY think it means."

pleasureforHim -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 10:28:16 AM)
"Yes, there are some shining beacons of truth out there, honest voices who tell us that there is no One Twue Way of doing any of this, but for the most part they're drowned out by two groups: the bitter, jaded, cynical old-timers who resent having their views on things bent by impertinent whippersnappers and the fluffy bunnies'n'rainbows crowd who turn every scene into a Disneyfied wankfest of glittery souls connecting on a spiritual plane beyond this one." ROFLMAO One Twue Way; Well, i'm fked; because i never follow the rules or read the instructions; i generaly learn from watching others or hitting my head on the wall (two, three times, LOL). Disneyland wankfest? Well, i'm fked again. in my limited sex ed 101 knowledge, i dunno how a woman would "wank", LOL. And i adore Disney films. i get wet every time i see "Fantasia". i suffer from "species confusion"; i wanna scene with the coca cola polar bear. ROFL. As for asking questions; if yr so mighty then i assume you also have the restraint to ignore little newbies and their annoying habit of asking questions about things you learned a long time ago...probably by asking questions yourself. pleasureforHim

dommemagnet -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 10:54:32 AM)
yes, some do sound ridiculous but who cares? If a thread/question seems sophomorish, i just move on to a more interesting topic. And now i'll practice that phylosophy by moving on to another thread. (i don't know why i've stayed long enough to reply)

brightspot -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 11:33:33 AM)
"Do some questions seem plain ridiculous?" Well this one above kind of does^! If they seem "plain ridiculous" to you, AAkasha, why give them any credence, just skip over them. Why bitch, and start a thread on how iritating they are to you??? Could it possibly be you like to remind people how "Worldly" in the Lifestyle you are???? Whatever.... I find this ridiculous[:-]! *Brightspot

dechala -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 11:42:12 AM)
The shoes one and who's driving are my favorites. Sorry no other insights besides that ,im rather useless.now if you'll excuse me i have to go ask my co-workers if these shoes go with the outfilt that i'll be wearing tomorrow night lol[:D]

AAkasha -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 1:20:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brightspot "Do some questions seem plain ridiculous?" Well this one above kind of does^! If they seem "plain ridiculous" to you, AAkasha, why give them any credence, just skip over them. Why bitch, and start a thread on how iritating they are to you??? Could it possibly be you like to remind people how "Worldly" in the Lifestyle you are???? Whatever.... I find this ridiculous[:-]! Brightspot I brought it up because this could lead to problems for a lot of people. If someone was new to BDSM and came looking for answers, all of a sudden they are being instructed to follow a set of guidelines and protocols (often silly or too extreme). I don't know where you got the impression that I think I am wordly in the lifestyle; I often talk about how I don't* subscribe to many/most of the "bdsm lifestyle" concepts. If I had a friend who wanted to learn about power exchange and sadomasochism, I certainly wouldn't direct them to a message board on the Internet any longer. Akasha

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 1:58:02 PM)
Yes, I actually do think that some questions seem ridiculous. But it is less in the substance of the questions and more in the way the question is presented. Often it is just someone who is obviously looking to wank off or gets a thrill from posting something ridiculous. Other times people get impatient because in posing the questions, it seems that poster has already answered their own question, or made up their own mind. They are looking for supporet and validation. As to message boards, I think it is good to be able to get different perspectives, and see how different everybody is. For those who can take the time to read and internalize the information and opinions being thrown out there, it has the cpability of making them more knowledgable and a "thinking" person in this community. Example: Are levels of collars important? Not to Me. But to some, it could be. And until an individual decides if it is important to them or not, it is difficult to know what one should be seeking in a partner. Until one realizes all the options and differences out there, one cannot grow, themselves, into their own area of needs, comfort, security and happiness. Well, I am not sure I made any sense at all!

brightspot -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/15/2005 2:50:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: brightspot "Do some questions seem plain ridiculous?" Well this one above kind of does^! If they seem "plain ridiculous" to you, AAkasha, why give them any credence, just skip over them. Why bitch, and start a thread on how iritating they are to you??? Could it possibly be you like to remind people how "Worldly" in the Lifestyle you are???? Whatever.... I find this ridiculous[:-]! Brightspot I brought it up because this could lead to problems for a lot of people. If someone was new to BDSM and came looking for answers, all of a sudden they are being instructed to follow a set of guidelines and protocols (often silly or too extreme). I don't know where you got the impression that I think I am wordly in the lifestyle; I often talk about how I don't* subscribe to many/most of the "bdsm lifestyle" concepts. If I had a friend who wanted to learn about power exchange and sadomasochism, I certainly wouldn't direct them to a message board on the Internet any longer. Akasha AAkasha...That is how I interpreted your words, and I don't believe this is the first time you have commented in a like manner. I see that I may have been a wee bit harsh, I appologize, but I still get that impression. I hope you can find a little more patience with the new and young. I do agree that it is scarey to think of the new and young to take any answers they may get on any fora as the "True and Only" way. *Brightspot

lonewolf05 -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (7/16/2005 12:16:02 AM)
Hang on just one cotton pickin' minute. There is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance is curable with education, stupidity is not. I am sorry but I take a bit of an issue with this statement because one of the FIRST things that people tell newbies on this (or any other site for that matter) is to ask questions. This lifestyle is replete with etiquette and protocol and rules and regulations. How is anyone supposed to learn if they don't ask questions quote: ========================== welllllllllll in MY book.........there IS a thing called a stupid question. the ole man raised me to believe never ask a question if ya already have the answer to it. AND...............do your research before you go asking things. just like chilton's manual....if you cant read the damned manual.....you have no business under the hood in the 1st place. ignorance is NO excuse according to my last judge i seen. so since "I" was not allowed to ask questions when i started this lifestyle...., coz i was told to GO READ first.............. the wolf

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 1:50:00 PM)
Oh My...scary stuff...you just dated yourself by mentioning alt.sex.bondage ...remember the days of the debates form Jon about the "true submissive" and the "true master"? ;) Too many hours I spent debating round and round about the false concept of that and how I disagreed with the 24/7 notion... (guess that is enough fodder for debates right there...) Most people want to be part of something bigger than them...something more established...hence inquiries regarding protocols and what is to be expected..I imagine allot of this can be caused by offshoots of Dom so and so of the house of the rising sun and company...self perpetuated myths and self appointed titles are rampant...giving more role playing and fantasy than actual lifestyle (not that there is anything wrong with that) the novice hasn't a clue looking on and does not want to be the pink fufu bunnie in the sea of black leather bunnies... I had one submissive ask Me what being "under consideration" meant..I thought this was strange as she posted it in her profile...I told her I always thought this was a dom that was not ready for commitment ...wanted her out of the availability process but he wanted to still play the field also.... I agree ..it is a matter of common sense and common courtesy..something that seems be lacking quite abit these days....

veronicaofML -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 2:08:28 PM)
Do vanillas in new relationships ask things like: "He started to refer to me as his girlfriend. What does that mean?" yes. i have many gal friends ask. "What kind of shoes should I wear on a first date?" yes. it's a girl thing i am TOLD! "She said she loves me a week after we met. Does that mean she really loves me?" again.........yes. i have been asked that from young people asking me as an elder. "Who should drive on the first date?" yes. and usually where "I" come from,..in today's world..the gal likes to but lets the guy do it anyway. "I heard him swear on the phone talking to his friends, but he doesn't swear in front of me. Is he a potty mouth and hiding it? Does being a potty mouth mean he's a bad person?" **definitely yes. "I" am used-to being around those high rolling catholics....and those so-called new born christians....damn i hate that. next question?

sunshine333 -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 4:12:25 PM)
in addition to the answers already given i will say ... that sometimes (i think) people are simply trying to reach out to another person or people. not everyone is able to make real life friends, go to munches and other gatherings. it can be hard to find your place in this lifestyle ... especially alone. and maybe asking what seems to be a "rediculous" question will at least bring someone closer to a community of like minded people. i mean ... haven't we all done this? ... been at a party and asked someone a clearly stupid question simply to start a conversation ... just to hit yourself on the forehead afterward saying to yourself, "what was i thinking? why in the world did i just say that?!" sometimes people just need to connect. and there is nothing wrong with that. humbly, sunshine

veronicaofML -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 4:19:33 PM)
Funny, but I thought the forums were a free exchange of ideas and points of view devised to give a variety of answers so that one could choose what answer(s) or opinions best suited their concept of the BDSM lifestyle. -------- if it WAS ..1 certain domme on here wouldnt be hounding me and leaving me dirty notes.

veronicaofML -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 4:25:49 PM)
Lo and behold...there is no TWRUE way! There are general principles and many issues of ettiquette and protocol and so on.... but even those "issues" are unique to each relatonship, each dynamic. ******and THIS is where i made MY mistake because i WAS trained that fantasy is NOT accepted. now i find out today from a dear gal on here that it was ONLY the way that SHE trained...being a Pro as She was. pretty dumb..ok...but it was ALL i knew. "bdsm posturing starts in the first email, according to whatever protocol that person picked up from the online gurus." ***this i know nothing of. MY emails are typed just like i do here........i "talk" to ya like i would at kmart or walmart...easy going as much as possible or excited if i am into a good topic.......but i don't DO any subbie stuff --just talkin to folks. after all..just coz they call themselves 'a' domme don't mean they are MY domme. i was taught respect your elders but the word there is MY elders. just some of my thoughts **i like how ya think.

veronicaofML -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 4:28:16 PM)
i mean ... haven't we all done this? ... been at a party and asked someone a clearly stupid question simply to start a conversation ... just to hit yourself on the forehead afterward saying to yourself, "what was i thinking? why in the world did i just say that?!" sometimes people just need to connect. and there is nothing wrong with that. humbly, sunshine ---------- there ya go...i buy this one.

IronBear -> RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? (11/22/2005 5:24:39 PM)
Y’see, I look at the OP (Thanks for this thread BTW), and my memory goes back to the 50’s when I was growing up and at boarding school. The type of questions the OP mentions, were typical of those asked by adolescent children. They were answered in numerous columns such as “Dear Dorothy Dix” This folks was our sex and growing up clinic. We got sex education behind the dunnies with girls who had been opening their legs for older guys from age 14. We had no idea about foreplay (well fourplay, fiveplay and sixplay etc) My point is when I see such innocent questions cropping up, I have to question the real, legal age of the posters and not what their profile or ID says. I really find it hard to believe that some one in this day and age of mass media and instant information will seriously ask “My master says he loves me. Does this mean he really loves me???” Pleeeeease!!!!!!!! Don’t insult my intelligence. At least place the question in the context of your first D/s, M/s relationship.

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