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Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 2:48:41 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I am wondering from the sub/slave community how Y'all handled (for those that have personally experienced with this of course) being real time with your masters 24/7 for weeks at a time, then to have access reduced to MAYBE once or twice a week?....I'm curious as to what helped you during the transition time...how you may have dealt with the sadness...loneliness....the withdrawal if you will? how if at all did you deal with it as an individual and as a couple? Thank you in advance for your input.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 2:51:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I haven't experienced that myself, but I know others have had to deal with that and more.  Is this change in schedule a permanent change?  If not, you can at least work on making plans for the future and look to the end of the tunnel.

Otherwise, everything I've heard said that it really really sucks (as I'm sure it would for any serious relationship), and to just keep as much communication as possible, perhaps create rituals or sweet things to do with eachother- and rediscover the joys of snail mail.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 3:28:03 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		L.A. excellent suggestions... i will explore the ones i am able. It's permanent but fluid...Master takes quite a few business trips, and i can go with Him for some or most of them...when we are in our respective homes its not possible for us to see each other whenever we wish.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 4:08:01 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Funny you should ask as I'm going through this kind of thing right now.

My um was out of state visiting his dad for a month so I was able to spend that time with him and his wife getting to know them.  I never thought I could do anything resembling a live in so didn't actually say (or admit to myself) that thats what was going on.  I just never bothered to leave and they didn't tell me to go.  I did ask once or twice to make sure they were ok with my presence.  It was a difficult adjustment and there were sometimes, especially early on, I just wanted to crawl out of my skin because I'm so used to being on my own, but I wanted to really give it a shot.  Apparantly, I adjusted because now that I'm back at my own apt, I miss not just him, but everything about being there. Once I felt settled, I guess took to it.

I think I have a better appreciation for him now that we don't see each other so much.  When I do see him its like I fall for him all over again and I just want to follow him around like a pesky little puppy.  We talk on the phone a couple times a day, instant message and, thus far, see each other most days and have been spending weekends together.  Ok, not too many 48 hour periods have gone by without us seeing each other.  But, I don't know how long we can keep that up as he lives about 1/2 hour away and gas is expensive. 

In the time we aren't together, I try to focus on 'me-stuff'.  My um takes up a lot of my time, of course and I'm looking for a job.  I've been posting on these boards alot.  It's easier when I know he's working or busy with 'him-stuff.'

The hardest part is keeping my insecurities in check and not let myself go haywire just because I haven't heard from him in 6 hours.  Its made me realize I have some abandonment issues. lol  That seems to be easier to deal with as each day goes by as he continues to stay in contact and wants to see me when we can.

And, I do a lot of thinking.




_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 5:21:02 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

Funny you should ask as I'm going through this kind of thing right now.

My um was out of state visiting his dad for a month so I was able to spend that time with him and his wife getting to know them.  I never thought I could do anything resembling a live in so didn't actually say (or admit to myself) that thats what was going on.  I just never bothered to leave and they didn't tell me to go.  I did ask once or twice to make sure they were ok with my presence.  It was a difficult adjustment and there were sometimes, especially early on, I just wanted to crawl out of my skin because I'm so used to being on my own, but I wanted to really give it a shot.  Apparantly, I adjusted because now that I'm back at my own apt, I miss not just him, but everything about being there. Once I felt settled, I guess took to it.

I think I have a better appreciation for him now that we don't see each other so much.  When I do see him its like I fall for him all over again and I just want to follow him around like a pesky little puppy.  We talk on the phone a couple times a day, instant message and, thus far, see each other most days and have been spending weekends together.  Ok, not too many 48 hour periods have gone by without us seeing each other.  But, I don't know how long we can keep that up as he lives about 1/2 hour away and gas is expensive. 

In the time we aren't together, I try to focus on 'me-stuff'.  My um takes up a lot of my time, of course and I'm looking for a job.  I've been posting on these boards alot.  It's easier when I know he's working or busy with 'him-stuff.'

The hardest part is keeping my insecurities in check and not let myself go haywire just because I haven't heard from him in 6 hours.  Its made me realize I have some abandonment issues. lol  That seems to be easier to deal with as each day goes by as he continues to stay in contact and wants to see me when we can.

And, I do a lot of thinking.




I could have written every word you just wrote...LOL...so i feel your pain. Master and i had weeks at a time together...granted He went to work everyday...and there was something about KNOWING i'd see Him in a few hours that made my tasks and the waiting very pleasant....but not knowing how many times or when i /we will see each other is disheartening. Its this that i am struggling with. I am confident i'll get though it, i was just wondering how others dealt with it is all......



_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 5:43:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
L.A. excellent suggestions... i will explore the ones i am able. It's permanent but fluid...Master takes quite a few business trips, and i can go with Him for some or most of them...when we are in our respective homes its not possible for us to see each other whenever we wish.

Well the good news is that you can put lots of work into planning the selling house/moving together in the future.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 5:50:54 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		This is very true ...and very scary.... i do try very hard to find comfort in that instead of more anxiety! LOL. Its a good thing neither Master nor i, are kids any more.We know enough about life to get us by the small stuff....and its ALL small stuff.....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 6:52:03 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone


I could have written every word you just wrote...LOL...so i feel your pain. Master and i had weeks at a time together...granted He went to work everyday...and there was something about KNOWING i'd see Him in a few hours that made my tasks and the waiting very pleasant....but not knowing how many times or when i /we will see each other is disheartening. Its this that i am struggling with. I am confident i'll get though it, i was just wondering how others dealt with it is all......




I know EXACTLY what you mean. sorry i dont have any suggestions just thought i'd let you know i relate. I'm a planner and i find it hard to make other plans to keep myself occupied if i'm holding out in hopes of "something better " i could be doing.

I like the snail mail idea. Maybe you two can challenge yourselves to see how many different ways you can find to communicate when not in eachother's physical presence. It would keep your mind on a task but a task that could have fun and creative results.




_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 8:23:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Another possible help- use as a mantra for yourself something like "I chose this for myself" to remind yourself that you chose this and why you chose it.  Most subs and slaves are control freaks so keeping the fact that they controlled this choice and are the ones determinedly walking down this path can bring a lot of comfort, since the situation takes away so much of the control you want and replaces it with chaos.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/23/2007 8:52:26 PM   
sammy7626


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline 		I really do sympathize.  Hubby being in the Navy, we have quite a bit of feast and famine around here.  Constant communication is a must have.  In some ways though, its not always a bad thing...it makes the times we are together better, because all those enforced times apart, make us really happy to be together when he's home.

I know it doesn't exactly answer your question though.  So based on long time ago, when we lived 2 states apart...I second other suggestions here.  Make sure you are filling your time, not just with missing him, but with you things as well...hobbies, activities, socialization, etc.  It will make the time go by much quicker, and it also gives you things to talk about when you are together. 

Perhaps if there is some skill or something he'd like for you to pick up (say, massage or painting or writing or something), then you can work on that as well during your apart time.

Good luck to you!

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/24/2007 11:16:44 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Do you do crafts at all? Might want to take up leather work, ceramics, wood burning...so many things that can be done, yet put aside when the two of you are together.

~Big

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/25/2007 6:34:13 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

but not knowing how many times or when i /we will see each other is disheartening. Its this that i am struggling with. I am confident i'll get though it, i was just wondering how others dealt with it is all......



This really bothered me too, right at first.  I really wanted some kind of promise from him when we'd see each other.  He didn't give me one, and I kind of sucked it up and took a few deep breaths but it proved to be a lot of worry for nothing.  I really was afraid he'd lose interest but he hasn't.  Like I said in my previous post, I'm trying to keep a handle on those kinds of insecurities.  In retrospect, the anxiety was probably a manifestation of feeling out of control as I knew the ball was pretty much in his court as far as when we would see each other.    

When I'm feeling really funky, I try to focus on that feeling and explore it in order to understand what it means so I can address it. 

If that doesn't help, I'll do something 'ritualistic'.  For example, he likes beds to be made.  Before meeting him, I don't think I had made a bed in 25 years or more but when I was staying with him, I made my bed every morning.  So, I've been making mine in my apartment every morning and sometimes when I'm missing him I'll just go look at the made bed.  Or wash the ashtrays, because, again, he likes the ashtrays cleaned and emptied.  Most nights, I light a candle that I keep next to my bed, one that he bought me the first time we met.  I also have a stuffed monkey he gave me that I sleep with.

The other thing that helps is the fact that I just moved, and alot of the stuff in my apartment at yard sales that I attended with him and his wife.  Other stuff they gave me.  So, pretty much everywhere I look is a reminder  of them.   At first  this  bothered me and I was seized with a fit of engulment anxiety  and we had a scuffle over it.  I felt like I was 'losing control.'  (I know, I know...its sort of the point but...ya know...) We got over that, and since then,  its made me feel cared for.

When all that doesn't work, I just try to remember that this is the way its going to be for a while, and I knew from the beginning it was going to be like this because of my situation and I'm really lucky to have someone who'll work with it.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/25/2007 8:53:06 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I can relate to alot of what has been said here. Both Master and I have very busy schedules and we dont always know when we will be able to spend time together.

So,When I get in a Funky mood or I am feeling down I try to keep busy doing things i know he will enjoy for the next visit ( much like gypsygrl) Like planning a meal, look for new  recipes, go shopping to look for something specail (even if it is a dollar store candle). Pick out and plan a sexy outfit for the next visit. I find when i do things i know he likes i feel closer to him, connected in some way.

I have to keep busy or I will drive myself crazy and then my stinking thinkings starts.

Oh one more thing that helps (at times) is when we can estimate when we can be together again. SO that when things get rough i can say to my self  "ok i only have 3 more days" with UM's and life it doesnt always work out but it does help.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/25/2007 8:55:41 PM   
devotedsylph


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline 		I do not live with my Master yet, and we are currently 508.83 miles away.

When we visit, our visits are about a week or so at a time.  Even with our first time meeting in person, I did not have any trouble adjusting to the change.  I believe it's because of how much contact we have with each other. 

It IS different though, to be with him than to be 'on my own'.  I try to run my schedule as if I were with him and do things 'with him' as much as I can.  I try to buy the brands of things he likes and generally run my household as if I were managing his.

Of the two of us, I am definitely 'needier' in terms of needing/wanting company and his focus.  When we are not on the phone or online together, I often ask if he has anything that he would like me to do.  That helps me feel close.  If I want to do something for him of my own accord I will write letters and send them via snail mail, write e-mails, send presents.  That sort of thing. 

I also have lots of craft-oriented hobbies that I engage in, come to message boards like this one (makes me feel like I am working on our relationship) and will sometimes just play a game. 

Oddly, even though the vast majority of my time is out of his physical presence, it's far more jarring for me to return from a visit than it is to jump into the 24/7 living together part.

simply,
sylph

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RE: Feast or Famine - 8/27/2007 12:00:32 AM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		My Master and I have rituals and special things we do together to ease the pain.  The important part is that we share things in the time we have.  I find keeping busy helps and even just a minute of his time to just hear his voice is helpful when I am "missing him".  There have been some very good suggestions here, some that have helped me as well.  Thank you

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