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Need advice - 8/23/2007 3:41:10 PM   
SavageQueenD


Posts: 143
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline 		I am still newer to the lifestyle and am looking for ideas or suggestions to help make transitioning from one activity to another go more smoothely.  If anyone has any advice or suggestions they would be greatly appreciated.

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RE: Need advice - 8/23/2007 3:52:46 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline 		SavageQueenD,
 
Welcome to the boards and the lifestyle! There are quite a few great people on cm who can help with ideas, I'm sure.
 
Off the cuff in an attempt to be helpful isMy2 cents re: smooth transition.
Chat with your partner, find out what worked and what didn't, share funny stories, ideas, etc and that may give you an idea for the next thing to do. You might cool down, warm up, snuggle, catch a movie together that has plenty of your favorite kink in it.
Good communication goes a long way. People will reveal what makes them hot, happy, and will give you clues. You can ask for what you might feel like you need after a play session, and that way you can stay in balance with your partner.
 
Hope this helps, I hardly slept last night, so my brain is pretty mushy...
 
MI

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
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RE: Need advice - 8/23/2007 5:31:44 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageQueenD

I am still newer to the lifestyle and am looking for ideas or suggestions to help make transitioning from one activity to another go more smoothely.  If anyone has any advice or suggestions they would be greatly appreciated.


How about giving us an idea of what you're having trouble transitioning?  I mean, is it sexual, is it canes to floggers, or foot worship to strap on, or ?????

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
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RE: Need advice - 8/23/2007 7:35:59 PM   
MistresssAria


Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		You can always just grab your subbie by the collar and say - I'm bored with this, we're going to do this now.   You are the Dominant afterall.

(in reply to MisPandora)
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RE: Need advice - 8/24/2007 3:36:29 AM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		^I like the sound of that.

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RE: Need advice - 8/24/2007 10:17:39 PM   
SavageQueenD


Posts: 143
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline 		I am having more issues with transitioning from one activity to another, i.e. spanking to strapon, etc... 

More looking for little ideas to keep him occupied in some sense or way while I decide which activity I wish to engage with next.  With some things I see the more times that we play the easier they flow but not always.

As far as a transition period when play is over that seems to go fairly smoothly so far.

Thank you for the lovely welcome and advice. Looking forward to becoming more active on the boards as well.

(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need advice - 8/25/2007 2:03:56 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Hi SavageQueenD and welcome to the boards.

It obviously helps to have done some pre-planning of the sorts of things You might want to do at the next session and get the gear out and ready to go ahead of time. Always have more on hand than You anticipate actually using. Alternatively, that can be his job - You tell him You're going to do x, y and z and that he's to ready the equipment ... then he can be chastised for failing to get something out. However, don't do something he really likes as the chastisement unless You want to set up a cross-training for failure scenario.

That said, I planned My early scenes really thoroughly, but these days I am confident enough to just wing it if I change My mind and go with another activity. Some quick and easy ways to keep him occupied:
1. simply have him stand to attention,
2. kneel (maybe in a nice presentation pose so everything's on view and available to nudge or bat as You pass by), or
3. if You want to be "mean", try a little challenge. Tippy toes in high heels ... holding a small object against the wall with his nose ... or not letting his cock go down BUT his hands are tied behind his back (that will get him thinking ... and worried LOL!). Have him stick his tongue out and put a clothespeg on it ... slip a ring around his balls and tie a little weight to it ... pop a few clothespegs onto bits of skin You can grab easily ... have him recite the mantra of Your choice (something complimentary about You of course) and give him a quick "whop" with a crop every time he gets it wrong ... I am sure there are heaps more ideas!

Have fun!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
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RE: Need advice - 8/25/2007 6:50:10 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageQueenD

I am having more issues with transitioning from one activity to another, i.e. spanking to strapon, etc... 

More looking for little ideas to keep him occupied in some sense or way while I decide which activity I wish to engage with next.  With some things I see the more times that we play the easier they flow but not always.

As far as a transition period when play is over that seems to go fairly smoothly so far.

Thank you for the lovely welcome and advice. Looking forward to becoming more active on the boards as well.

Less is more.  You don't necessarily have to give him anything "to do" while you're changing your strides.  Park him and allow him to absorb the energy of the moment.  Wall time.  Nose to the floor. Kneeling in thought and gratitude.  Standing still and holding an object for you.  Keep it simple :-)

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need advice - 8/25/2007 10:46:06 AM   
MzAri


Posts: 27
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		I find leaving them blindfolded and alone in bondage while I go pick a new toy, get a coffee, powder my nose or just stand back and watch them squirm works as a transition.  Sensory deprivation can be a great tool; with earplugs, blindfolded and restrained they have no way to know what is about to happen and that serves to increase the excitement for many of them. If I am feeling kind I keep one hand on them while I move around -- in their hair, on their collar, or gripping their balls to lead them to a new position. 

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need advice - 8/26/2007 4:01:27 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		The pauses in scenes are as delicious as the action.  Good scenes are a mixture of anticipation and surprise.  Pauses allow the anticipation to build. 

I like to have him blindfolded and tied so he doesn't fall if he loses balance (and squash me!!)

Subs like listening to the click of your heels and guessing what you are planning to do next. 

Blindfolded, they don't know if you are having an awkward moment deciding what you want to do next. 

In  a perfect BDSM fantasy, the scene is planned start to finish and transitions smoothely, but I prefer more spontaneous play myself, adapting as I go depending on what is working (for both of us)

I find bringing a scene to a climax the most challenging transition.  Sometimes scenes just fizzle out at the end which is unsatisfying.  Suggestions how to end scenes would be appreciated :)


_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MzAri)
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RE: Need advice - 8/26/2007 5:08:53 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with these viewpoints, the idea of keeping it always busy is kinda like the people who gotta chatter and run off at the mouth because they think a 30 second pause in the conversation is somehow uncomfortable.  If you have been involved with those kinda folks, they don't come off dominant at all.

Tell the little bitch that he better start fuckin' cryin' 'cause you ain't figgered out what you are gonna do next, but it is gonna hurt him alot worse than it is you.

While you got it on pause button, his head is catching up and going a mile a minute and that don't hurt your cause at all.

Let him float with that, while you go out for a smoke and a shot of whiskey, and consider your options.  Fuck him.

Ron(ne)

edited because I forgot myself, and  just realized what hallowed halls I was walking.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 8/26/2007 5:16:31 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
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RE: Need advice - 8/26/2007 5:38:15 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with all here, (Ron you always have such a way...)---there is nothing that says it has to flow action to action to action--when it does, there is too mucn sensory overload and it cannot be enjoyed or appreciated---I try to have an idea of how I want things to flow--amd I make sure the toys are where I can get to them with little effort ( they hang in My closet actually)--and I allow plenty of nice, quiet time--then it is My time, I am in charge--slow crescendos---and at times, nothing---keeps the boy from topping from the bottom that way as well---amd as Ron says, chaining him up and going for a brandy and a smoke while I decide what I want to do--is in itself an action---smiles and relax.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need advice - 8/26/2007 5:57:25 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageQueenD
More looking for little ideas to keep him occupied in some sense or way while I decide which activity I wish to engage with next.


Why does he need to be occupied? Waiting in its own is a great "occupation" to both absorb and build up anticipation for the things to come.

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need advice - 8/26/2007 7:11:50 AM   
Nikko1962


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

In  a perfect BDSM fantasy, the scene is planned start to finish and transitions smoothely, but I prefer more spontaneous play myself, adapting as I go depending on what is working (for both of us)

I find bringing a scene to a climax the most challenging transition.  Sometimes scenes just fizzle out at the end which is unsatisfying.  Suggestions how to end scenes would be appreciated :)


No suggestions, but the question how to end a scene generated these thoughts about “what to do”. 
 
After I read this I was thinking that a perfect BDSM fantasy is a metaphor for a perfect relationship.  Trying to have it all planned out is somewhat self-defeating.  Where’s the surprise?  Where is the excitement?  Where is the spontaneity?  Similar to watching a movie that you’ve already watched a dozen times.  It’s exciting, but you know what’s going to happen.  I agree that adapting as we go depending on what is working is the key.
 
I have had this thought for many years.  When I have the perfect relationship, perfect job, perfect house, perfect car, perfect (insert any noun, verb or adjective here), then what?  What in the hell am I going to do then?  When my long list of “to-do’s” all have a check mark next to them, is it time to retire?  To die?
 
I was thinking that it is the ebb and flow, the morning and the evening if you will, that provides the balance.  If both partners have an expectation that each dinner is not going to taste better than the last, then no one has to be disappointed.  If each instance of sex is supposed to be better than the last, I think we’re all in trouble.  I think that great moments just sneak up on us.  We’re in a situation and everything just falls into place.  The person we’re with.  The music, the lighting, the scents.  Somehow, in a magical way, it all just clicks and time slows down.
 
If I were to describe how I would want a scene to end, I would say that I would want it to set up the relationship to move forward again.  Even if the scene ended in just a fizzle, it would set up a situation where a discussion about what happened would enable the relationship to get stronger.  I don’t think that each scene can top the previous.
 
It’s like drugs, alcohol or love.  Maybe the idea is not to surpass the greatest high.  That’s why everyone remembers their first love so well.  It’s such a huge change from what existed before.  Maybe that’s why sex after a fight is so good.  You go from a low in the relationship to a seemingly new high.  Maybe the real reason it’s so hot is because of the distance traveled between the low of the fight to the intimacy of the sex.  Just a thought.
 
I like the idea that even between scenes, in the pure vanilla world, that I’m in suspense, waiting for her to do or say something.  I’ve used this phrase on other posts before “The constant undercurrent or low grade fever.  A nice slow burn”.
 
 

_____________________________

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

If you are going to hide in the haystack from me, at least make a little noise.


http://www.myspace.com/124184605

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need advice - 8/26/2007 7:28:42 AM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageQueenD

I am still newer to the lifestyle and am looking for ideas or suggestions to help make transitioning from one activity to another go more smoothely. If anyone has any advice or suggestions they would be greatly appreciated.




Everyone has made great suggestions on this thread. I just wanted to add one thought. In some sense when we do a "scene" it's kind of like we are a Mistress of Ceremonies or a Ringmaster, conducting activities for the pleasure and entertainment of all involved. We are responsible for how things go. However, I feel that it's important that the whole thing not turn into too much work :) !! Putting the submissive in bondage with a blindfold and taking some time to think about how you want things to progress is a good thing. I mean, Whose Pleasure is Paramount here?
Smythe




_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need advice - 8/28/2007 6:52:00 AM   
SavageQueenD


Posts: 143
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the suggestions and comments. I think after reading through them all a couple of times I have a much better idea of how I may wish to proceed the next time so that the "in between" moments don't feel so awkward (sp?) for me.  I do not like to plan to much in advance other than perhaps some of the activities I may wish to engage in as when the actual time comes to play I may have other ideas that hold more appeal.  I always tend to take more "toys and accesories" than I end up using, but after raising three boys active in Boy Scouts I've learned to always be prepared... LOL

Again thank you all for the wonderful suggestions and comments!

SavageQueenD

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need advice - 8/28/2007 12:51:44 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Well, you could preplan things, write down stuff you want to do on an index card and put the card in a drawer to refer to. Laying out all available toys to choose from lessens the time of finding things. But blindfolds help enormously.

For some reason, lying there blindfolded makes it impossible for me to know how long it's been.

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Need advice - 8/28/2007 2:22:39 PM   
planomaid


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		The method you use to transition between scene's is really going to depend upon how things are going, and your two personality types.  Some people can easily transition from top/bottom space to normal, then back again, others once they leave it can't easily or even get back into it. 

Sometimes the best way to transition is to enjoy the afterglow of what you just did.  It doesn't always have to be about bondage and pain and the like.  Snuggling, kissing, touching, talking, etc are always good ways to move between scenes.  It's much like how regular relationships are handled.  Sometimes you are going to be in a romantic mood and you and your partner spend hours making love to one another.  Other times you're both in a sexual frenzy and any space in your home is fair game for hot pulse-pounding sex.  A mixture of both is good to keep the fires lit in each other, but not everyone's methods work well.

There have been some great suggestions here.  Please let us know what works for you, so you can share it with us and we can all add it to our own bag of tricks!  :)

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Need advice - 8/29/2007 6:45:17 AM   
moki1984


Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageQueenD

I am having more issues with transitioning from one activity to another, i.e. spanking to strapon, etc... 

More looking for little ideas to keep him occupied in some sense or way while I decide which activity I wish to engage with next.  With some things I see the more times that we play the easier they flow but not always.

As far as a transition period when play is over that seems to go fairly smoothly so far.

Thank you for the lovely welcome and advice. Looking forward to becoming more active on the boards as well.


blindfold, shove your panties in his mouth and walk away. take your time, go have a drink. make him ponder what is coming lol

(in reply to SavageQueenD)
Profile   Post #: 19
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