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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 9:03:39 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Should a slave try to MAKE his/her Master happy, is this her goal? Should a Master try to MAKE his/her slave happy? Is it healthy to be conserned about making someone happy? I read some philosophy on conserns over this that rung true with me awhile back, but I don't have the source any longer.

What would you think of someone said they wanted to make you happy?
What would you think if someone said they want you to make them happy?
What would you think if someone said they don't want you to make them happy, but to do things for your own reasons beause they work for you?
Thanks

those who chase happiness will rarely find it.

for happiness is Now... not in the past and not later.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 9:09:22 PM

Stephann

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Sounds like a question of semantics.

I don't really think in terms of "I'm going to make my slave happy." I do look at something in the window walking by a shop, and think "oh, that would really make her happy."

It doesn't mean it would satisfy her deeply or permanently; it means it would bring a smile to her face, and show her I thought of her that moment. If it's really thoughtful, it'll make her smile every time she used it. Gretchen had an ancient tape walkman and big clunky headphones when I met her. Her headphones eventually died just before her birthday. I bought her a shiny new 128meg MP3 player with headphones for her birthday that year. As recently as a few months ago (over a year and a half later) she still said it was the best gift she'd ever received. I know every time she uses it, it makes her happy.

For me, 'making' someone happy, is only possible if they can make themselves happy first. I've always believed that you can only love someone as much as they love themselves; no more, no less. Happiness is a similar issue, I think. If your partner isn't happy with life, you can't fix it. If it's constant, consistant unhappiness, then she needs to get help for that. Happiness doesn't come in a jar or pill bottle, mind you, but it starts with being healthy, and works it's way towards having healthy goals.

From there, the working to achieve those goals, can have many, many happy moments. That's what 'makes' happiness.

Stephan

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 11:33:02 PM

celticlord2112

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I highly recommend HH The Dalai Lama's book "The Art of Happiness" if you wish to ponder the broad question at length.

Should a slave try to "make" her Master happy? I would say no. A slave should strive always to please her Master, and to obey his wishes.

Likewise, a Master should not try to "make" his slave happy. Rather, he should give her the structure, the focus, and the discipline she needs to flourish.

People talk of making others happy all the time, and usually with the best of intentions. In my experience, however, it is beyond a person's power to alter whether another person is happy or unhappy. The best we can accomplish is to address a person's particular wants, needs, and desires (in whatever order we deem appropriate).

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RE: Make you happy - 8/24/2007 2:38:16 AM

ocilla

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

I highly recommend HH The Dalai Lama's book "The Art of Happiness" if you wish to ponder the broad question at length.

Should a slave try to "make" her Master happy? I would say no. A slave should strive always to please her Master, and to obey his wishes.

Likewise, a Master should not try to "make" his slave happy. Rather, he should give her the structure, the focus, and the discipline she needs to flourish.

People talk of making others happy all the time, and usually with the best of intentions. In my experience, however, it is beyond a person's power to alter whether another person is happy or unhappy. The best we can accomplish is to address a person's particular wants, needs, and desires (in whatever order we deem appropriate).

Nice response

And really useful thread topic.
I hear from male subs on a regular basis that what makes them "satisfied and fullfilled" is to be used by me with total disregard for their needs....This always leaves me a little perplexed. Well, I do like to lavish some affection, a thoughtful gift, or some such on those who I care about. There is a great deal of pleasure for me in being nurturing to another in addition to being nurturing to myself. I've had meets where the boy says that they don't need to tell me what they prefer or need out of our exchange as the only thing that matters is what I want....I keep finding myself questioning this and thinking well that might work here and there but eventually there has to be some reciprocity for a relationship to thrive. Caring, nuturing and being concerned for the well being of a sub as they do the same for me is certainly going to come back around to benefit us both.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/24/2007 9:55:55 AM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Nice response

Thank you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla
And really useful thread topic.
I hear from male subs on a regular basis that what makes them "satisfied and fullfilled" is to be used by me with total disregard for their needs....This always leaves me a little perplexed. Well, I do like to lavish some affection, a thoughtful gift, or some such on those who I care about. There is a great deal of pleasure for me in being nurturing to another in addition to being nurturing to myself. I've had meets where the boy says that they don't need to tell me what they prefer or need out of our exchange as the only thing that matters is what I want....I keep finding myself questioning this and thinking well that might work here and there but eventually there has to be some reciprocity for a relationship to thrive. Caring, nuturing and being concerned for the well being of a sub as they do the same for me is certainly going to come back around to benefit us both.

Ironically, I had rather the inverse experience with my ex-wife. She was insistent on doing things to "make me happy". Unfortunately, while her stated goal was my happiness, she chose her actions according to her own internal agenda and desires. In essence, she kept attempting to give that which I neither needed nor particularly wanted, all the while withholding that which I did need from her. (One could also state that I focused on what I wanted from her, rather than what she had to offer, which I learned is equally self destructive and poisonous to a relationship.) The consequence: "Ex" wife.

Your desire to be what you consider caring and nurturing is far from unusual (I enjoy my share of tender nurturing moments with my slave). However, if the acts you consider caring create unease, anxiety, and discomfort within the other person, in my mind you are not nurturing the real human being before you, but the idealized person you assume is there.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/24/2007 1:01:43 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

No one is responsible for my happiness, nor am I responsible for the happiness of anyone else. Personally, I don't believe that a person can make another person happy. Happiness is something that comes from within. I can bring things to a relationship that may bring pleasure and enhance it, but ultimately I can not "make" happiness occur in someone who can't find it within themselves.

Erin has expressed my opinion perfectly. Okay, add KoM's to that please.......

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/24/2007 1:02:58 PM >

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RE: Make you happy - 8/24/2007 1:24:02 PM

spankmepink11

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I agree with those who say that happiness is a state that we create or acheive from within ourselves.

The relationships that have worked best have been those in which both partners enjoy feeding one anothers need or desires. I think if you substitute " make you happy" with the words "please" , or "enhance one anothers lives"

If thats what you mean by "make you happy" then yes i think both partners should strive to make one another happy.

As to the other questions...

"What would you think of someone said they wanted to make you happy?
What would you think if someone said they want you to make them happy?
What would you think if someone said they don't want you to make them happy, but to do things for your own reasons beause they work for you? "

If someone said that they wanted to make me happy, i would accept it in the spirit in which it was given and enjoy giving in return.

I would most likely not get involved with someone who wasn't a happy person in general so the second question is sort of moot for me.

Third question, thats a good attitude to have, but i really don't want to over analyze every motivating factor in my relationships these days.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/24/2007 3:42:48 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Yeah, kind of following in the spirit of the recent posts, it would depend on what you mean. I know I want to affect my partner in a way she needs to be affected. That can mean lots of things such as fulfilling submissive desires for various things that you don't necessarily associate with making someone happy. If it all works out, then you might say happiness results.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/24/2007 5:54:00 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Should a slave try to MAKE his/her Master happy, is this her goal? Should a Master try to MAKE his/her slave happy? Is it healthy to be conserned about making someone happy? I read some philosophy on conserns over this that rung true with me awhile back, but I don't have the source any longer.

A slave shouldn't try to "make" her Master anything. i do not believe that is the slaves goal, her goal is to obey and be pleasing. A Master should do as he pleases, if he wants to indulge his slave in the things she enjoys, why not?

Happiness isn't something that others can give you. It's not a goal to be reached, when it comes it is usually transitory or, ironically, it wouldn't be happiness. i thinks peoples actions, thoughts, moments together can bring a person certain pleasure or satisfaction which can lead them to feel happy but you can do the same exact things for another and not get the same result, or even do the same things for the same person but on a different day and get different results, so how is your action "bringing them happiness" - it cannot be.

quote:

ORIGINAL:akbarbarian
1. What would you think of someone said they wanted to make you happy?
2. What would you think if someone said they want you to make them happy?
3. What would you think if someone said they don't want you to make them happy, but to do things for your own reasons beause they work for you?
Thanks

1. i would think they had good intentions but i would also be concerned that their actions, if not recieved by me with a certain return (of my happiness, whatever that might be in their minds) that they would feel frustrated and think i did not appreciate them. i would communicate to them my thoughts about happiness and hope that they understood that it wasn't their "job" to "make me happy" Have you ever done something for someone expecting them to respond in a certain way and when they didn't felt hurt and maybe even confused, or not appreciated for all your efforts? It doesn't mean you never do nice things for others but it does mean you do them because you want to do them not because you expect a return (their happiness).

2. i would ask them what their definition of happiness was. i would explain to them that as their friend/slave/lover/etc it would bring me a lot of pleasure to do things with them/for them but their happiness wasn't my responsibility. Once you take on that monkey, you're in for a rough ride.

3. i would think they thought more in line with how i view happiness and that they enjoyed my company and who i was already - in other words they didn't expect me to change me (substantially) in order to make them happy.

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