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Aine -> Hows about a little positivity? (8/24/2007 1:28:15 PM)
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I didn't choose to be a switch, I just am one.
I didn't choose to fall in love with another switch, it just kinda happened.
I didn't go into this relationship from the BDSM point of view, but thank GAWD it worked out that I can have both.
Take a deep breath, close your eyes and smile.
We are what we are, and what we are is beautiful. We are humans first. We all are deserving of love and acceptance. We won't always face such situations, but oh well.
Roll with the punches, smile and say "Thank you" when someone tries to make fun of you or put you down.
Yes, we are different. Every single one of us is different from the people around us. It doesn't matter what you are, nilla, D/s, orientation wise, socially, monetarily, whatever.
Accept our differences in this part of our lives just as we accept the differences out in the nilla world.
We have nilla friends and BDSM friends alike. Treat it as though you had a friend that happened to be of say, the hip hop culture and you are of the emo flavor.
One of the things I've learned is that to allow the opinions of other rattle us to much, is to show our own insecurities in what we are and what we do. Be it as switches, or as Dominants or submissives. (It'll take me forever to add in all the other flavors, and too much of a headache to be honest, I'm not trying to leave anyone out)
I don't expect to be understood anymore, I don't expect to be able to make people understand. I've gotten over my (well, kinda lol) headstrong will about trying to make people understand. It did nothing but make me frustrated and mad.
Earlier on, I've learned that there are things I'm not going to understand, and people aren't going to understand my interest in trying to understand. I'm never going to fully understand the whys of things that I do not do/engage in. But I have learned to accept that my brain isn't going to hold everything I want it to. But I'm not going to try to down talk someone else for what they do, even if I don't fully understand it. I'm learning how to communicate my own confusion about something to said person and hope that they can not take offense and try to make it a little clearer to me. Either that, if it's something that I don't agree with, agree to disagree.
I want others to have hope despite the misunderstandings, the badmouthing from people who do not want to try to understand, and the lack of acceptance from people as a whole.
We don't need to try to beat it into their heads about what we do, just address it as we are asked to explain. And politely cut things off when people are obviously not going to try to accept something for what it is, even if it's not their cup of tea.
And this goes for everyone, not just us switches. I understand to an extent why some people do one thing or the other in reference to Dominants and submissives. I've been on both sides. Being just one thing isn't my personality, but more power to ya if it is. I have many friends that are on one side or the other. I do not look down on them for it, I applaud them and celebrate them and their relationships.
There is hope, for happiness and acceptance and understanding, that which we will find more readily in our own personal relationships than out in the big bad world. Who cares what others may think, if they do not want to try to understand.
I've found hope, understanding and love within my relationship. I'm a switch with a switch fiance, and we are quite happy switching with each other and monogamously.
It's not for everyone, and who knows, things might change as we venture further into our journey together. Change is good, and sometimes necessary. Who knows? We might just stay the way we are, we might enter into the local communities in our travels, we might not. We're happy the way we are right now, and that is what matters, isn't it?
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