Helping one's Master be a better person

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devotedsylph -> Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 7:21:50 PM)
A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master? Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things? I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so. simply, sylph

rmanrr -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 7:32:39 PM)
Greetings 1. how long? as in how long together?...if a short time you need to take more time and to learn about him....this worked for Me and My Woman....we communicated....meaning we talked and talk continually about everything and anything under the sun. 2. If you communicate your wants....and he is agreeable then you each grow in your dynamic. Growth personal, professional, spiritual...none of those are a bad thing right?! if you are satisfied and happy chances are He is too....continue to communicate...open lines...explore....you might just be amazed at what you each will discover.

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 7:32:39 PM)
I believe that a slave does help his Master or Mistress become a better person, that's why they call it power exchange. Blame it on the rain

slaveluci -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 7:58:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedsylph A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master? Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things? I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so Hello sylph, I think this is a great post and I totally agree with you. In my opinion, to love your master and to want to encourage him and help him succeed and improve in many ways is NOT trying to take control or "top." I see it as one of my many duties, frankly. Exactly as you so wisely said, it's not about merely "changing" him but about helping him maximize what he already is. For instance, my Master will be the first to tell you that He is not organized. His desk is piled high with bills and paperwork, His music and DVD collection is scattered here and there, etc. He just doesn't have a knack for efficient organization. He knows this and He wishes He was better at it. Fortunately for Him[;)], I am a rather anal-retentive neat freak who despises clutter. Everything in it's place (and alphabetized if I have my say) and easily found just makes my soul rest easy. He is a packrat and I couldn't be further from that. In subtle ways, I have always tried to keep order in His wake...lol...without making an issue of it. Over the last few weeks, He has been very blunt about needing my help in getting things organized. He said, "I defer to your expertise in this area." Wow.....asking me for help getting organized and efficient....I think I heard angels singing. So, we went shopping and bought a great accordion-style folder for organizing bills and paperwork and a bookcase and DVD/CD rack. He assembled them and I organized everything in them. Wow, such fun! It really was. I'm being serious. Anyway, the point of all that was to say this: If I had just been bothered by His disorganization and seen it as a way to "clash," that wouldn't have worked out well. If He had remained stubborn about wanting to be a "packrat" and do things His way regardless of the problems it sometimes causes Him (late fees on bills, etc.), that wouldn't be ideal either. However, He saw a strength/ability in me that He could benefit from. He was willing to say so and ask me to help Him improve in said area. It's great. Now we're organized and we're both happy. That's just one example of a way in which I, as His slave, can not just "change" Him but help Him improve in some area. If He was of the mind that He can never use any assistance or improve in anyway, I'm not sure I'd be His to start with. That's just foolish thinking and I couldn't serve a fool[;)]. Hope you get some great answers here, sylph, because I think you've asked a wonderfully sincere question. Best of luck...........luci

MistressDolly -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 8:00:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedsylph A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master? Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things? I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so. simply, sylph If he is your guider and leader and does well at guiding you into being a better person, can he not guide himself into being a better man as well? (I wonder when once you start to do the guiding, nurturing and uplifting, how you would feel about that and whether you would start to view him differently (and yourself as well)? )

devotedsylph -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 8:19:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rmanrr Greetings 1. how long? as in how long together?...if a short time you need to take more time and to learn about him....this worked for Me and My Woman....we communicated....meaning we talked and talk continually about everything and anything under the sun. 2. If you communicate your wants....and he is agreeable then you each grow in your dynamic. Growth personal, professional, spiritual...none of those are a bad thing right?! if you are satisfied and happy chances are He is too....continue to communicate...open lines...explore....you might just be amazed at what you each will discover. We have been together 2 years now, long distance. We are currently working on getting our affairs in order so that I can relocate with him (settling debts and saving funds and all that). We spend a good amount of time talking, though I am definitely the more vocal one of the pair. WIth him, I find that I can babble on and on just so I can have the chance at hearing him say something back - I LOVE his voice. In dealing with others, I am very quiet. quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci That's just one example of a way in which I, as His slave, can not just "change" Him but help Him improve in some area. If He was of the mind that He can never use any assistance or improve in anyway, I'm not sure I'd be His to start with. That's just foolish thinking and I couldn't serve a fool. Hope you get some great answers here, sylph, because I think you've asked a wonderfully sincere question. Best of luck...........luci Thank you, luci. That is really the type of thing I'm looking for. While he is the Master, it doesn't mean that I won't see areas that might benefit from an adjustment, and I am really looking for ideas and ways that I can do this from the appropriate position. quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDolly If he is your guider and leader and does well at guiding you into being a better person, can he not guide himself into being a better man as well? (I wonder when once you start to do the guiding, nurturing and uplifting, how you would feel about that and whether you would start to view him differently (and yourself as well)? ) He is definitely more than capable of guiding himself - but why should he have to do it all on his own? Yes, he is Master, but does that mean the entire bulk of taking care of the two of us falls onto his lap and I just sit idly by? For me, a large part of being his girl is making his life easier. I don't want to "guide" him. I want learn how to appropriately offer my support and encouragement without pushing anything onto him.

SirDraco7 -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 8:21:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedsylph A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master? Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things? I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so. Yes. You can help him become a better man and Master. The biggest and first question is does he want you to help? If he doesn't, nothing that you can do will change anything and any efforts might annoy him. If he wants or wouldn't mind help then you can very much help him. Giving second opinions.. being open and honest. Communicate. Giving your thoughts and sugguestions. It's not topping from the bottom if you don't try to force things, if you don't really go against his will and let him decide for himself. For instance, if he sits you down and the two of you discuess the scene you had the night before. Be open and honest. say what you liked and what you didn't like. Perhaps make sugguestions that you think might improve things or make them easier, maybe more enjoyable for him. And then let him make the decisions of what to change or do better, what to try and do next time and what he wants to remain the same. You're not topping him, just being open and giving your thoughts. At the same time you're helping him become a better Master because you are being open and honest about everything, so he can learn and know what he needs to improve upon.(sometimes if you or someone doesn't say he won't know any better) As for vanilla... Same thing. Just be open and honest. Does something about him irk or bug you? address and talk about it with him. If he's willing to change maybe he will. If not you'll have to accept it. Just be there to give aid and support should he need it.(quitting smoking is a good example for this as many people need support for this or they would not be able to do so) It's a way you can help him become better but still be submissive and without any topping from the bottom. And yes. there can be a fine line between topping from the bottom and giving ideas and sugguestions.. Just don't be demanding when you do so. Accept the fact that he may not accept or do any of your ideas, and do not be upset or disappointed by it. In that way you won't be topping. You'll be giving support and helping to be better but at the same time letting him choose his path for himself, You're just there to do what you can should he ever need you. Just my meandering thoughts. :)

SirDraco7 -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 8:28:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedsylph I am really looking for ideas and ways that I can do this from the appropriate position. I don't want to "guide" him. I want learn how to appropriately offer my support and encouragement without pushing anything onto him. The Question here leads to asking.. What does he need help doing? or improving upon? Because they are broad desires as there can be many different answers depending on what your focus is. I guess the best way is as I said above: Just be honest and communicate and be there to help him, yet without infulence, letting him decide his own path and being there alongside him down such path. It's the best answer I can give for now I think as there are far too many what if's and variables to be any more detailed.

kyraofMists -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 9:31:22 PM)
Whether a slave should attempt this or not all depends on the relationship. This may be a service that some masters want and others do not. In my relationship, this is something that he values highly and it is expected of me. The ways in which it can be done vary greatly from person to person. It really depends on what the master wishes to improve about themselves. For us, I am given specific instructions on what things to help him continue to improve upon. For the most part, I provide him information and then it is his choice on what to do with that information. He will also use me as a sounding board for thoughts and opinions that he has and we will often work through them until he has clarified his position on a topic. I am required to speak up when he is exhibiting behavior that he has told me he finds unacceptable. Those are just a couple of examples, but they are things that he has decided that he wants to improve about himself. They are not things that I have decided I wish him to improve upon. He has also instructed me to assist him with this and I would be disobedient to not do as I am told. Knight's Kyra

breatheasone -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 9:35:59 PM)
I nag Master about His health and fitness...in a loving slavely kinda way of course....LOL. He has told me its my job to take care of Him, even if that means being a little more assertive. I'm certain there are other areas I help Him grow, but i hesitate to say them here. We help each other...thats the coolest thing.

TreasureKY -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 9:59:21 PM)
If he's not better off for having me in his life, then what purpose do I serve being with him?

KnightofMists -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 10:00:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedsylph A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master? Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things? I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so. simply, sylph This issue you raise can be a slippery slope. The question of.. what is the motivation of helping one's Master to be a better person it is also a question of.. to Whose standard that this better person should be measured against. If you communicate your well intented motivations poorly... or your efforts are not actually welcomed. Then it could be precieved that the motivation is one of helping him to be a better person for your own selfish interests and not for his own personal benefits. it can be considered that you would be established the standard that measures him against this better person to work towards. Such a perception can have a significantly negative impact on the relationship. However, as Kyra has already pointed out. My two girls help me to be a better person. They help me in the way I have decided... and I have decided what I seek to work on. They are in essense serving me as I have instructed.. as such their motivations are known to me... since I have exerted the motivation for them. The best way to help is ask him.. 1.. if it's some that he would like? if yes then go to 2 2... what would he "Specifically" improve upon and how can you help in doing that.

FangsNfeet -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/24/2007 11:32:17 PM)
Here are a few things you can do and how you can speak that can and will help him be a better Master and person. 1. Compliments. Whatever it is, "Ohhhh, that's great. If it get's better, I'd swear I was in heaven." "You're so dominant and forcefull with me. You've driven me wild to my imaginations end. As much as I am totally yours, I find more of me belonging to you with each time you controll me. 2. Research. Every now and then, a sub/slave would like to make a suggestion without it sounding like they are taking over. "Honey, to try and please you better, I"ve researched a few things and I'd like for you to decide if you think it's something I'm ready for. While you are reading, would you like for me to go to the bedroom and prepare myself for you to have your way with me?" There's nothing wrong with a little research to show that you want to be a better submissive than the day you were before. 3. Give a little tough love. In many cases, a Dom can become to comfortable with how you serve him. It can come to the point that he may not give commands or ask you to do anything anymore due to you doing the same things everyday. When you no longer hear the commands of what he demands, it's time to intentially stop doing a few things. He'll catch on quick and it'll help him realize that his dominance check list is just as important as your submissive list. After all, how long do you really want to go without a spanking? Keep it up, I see the two of you lasting for a long time.

Satyr6406 -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 12:19:13 AM)
You know, I know this is going to sound corny but, one of the things that I will never want to stop doing is trying to be as good a person as I can be. By extension, it is my submissive's DUTY to find some suitable way help me in that mission. If my submissive truly serves me, she will find a way, without being disrespectful or forgetting her place to help me to follow MY chosen path. By no stretch of anyone's imagination am I perfect. Now, the responsibility for that rests squarely on my shoulders and I do some "work" to "police" myself but, I am not going to be objective, by definition. Therefore, I need a person that I trust; that is DEVOTED to me; that won't take opportunities to hurt me or "top from the bottom". I need a person that knows that it is in her best interest to help me be the best person I can be. So, that's the long answer. The short answer is (In my opinion): it is a submissive/slave's OBLIGATION to help her dominant/master be a better person. Peace and comfort, Michael

Focus50 -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 4:17:13 AM)
My girl does wonders for my personal discipline, and she doesn't even know it until I spell it out. For eg, when I'm single, I'm an average fella whose house isn't always as squared away as it should be or I'd like it to be. I've usually got better things to do.... lol But when I own a sub/slave, that's a whole other matter! As one who leads by example, I can't in good conscience punish (or reward) her because her home (or room) isn't up to the standard I expect. So first order of business is to get my shit together first. And the bottom line is it's because of her and NOT because of some preconceived notion that a Dom lives his life like some anal drill-sergeant all the time.... Focus.

SirDraco7 -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 4:34:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet 3. Give a little tough love. In many cases, a Dom can become to comfortable with how you serve him. It can come to the point that he may not give commands or ask you to do anything anymore due to you doing the same things everyday. When you no longer hear the commands of what he demands, it's time to intentially stop doing a few things. He'll catch on quick and it'll help him realize that his dominance check list is just as important as your submissive list. After all, how long do you really want to go without a spanking? Be careful here. In cases such as this this might work, yes, but a more proactive approach might also be needed. What if he is in a slump? bummed out and depressed? Something else? Her stopping being a 'good girl' might be the wrong thing that is needed. In a case such as this I would actually reccommend stepping it up a touch. Become more submissive that normal to the point where it might become overbearing to him perhaps. Plus talk with him.. perhaps whatever is affecting him can be worked through? Give love and support. Plus I would sugguest not stopping.. but to also.... skew actions. Skew as in mess up purposly. Don't stop doing things.. just do them differently or in a way that might ceatch his attention. It might be slightly topping from the bottom doing it this way... but sometimes such cannot be helped at such times. I say this because what if stopping brings no actions or fix? It would be so easy to stop a little bit more or alltogether, and so much harder working it back in if he has no change. Stop bringing his morning tea and he might forget about it and let it go. Start bringing it with too much sugar, or a flavor he detests and it would encourage him to step up and take action. That or suffer with bad tea. ::shrugs:: Just my thoughts. :)

Elegant -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 5:28:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet 3. Give a little tough love. In many cases, a Dom can become to comfortable with how you serve him. It can come to the point that he may not give commands or ask you to do anything anymore due to you doing the same things everyday. When you no longer hear the commands of what he demands, it's time to intentially stop doing a few things. He'll catch on quick and it'll help him realize that his dominance check list is just as important as your submissive list. After all, how long do you really want to go without a spanking? Been watching The Secretary lately? Why should a Master demand/command things that should be routine slave duties? This is the action of a parent, constantly reminding a child to 'remember to make up your bed' or 'don't forget to take out the trash'. What is wrong with an owner being comfortable with ouw he/she is served? Now if said owner was taking slave tasks for granted without some form of appreciation at times then I can see the need for initiating communication on the subject. But, to purposely not obey just to receive 'spankings' is a bit inmature.

TreasureKY -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 6:00:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet Here are a few things you can do and how you can speak that can and will help him be a better Master and person. 1. Compliments. Whatever it is, "Ohhhh, that's great. If it get's better, I'd swear I was in heaven." "You're so dominant and forcefull with me. You've driven me wild to my imaginations end. As much as I am totally yours, I find more of me belonging to you with each time you controll me. 2. Research. Every now and then, a sub/slave would like to make a suggestion without it sounding like they are taking over. "Honey, to try and please you better, I"ve researched a few things and I'd like for you to decide if you think it's something I'm ready for. While you are reading, would you like for me to go to the bedroom and prepare myself for you to have your way with me?" There's nothing wrong with a little research to show that you want to be a better submissive than the day you were before. 3. Give a little tough love. In many cases, a Dom can become to comfortable with how you serve him. It can come to the point that he may not give commands or ask you to do anything anymore due to you doing the same things everyday. When you no longer hear the commands of what he demands, it's time to intentially stop doing a few things. He'll catch on quick and it'll help him realize that his dominance check list is just as important as your submissive list. After all, how long do you really want to go without a spanking? Keep it up, I see the two of you lasting for a long time. FirmhandKY would be insulted if I spoke to him in such a blatantly obsequious manner. Being a sycophant does absolutely nothing to help him be either a better person or master. As for intentionally ignoring my duties to get his attention and make a point, that's when I'd really be in trouble for playing games. I'm expected to behave in a mature and respectful manner. That entails being forthright, open and honest... not manipulative.

Bobkgin -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 6:15:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devotedsylph A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master? Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things? I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so. simply, sylph There may be insecure types who have a problem with that, but I find it endearing. I see nothing wrong with a sub/slave asking if she can help her D/M with anything. Keep in mind you have a stake in his health, happiness and growth, as all of these will impact you directly in one way or another, now or eventually. You can try encouraging him to do things you know that are good for him. You can approach this through begging, pleading, and requesting. It doesn't hurt to remind him of your love for him and how you want him to be happy, and how you are willing to help in whatever capacity he deems appropriate. If you can think of specific issues he's dealing with, and ways you might help, offer them as suggestions. Just whatever you do, don't come across as "Mom" or assume any other authoritarian role. Your task is to aid, not force or badger. Ask him after a few days if your assistance is helping, and if he has ideas about how you might be more helpful. It's natural to want to help those we love. Don't let anyone tell you different.

slaveish -> RE: Helping one's Master be a better person (8/25/2007 6:16:36 AM)
Hopefully anyone in any relationship becomes a better person because of the exchanged energy. It doesn't have to be something you consciously set out to accomplish, and in fact typically works better by example. Try to push your desires off on your Master, though, and you've got a nasty kettle of fish to deal with. Your heart is in the right place - just don't let your altruism turn into passive aggression.

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