Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (Full Version)

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SophiaBelle -> Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 9:23:54 AM)

From the reading I've been doing, at forums such as this, and at general websites, in books etc. I've noticed that many (notably NOT all) have not "come out" about their lifestyle.

Recently there was a topic about how many of Y/your friends were vanilla- and it appeared that though a good amount had friends who were not, or at least receptive, there were equally many people (myself included) who had told relatively few people that are important to them about their lifestyle.

I think one of the problems is of course, misconceptions. I am sure that many BDSM communities are seeking to get information out there that clears up common misunderstandings about our lifestyles.

On to the real topic- I will phrase a few questions- I don't care if you use them or not.

Have you told the people in your life about yourself? How were you met by them?
If you haven't told people, why? Would you like to?
What are some good places/resources you have found to help educate the people we love most on the important aspect of our life that they might not understand?
How do you feel we should help raise awareness?
Do you oppose raising awareness (namely for the reason of overexposure, [what I call 'baby booms' where something gets popular and diluted] which I am aware has already happened)?

I inadvertantly stumbled across information on BDSM at wikipedia.org
I was unaware this website existed- and as I browsed some of their information, it appears objective but at least fairly accurate- pretty up to date, and completely on the side of breaking down the misconceptions about our lifestyle.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

Anyway, I need to think some about some of my own answers, so I'll leave you to it.

(On side, though I casually checked and did not see anything- if this is a repeat topic, I apologize, this is simply something very on my mind.)



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 9:46:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SophiaBelle
Have you told the people in your life about yourself? How were you met by them?

Almost univerally I was met by curiosity. They wanted to know what I meant, how it worked, if I was really happy, things like that. A few people were a bit weirded out, but over time accepted it.
quote:


If you haven't told people, why? Would you like to?

I'd love to be very casually out all the time, the same way vanillas are with their spouses. I haven't told some family because I don't think it's necessary for them and would cause tension and problems where there doesn't need to be any.
quote:


What are some good places/resources you have found to help educate the people we love most on the important aspect of our life that they might not understand?

Myself actually. By being informed myself, answering questions directly and calmly, and showing over time that I'm a happy functional person, that helps them more than any book or site could.
quote:


How do you feel we should help raise awareness?

By acting like Ms and Ds is just another ordinary type of life and nothing to be upset about.
quote:


Do you oppose raising awareness (namely for the reason of overexposure, [what I call 'baby booms' where something gets popular and diluted] which I am aware has already happened)?

Nope, I support activism and getting the word out.



Gemeni -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 9:53:05 AM)

I'm not a missionary for "KINK".



Faramir -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 11:01:22 AM)

1) I don't try and explain SM. If you aren't into it, you can't get it - the exterior mechanics are indistinguishable to vanilla folks from domestic abuse.

2) I do try and explain D/s to friends who want to understand it, and since most of them are Christians, most of them can get it - I will reference Ephesians for example, and most of them get it. I essentially say "I have an intimacy model you are already familiar with - for people like me and her, this aspect of our relationship is exaggerated or accentuated - has symbolic or ritual significance."

3) I don't bother trying to explain M/s - it's just too far out for vanilla folk.

Now, I have some kink/fetish curious freinds - that's a whole other story.

I'm talking about like, my buddy Jason, a very square, conservative Christain who is a Col in the USA. he understand D/s intellectually, but doesn't get any of the rest and that's cool. He loves me weirdness and all [:D]



sub4hire -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 11:14:23 AM)

quote:

Have you told the people in your life about yourself? How were you met by them?


Everyone in my life knows who I am. I generally went about it by merely explaining I am no different than anyone else in life. I merely live the way people lived up until the 70's where the man is the master of the household. People understand.

When it comes to kinky sex...unless they ask I don't try to push it on them. As far as D/s goes everyone everywhere understands if you communicate yourself well enough.




SophiaBelle -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 11:40:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
When it comes to kinky sex...unless they ask I don't try to push it on them. As far as D/s goes everyone everywhere understands if you communicate yourself well enough.


Unfortunately, I only wish that was true. There are some very, very bigoted people out there. While looking for information, I stumbled across forum after forum where the topic of bdsm/d/s/tpe etc was met with utter and horrid disgust- despite anyone's best effort to gently educate.

Though the concept feels natural to me, I am fairly certain there are people who won't understand, and won't even be remotely courteous.



sub4hire -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 11:53:29 AM)

quote:

Unfortunately, I only wish that was true. There are some very, very bigoted people out there. While looking for information, I stumbled across forum after forum where the topic of bdsm/d/s/tpe etc was met with utter and horrid disgust- despite anyone's best effort to gently educate.


What kind of forum was it? BDSM? Could'nt have been. Religion? I imagine if I were a femdom trying to explain myself I'd have a much harder time. That just doesn't seem natural to the general population.
Being a female sub...seems more normal. Traditional.

I'd love to infultrate a forum and change their minds....



wednesday -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 1:37:53 PM)

quote:

Have you told the people in your life about yourself? How were you met by them?


Anyone in my "peer group" (as it were) knows about it. I am very open on the social level and will answer any question about my personal preferences honestly, and any question about the subject in general to the best of my ability. I am also the first to admit I don't know everything, and point them in the research direction.

quote:

If you haven't told people, why? Would you like to?


I haven't told my parents (but my mom's pretty much on to me) or siblings, because they had seen me go through a period of abuse and would be quick to psychoanalyze and shrink wrap me (and not in the pleasant way). I don't discuss it at work because I work with children and parents have had people in my position fired over less. There is a great stigma in the uneducated broad community that lumps all fetish, kink, and deviance together. Much in the way the homosexuality panic used to lead to the conclusion jump straight to pedophile (and still does, in some circles), my preferences would put my career at risk.

quote:

What are some good places/resources you have found to help educate the people we love most on the important aspect of our life that they might not understand?


I'm with EmeraldSlave on this one. The best person to educate a loved one on the most important aspects of my life is Me. If they still don't understand, I encourage them to speak to other friends of mine who practice the same kinds of habits I do. I rarely point to literature, as it is one-way. I like to leave the room for dialogue.

quote:

Do you oppose raising awareness (namely for the reason of overexposure, [what I call 'baby booms' where something gets popular and diluted] which I am aware has already happened)?


Yes and no. I am all for awareness if it is positive - pointing out to the general community that we are not all depraved lunatics looking for a cheap thrill. Depravity is universal, and not compartmentalized into the kink or fetish world. Additionally, I firmly believe that many of the practices involved in BDSM could be helpful to ANY couple. However I am opposed to the idea of making it a mainstream hobby, as it were. I just know that opening up the mindset for understanding opens it up equally for mockery. I respect someone's right to mock me, but that doesn't make it any less tiresome.

*edited to correct my bad grammar



zaynab -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/8/2005 7:26:47 PM)

for me personally, even though my entire being and life is of a submissive nature, talking about bdsm would be like talking about my sexual preferences and sex life.
i'm not shy about personal information and tell almost everyone i meet about DID (personality disorder i have) but i do that because there is a huge need for others to know that this is not an uncommon disorder and educate them about it's symptoms and treatment, etc.

but share info freely about bdsm and my submissiveness? uhmm.... for me, that would be like announcing to everyone what kind of sex toys i like.... they would think... who cares?

then again.... i could be missing the point of your question entirely, kinda air-headed tonight. ~ zay



MasterBenedict -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/9/2005 5:06:36 PM)

True enough... Firstly


i wholeheartedly approve of your choice & also, I'm curious about how many of 'us' have serious conditions?

(I, myself have MS)



wednesday -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/9/2005 5:36:44 PM)

quote:

I'm curious about how many of 'us' have serious conditions?


It's not that unusual. I have met a number of people with a number of physical and mental complications while doing research.

I have FMS, personally. Or neuroendocrine immune deficiency syndrome, but that doesn't fit on a medic alert bracelet.




dominmd -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/9/2005 7:00:11 PM)

Don't feel a need for people to know. I thnk they are just fine in their vanilla world without me messing things up.

Do I think I would be accepted? Most likely by MOST of my friends.


But why bring up more issues when there are enough issues on the table right now?



pleasureforHim -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/10/2005 8:25:29 AM)

Didn't i just answer this question?

i do not intend to tell my family, ever.

i have told my vanilla girlfriends, all of whom are just fascinated and require lots of updates.

i cannot ever imagine myself telling my vanilla men friends...it would cross a boundary..we never discussed my sex life in detail when i was vanilla..and i'd have to teach them what BDSM is. Yikes!

some of my Dom and Master and subby friends suspect i'm into BDSM..LOL

pleasureforHim

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slavedesires -> RE: Fostering Acceptance (Or at least information) (7/11/2005 6:27:13 AM)

GREAT topic SophiaBelle

Most people who know me, know i allow a man to "control" me.
If they ask why, i might give an answer depending on the reason they ask and tailor it to what i know about them and their closemindedness or openmindedness.
Mom and i had a really good discussion one day. I essentially told her what we do is our business.
To my brother i said, you dont need to take care of me anymore, love me accept me but i dont need your "protection" anymore unless i ask for it. He was cool about it.

Do i use the words BDSM? NO
Do i use the words D/s? Depends on who asks and what i know of them.
Do i use the words M/s? NO!! But my boss figured it out and is totally cool with it.

I dont talk about my kink really, only my relationship.

I can barely tolerate and accept the lifestyle of parents who neglect and abandon their kids, why should i foster acceptance of mine?

~~shy



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