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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 7:09:36 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		When your Master tells you that your are beautiful and/or gives you any other compliment, trust that he is telling you the truth. You state that you trust him and love him and part of that trust given is knowing he will be honest with you. He may reparmand you for breaking eye contact  yet he does this to as a teaching lesson to make you grow. When he says you're beautiful, chances are he is seeing your inner beauty that is far more important then what our sense of outer beauty should be.
  When you casually dismiss his compliment by saying "but..but..." in effect you indicate your mistrust in his judgement. Know that his opinions are valid and most Masters are able to see in us what we cannot.


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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 8:29:01 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

This is a self-centered and selfish issue.

Your Master is telling you something positive. What you are telling him in return, effectively, is that he does not know what he is talking about. It doesn't matter if you feel like the creature from the black lagoon - your Master is telling you otherwise. Let go of the self-deprecating control.


Thank you.  That's basically how I've been trying to explain it...



Its not always that easy for all of us....

I just have to make the concious effort to not make some smart assed comment in return and just say thank you, even if I dont agree.....

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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 8:50:35 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Tears for all you beautiful, strong women here and everywhere.  Self worth is not something anyone else can give you, Master or otherwise.  It is something you have inside you and need to find yourself, every single person on this planet is beautiful and valuable in some way.  Please girls, look in your heart, and at your accomplishments, and at your amazing body that serves you and your Master so very well, and appreciate that, whatever its specific form is.   And for those who are not collared, please try to find this before you give yourself to Someone, it will make you so much stronger and more valuable to Him when you find Him, if that is the path you choose to take, and will give you so much more happiness in your life whether you are collared or not.

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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 8:56:19 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

I have a slightly different take on this.
 
If I tell her that she's beautiful and she doesn't believe it, isn't she, in effect, accusing me of being dishonest?
 



That's exactly what I was getting at in my post, Michael. I agree. It is indeed. Or she's telling you that you don't know what you're talking about.

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If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 8:58:19 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You must graciously accept.  To do anything else would be an insult to the person offering, specially when that person is your master/owner.

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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 9:06:51 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

One of the first rules my Master put into place when he began training me was that the only one who had a right to berate me, from that point on, was him, and he would decide when that would occur, not me, and not anyone else (meaning if others do I'm to ignore it and let it go).


Valyraen sees me as beautiful every day, from the moment I wake up with my hair a mess to when I'm dressed up in heels and skirt. The way I see myself varies from day-to-day, but I learned quickly that no one will insult his Kitten. Even Kitten herself. I have been disciplined firmly for calling myself fat or ugly. I've transitioned to saying "I feel moo today", which I think is a better way of putting it anyway. I know in my head that I'm attractive, but when I'm just feeling all icky and ugly I can't make that feeling go away. I have to acknowledge it to let it go. When I say "I'm feeling moo", he gives my head a nice scratch, gives me a hug and then reminds me in no uncertain terms how sexy he finds me. And that's the opinion that really matters anyway.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 9:25:22 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I found it easier to accept compliments in the beginning if he was holding me. The physical closeness helped me drop my protective walls a bit. Ask him to try this and see if it helps.

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RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 10:20:12 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

Its not always that easy for all of us....

I just have to make the concious effort to not make some smart assed comment in return and just say thank you, even if I dont agree.....



There are many things that are not easy for us, and yet we learn to do them. In order to submit, we must trust. In order to trust we must overcome ourselves. Of course it's not easy - if it were, everyone would do it.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 10:25:31 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		OK---- look OP, you are a pretty fuckin' worthless whore...........(does that work better for you?)

Accept that what he says is how your Master feels, thank him and move on without judging it.

There exists much larger problems in relations that need worrying over.

Ron

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RE: Compliments? - 9/10/2007 10:17:23 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		A simple, "Thank you, Sir," would most likely suffice, whether you agree or not.

Master Fire

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RE: Compliments? - 9/10/2007 12:16:12 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Just accept it as gracefully as possible. You don't have to agree with him, just respect his opinion. A simple "thank you" is plenty. 

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RE: Compliments? - 9/10/2007 2:19:50 PM   
spiral23


Posts: 1053
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

^^ Authored and published by Marianne Williamson ^^


(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Compliments? - 9/11/2007 11:57:29 AM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I also have a problem with compliments. Master tells me he finds me sexy and beautiful, something I've had a hard time
with.

But I believe him when he tells me that's how he sees
me.

< Message edited by whiteslavebitch -- 9/11/2007 11:58:43 AM >

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RE: Compliments? - 9/11/2007 12:45:46 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I use to have the same problem. "He only says that because he loves me" or some such excuse.

If someone offers you a glass of water, and you are thirsty, do you say no? Compliments, or subtle acts of praise, will grow on you over time, and you will come to crave them if they are offered appropriately, and with true meaning behind them. Ultimately, he's telling you for a reason that you are pretty, or your ass makes him want to spank you silly, the reason doesn't matter, he's telling you, because he wants you to know it. If he didn't want you to hear it, and know it, then he wouldn't say it.

Consider it one more challange. Can you keep your focus when you're spanked, flogged or fucked? Do it when you're complimented, take it as one more challange, it is not your place to question WHY he's telling you, instead, merely reason, that this is something he wants you to know. Take it as pleasurable, or as painful, but take it, and I assure you, over time, it will grow on you.
A compliment should be recieved with a 'thank you'. You'd say thank you after the glass of water right? Nothing more, nothing less. Simply recieve it, it does not require effort, or an elaborate answer, there is no mystery to unravel, no complicated message. Take the words at face value.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Compliments? - 9/12/2007 10:18:15 PM   
BDsbabygirl


Posts: 115
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		I actually came looking for this thread after feeling I had nothing helpful to add, but now I have a problem to share, though I'm not necessarily looking for advice, as I've read all the posts here and feel the advice given is solid...
Not to sound conceited, but up to this point, I had no problem graciously saying "Thank you" when given a compliment because I was also thinking "Well, du-uh" (yes, disrespectful in respect to my Dom which is why I don't say that to him). But (before you all start throwing darts at me)! That is only how I feel right now, while having my hair lightened and having lost 25 pounds in the last 11 months, and I fear that may change. See, Big Daddy and I were talking tonight when the subject of hair color came up and he said he's never seen the appeal of blondes or redheads - not that he doesn't see some as attractive, it's just how the media falls all over them - as he much prefers dark hair. He went on to say that should I go back to dark hair, he'd be even more all over me and seeking to poke out eyeballs when people stare at me. I said I doubt anyone would stare at a dark-haired me and that I in fact hate when I have dark hair, to the point of actually covering my mirrors to avoid seeing what I think is a horrid look. I also said that the only reason I now have the high self-esteem he so loves about me is because I've kept my hair lightened and have done so for over two decades. I also said a large part of it is that I've lost so much weight recently, but I really don't like a heavier me. For these reasons, he may not insist I go back to dark hair and keep my weight up (he dislikes overly skinny bodies), but what if he does decide to have me go back to my natural hair color and stop losing weight? I can take compliments graciously even when I don't agree, but don't seem able to internalize them and make them my own opinions; I figure that since my opinion never changed despite my ex's nearly continuous stream of compliments over 12 years, it's not gonna change with my Master's continued complimenting, either. I don't view it as calling the complimenter a liar since I do believe that that's their opinion, I just don't see it that way myself, same as if he liked a certain movie and I didn't; neither one of us would be right since taste is subjective and I guess I'm too much of the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" school of thought to be swayed by anyone else's opinion. This all would be fine and dandy if I could just leave it at a simple "Thank you", but I also know that my self-esteem is important to him. Should he ask me straight out how my self-esteem is I'd be forced to (1) lie, which is unthinkable or (2) be honest and say it's down because I hate the dark hair and heavier body on myself. While I could live with #2 (albeit unhappily), it seems to me to be disrespectful of his opinion, especially since that's how pretty much everyone here has stated it. What to do, what to do? Guess I'll just hope he never makes me darken my hair and lets me continue to lost weight...
But then that raises another problem -- If he does let me stay as-is to preserve my self-esteem, what does that do to him? He won't be able to see me the way he'd like and isn't that the important thing, his view of me and/or being the way he'd like to see me?
Right now, there doesn't seem to be a really good solution to my quandary. Again, I'm not seeking advice, just felt the need to verbalize.
 
P.S. The only reason I have a pic of me with dark hair is because it's the only one I have and could upload and someone had asked me to post a pic of myself. Plus, I do like the long hair in it vs. the shoulder-length hair I now have...but will be posting a different, better, pic soon, I hope.

 

< Message edited by BDsbabygirl -- 9/12/2007 10:25:58 PM >

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~ Captured by My Dominance, enslaved by My love ~ -- Big Daddy
Collared by Master Big Daddy on Monday, 7/23/07 at 2:35pm

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