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BlackFlame -> RE: How did you first get properly into the scene? (8/27/2007 8:15:19 PM)
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Tips for being 22, new, and male:
a) Get used to the idea that most people are going to dismiss you as some horny 22 year old. It doesn't help that you are in fact a horny 22 year old (you just happen to be horny and kinky 22 year old, which is the hard part). You've already pretty much seen this even this thread. Congratulations on your first time getting flamed for being 22, new, and daring to ask a question! When you've been at it for a while, you'll look back fondly as you tell some unfortuante bastard in your current position how it is.
But look at it this way: the first step in learning how to juggle is learning to be ok with dropping the ball. Because it's going to happen a lot when you're new.
b) Accept that it's going to take you twice, if not three or more times as long to be taken seriously as that 18 year old chick who decided to be kinky last week because she decided she really liked that Marylin Manson or My Chemical Romance video. The thing is that there are a plethora of horny guys of all ages, and all experience levels. There is a shortage of willing young lasses-- you're just fighting the economics on this one.
You will come to determine that this is in fact why so many of the women dismiss you as a horny young 20-something-- they've been perved on by the overabundance of horny guys, some of whom are downright creepy. The creepy ones are much more active too.
So, with this in mind:
Your best bet is to find the local scene. And you're going to have to show up; you're going to have to show up a lot. Like a lot a lot. Consider it a major slot on your social calender. And, you're going to have to put up with basically being ignored by default. Your first task is to establish yourself as something more than just that guy in the corner everyone is ignoring. Remember that there are some really creepy pervs out there and that these people have probably had experiences with at least a few, and it will at least be easier to understand. This is a process that will take months, unless you're very lucky. So be patient.
The alternative method:
Hey, the fact is your generation (and my generation, for that matter)-- well, we're different. So the idea of being kinky is something a surprising amount of the friends you consider 'vanilla' may actually be ok with. Don't assume that that girl you think is hot that your friend Bob just introduced you to is going to think you're a freak because you like to get kinky-- and even if she does, you may be just the kind of freak she's looking for, or could get into. Letting people know you're into bdsm is not the scarlett letter it used to be.
You may want to consider dating older-- it's worth it, and there's nothing wrong with it. There is much to learn from older women, if you can get one to notice you.
Also, at your age, don't assume you're looking forever and forever. Aim in the 3 month zone, and if it works out past that, then it's a bonus. You didn't go to your first job thinking you were going to work there until you retire. Don't approach your first kinky relationships that way either.
If you can find a kinky girl to be involved with-- well, that may make it easier to integrate into the larger community. People are less likely to think you're perving on them if you've already got a girl. But heck, you may even decide that the community isn't worth your time. I mean-- who wants to wait around for months before a bunch of blowhards deigns to acknowledge your prescence?
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