MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005 Status: offline
|
The pro-Domme idea is not necessarily bad ... but should be regarded as but one potential strategy. I can understand why it is tempting, it is, in some ways, the easy way out. Just hand him over, sit back and learn! The "danger" with it, as I see it, is that you will simply become a carbon copy of Her ... rather than yourself being expressed as a Domme. Also the Domme may not want to scene at your house, She may insist you both go to Her Dungeon where She has all Her equipment in a controlled environment. And who would conduct the negotiation for the scene?? When I first got into this, I did a lot of research - books, internet etc. I can send you some worthwhile sites to read if you message My profile. I was just as concerned as you with not doing real harm, either physically, or emotionally/mentally. So I kept it low key until I gained confidence and knowledge together. You are already ahead of Me in having found this place, which can be a great resource! I didn't find this till I had done a lot of learning by other means. I echo what other posters have said. Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, ear plugs) are a great place to start. It really unsettles someone to not know what is about to happen. So whether you have them standing and move around them as one poster suggested (always a good one), or bound and vulnerable ... another good one ... start with simple things. Little touches ... caresses ... pinches ... nibbles ... kisses ... bites ... nice and nasty interspersed! Or try doing nice things on one side, and nasty on the other (eg clamp one nipple with a clothes peg for 10 minutes and flick it every now and then while kissing and sucking the other one gently). It's a real mindfuck for the recipient! Now so far, only one piece of equipment, the peg! (General guide, leave a peg on for no more than 20 minutes in any one place, be guided by the colour and temp of the skin, err on the side of caution ... and it hurts more when you take it off!). Take a look around the house and see what you've got with play potential! A coarse pet hairbrush ... oooh great for rubbing over the skin, or whacking the ass. A wooden spoon makes an awesome noise as a warm-up spanker. Feather duster .... OOOOOHH FUN!! Try the back of the knees when he's standing ... after you've told him NOT to move of course LOL! Have a ruler ready for a quick whack on the ass if he does move when tickled. Take him to the pet shop and choose a lovely new collar and leash for him (try to be discreet in deference to the public and staff who haven't consented to your kink) ... you can have measured his neck before and take your tape measure out to measure the collars, ask him which collar he prefers, does he like studs or plain etc etc. He will squirm deliciously! Stop at a stall that does engraved pet medallions and have one done for him. If you can find a suitably deserted place on the way home, put it on him there and take him for a short walkies. How about shaving him? Not a lot more vulnerable than being naked, tied, blindfolded ... and have someone working around your jewels with a very sharp object! Threaten to leave him half done LOL! Or simply tell him you are setting him a task for tomorrow ... then sit there with a serious but wicked look on your face while you are writing it down. Make sure he is somewhere you can subtly watch him ... maybe have him kneeling and waiting so he is visible in a mirror. Likely you will see little looks of panic go across his face (especially if you have already vocalised some fairly outlandish suggestions LOL!) ... chide him, ask him does he not trust You? Would he refuse to do such things for You? Tease, tease, tease! None of this has involved picking up a flogger or doing anything hard core. If you are going to bind someone, be careful to not do it with thin rope or across pressure points, or to allow a lot of weight to be supported by only one part of the body. If unsure, get some simple leather wrist/ankle cuffs with D-rings on, and some dogleash type of snaps. These are easier and safer to attach to ropes or chains that are then looped around things like chair legs, bed legs etc. Failing all else, some wide leather pet collars will do, as they will distribute the force better than improperly applied rope ... but DONT suspend all or part of someone using them! Suspension is something best learned from an expert. That's the sort of thing you go to parties and workshops to learn! And this type of simple bondage I am referring to is for gentle restraint of someone who wants to be restrained, it's not for the Houdini types! General guide to spanking ... start lightly ... warm them up ... take your time ... when the skin is pink and slightly warm to touch you can apply harder blows. Often good to get them to count the blows (eg One thank you Maam, may i have another one please? Two, thank You ... aside: it's amazing how many boys think they have to say ONE each time LMAO!). This helps You to see where their mind is at ... if they start to have difficulty counting or forget to finish the sentence, it can be that they are going spacy (DO read up on subspace! And sub drop! And aftercare!). Between hard blows, or groups of them, caress over the skin, this soothes away the pain, makes it feel pleasurable, increases the hormone flows that get the sub into space. Talk softly ... tease a little maybe ... make sure you have a safeword system in place and that you have previously agreed how "hard" you will play. For example, if you use the trafficlight system where GREEN is all OK, keep going, AMBER (Orange/Yellow whatever you call it!) is "that's about as much as i can handle right now" and RED is STOP! Too far! ... it pays to tell the sub ahead of time You intend to play to Amber. In other words, You want to know where his pain limit is at that time. If he KNOWS You are not going to let up until he says it, this disciplines him in the art of trusting You and in trusting himself to actually say it when he needs to say it (some men are just too macho for their own good). When he calls it, praise him, caress him, You may still inflict more blows but at no greater intensity (a little less is often best) unless You want him to call Red. Remember the speed of the blows is as important as the intensity ... lots of medium ones can hurt more than one or two big ones. OK I'll stop there or this will turn into BDSM 101! If You would like to msg Me for more help, please do so. Maybe I can resurrect My high school French! Maam Jay aka violet[A]
_____________________________
Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
|