Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Can I become a domme?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Can I become a domme? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 2:47:51 PM   
deuxchats


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
Bonjour from France!
I just married a French man and soon after I discovered he is into BDSM and that he dreams of being dominated. He had a few experiences in his life, however he is still very shy about it and doesn't dare to talk to me about it although I am very open and never think less of him because of this.
In my vanilla life my nature is rather authoritarian but I have never tried to sexually dominate anyone. I am open to the idea!

He is having troubles in getting an erection and told me that if he was spanked or flogged perhaps that might help him. I tried it a few times, spanking his buttocks and balls but I don't think I am doing this right.

I watch movies, I look at pictures, I read all your testimonies on the forum. My problem is: is it possible to BECOME a domme? The idea turns me on; but I want to do this mostly because I like to see him getting his pleasure. Isn't this somehow contradictory and not very domme-ish?

I suggested him that we should go to one of those public sessions, to get into the atmosphere. I don't know yet where to find this in our region, I will find out eventually. I don't know how to act, what to wear, how things go on such occasions.

I am really a mess. I have a thousand billion questions and I just don't know how to start.

Can I become an authentic domme out of love for him?


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 2:56:00 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
Yes, you can.   You may never have primal urges and uncontrollable lust that makes you wake up daily and think of ways to torment and torture your man for your pleasure, but you can learn to enjoy the feelings that come with the experience and most importantly conduct yourself in a manner that "works" for your husband.  What he wants to see, probably, is that you are doing these things for your own pleasure.  Many men complain that their women can "act out" dominance, but they know, deep down, she's doing it just for him.

You have already confessed you are coming at this from the standpoint of wanting to do it to please him; that's ok - it's a start.  What will need to change is that you'll have to start showing him how much *you* enjoy it.  You can do that by:

* Being the one to initiate the dominance, not waiting for him to ask. Surprise him, catch him off guard.
* Tell him, show him, let him taste - how much you like it, how much it makes you wet
* In addition to practicing the "how to's" of spanking, flogging - practice the sinister and playful smile, the "aww, poor baby, does that hurt?" attitude, the intenstiy of having secrets and not telling him (ie, what you are doing next; use blindfolds, etc, to keep him off guard). Find out which "attitude" pushes his buttons
* Watch his reactions carefully - not so much to see if he's liking it, to see if YOU are liking it!  What turns you on? Do more of that!
* Dominance is often about confidence and demeanor; save your "am I doing this right?" talks for walks on the beach and quiet romantic moments, not during the heat of the passion. Instead, know you ARE doing it right if YOU are enjoying it. 

That's just sort of an off-the-top-of-my-head list. I write a lot about women learning to enjoy dominance on my site.  You can also email me at any time for more personal advice.  The bottom line:  Enjoy yourself and communicate with him clearly -- if he is quiet about his fantasies, it means he is shy and vulnerable about them.  Enjoy peeling the onion and know that you are dealing with very, very powerful stuff; revel in how you can melt him with your actions and behavior -- this is an intensity most couples never get to experience!

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 3:03:09 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: deuxchats

I watch movies, I look at pictures, I read all your testimonies on the forum. My problem is: is it possible to BECOME a domme? The idea turns me on; but I want to do this mostly because I like to see him getting his pleasure. Isn't this somehow contradictory and not very domme-ish?

Woah... slow down a bit... movies, expecialy porn, are bad examples. If the idea of being a Domme turns you on, then you may be able to focus on what turns you on about being a Domme, and bring that out. Getting pleasure from your sub getting pleasure, is not un-Dommish.

quote:

ORIGINAL: deuxchats

I suggested him that we should go to one of those public sessions, to get into the atmosphere. I don't know yet where to find this in our region, I will find out eventually. I don't know how to act, what to wear, how things go on such occasions.


run a search with the closest major city to you and "BDSM" you will get a decent list of groups clubs etc. be yourself, be honest with people you meet. Wear what you are comfortable with. most folks that actually go to play do not wear heavy fetish gear. As far as how things go, relax and enjoy what you see, ask questions (after the scene and aftercare)


_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 3:09:06 PM   
Carrianna


Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
He should of been honest with you from the start.  But he obviously has seen a dom within you, or I am sure none of this would of come to light. 

If he is having problems with an erection, simple, get a shoe lace, pull it tight at the base of his tackle, pull it tighter, put a bow on you like, voila! *wink*

Just have fun being who he can see you are, and welcome to the forums!!!


_____________________________

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. "Mansfield Park" J.Austen

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:01:50 PM   
deuxchats


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
AAkasha, wow, I felt that you really understood my present state of mind.
My question comes exactly from the thought that I may appear to him as merely "acting out". I have already told him that his pleasure brings me my own pleasure and that I would do anything to please him. I somehow feel that I made a mistake and rushed myself into declarations.
I enjoy telling him what to do to me. Sometimes I worry that he may not like this or that but then again I think as a submissive he should like doing what gives me pleasure, right?
This is indeed something where I can start from. Favouring my pleasures first and using him as a tool. Right?

I will tell you about last night when I started spanking his balls while he was down on me. I sure did surprise him. Then I was worried that I may hurt him too much, seeing that he was trying to protect himself somehow. He is so shy that he wouldn't dare tell me whether he liked it or not.

Confidence and demeanor, you say. And I kept asking him "am I hurting you, baby?" Silly, I know, laugh as much as you can. But I have never done this before, so how should I know how to start?
How could I make him trust me and talk to me more often?

Phin, I know porn movies aren't the real thing. But do you think I live with declared bdsm adepts around and that I know how it's done or why it is done?
I like to consider myself quite smart and with a good intuition. I'm just worried that out of too much love and being too over zealous I may harm our relationship instead of reaching to that necessary level of trust and openness.

Carrianna, true, he should have told me about it before we got married. He explained to me later that since he had never had a true D/s relationship before, he had somehow given up on the idea of pursuing this lifestyle.
However I know that a search which took place for years and years cannot just end like this. He will forever long for it and I feel so good around him that I really want both of us to be happy.

I come from a very conservatory family and am not a sex expert. But I think I have enough brains and good intuition to evolve.
That's why I ask for your help.

AAkasha, so I should surprise him. How about my fear of doing the things wrong? I should start with something that pleases the both of us, right?
Is there a way to know for sure that he sees that I like doing this or that?
Sorry if I am not very clear, English is not my strongest point.


(in reply to Carrianna)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:09:57 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deuxchats

I watch movies, I look at pictures, I read all your testimonies on the forum. My problem is: is it possible to BECOME a domme? The idea turns me on; but I want to do this mostly because I like to see him getting his pleasure. Isn't this somehow contradictory and not very domme-ish?

Can I become an authentic domme out of love for him?

I hope you don't think the rest of us popped out of the womb like this.  In case it hasn't occured to you, and despite the bullshit some want to peddle, everyone here became who they are.  Can you become a domme, I have no idea.  Either you will or you won't.  What I do know is you can become anything you are capable of becoming.  Only sure way to find out is give it a try.  You don't need anyone here's approval, validation or permission.  Its your relationship, if you and your husband find a dynamic that works for you, call it whatever the hell you want and enjoy it for as long as you both shall live.  Screw whether anyone else approves of it, understands it, or even knows about it.  That's about as basic as I know how to put it. 

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:13:08 PM   
deuxchats


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
You are right, Padriag, but I am not looking for approval. I just want to do what is best for me and my husband and I do not want to fall into the trap of "trying too much with zero result".
I need your thoughts and opinions because I am lonely on this battlefield.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:18:19 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
Hubby "became a Dom" after He learned of my interest in this, so it can be done.  Are you only interested in bedroom D/s or do you want it as a 24/7 lifestyle?  I had always served Hubby outside the bedroom but never realized it was part of BDSM until i learned about this as a lifestyle. When we took it to the bedroom about 4 years ago, i did a lot of "topping from the bottom" because He would ask about what i wanted, but now He is definitely in charge.  It helped us to go shopping together for bondage items and to watch bondage videos together.  Hope it works out for you both, enjoy the journey.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:22:03 PM   
deuxchats


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub
Are you only interested in bedroom D/s or do you want it as a 24/7 lifestyle?

That I don't know yet. Since my nature is somehow "bossy" I think I'd like to see it evolving into a lifestyle.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:41:56 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deuxchats

Can I become an authentic domme out of love for him?



Bonjour Madame :)
 
I would hope your motivation is out of love.  That's the best kind :)  Love gives you total acceptance.  It mis my desire to be the best I can be for my slave that motivates me to make him happy.  It's not about hating men.
I think you will be fine :)



_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:42:16 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deuxchats

Confidence and demeanor, you say. And I kept asking him "am I hurting you, baby?" Silly, I know, laugh as much as you can. But I have never done this before, so how should I know how to start?
How could I make him trust me and talk to me more often?

Phin, I know porn movies aren't the real thing. But do you think I live with declared bdsm adepts around and that I know how it's done or why it is done?
I like to consider myself quite smart and with a good intuition. I'm just worried that out of too much love and being too over zealous I may harm our relationship instead of reaching to that necessary level of trust and openness.

Carrianna, true, he should have told me about it before we got married. He explained to me later that since he had never had a true D/s relationship before, he had somehow given up on the idea of pursuing this lifestyle.
However I know that a search which took place for years and years cannot just end like this. He will forever long for it and I feel so good around him that I really want both of us to be happy.

I come from a very conservatory family and am not a sex expert. But I think I have enough brains and good intuition to evolve.
That's why I ask for your help.

AAkasha, so I should surprise him. How about my fear of doing the things wrong? I should start with something that pleases the both of us, right?
Is there a way to know for sure that he sees that I like doing this or that?
Sorry if I am not very clear, English is not my strongest point.




My advice would be to not go overboard with the pain related things until you have a little bit of confidence and find you are enjoying the foundation.  Always talk a lot about how it felt, what you did, what he enjoyed when you are in downtime - later that night, the next day, etc.  Don't ask questions like, "Did you like it when I..." because it sounds like you are questioning your ability. Open ended questions will give you a lot more to work with, like "How did it feel when I...." and "What were you thinking?"     Try to get into his head as you progress and learn how he is wired, what pushes his buttons - so you can create the reactions you enjoy the most.

Don't get saddled in fear.  There is no "doing something wrong" as long as you are safe and careful (that's why I advise go easy on the pain things until you are ready) and enjoying yourself.  As for how to "start" - I always find bondage is a good place to start, because it asserts control right away.  Restrain him in a way that he cannot escape.  Continue your games from that point.  You said you have read and watched things -- get a sense of the acts that seem interesting and fun to you. 

The way you make sure he knows that you are enjoying yourself is you tell him.  You smile (a fun, devious smile).  You point out his situation and tell him it turns you on.  You pleasure yourself in front of him.  You tease him with your arousal.  There will be a moment, I suspect, when in his mind he thinks to himself, "wait..she's actually into this..she is doing it for herself this time..she's enjoying it...she's going farther.....how far is she going to go?  what have I created?  This is very vulnerable" -- and that will be a great moment of intimacy. 

All men are different, so it's hard to even guess what your husband's buttons are, or what his submissive secrets are. Some men just like pain, but they want the woman to enjoy giving it.  Some men want to feel vulnerable. Some men want to feel very small and humbled.  Some men just want the rush of not being in control.  There are more. I find enjoyment in all of these things, they are like different flavors to me. As you experiment, you will find that you may like some, may love some, and some you may do without.   Chances are, there will be some overlap between your desires and his; and if he is like most submissives, then the things you enjoy will be the things that give him the greatest pleasure, because he doesn't feel like he's directing you.


Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/27/2007 4:43:43 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deuxchats

You are right, Padriag, but I am not looking for approval. I just want to do what is best for me and my husband and I do not want to fall into the trap of "trying too much with zero result".
I need your thoughts and opinions because I am lonely on this battlefield.


Okay, let me put it another way.  It sounds like you are overthinking this, making the problem seem larger than it really is.  Do the opposite, break it down into small steps.  I don't care who they are, whether its me or anyone else in this lifestyle, we all got where we are (where ever that is) one step at a time.  When I started out I had one thing, a desire... I didn't have an online forum to ask questions, I didn't have dozens of kinky books, I didn't have a mentor, I didn't have a BDSM community... I just had my own ingenuity and that desire.  Ultimately I still think that's the more important thing anyone can have in this.

If you and your husband try some things, I'd be willing to bet you'll find some things you enjoy and some you don't.  So if you try, its probably unlikely that there will be zero results... but its also likely those results will be mixed.  That's fine, its a learning process.  Go with that and enjoy the journey.  If he likes being spanked, try spanking sessions.  Doesn't have to be elaborate, start simple and build on it.  Get comfortable with it and as you do let your imagination go, have fun with it.  Same thing with bondage, services, etc.  Start with a simple idea, try it out and if you both enjoy it, build on it.  If it doesn't "work" for the two of you, try something else.

But most of all, keep this in mind.  If you aren't enjoying what you are doing you will burn out fast.  If you turn this into a job, it'll become a nightmare.  Just start simple and take it one step at a time... that's how all journey's begin.  I wish you all the best on yours.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/28/2007 4:14:54 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
The role of the alpha in any sexual relationship (using alpha so as to not hinder myself with gender issues...and not have a domme cut my nuts off sometime down the road) (It never hurts to be careful :)  has the responsibilty to do things the way the sub in the relationship wants it.  ....an opinion. 

esp. with domme's (oh well, goodbye nuts) since the majority of good ones come from a previous sub upbringing are really good at being on an empathic level with what their sub wants and being able to provide it in a manner whch pleases her..which is where the key is to it all.

if your sub is into 1 kink and you're into another, getting the two to mesh can be a pain, but a good alpha can do it so everybody wins. 

the weird thing about the entire thing is this:  Most (not all, if you're not don't write letters to the advertisers) subs are about being the center of attention, the kink is almost secondary, now they are the ones "doing the work" --servicing the alpha, but in actuality it is the alpha who is being serviced who is having to plan & execute a good scene putting her/his own needs behind the needs/wants of hte sub. 

a suggestion with your husband's shyness:  Put a blindfold on him, and isolate him on his feet (standing) (assuming there are no health reasons not to) for a few minutes, make enough noise to let him know you are around, but not really paying attention to him, then start the scene slowly, a flirtatious scratch of a nail in an intimate place a promising kiss on his shoulder, then a soft yet solid whack on his backside, and slowly build it as he relaxes to the stimulous and the scene itself, you keep moving around him (the reason for him to be standing) so he never knows where you'll be next..it is paying attention to all the little errogenous zones as you go along, and a lingering promise to his Mr. Johnson now and again....and as he relaxes more and get more impatient for the next thing, you let him 'earn' his rewards by a good spanking...or whatever works for you both.   again just an opinion. 

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/30/2007 2:17:45 PM   
deuxchats


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
How I wish practice was easier than theory... And how I wish Aakasha was somewhere closer to me, although I don't think she'd like my little quiet town.

I was wondering: what if I suggest him that we invite a pro Domme to our house so she could discipline him in order to train me? How could that work or not work?

(in reply to Perplex)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/30/2007 4:36:35 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
deuxchats,

If you're both comfortable with that idea, it's a pretty good one.  Make sure she's reputable, do your homework and have a list of questions and topics you'd like to discuss with her. 

Most Pros won't include any sort of sexual activities on their menu; as you're in France, you may want to check with her and ask her about that.

Also, asking her about local groups and organizations where you can both attend and see how others interact might be very helpful as well.

Good luck!

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/30/2007 5:11:07 PM   
Redoubt


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline
Bonsoir Madame, j'espere que tout va bien pour vous et ton petit!

I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned yet, but there are some truly excellent books available for the emerging dominant. "The loving dominant" and "Screw the roses - send me the Thorns" are two that immediately spring to mind.

L'idee d'etudiant avec une maitresse professionelle a merite, mais si ta ville est petite comme vous dites, c'est plus de possible que vous cherchions en vain.

Il n'y a rien si belle que l'emergence de la papillon qui est la femme dominante... merci, et aussi - je vous en prie, pardonnez-moi pour la francais pauvre - trop d'annes depuis Paris :)

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/31/2007 3:34:40 PM   
deuxchats


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
Moi c'est la pratique qui me donne de soucis :) That is, practice is killing me.

I told him about my idea of having a Domme over our house and he was pleasantly surprised, especially that he hadn't thought about it before.
Now all I have to find is a fine Domme. Aakasha, no intention of visiting France soon? :)

(in reply to Redoubt)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Can I become a domme? - 8/31/2007 8:54:50 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
The pro-Domme idea is not necessarily bad ... but should be regarded as but one potential strategy. I can understand why it is tempting, it is, in some ways, the easy way out. Just hand him over, sit back and learn! The "danger" with it, as I see it, is that you will simply become a carbon copy of Her ... rather than yourself being expressed as a Domme. Also the Domme may not want to scene at your house, She may insist you both go to Her Dungeon where She has all Her equipment in a controlled environment. And who would conduct the negotiation for the scene??

When I first got into this, I did a lot of research - books, internet etc. I can send you some worthwhile sites to read if you message My profile. I was just as concerned as you with not doing real harm, either physically, or emotionally/mentally. So I kept it low key until I gained confidence and knowledge together. You are already ahead of Me in having found this place, which can be a great resource! I didn't find this till I had done a lot of learning by other means.

I echo what other posters have said. Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, ear plugs) are a great place to start. It really unsettles someone to not know what is about to happen. So whether you have them standing and move around them as one poster suggested (always a good one), or bound and vulnerable ... another good one ... start with simple things. Little touches ... caresses ... pinches ... nibbles ... kisses ... bites ... nice and nasty interspersed! Or try doing nice things on one side, and nasty on the other (eg clamp one nipple with a clothes peg for 10 minutes and flick it every now and then while kissing and sucking the other one gently). It's a real mindfuck for the recipient! Now so far, only one piece of equipment, the peg! (General guide, leave a peg on for no more than 20 minutes in any one place, be guided by the colour and temp of the skin, err on the side of caution ... and it hurts more when you take it off!).

Take a look around the house and see what you've got with play potential! A coarse pet hairbrush ... oooh great for rubbing over the skin, or whacking the ass. A wooden spoon makes an awesome noise as a warm-up spanker. Feather duster .... OOOOOHH FUN!! Try the back of the knees when he's standing ... after you've told him NOT to move of course LOL! Have a ruler ready for a quick whack on the ass if he does move when tickled. Take him to the pet shop and choose a lovely new collar and leash for him (try to be discreet in deference to the public and staff who haven't consented to your kink) ... you can have measured his neck before and take your tape measure out to measure the collars, ask him which collar he prefers, does he like studs or plain etc etc. He will squirm deliciously! Stop at a stall that does engraved pet medallions and have one done for him. If you can find a suitably deserted place on the way home, put it on him there and take him for a short walkies.

How about shaving him? Not a lot more vulnerable than being naked, tied, blindfolded ... and have someone working around your jewels with a very sharp object! Threaten to leave him half done LOL! Or simply tell him you are setting him a task for tomorrow ... then sit there with a serious but wicked look on your face while you are writing it down. Make sure he is somewhere you can subtly watch him ... maybe have him kneeling and waiting so he is visible in a mirror. Likely you will see little looks of panic go across his face (especially if you have already vocalised some fairly outlandish suggestions LOL!) ... chide him, ask him does he not trust You? Would he refuse to do such things for You? Tease, tease, tease!

None of this has involved picking up a flogger or doing anything hard core. If you are going to bind someone, be careful to not do it with thin rope or across pressure points, or to allow a lot of weight to be supported by only one part of the body. If unsure, get some simple leather wrist/ankle cuffs with D-rings on, and some dogleash type of snaps. These are easier and safer to attach to ropes or chains that are then looped around things like chair legs, bed legs etc. Failing all else, some wide leather pet collars will do, as they will distribute the force better than improperly applied rope ... but DONT suspend all or part of someone using them! Suspension is something best learned from an expert. That's the sort of thing you go to parties and workshops to learn! And this type of simple bondage I am referring to is for gentle restraint of someone who wants to be restrained, it's not for the Houdini types!

General guide to spanking ... start lightly ... warm them up ... take your time ... when the skin is pink and slightly warm to touch you can apply harder blows. Often good to get them to count the blows (eg One thank you Maam, may i have another one please? Two, thank You ... aside: it's amazing how many boys think they have to say ONE each time LMAO!). This helps You to see where their mind is at ... if they start to have difficulty counting or forget to finish the sentence, it can be that they are going spacy (DO read up on subspace! And sub drop! And aftercare!). Between hard blows, or groups of them, caress over the skin, this soothes away the pain, makes it feel pleasurable, increases the hormone flows that get the sub into space. Talk softly ... tease a little maybe ... make sure you have a safeword system in place and that you have previously agreed how "hard" you will play. For example, if you use the trafficlight system where GREEN is all OK, keep going, AMBER (Orange/Yellow whatever you call it!) is "that's about as much as i can handle right now" and RED is STOP! Too far! ... it pays to tell the sub ahead of time You intend to play to Amber. In other words, You want to know where his pain limit is at that time. If he KNOWS You are not going to let up until he says it, this disciplines him in the art of trusting You and in trusting himself to actually say it when he needs to say it (some men are just too macho for their own good). When he calls it, praise him, caress him, You may still inflict more blows but at no greater intensity (a little less is often best) unless You want him to call Red. Remember the speed of the blows is as important as the intensity ... lots of medium ones can hurt more than one or two big ones.

OK I'll stop there or this will turn into BDSM 101! If You would like to msg Me for more help, please do so.
Maybe I can resurrect My high school French!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Can I become a domme? - 9/1/2007 8:58:17 AM   
kirby104


Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
 >I want to do this mostly because I like to see him getting his pleasure. Isn't this >somehow contradictory and not very domme-ish?

In the lifestyle or just in the bedroom, there is a POWER EXCHANGE.
Don't just BEAT on someone without knowing their LIMITS.
Anything else is ABUSIVE and DANGEROUS.

(in reply to deuxchats)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Can I become a domme? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.172