Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Another Concept of Jealousy


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Another Concept of Jealousy Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 7:11:10 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		A moment of curiosity if it is permissible?  True one understands that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle, but how do you deal with those feelings of hurt, anger and self disgust when you are watching someone else please your Master and they sometimes seemingly doing a better job?  How do you deal with it, when he is telling you(his slave) that you are beautiful and sexy and all he has ever wanted, but still continues to crave the things you are not? How does one deal with those feelings?  Does it really mean that the slave is not good enough?  Is there an underlying meaning or is it simply a test and fun for both parties involved?  Please accept my apologies if anyone has been offeneded by these words.
thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 7:19:24 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet
True one understands that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle,


You would be better off to understand what jealousy is and where it comes from in your particular case. Jealousy is a generally irrational emotion that is born out of insecurity. To conquer jealousy you need to get to the root of your insecurity and take the necessary steps to eradicate that. Try to pinpoint what it is that is causing you to feel insecure and work on those underlying reasons.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 7:29:50 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't agree that jealousy has no place, it an emotion like any other. There are constrauctive ways to handle jealousy and ways that are not constructive to deal with the occasional feelings of jealousy. Getting to the root of the cause...often fear of being replaced..is a good first step. R tells me often that I am sexy and beautiful to him but he still craves women that I am not. He is a guy, red- blooded, hetero male, he likes women, a lot. He often looks at women who are way hotter than me and says "now that is a peice of ass"..and occasionally gets it on with them. I think one good way of dealing with it is talking to him about it as often as he will allow until you get its about him and not about you at all...women tend to trade up and men tend to add women...not all the time but given the option that is often how it works. He really is not comparing you to them, or them to you...Once you understand how men who are not monogamous tick and get how they view the different woman in their life, you can start to understand how your place is secure and not threatended by the presence of other women.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

A moment of curiosity if it is permissible?  True one understands that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle, but how do you deal with those feelings of hurt, anger and self disgust when you are watching someone else please your Master and they sometimes seemingly doing a better job?  How do you deal with it, when he is telling you(his slave) that you are beautiful and sexy and all he has ever wanted, but still continues to crave the things you are not? How does one deal with those feelings?  Does it really mean that the slave is not good enough?  Is there an underlying meaning or is it simply a test and fun for both parties involved?  Please accept my apologies if anyone has been offeneded by these words.
thank you


< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 8/27/2007 7:31:32 PM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 7:32:41 PM   
devotedsylph


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

A moment of curiosity if it is permissible?  True one understands that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle, but how do you deal with those feelings of hurt, anger and self disgust when you are watching someone else please your Master and they sometimes seemingly doing a better job?  How do you deal with it, when he is telling you(his slave) that you are beautiful and sexy and all he has ever wanted, but still continues to crave the things you are not? How does one deal with those feelings?  Does it really mean that the slave is not good enough?  Is there an underlying meaning or is it simply a test and fun for both parties involved?  Please accept my apologies if anyone has been offeneded by these words.
thank you


I would have to disagree that "jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle".  Master and I are monogamous and he actually gets a chuckle out of me getting jealous over the looks other women give him.  He truly is beautiful.

A feeling is never "right" or "wrong".  It simply is.  It's what one does with the feelings that can be interpreted as appropriate or inappropriate.

simply,
sylph

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 8:04:00 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think it is pretty obvious where the root of your jealousy lies; you don't like seeing your Master with other women. Pretty simple. Not everyone can share or be shared. You may be one of those that can't.
But being a slave, did you discuss whether your Master would be monogamous before you committed to him? If you didn't, you made a mistake. If you did, what did he tell you?
As for dealing with the jealousy, it may get better, it may not. It probably won't.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 8:35:02 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Jealousy happens. It's okay to feel jealous, and it's okay to communicate that to your partner. What is not okay, if you have agreed on a poly dynamic, is to act out on behalf of your jealousy and let it effect you and how you relate to your partner negatively.

I, personally, don't think that it's really fair to expect any one person to be able to fulfill every need of another. For some, they are content with what one partner has to offer them. For others, they are more inclined to seek multiple partners (of whatever level) - not necessarily because their primary partner is lacking, but because another partner is simply different. They may fulfill other needs the person has, or do things in a different way - but again, the relationship your partner has with anyone else is no more or less valuable than the relationship they have with you, it's just different. :)

As for how to deal with your jealousy - communicate with your partner, and let them know that you're feeling insecure. Allow yourself to experience and process these feelings, but don't allow them to effect your behaviour. I wouldn't try to keep your partner from pursuing whatever it is that makes you feel uneasy per se, because I don't believe that will do anything to get past your insecure feelings - it would just put them off for a while.  Let your partner know that you need some reassurance and I should hope they would oblige, and to be cliche, "this too shall pass".

There's a book that I've been reading called "The Ethical Slut" (Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt) that I've found to be a pretty easy read and has a lot of handy information about poly relatinships, including tips on learning how to cope with difficult feelings like jealousy constructively. You can pick it up on amazon for about twelve bucks and I'd definitely recommend it.


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 8:54:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Ooo great answers before me, sweet!  Chewsie, I'd email you but you don't seem to have a profile?
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet
A moment of curiosity if it is permissible?  True one understands that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle,

Why not?  Jealousy is just another emotion, it happens.  Jealousy existing isn't a problem- jealousy being allowed to control things is a problem.

quote:

 but how do you deal with those feelings of hurt, anger and self disgust when you are watching someone else please your Master and they sometimes seemingly doing a better job? 

Well this doesn't happen very often anymore because I honestly just get delighted at knowing it makes my partner happy and that it's stuff I get to talk about and reminisce with him for lots of time to come.

But when it DOES come up still, I mostly recognize it for the self insecurity it is, tell him about it, and then laugh it over- occasionally asking for a hug or for him to say something nice to make my fragile ego feel better.

Really, just be completely direct with it, it's the best way to make it dissipate.

quote:

 How do you deal with it, when he is telling you(his slave) that you are beautiful and sexy and all he has ever wanted, but still continues to crave the things you are not? 

Realize that the two have nothing to do with eachother.  You can adore how a vanilla ice cream tastes and be completely in love with it and enjoy it- and still also go out for chocolate ice cream. 

I know- women aren't ice cream, but see my point.  These are separate relationships and you are only torturing yourself by making comparisons.  Falling into what I call the "kool aid" trap of trying to make it all equal.
quote:


How does one deal with those feelings?  Does it really mean that the slave is not good enough?

No it means you're a fairly typical female who hasn't been taught the nature of love and/or is monogamous.

quote:

  Is there an underlying meaning or is it simply a test and fun for both parties involved?  Please accept my apologies if anyone has been offeneded by these words.
thank you

It usually just means there's an insecurity that should be unearthed and dealt with.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/27/2007 9:16:00 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

A moment of curiosity if it is permissible?  True one understands that jealousy has no place in the Lifestyle, but how do you deal with those feelings of hurt, anger and self disgust when you are watching someone else please your Master and they sometimes seemingly doing a better job?  How do you deal with it, when he is telling you(his slave) that you are beautiful and sexy and all he has ever wanted, but still continues to crave the things you are not? How does one deal with those feelings?  Does it really mean that the slave is not good enough?  Is there an underlying meaning or is it simply a test and fun for both parties involved?  Please accept my apologies if anyone has been offeneded by these words.
thank you

From readiing your post as written, I would be asking myself if what I am identifying with is jealousy or a bit of envy. Either way, how we feel in regard to those emotions when confronted with them can bring negative feelings as you describe, but when thought through can have positive connotations instead of the negative. I have in the past experienced hurt, anger, and yes, self disgust, in a similar situation. I had to ask myself "What was I really afraid of"? What has "hurt" me, what am I "angry" at?.What I realized is that these feelings were the result of my sense of wanting what is, to be something else at the time. A better job ? , really equated to just "different." Not good enough, was my own measurement gauge of how I thought I should be at the time. It can be a powerful peel of our onion of self awareness and self honesty when observing our partner with another and seeing that they enjoy, and recieve from their experience something other than what is experienced between her and I. It took alot of communication, some patience, and self honesty to learn about my own insecurities. It's a process,worth every effort. One thing I had learned, is that if I sit on the scale of self comparison to other's, it never lands on equal measure.  
So I try not to.

< Message edited by szobras -- 8/27/2007 9:36:05 PM >

_____________________________

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions."
~Cullen Hightower~

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 12:56:40 AM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I used to pride myself on not being a jealous person, however I have learned jealousy and I've also learned to be okay with myself for having it.

I deeply love my Husband and I am secure in our relationship, however I do get my hackles up when women look at him, and they do look, ALL the damn time.  They don't just look some of them gwack....grrr's !

I think some jealousy is good, it tells me that YES I do love my Husband that I do love that he is mine and I have pride in that.

I  also think jealousy is just part of being human, I  think it's okay to feel it, have it and own it, I think it's bad however, when the jealousy owns you.

It's okay for me to get my hackles up when woman gaze at my Husbands jeans, it's not okay for me to get so upset about it that I don't want him to leave the house beacuse I'm afraid that women will be tossing themselves at their feet. 

What your going through is real, your feelings are real, the good thing about feelings and emotions is that they pass.  Joy, sadness, jealousy, comtemptment, it all passes, feelings change. Though right now your feeling overwhelmed by your feelings, just know that they are just that, feelings, they do not have to rule you.

I suggest you really look at the feeling, see why you feel the need to have it, then tell that part of yoursef that is feeling it that you do SEE it, you Do feel it, thank it  for showing itself to you then tell it you don't need it anymore, do this a lot and soon it wont be so hard to manage.

I would also sit down with my Husband and tell him exactly what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling that way, and as EM said maybe have him help to stroke your ego then just let the feeling go, let it slip away.

The jealousy will come and go, but then so do all emotions...


_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 1:16:43 AM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I think it is pretty obvious where the root of your jealousy lies; you don't like seeing your Master with other women. Pretty simple. Not everyone can share or be shared. You may be one of those that can't.
But being a slave, did you discuss whether your Master would be monogamous before you committed to him? If you didn't, you made a mistake. If you did, what did he tell you?
As for dealing with the jealousy, it may get better, it may not. It probably won't.


I agree you may not be one who can share. Knowing this may be the first step. I know myself I am a one slave Master no one touches my slave anyone can look but do not touch. Now if I as jealous of someone looking that would be insecurity in the relationship.

In your case if you agreed to share then maybe there is an insecurity in your relationship and you need to deal with this first. If you did not agree to share maybe that is where the insecurity comes from. Personally (and this is only my opinion) I don't know how any Master can ask his slave/sub to feel like she is special if he needs others.... My one is just that my one and we are one on one and no one else will ever enter into the picture and she knows this.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 2:09:08 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		*laughs*  How can jealousy not be a part of the "Lifestyle" when the vast majority of poly Doms would be loathe to see their property with another Dom?  When the Master won't share is that not the same insecurity or is jealousy and insecurity only a female or submissive trait?

To the OP:  Poly should have been discussed and agreed upon prior to your committment.  There are lots of Dominants who are monogomous.  There are a lot of Dominants who are not monogomous but who do not require their submissives to watch Them being served by others.

Discuss your feeling with your Dominant and be prepared to move on to a relationship which better suits your needs.  You do have the right to have your needs (and fears) addressed, appreciated and worked through.



_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 3:14:45 AM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		I've posted on this subject, a few times before and I'd like to share it, again, now.
 
[Disclaimer: What follows is NOT about "dictionary definitions". They are my own thoughts and beliefs.]

I have always felt a little differently about "jealousy". I think that a little bit of jealousy is a part of a healthy relationship.
 
Let me explain ...
 
I understand/believe jealousy to be "fear of losing position or importance" (Despite the disclaimer above, that is pretty close to one of the dictionary definitions). While I don't like the word "fear", there, I guess it's appropos. My "fear" of losing my position or importance in my partner's life keeps me "on the straight and narrow". It makes me want to pay attention to their wants and needs. It keeps me "buying her little trinkets" just because "I thought of you, today".
 
Without this "fear", I know for a fact that I could become very swamped in my own selfish desires. While I believe that's my right, as a dominant, I also believe that if I allow myself to become so immersed, I run the risk of damaging the relationship.
 
Now, in this situation, I think what works best for me is that what we're talking about is POSSESSIVENESS.
 
Possessiveness, in my mind (please refer to the disclaimer), is NOT a part of a healthy relationhip.
 
While some may think it's okay for a dominant to even be possessive, I don't. I find it to be rooted, firmly in insecurity; which is NOT a dominant trait.
 
Now, I took the original post to be leaning more toward the sexual in nature as opposed to an actual polyamorous situation. I will procede under that assumption.
 
If your dominant is a person like me who - for whatever reason - has no interest, ability, or desire to be completely, physically "monogamous" then it is NOT about you. It's about him! There are people who don't believe that "monogamy" is natural, even in humans (There's a fairly recent thread on that very subject, floating around here, somewhere).
 
He may be one of those people that just can't/won't be "monogamous". It is how he is wired. It is something that is deep-rooted within him. NO ONE is going to change him. That's not to say that he may not change, of his own volition, one day but that change won't come from outside.
 
What is interesting is that many of these same dominants don't feel that their submissives are entitled to that same touch of humanity.
 
Anyway, I digress.
 
Now, try to see this situation this way:
 
Your dominant enjoys these things that this other lady does for him. The fact that you may not be able to perform these acts and illicite the exact same response isn't a failure of desire (to please him), on your part. A failure of desire is a non-desirable quality in a submissive. You WANT to please him.
 
Since your desire is there, it is a failure of ability. No GOOD dominant will hold a failure of ability against you.
 
If you try to think of this situation, in this way, you might find that your fears will be assuaged.
 
I wish you the best of luck, in this situation.
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael

[EDITED BECAUSE MY "S" KEY DOESN"T ALWAYS SUBMIT TO ME]

< Message edited by Satyr6406 -- 8/28/2007 3:18:20 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,


Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 5:07:51 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Who says jealousy has no place? Jealousy means your needs aren't being met. Obviously you need monogamy. This need isn't being met and therefore you are jealous.

What to do about it? Decide whether you are getting enough needs met to stay as you are for the nonce or decide you need more and won't get it from him. This assumes he knows you need to be his one and only and isn't interested in a monogamous relationship.

Your decision to renegotiate the relationship, stay as is or walk. But whoever told you slaves don't deserve to have their needs met, don't deserve to be happy sold you a load of b.s. You deserve more.

(in reply to Satyr6406)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 7:50:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Who says jealousy has no place? Jealousy means your needs aren't being met. Obviously you need monogamy. This need isn't being met and therefore you are jealous.

I don't agree with that necessarily.

My partner and I live together.  Say one day I come home, we eat dinner together, we play and have sex, he goes off to a party and I stay home and relax with a nice long shower and some tv watching, he comes home, we snuggle and then go to sleep together.

I'm still a bit jealous at him going to the party and doing stuff with others, but I can hardly see where I could justify not getting something I need, specially when I was the one pushing him out the door and sincerely hoping he'd have a great time :) 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 12:41:04 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Sorry LA, I'm not following. You decide to stay home from a party and then you're jealous that you didn't go? That's hindsight kicking in, saying you should have gone because it sounded like it was a great party.

Not at all a fair comparison to monogamy/poly as basic relationship styles and which one you need.

Now if you said he went out to parties four times a week and you were never invited, then yes, that would show that there were some basic problems involved. But that's differnt.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 12:44:46 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		Many want to act like jealousy doesn't exist even in poly families.  Jealousy is a normal emotion.  It's HOW you deal with jealousy.  It can be vicious but with the right parameters and communication it can also be worked through (and it should be).  Not everyone works through it though in my opinion.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 12:51:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Sorry LA, I'm not following. You decide to stay home from a party and then you're jealous that you didn't go? That's hindsight kicking in, saying you should have gone because it sounded like it was a great party.

Not at all a fair comparison to monogamy/poly as basic relationship styles and which one you need.

Now if you said he went out to parties four times a week and you were never invited, then yes, that would show that there were some basic problems involved. But that's differnt.

No, I'd have been jealous even if I attended.  But I'd have also been thrilled that he was enjoying himself and not at all wanting to take that away.

It was the right choice to stay home- he enjoyed himself more rather than having to feel obligated to me (which he would have no matter what I told him), I got some time alone to chill out and pamper myself which I definitely needed.

I wasn't jealous because I didn't go- I'm just so greedy that I not only want to throw him at other women to enjoy, but then also am jealous of the time they get together. :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 1:22:23 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Well, here's a sub's perspective on it.
I haven't yet been confronted with a face to face "someone else is doing (activity) to the man I love" situation, but I think I might have some ideas of how to deal with it. If it is something you want to learn to live with, even possibly enjoy, then definitely figure out what about it really bugs you. Is it fear that he will find someone who does some specific thing(s) better, and he'll replace you? Is it envy, that you wish you could have him making that face/noise/whatever? Is it the classic "Why isn't Just Plain Ol' Me good enough?" issue? (That one is a bit harder to wrangle, and deals quite a bit with self worth and other deep seated issues. I have neither the ambition nor qualifications to assist with that problem.)
Maybe part of the solution is to have whomever help teach you how to do that/those thing(s). Making it part of your training can be very fulfilling, and can also help calm fears about being replaced, because a desire to learn anything you can be taught is very appealing (at least to me) in a sub. If I can learn to do this thing, then I can learn the next thing, and the next, and oh he will be so very proud of  and pleased with me! It's great when a submissive knows the universals or the basics, but to have skills tailored to your specific dominants desires is simply delicious. :-) I know that when I learned a new skill and displayed my prowess for my former Master he always seemed very pleased, first that I learned something new that he liked just because I knew he enjoyed it, and secondly I think he had a point of pride in "I made this, she is what she is because of me." Maybe some of the Dominants in the forum can tell me if I'm totally off base in that belief, but that's how it seemed to me. (I've always been of the mind that a sub/slave is like a rough stone that needs to be honed and polished before it can be it's best. What gemsmith wouldn't be pleased with his work?) I won't say I have never been jealous of my Master's/lover's attentions given to other women, but I heard something on the radio once that helped me handle it better. Sting (you know, from The Police) and his wife have an understanding. The moment he stops looking at beautiful women is the moment he stops looking at her. Maybe just think about that for a bit, it could help. Did for me. (And a friend's husband who felt guilty for looking at porn, but that's a whole other kettle of fish.)
Just my 2p,
Justice

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 1:28:41 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		I can only answer this question outside the context of a Poly family relationship because I have no experience in that environment. I'll also answer in the context as a Master. However I don't think it makes much of a difference.

The broad stroke, "in general", answer is that it takes a strong sense of trust in your partner. Eliminating jealousy also requires confidence in your partner, yourself, and most important - your relationship. Confidence is derived from ongoing, constant, communication and feedback. Any doubt or concern, such as yours illustrated by this thread, should be talked out between you.
quote:

 How do you deal with it, when he is telling you(his slave) that you are beautiful and sexy and all he has ever wanted, but still continues to crave the things you are not?
 Here is where trust is needed. Do you believe your Master? Has he given you reason not to believe him? Why do you feel the things he tells you about your beauty and sexuality disqualify him from craving something you can't or won't supply? Think about your best and favorite dinner. Now consider that someone dictates you have to have that exact same dinner each and every night. Do you think that after a time you'd want to go out for a pizza? 
quote:

How does one deal with those feelings?
Ideally you should be thrilled for him! He's happy! That should make you happy, as it should to see you in a similar situation. Share in his happiness. The other sentiment that you may strive for is pride.

When I've come to trust someone well enough to share beth, I feel proud. Displaying her at the end of a leash at an event such as Folsom I'm proud to know that she is desired by others. Similarly I'm proud that I can provide the opportunity for her to experience something that I may not have the skill or desire to do. It's occurred with wax play, shibari, and some other activities that just can't be done with only one person. The experiences have never raised doubt between us and honestly pride is the only emotion that goes through my mind.
quote:

Does it really mean that the slave is not good enough? 
Only your Master can answer that question. However, it's my humble opinion that he should make sure you never feel that way.

quote:

Is there an underlying meaning or is it simply a test and fun for both parties involved? 
The meaning is - enjoy your life together and with those around you. Don't "test" - Tests, as often as not, serve to illustrate failure by the tester as often as the testee. New experiences and sensations are amazing to share and can be rejuvenating. Fun should be the goal for both of you. If you think it will be fun - try it - do it - experience it - share it with your partner. You only have a short window of life to enjoy. If you trust a person enough to call him Master, trust him to share his idea of fun. It works for us from either side of the flogger.

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Another Concept of Jealousy - 8/28/2007 3:45:10 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Well clearly everyone has very different opinions on this, but some very intelligent and well thought out ideas.  This is not a situation I have seen as of yet, but I know it happens with him, there is no secret about that.  It was made clear before anything happened with us, and I am fine with it until the "event" arises.  I meant that jealousy has no place because it is pride and that would imply that I am thinking of myself, when it is my Master who is more important in my life.  I do trust him, he has not yet told me a lie, and has been very honest with things, including those things I may not want to know but now knowing them feel better knowing.  I trust more than I think he knows.
So I guess really the problem here is with me?  What it the root of my problem and why is it an issue for me?  We have both discussed this and the mere thought of seeing the other with another makes us both feel uneasy, yet at the same time it is intriguing and we are trying to keep an open mind.
Thank you for all your wonderful suggestions, I shall be spending some time on this. 

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Another Concept of Jealousy Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109