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How to get what I want? - 8/27/2007 8:19:22 PM

Reigna

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I don't switch. I don't like to be tied up, whipped, humiliated, or any of the other things my sub finds so delicious in the getting, and I find so delicious in the giving. However, I do enjoy receptive anal sex. Unfortunately being on the receiving end makes me feel very subbish; and since I very much dislike feeling subbish, I never am on the receiving end of this delicious activity. My sub would of course do me if I told him to, and of course I could call every single stroke. But the instant I so much as consider this possibility--him? On top of ME???--I realize how unpleasantly subbish I would feel. And so I end up not getting something that I really, really want.

I know that this is simply a mental state I've gotten myself into. My question is how to overcome it. Perhaps there is some mental trick I can play on myself? Suggestions? Going outside the relationship is out of the question.

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/27/2007 8:23:34 PM

MsOpal

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Use the female on top - male prone position and you will control it all! You can reach behind and squeeze his balls, you can torture his nipples, tease him, ride hard and fast or slow and tantelizing, you control the depth, speed, everything.

MsOpal

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/27/2007 8:36:15 PM

Smythe

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Ooh, tough but cool problem. What about finding the least objectionable position and then blindfold, gag and tie him in a position in which you can use him? Make him naked and you keep some clothing on. Accentuate your feelings of dominance in other ways. After all that, I suspect you might have to do some mental gymnastics as well. But there is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy this activity if you like it!
Smythe

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/27/2007 9:35:34 PM

subfever

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The solution seems rather simple to me. I realize that this is "Ask a Mistress" so I hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts here.

Have your male sub warm up and help prepare your anus with his mouth and tongue, if you'd enjoy it. You might even have him tongue-fuck your ass for awhile.

When you've had enough of his anal foreplay, have him use a chin-harness or mouth-held lubricated dildo to penetrate you until you're content.

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/28/2007 6:45:07 AM

Stephann

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From: Portland, OR
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It's a question of asserting authority, I think.

Have him sit in a chair, hell even chain or tie him to it. Get him turned on however you like, and then turn away from him, and sit. You're quite on top, quite in control, and hell you don't even have to look at him to enjoy this.

Regards,

Stephan

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/28/2007 6:48:21 AM

mnottertail

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reigna

I don't switch. I don't like to be tied up, whipped, humiliated, or any of the other things my sub finds so delicious in the getting, and I find so delicious in the giving. However, I do enjoy receptive anal sex. Unfortunately being on the receiving end makes me feel very subbish; and since I very much dislike feeling subbish, I never am on the receiving end of this delicious activity. My sub would of course do me if I told him to, and of course I could call every single stroke. But the instant I so much as consider this possibility--him? On top of ME???--I realize how unpleasantly subbish I would feel. And so I end up not getting something that I really, really want.

I know that this is simply a mental state I've gotten myself into. My question is how to overcome it. Perhaps there is some mental trick I can play on myself? Suggestions? Going outside the relationship is out of the question.

Repeatedly watch Eddie Murphy in 'Raw' pay particular attention to the routine with MisterT, Norton and Ralph Kramden. You will pick up some real insight on how to be dominant while taking it in the ass.

Ron

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/28/2007 6:02:27 PM

SlaveTurtleFL

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Reigna,

i would, if i were You, have a sit-down discussion with the submissive that You would like to use for this and work out a plan for a Session in which You allow or cause this to take place. Since You are the Mistress in this relationship You don't need to justify Your reasons for receptive anal play to him, although there is nothing stopping You if You feel You must. It's enough for him to know that it makes his Mistress happy.

i like the suggestions i read for positions to be used, as well as the dildo gag idea and various bondages. These could all of course be combined, and other toys could be introduced as well, such as vibrators, plugs, wands, and the like. Also, fetishwear that has openings to allow reception could be purchased for You. If he is materially supporting You, You could have him find something appropriate for You to wear and still look and feel Dominant. If You have already done anal play with him receiving, You already know to start with the smaller items, which can be amazingly sensual to the recipient.

If he has a submissive limit on smells, gags, or sexual activity with his Mistress, however, You might consider finding another sub for this purpose, or looking for a vanilla partner who can satisfy You in this manner. In fact, although You are rejecting going outside the D/S relationship for this activity, it almost sounds to me like You are already venturing into a mental area where You are outside Yourself in the context of a Dominant Woman. That's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just an observation on my part and if it is an errant one i apologize.

In that vein, also consider the possibility of switching just for that purpose. You may not enjoy the submissive role for most other activities, but if You want to make an exception for that one activity that You love, why not?

Anyway, i hope this helps You, and i am faithfully

Yours in fetish,

slave turtle

< Message edited by SlaveTurtleFL -- 8/28/2007 6:03:35 PM >

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/28/2007 8:14:35 PM

Reigna

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Thanks for the replies, including the private ones.

A few people wonder why going outside of the relationship is out of the question. It just is. I can say that, yes? Cuckolding never has been an interest of mine. Never say never, but ... not today.

The other reason, more germane to my question (and I didn't express this in the original post) is that my bottomish feelings during receptive anal intercourse are about the activity itself. They're not about the person I do it with, so a different partner isn't going to help matters. And egads, no, I'm not going to switch to do this. I'd rather do without.

Those of you who suggested manipulating the circumstances are on the right track, I think. Well, duh, Reigna. I can indulge in genital-to-genital intercourse with my sub, even fellate him, in what feels to me like a perfectly dominant manner, just by manipulating the circumstances. That's the ticket! Thanks again.

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/30/2007 12:29:45 PM

DrPleasure

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put a dildo harness in his mouth and ride his face while smothering him. that ought to make you feel domme again.

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/30/2007 1:15:50 PM

toservez

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I think you nailed your own problem and will give you an excellent chance to overcome it.

May I ask do you ever enjoy sex with your partner where your roles are not so out there? I do not mean to be too cute but if you are both watching TV I doubt you feel not dominant enough and while a lame example I think to work through your mental hang up of feeling submissive then makes you not enjoy what you enjoy.

Feeling submissive and being submissive are two different things.

I would suggest practice, practice and more practice. If you know you enjoy anal sex then do not rob yourself of that pleasure and just control what is going on and remember that sex can just be about sex and a good time. My Master likes me on top a lot and to both of us this does not feel really dominant but after enough times it matters little to us.

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/30/2007 3:09:22 PM

Carrianna

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Joined: 11/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
Have your male sub warm up and help prepare your anus with his mouth and tongue, if you'd enjoy it. You might even have him tongue-fuck your ass for awhile.

When you've had enough of his anal foreplay, have him use a chin-harness or mouth-held lubricated dildo to penetrate you until you're content.

I LOVE my arse being fucked/kissed with a tounge!!!

Brilliant thread!

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Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. "Mansfield Park" J.Austen

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/31/2007 4:02:57 PM

MistressShuggie

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"boy, you're going to do this for me like a real man, and if you fail or hurt me at all I'm going to make sure you don't sit for a week. Now make me purr."

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RE: How to get what I want? - 8/31/2007 5:14:32 PM

RumpusParable

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I didn't read all the way through the replies so forgive if this has been suggested:

Position yourselves in the spoon arrangement, so that he's not above you and see if that helps. With you both on your sides he won't be above you *and* you can control all the movement easily.

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