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What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 4:33:00 AM   
OverlordAlpha


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		Is it at all uncommon for a master to not really care about leather, whips, nippleclamps, leashes, etc.? And does this make a big difference to the slave who enjoys such things? Or do you find it more important to simply serve your master and cater to his needs and desires--even if he has no desire to use such devices?

Alpha



< Message edited by OverlordAlpha -- 7/10/2005 4:34:36 AM >

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 7:39:28 AM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		Well in my experience, If you're partner isnt into the same things as you, then you're not getting what you need.

And its up to you whether or not you can live without getting what you truely want.


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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 9:04:18 AM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		If you can't live without something, then its time to find someone who uses what you like. Its up to each individual what they use or don't use.

perfection

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 9:19:04 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I'm not sure if you're asking about someone who doesn't like spesific toys, or doesn't like toys at all, but here goes.

My partner isn't into the trappings.

He's into things that produce the sensatons he's interested in producing and that make him and I feel good.

I was weird about that at first--he's more likely to be into simple, functional, ropes-around-the-wrists than cuffs, or hitting w/ his hand or a hairbrush than a pretty paddle. I started wondering if that was his way of subtly telling me he wasn't really into "all this."

However, it turns out he's just interested in doing what he likes. :) If a hairbrush happens to be at hand, well, then that's what we use. We have nipple clamps, but are more likely to use clothespins (there's reasoning behind this. Nipple clamps make me want to orgasm. Clothespins mostly hurt)


The one thing I have difficulty with is that I have a collar/lead fetish, which doesn't do much for him. However, I adore him and he lets me wear a permanant collar, so I'm not losing anything.


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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 10:57:29 AM   
SophiaBelle


Posts: 38
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		I think that this can be one of several things- or a combination thereof.

Maybe he has his own style (as another responded) and simply does not feel the need for "toys." Maybe he likes using things creatively and on the fly- or inventing what he does in a completely new way. If this is the case- run with it for a while, it can introduce you to new things, and if in the end it doesn't do it for you, at least you have some new, and unique experiences.

Another situation (specifically and almost exclusively if he is newer to the lifestyle) maybe he doesn't know what he likes yet- or is unsure how to use them properly/safely. If this is the case, support him, help him know that you think it's okay that he has to learn, and practice- that you would prefer it for your safety and enjoyment. If he is simply unsure what he likes, expirement, the two of you and find out together.

Maybe neither of the above fits. Maybe he simply isn't into the things you are into. In which case you two are 1.) Either a bad fit- I am not saying that you cannot make it work with him, but you may find yourself not getting everything you need. If there are other things you agree on, you may be fine, but if everything he doesn't want to do is everything you DO, then you might have to say adieu. 2.) Not communicating well enough. Explain to him that you want these things- and you're not trying to overstep your bounds, but they are important to you. No, you don't need to give up your desires for his, unless you get specific pleasure for doing so.

Anyway, hope that helps.

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 1:13:35 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		BDSM kinks and play are totally different from style of relationship. There are indeed many masters who don't engage in ANY kinky play or activities, they don't go to play parties, they don't own any cuffs or toys, it's nothing they are interested in.

It's all about styles. If mountain biking were a huge passion for you, and your dom said no mountain biking, you'd have to decide which took priority and would offer ultimate fulfillment.

In my relationship with the Owner, we actually have VERY different kinks for the most part. He loves being a sadist, he loves caning, he loves mind fucks. He hates wax play, bondage, and sensual play- all of which I love.

In our circumstance it works out fine since I'm encouraged to find other partners to get the kinks I really enjoy, and I provide the kinks he wants since I accept the service to him to please him in that way.

But it's a compatibility issue, some dominants just don't do kink.

(in reply to OverlordAlpha)
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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 4:46:57 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

My partner isn't into the trappings.

He's into things that produce the sensatons he's interested in producing and that make him and I feel good.

I was weird about that at first--he's more likely to be into simple, functional, ropes-around-the-wrists than cuffs, or hitting w/ his hand or a hairbrush than a pretty paddle. I started wondering if that was his way of subtly telling me he wasn't really into "all this."


I had this same experience. My partner wasn't fond of toys, because he preferred using his hands. He liked feeling it was his body giving me pleasure...not the toys, and I can understand that, although I love toys. And to be honest, hands and nails and teeth can inflict a awesome amount of pain - and pleasure!

Yes, at times I missed the trappings, because I love seeing that evil, sexy gleam enter a dom's eyes when he sees me all decked out in cuffs, and collar, and I love the feel of leather...but I also learned so much about my ability to submit deeply without the props.

As to whether a relationship can continue happily when one partner likes the trappings and the other doesn't...I honestly don't know. I imagine it depends on many other issues, as well.

Compatibility is a complex thing, and very necessary for a happy relationship, after all.

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 7:00:00 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I try to go along with the subs desires. After all that is what those long talks are for.

Will I push those limits that are set? Hell yes, that is always part of the bargain. I don't push hard, but I want the sub to learn what they want and can handle.

Will I introduce things to them that they have not experienced? Yes. After I have discussed this with them at length.

I like it when subs will ask about something, something they have never tried. Being able to explain the answer to them is a learning experience for both Dom and sub. As a Dom, I do not know everything, nor have I done everything. I am constantly learning new things. This is my ideal sub, the one who will be like myself and want to learn and experience new things.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/10/2005 7:07:09 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I like your reply. Your happy to be asked questions and happy for your sub to tell you what they want. To be honest I like alot of your replies.

(in reply to dominmd)
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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/11/2005 10:24:25 PM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		Is it at all uncommon for a master to not really care about leather, whips, nippleclamps, leashes, etc.? And does this make a big difference to the slave who enjoys such things? Or do you find it more important to simply serve your master and cater to his needs and desires--even if he has no desire to use such devices?
Alpha ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a really interesting question, very thought provoking for me, thank You. my answer is: It is more important to serve. my priority would be the Masters needs and desires first and foremost. As a slave to her Master.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But i do have a question? Why would a Master want to withold something from His slave after good service to Him, that she holds so desireable? If it be nipple clamps?
Or perhaps if the slave loves to be whipped? What would be the pupose of witholding? temporarily perhaps? but permanantly?



< Message edited by mossy -- 7/11/2005 11:44:29 PM >

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/11/2005 11:33:31 PM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it's uncommon. As other posters have said, the variety of Doms and subs is endless (thank goodness). For me it's mainly about the submission and so my Dom's interests are less important as long as he's willing to go at a pace I can cope with. I've learnt to enjoy leather, whips, nippleclamps and leashes ... because I've been with Doms who like these things, but if I never played with them again I wouldn't care ... if I was never to find someone to be submissive to again then I'd be devastated.

(in reply to OverlordAlpha)
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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/12/2005 5:34:34 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mossy
Why would a Master want to withold something from His slave after good service to Him, that she holds so desireable?

Cuz he's not into it and this relationship isn't about rewarding the slave and making her all spoiled?
quote:


If it be nipple clamps?
Or perhaps if the slave loves to be whipped? What would be the pupose of witholding? temporarily perhaps? but permanantly?

Cuz the dom doesn't want it?

That's kinda why it's good to get to know someone BEFORE you commit to them. The Owner will NEVER do a wax play or suspension scene with me, I know this. I accepted that a long time ago. Why should he do something he doesn't want to do and won't really enjoy?

It's MY job to serve him for ultimate fulfillment, not the other way around.

(in reply to mossy)
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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/12/2005 5:54:15 AM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wetsub000
but if I never played with them again I wouldn't care ... if I was never to find someone to be submissive to again then I'd be devastated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
excellent point wetsub i agree wholeheartedly
and as i said above:
"It is more important to serve. my priority would be the Masters needs and desires first and foremost. As a slave to her Master"


in reply to wetsub000

< Message edited by mossy -- 7/12/2005 6:02:05 AM >

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/12/2005 5:11:17 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I like your reply. Your happy to be asked questions and happy for your sub to tell you what they want. To be honest I like alot of your replies.


Specifically to me? If so, Thank You. I am honest, it is the only way I know how to be. (It's burned me a few times though).


To me, being new in the community since I was closeted with past girlfriends (they were kinky, but private like me), I find many different point of views here on the internet. Each relationship will have a differnt dynamic within it. Being a Dom or a sub means that just in a vanilla relationship there will be a give and take by both sides. How much and when is between both people. But the dynamic will always be different. As a Dom, I do not always want to inflict pain on a sub. Yet I do enjoy it when asked for it to be done. Personally I am into the sensual play. Pain is ok, but it is not my bag. So if I am playing with a sub that likes pain, Yes, I will give it to her within her limits because that is what she enjoys.

This topic can go hand in hand with non-sexual punishments. Doms may choose the punishment. Say a sub enjoys being spanked, but she has been bad. So the Dom can either withold the spanking(pleasure) or give her a real spanking(pain) which she may not enjoy but learns a lesson.

It is clear that Emerald has limits as does her Owner. He may have likes and dislikes as does she. But each respects the limits of the other and hence a good relationship has developed.


Sure I have needs and wants. I know my sub will have needs and wants. But if she is my sub that means I have a connection to her mind and heart. That means that I will always want her to be happy, because having her would make me happy. And the dynamic of my relationship would differ from everyone else's because we are two different yet similar people.

I could go on and on, but I think many will get what I am saying. Quick hint: I am a talker

< Message edited by dominmd -- 7/12/2005 5:24:24 PM >

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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/12/2005 5:57:43 PM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		imtempting~~ i agree with you very much about dominmd~~ when he shares. And
i also appreciate your sharing as well. ~ As for me i know i have a way to go yet, i just wish to say, i get so much from listening to You both. Thanks.

< Message edited by mossy -- 7/13/2005 6:46:05 PM >

(in reply to dominmd)
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RE: What do you mean, no nippleclamps?! - 7/13/2005 5:04:21 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		You are most welcome.

(in reply to mossy)
Profile   Post #: 16
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