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masters wishes - 7/10/2005 5:41:08 AM

teapaw

Posts: 97
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Hello A/all
I have a question....how would a slave go about asking her Master to take more control?

I have been sub/slave for going on 20 years now. I have been taught to be a certain way with all previous Masters. Not to speak unless spoken too, not to look Master in the eye, caring for the house and most Masters gave me lists of things to get done as well as working outside the home. Master has total control and takes care of everything.
Problem....my current Master is not like this...he wants allot more communication, involvement then I am used to having to do. I love him and enjoy every other part of our relationship but this part...I am really struggling with it. I have spoken to him about it but he gives me these answers like its ok and you'll get used to it. I need someone else in control. He is asking me or I am just having to do things I am not used to doing like Banking and making his business calls and such. I really need him to do these things. He seems so whishy washy about getting things done. I have to tell him to make a decision and stick with it or ask him NOT to give me his reasons why he made the decision. His word should be final. I feel like I am learning in reverse....LOL
It is disrespectful to ask him to ask him to take more control of things and me. I am very uncomfortable being allowed to do "whatever" its like having too much free time. **cringe**

Thank Y/you for your time
pamela

< Message edited by teapaw -- 7/10/2005 8:30:21 AM >

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RE: masters wishes - 7/10/2005 8:43:19 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Reposted:

No, what you want to ask is "how do I get him to do what I want him to do so I can keep doing what I enjoy doing instead of *being controlled by being taught and trained to do things HIS way?*"

It's hard to adapt to a new style of training, specially going from a micromanager to a delegator style of ownership. But you've just moved in with them, why is this a surprise to you? Did he come across as completely different and then all expectations changed once you decided to move on?

Let's face it- he IS in control, he's doing things exactly how HE wants them to be done, and you're learning how to handle it.

You just don't like it because it's not how you WANT to be controlled...which in a way is far more controlling than him doing what everyone else has done with you before, isn't it?

You chose to be his slave, you chose to move in with him. Why are you suddenly NOW not liking how he controls you? Has he changed? Has his expectations of you changed? Or is it your illusions of what he was that are fading? Were you holding onto some idea that "things would be different" once you moved in? Did you ignore the incompatibility problems because of the love and hope that you could work it out and he'd become more of what you wanted?

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RE: masters wishes - 7/10/2005 12:13:11 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teapaw

It is disrespectful to ask him to ask him to take more control of things and me.

The simple answer is yes. If you are his slave, you need to do things his way. If his way doesn't suit you, you need to find someone who's way does suit you. It is disrespectful to want to change him to suit your needs.

Emerald is, as usual, spot on. Of course, yours is not the first post asking how can I get my Dom to control me the way I like to be controlled?, so the answer is pretty clear.

Taggard

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RE: masters wishes - 7/10/2005 12:20:56 PM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
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Hello teapaw.

I think the way I would look at it is this ~ he is in control (he's the one dictating terms, yes?), but what he isn't doing is being responsible for things that he expects you to deal with.

It's odd, because I've just written a reply on a thread about defining slavery to a post which seemed (to me) to assume that being a slave meant that one didn't have to do all those dull things like sort out finances, and operate in the world.

If your master thinks that there are certain things that you should learn to tackle (or whatever his reason is), then you need to believe that he has your best interests at heart, and do the job, whatever it is, however much you don't like doing it, because it's what he's decided for you. That includes (it seems) organising some free time activities for yourself...?

While I would agree with EmeraldSlave2 to an extent that you should have found out more about him and his methods before you moved in with him, I would also say that it's very difficult to know everything about how one would react to a particular situation without having lived it.

One thing I would say is, that if you find that you prefer a little more in the way of direction or help in particular areas, then perhaps that could be negotiated? For the time being, however, I would take what your master says on board... He's assured you it will be OK, so you should try giving it more time. Certainly I don't think you will find much joy as a slave in trying to GET HIM to do things YOUR way (or the way you believe is correct) . Perhaps it will end up that you don't find this relationship satisfying, in which case, all negotiation having failed, you would have to move on (imho).

~ Elektra

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 7/10/2005 12:23:01 PM >

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