RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds

RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (Full Version)

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e01n -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:13:24 AM)
True black and true white are merely theoretical terms from photography. Everything's grey. The Defintion of A is not exclusive of B which is merely a description of C which is implied by D and interpreted as E etc etc etc. None of these have any relation to the other except by mutual understanding and communication. Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is killing us.

Vigilantejustice -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:18:46 AM)
Well, it seems to me this whole thing boils down to a communications issue. There is a bloody fine reason that "BDSM" is made up of a few different terms, Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Submission/ Sadism and Masochism, never mind the fact that the "lifestyle" encompasses a whole lot more than that! When someone finds someone who describes themselves as a dominant, submissive, sadist, masochist, etc., it cannot and should not be taken at face value. Find out exactly what the term means to them. I call myself a submissive, a submissive with Switch tendencies, an Alpha Slave, but these are just convenient terms that give a concept without providing a real definition of what it is I do. My Master and I have both discussed the fact that probably about 99% of Dominants would not likely consider me to be submissive, but the few that I clicked with in that dynamic can tell you that in the right hands that facet of my personality will positively blossom. My Master said that he hasn't actually decided if I'm exactly a submissive. Certainly, I'm submissive to him, but that's not the same thing as being "a submissive." People say "You're not submissive!" when in reality what they mean (whether they know it or not) is "You aren't my idea of what a submissive is." See how big a difference just a few single syllable words can make? Submissive is a pretty general term, with several subtypes (no pun intended), and even more variations on those themes. Personally, I choose not to take too seriously people who have accused me of, shall I say, "inadaquate" submission. Largely because for me those people didn't fit my personal idea of a dominant. Doesn't invalidate what they choose to do, doesn't make them fakes, it just means that a real D/s relationship would not form between us. I guess I just sort of filed this sort of thing under the header of "Your Kink is Not My Kink, And That's OK." There are plenty of us out there, we just have have to keep looking for that one (or two, or three <grins>) we really want and need. All the rest is just experience, and experiential learning, however unpleasant, rules. [;)] Just my 2p, although it might be up to a nickel with inflation. -Justice

MHOO314 -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:19:04 AM)
*Great opening have your flame retardant suit ready--* quote: ok, by opinion where does simple "kinky sex" end and submission begin, and vice versa. *To Me, its where does kinky sex begin and submission end--IF submission ends at all at that point--* *When he is dressed and tackling the day to day mundane things---kinky sex begins when I say, " oh boy, today you will do the wash naked" <wicked smiles>* quote: to me submission has always been about will, not abotu breaking a sub's will to the dom's delights, more about the dom using his/her will to open those hidden desires within a person and take responsablity for the acts so they can be free to enjoy them without the hang ups of how they were brought up (or other factors) I like to think of it as inspire--I impose My will on My horse because that is how they respond to training, with a person, I hope to inspire them to "want" to do it, to feel free to do it, to embrace submission and our relationship and the result of the power exchange. quote: It is about beign a teacher, in both the pedastrian usage of the tools (like not using scented candles for wax play for example) and being a liason between the outer public face of a person and inner truth of the sub to let them enjoy in real life what they have always secretly fantazied about. *I hope we never forget that the submissive is a teacher as well---they inspire Us to be better Dominants, do they not?* quote: one more time: If anything has come across like a slam or disrespect to anyone's choices, even of words, then I spoke badly of my intent, I am simply trying to learn if the world has changed so much while I was looking somewhere else that kink and submissive are now synomyns (don't think badly of me, the last time I looked up from my navel people had phones with cords AND had to go inside a building to do banking, so what do I know) *and the battle over this and the opinions will be as varied as "why is there air"?* *nice post---*

GhitaAmati -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:32:35 AM)
Whats wrong with being a sub who enjoys kinky sex?? Ok, Ill try to be serious for a second...doesnt happen often though...and Im under the influence of benedryl and tylenol pm right now...soooooo in my own personal opinion for me it comes from the reasons behind why you do something. I know, that all day long, I do the same things that many many vanilla housewives do. I clean and cook and do laundry and take care of kids, I do my job to the best of my ability, and when night time rolls around, there are times our sex probably isnt any kinkier than the average vanilla couple who enjoys a bit of rough foreplay. But, for most of the time I was in a vanilla relationship, I realized that all the time I was thinking about myself, what made me feel good, what I could do to better my own carreer, how I liked my house kept. But with Sir, and other D/s relationships, I may be doing the exact same things, but I am doing them all with him in mind. In my heart everything I do is a service to him, from cleaning to going to work to giving him a blow job....hell yea I still get rather enjoyable kinky sex, and I still do my best to better my carreer, but I do it to please him, and my work to make him proud and no one else... Im gonna stop now, but hopefully that made a bit of sense to someone out there... And I was personally not looking forward to the worms but I do enjoy a good explosion, and a man in a hard hat is just sexy

Bobkgin -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:40:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross And what about us few poor darlings who seriously DON'T have hang ups? Would you reject a sub just because she didn't have hang ups, took responsibility for her own choices, stood up proud and said "Hell yes I love to serve and fuck and want to do it really well"? Do you NEED to feed your protective knight ego? I would not reject such a sub/slave. But in my experience they are rare. As for the "protective knight ego", I understand for some this might be an ego trip, but for me, it is a fulfillment of my potential as a human and helping others is what I believe in doing. I'm more than happy to share myself with those who do not need help. But I cannot refuse someone in sincere need of help.

cloudboy -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:42:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver I've yet to meet a submissive woman (in the terms you describe) and I go to clubs, munches and the like. Most appear to be into subbing for kinky sex, even the ones that like to play hard. I'm not complaining about that, I'm more than happy to oblige them in their pursuit of pervered sex. Anyway, most subs only want to sub for the 'one and only' which means tying oneself down in a relationship. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I want a woman in my bed, not in my life. I don't want to go home to a sulking woman because I haven't been home for three days and she can smell the scent of another woman on me. Making non conventional relationships work is a real trial & error process. In a polyesque, traveling situation like you describe --- its hard to see how you could ever generate the the passion and security a submissive would need to feel owned. Hence, to me, its a healthy adjustment to just reduce the BDSM to the bedroom. Anything else might be disproportionate.

Perplex -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:44:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati . But, for most of the time I was in a vanilla relationship, I realized that all the time I was thinking about myself, what made me feel good, what I could do to better my own carreer, how I liked my house kept. But with Sir, and other D/s relationships, I may be doing the exact same things, but I am doing them all with him in mind. In my heart everything I do is a service to him, from cleaning to going to work to giving him a blow job....hell yea I still get rather enjoyable kinky sex, and I still do my best to better my carreer, but I do it to please him, and my work to make him proud and no one else... that is also the definition of love, when we think more of the other person than we do of ourselves. quote: ORGINAL: Ghitaamati Im gonna stop now, but hopefully that made a bit of sense to someone out there... And I was personally not looking forward to the worms but I do enjoy a good explosion, and a man in a hard hat is just sexy it made sense at least to me. and as far as the worms go, I don't think Stephann is going to give us a demonstration, it's been several hours and I ain't seen nary a flying worm moving at mach 2 no where.

Guilty1974 -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 8:54:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Perplex ok, by opinion where does simple "kinky sex" end and submission begin, and vice versa. Why is that important to you?

BitaTruble -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 9:14:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Perplex ok, by opinion where does simple "kinky sex" end and submission begin, and vice versa. I've always thought that Mr. Kinky and Ms. Submissive made a lovely couple. (I'm bi, so, you know, insert your own genders here as required. [8D]) Sometimes they get married and have sweet little babies (IE relationships) but they are equally happy in the swinging singles category and stand quite well alone. For some, it's all about Mr. Kinky and what he can do for/with us and for others Ms. Submissive is the be all end all of the Universe with nary a Mr. Kinky in sight. The trick, of course, is to find the people who are compatible with you, whether that's a marriage of s/m and d/s or a stand alone position incorporating only one of the elements which rock your world. It's okay to lick all the frosting off the cake if that's what you enjoy and it's equally okay to forget the cake and go for the apple turn-overs. I'm hungry. Celeste

Zensee -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 9:27:05 AM)
Sorry. Did I miss a memo or something? Is kinky sex out this season? Again... Z.

Padriag -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 11:22:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Perplex ok, by opinion where does simple "kinky sex" end and submission begin, and vice versa. Short answer... anywhere you care to draw the line. So... Step 1: Draw the line and figure out what your expectations regarding kinky sex, submission, etc. are. Step 2: Communicate these expectations to submissives clearly and effectively Step 3: Based on their responses and their expectations, sort out who you are most compatible with. Step 4: Enjoy the company of someone who shares your expectations

Bobkgin -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 11:24:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin I prefer both, but not everyone has what it takes to swing that load. <shrug> Well yep. The leash has two ends and both parties are equally a prisoner of it. If it had one end, securely attached to a sub and not to me, then I'd be happy with a relationship. There is too much damn temptation in the town I live to put myself through the machinations of a relationship. There is poly and old-fashioned swinging for those who want a relationship and more than one partner. Which is not to say that anyone engaging in kink must have a relationship as well. Only that the fewer 'strings attached' between dom and sub diminishes the motives for behaving in a responsible way. Furthermore, the avenues for feedback with which to improve what you do are also diminished. What value does the opinion of a one-night-stand have?

WhiplashSmile -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 11:26:52 AM)
BDSM does not equal D/s You can kinky Sex without D/s you can even have submission without kinky sex. You zilly rabbit Tricks are for kids. As Jerry Springer says "Be good to one another". Goodbye, so long for now....

Padriag -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 11:40:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Perplex ok, by opinion where does simple "kinky sex" end and submission begin, and vice versa. Where ever you want. Damn.... ya beat me to it. [;)] Starting to remind me of a Johnny Cash song. An old cowboy went ridin out One dark and windy day, Upon a ridge he rested as He went along his way When all at once a mighty herd Of red-eyed ponygirls he saw Plowing through the ragged skies And up a cloudy draw. Their brands were still on fire and Their hooves were made of steel, Their harnesses were black and shiny and Their hot breath he could feel, A bolt of envy went through him as They thundered through the sky For he saw the riders cumin hard And he heard their mournful cry Yippee yi oh, yippee yi ah Ghost writer in the sky [8D]

Celeste43 -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 12:29:02 PM)
To me domination/submission has nothing to do with kink play and sex. D/s is about control, who decides where to go and what to do. S & M is a specific form of play. Personally I don't do that and neither does he. He makes the decisions in the house. But for play we like bondage and sex, very limited pain. So yeah, you could easily talk to someone who prefers having her relationship with strong men who take the lead but who aren't into whips and chains. S & M and D/s frequently do coincide but they are not intrinsically related. For that matter many subs love chocolate, are you going to announce that if a sub prefers pistachio ice cream instead then she isn't twuly submissive? Didn't think so. Tastes, whether food or physical sensations have no direct correlation with interpersonal relationships. Next question?

dawntreader -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 1:00:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zensee Sorry. Did I miss a memo or something? Is kinky sex out this season? Again... Z. [sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

proudsub -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 2:48:02 PM)
quote: Perhaps Stephann will start a wormplay thread. It would probably have a high "ick" rating for me, but that's -another- can of worms Hmmmm worm play---i liked the way "the secretary" used a worm.[:)]

classykindasassy -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 4:10:15 PM)
I have it on good authority from heavies in our community (Houston, TX) that many other locales consider our modes of play "unsafe" because we are no strangers to pain and bloodsport. I was shocked and surprised to hear that the most one would see at many dungeons in such esteemed places as LA and Chicago would be swishy implement play and maybe some spanking, and that a howling, cringing sub was not to be borne. I think I'd die of boredom if that was all there was.

Stephann -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 5:27:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub quote: Perhaps Stephann will start a wormplay thread. It would probably have a high "ick" rating for me, but that's -another- can of worms Hmmmm worm play---i liked the way "the secretary" used a worm.[:)] I was thinking it was something more in line with CBT, to be honest.... Stephan

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: can of worms..get your hard hats and blast sheilds (8/28/2007 5:44:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub quote: Perhaps Stephann will start a wormplay thread. It would probably have a high "ick" rating for me, but that's -another- can of worms Hmmmm worm play---i liked the way "the secretary" used a worm.[:)] I was thinking it was something more in line with CBT, to be honest.... Stephan <Gets all hot and bothered at the idea of Stephen contemplating wormplay...then wanders off singing,> "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll beat some worms...long skinny shiny ones, short fat and juicy ones....I think I'll beat some worms"

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