helping a new submissive heal

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

helping a new submissive heal

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> helping a new submissive heal

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

helping a new submissive heal - 8/28/2007 2:36:28 PM

MstrSkyWoIf

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

Ok this post is going to be a little different. We all have seen the posts asking advice and opinions. We have seen the posts of submissives who have been hurt so bad they just want to quit.

Lets make this post one to help someone heal after being hurt very badly by one who calls himself Master yet has demonstrated he is just a little boy who has read a few books and is now playing with the hearts of truly submissive woman who just want there first experience to be a good one. He is not a true Dom or Master he is a boy playing at being a Man.

This post is not for anyone in particular but more an all in one to encourage those who have experienced this. I would like it to be filled with positive stories of those who have had this happen and then worked past it. I want it to be encouraging lets keep the negatives out and see if we as a community can not help heal a few hearts...

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: helping a new submissive heal - 8/28/2007 2:39:30 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Partners lie, relationships end, people resent one another, they need to "heal". Isn't that just part of life, in any lifestyle?

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: helping a new submissive heal - 8/28/2007 2:45:31 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

i am not sure it is possible to grow and learn and mature without some pain along the way. imho, we have to learn to deal with it, decide how much we are willing to feel, and go with the gut.

maybe im jaded, or maybe ive been lucky in having good coping skills about just about everything....i just figure it is what it is, and it will last as long as its meant to. i have a job i love and a home to come to every day where i am content and comfortable.

i tend to look at things differently since losing my mom.....after holding her hand through 3 weeks of dying, and holding it as she took her last breath, while smiling.......

well i digress, but everything since then that i have thought of as hurting me, or being too much to bear, i remember that month of my life......and everythings pretty easy then.....

i dont even know if this is related to what you are wanting, if not i apologize.....and i blame the herb.....

interesting topic though.....ill watch for the knowledge of others. and maybe a laugh or three

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: helping a new submissive heal - 8/28/2007 2:48:17 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I was just telling a Dom friend today that the lessons we learn best are the ones learned by going through difficult situations. I learned some very difficult lessons the hard way and have never forgotten them. I will, on occasion, mis-place the lesson in the hopes that this time will be different, but it never is and the lesson helps me keep a rein on my enthusiasm.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: helping a new submissive heal - 8/28/2007 2:55:04 PM

RedheadGirlNY

Posts: 59
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Partners lie, relationships end, people resent one another, they need to "heal". Isn't that just part of life, in any lifestyle?

John

Maybe I'm reading the boards too much this week, but I've been thinking that we (generically, of course) get so caught up in WIITWD that sometimes we forget this simple truth.

As long as we learn from the experience, it's simply a part of life, I agree. Doesn't make it suck any less, though.

To the OP: you're entitled to your opinion of course, and we aren't privvy to the details, but that "true Dom" thang isn't much palatable. Most people here remember when they were beginners, newbies, wannabes at some point with more book larnin' than experience.

How is your post helping to "heal," exactly?

Red

_____________________________

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

(in reply to Rover)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: helping a new submissive heal - 8/28/2007 2:56:22 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I have a slight problem with your meaning. It sounds great, logical and noble but underneath it is just the usual stereotyping and propaganda that male dominants like to promote.

Older/experience dominants are safer and better so always go for them and not younger less experienced because they are dangerous and fakes and submissive and new equals dumb, naïve and emotionally and mentally immature.

A submissive is like any other human being and how we deal with a bad personal situation is a reflection on ourselves and not someone doing something to us. For most of us coming out of a bad situation we made hurt, be mad, scared and all the other usual feelings but if we are mentally healthy enough and know ourselves enough we get over it over time and learn from it.

If you are mentally unhealthy and go through a bad experience then the issues will be more problematic and traumatizing. This has nothing to do about this life and has everything to do with how anyone, male/female or dominant/submissive, normal life and any other way a human being goes through bad stuff in their relationships as they go through in life.

For me I chose to learn from my mistakes and look out for clues to not repeat my mistakes but also made damn well sure not to close off my mind or live in fear because of one bad experience. In my years in this life I have had just as many bad experiences with “real masters” as with the inexperienced boys. In fact if anything the inexperienced boys tend to be safer and go slower.

Sorry, I know there will be a lot of very good advice on point to your post but all I could read into it was another self proclaimed “real master” wanting to scare submissives into the same old same old only pursue older men who chest thump experience and I personally cannot stress enough how little that should play in the equation of finding someone truly compatible for everyone out there.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)

Profile

Post #: 6