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RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:02:27 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Everyone has baggage.  It's not the baggage that is the problem, it's how you deal with the baggage.  Have you processed it?  Learned from it?  Let go of it? 




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:05:33 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Why is it that so many people bash anyone on here that tries to help submissives look for red flags? I have seen such threads several times and always with the same reaction. Submissives need to learn from their own mistakes. Getting their heart broken a few times will teach them common sense. The problem with this reasoning is that although they may learn from these bad experiences, what good does it do them if because of these lessons everybody thinks they need to learn, nobody wants them? That's right, I'm talking about baggage. The favorite reason of so many men to refuse to get to know a woman. If a woman treated a man badly and made him suffer for the actions of other men before him, I could understand. But many times, men don't get to know a woman long enough to find out whether or not she will take anything out on them. They find out she has had a few failed relationships, ASSUME she will do this, and run. If a woman has a mentor, she's weak and incapable of making her own decisions. If she learns from experience, she has baggage. Learning from one's own mistakes might have been the best way for women years ago, but now it's a double edge sword.


Why is it always the submissive types that have the baggage in posts like this?
Why is it always the big ole bad male dominants that are the ones that are picked on?
Why does this post come across as personalised, sexist, and anti-a-particular-orientation?
 
I have baggage and it rocks having it.  Mean I have a past.  It means I have something to learn from.
The only time baggage is negative is when its stuffed with nastiness that someone shoves on another and tries to get them to cross the borders/limits with it - without prior warning.
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:18:38 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

A few posts does not a universal truth make.



Out of curiousity, how many does it take?

If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat?

When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round?

Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth".

Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:26:24 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

A few posts does not a universal truth make.



Out of curiousity, how many does it take?

If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat?

When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round?

Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth".

Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented.



I don't get this logic.  My stating a few posts won't make a universal truth, does not translate into the converse being true.  Never implied it did.  The point wasn't about popularity making something true, it was about generalizing.

What in the world does that have to do with the point at hand?

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:33:01 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

A few posts does not a universal truth make.



Out of curiousity, how many does it take?

If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat?

When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round?

Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth".

Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented.



I don't get this logic.  My stating a few posts won't make a universal truth, does not translate into the converse being true.  Never implied it did.  The point wasn't about popularity making something true, it was about generalizing.

What in the world does that have to do with the point at hand?


Your statement (the first quote) is a generalization.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:36:15 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		As you wish.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:37:30 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:49:07 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		She doesn't want to get blocked, so she's granting his wishes....

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 10:54:41 AM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

A few posts does not a universal truth make.



Out of curiousity, how many does it take?

If I can get enough people posting that the world is flat, will the world become flat?

When the world was flat because everyone believed it so, why did they change their minds and make the world round?

Sometimes, popularity does not demonstrate proof that a belief is a "universal truth".

Universal truths are waiting to be discovered, not invented.



you Sir in my opinion and it is only my opinion (that dose not mean it is fact everyone so don't jump me here) are a very wise man.....

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 8/29/2007 10:55:14 AM >

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:01:04 AM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyes opened

Just this past weekend i had an interesting airplane trip where we actually had to circle around and return to the gate immediately after take-off.   In the process of being transferred to another flight in what we hoped was an airplane that was capable of flight i noticed many things.  First... the alternate carrier told me only one of my two checked bags had been transferred.  i don't take carry-on luggage.  i hate to have to lug it around.  now one of the two bags is "missing"... but ya know what?  i really felt that not being referred to as "the remains" was way more important than the inconvenience of having to perhaps buy some replacement items.

i watched people lug their bags to the plane and desperately try to shove them in the overhead compartments because gods forbid that bag get "lost" like mine did.  The size of the bag obviously never has fit in the overhead but the people insist on trying to take it with them because they are so afraid it could get lost.

We use the term "baggage" because the comparison to a traveler's luggage fits so well.  Why are some people so afraid to let go of those bags?  They lug them around the airport they are a major inconvenience, they slow down the security line, they block the aisles on the plane, they cause delays in getting off the plane.

So it is with emotional baggage.... how much you decide to carry is proportionate to the inconvenience you will cause yourself and others.  Let it go... check it at the gate.  What's the worst that can happen?  That you actually lose some of it?

Compared to the possibility of my plane falling like a boulder in the sky, walking to the lost luggage room at the airport seemed like a small thing, not worth getting upset about.  The bag was there... i had a fabulous time and all is right with the world.

Perception is reality and if you can't change your reality you can always change your perception.


Now that is what I call summing up the situation in a nutshell. I just checked a few bags myself.

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 8/29/2007 11:32:41 AM >

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:02:01 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrSkyWoIf
you Sir in my opinion and it is only my opinion (that dose not mean it is fact everyone so don't jump me here) are a very wise man.....


Thank you SkyWolf.

I do the best I can with what I have.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:13:15 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why is it that so many people bash anyone on here that tries to help submissives look for red flags?

Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick.
quote:

Submissives need to learn from their own mistakes 

They do.
quote:

  That's right, I'm talking about baggage. The favorite reason of so many men to refuse to get to know a woman.

Sounds to me that the issue does lie with YOU. If you are attracting men of this kind, then obviously you are attracting them for a reason.

Perhaps, if you stopped calling all men fuck ups, and started taking some responsibility yourself; things just might turn around for you.

/shrugs

Not that I really care one way or another; but your poor me attitude does start to grate on the nerves after a time

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:20:23 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Why is it always the submissive types that have the baggage in posts like this?
Why is it always the big ole bad male dominants that are the ones that are picked on?
Why does this post come across as personalised, sexist, and anti-a-particular-orientation?
 
 
 
 
Yeah, I gotta agree with dark here....this is nothing against the original poster and those subsequent cuz I think they are expressing real concerns to them...but dom's have thier own baggage, prejudices and bad-habits, why even people as cool as me *grin* every once and while have to learn something new..and actually learn it not just pay lip service to the idea of it.

In various roles...I have...um..*thinking of a word that is least likely to offend the most amount of people* helped people who were hurt by Doms (think genericlly here please, not only in the lifestyle meaning of the word) who either were going by a doctrine of a book, or were not in touch with the current decade or simply too stupid/selfish/self-involved to understand how they were dealing with those 'under' (again a generic term this time) them. 

There is a difference in being uncompriming and unable to comprimise.  John Wayne, the classic character he played was uncomprimising, right was right and wrong meant an ass whipping...but was able to let others stand the best they could....again from movies the classic "foolish police captain" on a crime scene (best example the first die hard) would fold his tent at the first hard wind, but his way was the only way no matter how strongly he was proven wrong. 

*I use movies since most of us have seen movies, it lets us use a shared expierence to illustrate a point, not as a way of trivializing the topic,

and when you are choosing, working with a dom, or after reflection of  your treatment by a dom, (again in a lot of cases dom is a broad term that can mean teacher, preacher, parent, cop or anyone in authroity, including the way it means in the lifestyle) you have to look at your actions and decide if you performed up to snuff against his/her unhappiness with you and decide if you're really not doing it right or if his/her history is interfereing with the ability to see how you are truely doing...and balance this all against the fact you may not know every damned thing and they might be trying to teach you something that you don't yet understand

the good ones will show the patience to let you work it out in your own time, the others *shrug* well that's why so many dog owners have dogs that bite cuz they didn't teach as well as they shoudla. 
 
 

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:25:11 AM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I wholeheartedly agree with the others who have said that we all have baggage.  Every time we 'move on' we pack things up.  I think the real issue isn't that we have baggage, but what kind of baggage do we have?  Is it one backpack neatly filled with the essential lessons we have learned in life or is it a few dozen plastic trash bags with everything thrown in together?  Are the lessons neatly folded or is the silk evening dress wadded up in a ball with the dirty socks and underwear?  I would think a Dominant would have less trouble dealing with a submissive who had 80 lbs of baggage neatly stored in a rolling trunk than one with 30 pounds stuffed into 2 ripped plastic bags.

As always this is just my opinion, based on my own experience.  And for the record, I personally have a nicely matched set of luggage and NChaka is ready and willing to make me keep it neat and organized.

edited to correct a spelling error*


< Message edited by amiciaN -- 8/29/2007 11:27:55 AM >

_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:25:43 AM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Irish Mist

quote:

Why is it that so many people bash anyone on here that tries to help submissives look for red flags?

Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick.
quote:

Submissives need to learn from their own mistakes 

They do.
quote:

  That's right, I'm talking about baggage. The favorite reason of so many men to refuse to get to know a woman.

Sounds to me that the issue does lie with YOU. If you are attracting men of this kind, then obviously you are attracting them for a reason.

Perhaps, if you stopped calling all men fuck ups, and started taking some responsibility yourself; things just might turn around for you.

/shrugs

Not that I really care one way or another; but your poor me attitude does start to grate on the nerves after a time


Interesting your post in little more then bashing of not only the OP but obviously of anyone who posts to the board that dose not share your opinion on life. I agree this poster has a self esteem problem but bashing her will not help the matter... Then your statement "Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick" Makes the accusation that anyone who post a question you do not agree with is little more then a talking Dick... Sounds to me like maybe you have a little baggage of your own to deal with......

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 8/29/2007 11:34:37 AM >

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:43:34 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Then your statement "Maybe because the 'person' trying to help is nothing more than a talking dick" Makes the accusation that anyone who post a question you do not agree with is little more then a talking Dick

Honey...if it fits; than by all means...wear it 

As for the rest...DBG is more than capable of holding her own against me...she does not need you to ride to her defense

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:44:05 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

No, a woman who takes out her pain from past relationships on a new man innocent of any wrong doing should most definitely NOT be enabled. What I'm saying is.that many men ASSUME  women will do this and refuse to get to know them. Not all women do this, but they aren't given a chance to prove otherwise. That's why I say forget the school of hard knocks and go for a mentor instead. That way you can't be accused of having "baggage" just because you have been in relationships that didn't work out.


There is not a guy that I have ever met....And I mean "EVER"  met who feels the way that you think they do.


My opinion and experience mirror his experience.  I can't think of anyone who cares what a woman USED to do, just that she doesn't KEEP doing it.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:44:45 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

...she does not need you to ride to her defense


That's for him to say, isn't it?

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 8/29/2007 11:45:23 AM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:46:09 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

...she does not need you to ride to her defense


That's for him to say, isn't it?

/smacks forehead

duh 

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: baggage - 8/29/2007 11:49:24 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Wolf,

What you are saying is EXACTLY what victimizers do.  Take someone who is vulnerable, who continues to make bad choices in men and rather than teach her to make better choices, takes her side and says nothing is her fault, just come into your arms and everything will be fine.

I am not saying YOU are a victimizer but the relationship style you speak of is the same as a victimizer or at best an enabler.  You of course will see this as a personal attack but having seen your type operate, I really don't care how you take it.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 60
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