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Stephann -> RE: Desiring or Desired? (8/29/2007 4:29:13 PM)
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"I didn't want to tell you, but since you've forced the issue, I just don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." - G. Marx
In short, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman I didn't desire. I wouldn't want a woman to be in a relationship with me, if she didn't desire me. It's obviously more complicated than that.
What triggers our 'desire', or interest in another person is complicated. No one attribute, no one personality trait, no one physical aspect causes people to like us, or us to like them. Everyone looks for different things, but I find that people who get along well, are people who look for similar things in others; intellectuals match well, atheletic people match well, and couch potatoes couch well.
I value humor above all things. For me, that also includes a strong streak of intelligence; if a woman is brilliant but can't laugh, it becomes awkward. Physically, I expect a woman to be HWP. I've dated women who were heavier than I am, and I always found myself trying to encourage her to lose weight. Some women handle that well, most do not; after all it really is unfair to get into any relationship with timetables for change already in place. I've tried to date women I wasn't physically attracted to; just doesn't work. I've tried dating women that wasn't on the same level, intellectually; complete disaster. I know what I need, and I find that instead of approaching it from a 'what am I willing to do without' perspective, I expect a woman to positively capture my attention, and demonstrate that not only can she contribute to my life in a positive way, but that in being with and around her, she makes me a better person. That whatever liabilities she has, we can deal with reasonably because the assets far outweigh those problems. I expect; no, demand the same of her. I don't want her coming 'down' to me, anymore than I'm willing to come down to anyone else.
N such.
Stephan
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