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New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 11:19:17 AM

lilsissybabyabby

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If I am new to being a submissive, and new to the whole BDSM or D/s enviroment. Although I have researched it a bit and I know what I feel, how do I go about safely meeting and trusting a dominant and at least at first ensuring descretion. Please help me. Thank you all.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 11:31:29 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

submissive, and new to the whole BDSM or D/s enviroment. Although I have researched it a bit and I know what I feel, how do I go about safely meeting and trusting a dominant

Same way you would anyone else

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 12:10:30 PM

RCdc

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You follow the same rules or preferences you would as any relationship. Learn about yourself first and then you can recognise your own red flags. Until you can do that, I wouldn;t recommend entering any realtionship - BDSM or vanilla.

Peace
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 12:14:34 PM

Alumbrado

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More specifically, you can take advantage of the local community and use munches and play parties as a means of staying safe and discrete until you weed out the less than trustworthy.
If nothing will do you but to meet some stranger from the internet, and expect to indulge in a perfect fantasy, be aware that you are going against the odds, and common sense.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 12:15:16 PM

breatheasone

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It really is or should be, like starting any other relationship. Having said that, one thing to remember might be....you have decided you are a submissive...COOL!....that does NOT mean you are everyones submissive. You owe no one anything from jump. and don't let them give you that crap about "you are not really a sub because you didnt do (fill in the blank) for me right away".... thats just a horney man whining because you didnt get his rocks off for him. (Awww poor baby).... Seriously...in any other relm where would asking for a blow job...or asking what your sexual kinks are, be ok within the 1st few conversations? So just be yourself....and know you don't HAVE to ANYTHING unless and until you consent and its been discussed.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 12:22:01 PM

toservez

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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What the others wrote is excellent advice. Realize that the normal rules of relationships, human beings and safety still totally apply. Your brain and your instincts should always hold priority over what someone says to you that just happens to be the opposite of you.

Take information and filter it through your own brain and do not take anyone’s words as gospel. Learn about yourself and what you enjoy and need and look for someone that is compatible and do not let someone try to sway you into fitting you in to some pre conceived notion of what “this life” is about.

Who you eventually find and/or start a relationship with or just casual play is up to you and the rules are no different then picking someone for a relationship or casual sex. If you make good decisions normally trust yourself if you make bad choices be very careful but still do not give up the choice to anyone else.

Of course also be very patient.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 12:25:43 PM

bliss1

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When a new submissive comes to me, I always suggest that they keep a journal.

What is it that makes you feel you are submissive?
What is it you want from such a relationship?
How much power are you willing to give to a Dom?

Just keep asking such questions of yourself so that you will know yourself.

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Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 1:02:26 PM

lilsissybabyabby

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Thank you all for your advice. I especially like the journal. It will help me at least keep my thoughts in order. *smiles*
Sincerely though, thank you all and I welcome any more advice.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 1:07:17 PM

Alumbrado

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According to your profile, you live in an area with a lot of people of similar interests, and plenty of resources, such as active groups, a major annual gathering, etc... use them.

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 6:11:32 PM

ProfJoe

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Joined: 6/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

More specifically, you can take advantage of the local community and use munches and play parties as a means of staying safe and discrete until you weed out the less than trustworthy.
If nothing will do you but to meet some stranger from the internet, and expect to indulge in a perfect fantasy, be aware that you are going against the odds, and common sense.

This is an excellent suggestion, not for meeting tops as much as for meeting other submissive people. You can learn a lot from striking up friendships with people who are ahead ofyou on the road.

You might turn your crap detector onto "high" however, as some claim more experience than they've had, and a few are predators looking for your for their own purposes, or on an errand for their master/pimp.

Most are good people with good experience. Don't let the fine print scare you.

(Prof.) Joe

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/29/2007 8:33:16 PM

TakenPet

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I agree with all of the above, the only difference here is that you are learning your limits. When you are trying to meet someone, follow the same basic rules you would when you are meeting anyone else. Trust your gut feelings, if it feels like something isn't right it probably isn't, but be sure that you are not rushing into any agreements or anything you are nto ready for. Have fun!

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RE: New to being a submissive - 8/30/2007 11:04:55 AM

thedommale

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you go about it the same way you would if looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend. and im looking for a slave to by the way

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