Is younger not better?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Is younger not better?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Is younger not better?

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Is younger not better? - 8/29/2007 11:06:54 PM

Locke404

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline

Greetings and thanks in advance for the input!

I've been looking to experience a dominant relationship for a more than fleeting time period. However, in my current area, the Dommes appear to be of middle age or above. This is not a problem on my end, but it seems that many (maybe i am generalizing) see my age and communicate to me that I am "too young". I know that everyone has their boundaries, and I respect these more than most, but is the idea of a young and fit slave not appealing? Or am I being deluded by popular sitcoms? I realize that a vanilla relationship would be strained, but I feel that my "youth" would be a catch due to my eagerness and willingness to submit. Any thoughts?

Respectfully,
Locke

Post #: 1

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/29/2007 11:17:05 PM

HelenaTroy

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline

Usually younger men are looking for a mother-type figure. That's one reason I stay away from younger men, because they are mentally more immature than we are. I had to train my high school boyfriend to be a gentleman, and it's such a chore to have to do it all over again with someone new. (That's not saying we won't do it for the right person, but it's a lot of work)

Plus, experience is a sexy trait.

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 2

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 4:45:24 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

I think a lot of people, not just Dommes, equate experience and age as the same thing. And then as a younger crowd we're having to actually prove that neither of those things are a comment on willingness and desire or wisdom for that matter. Much less that those two things, while generally go hand in hand, they are not the same thing and do not always mean that because one is younger they have less expereince and maturity or that because one is older they have more. So yeah unfortunately because of some stereotypes (which have theri place and are there for their own reasons) as a younger crowd we have to try harder and have to prove something and that something is that we are the exception to the stereotype.

it takes time...show the willingness to put forth the effort and time and you'll be surprised about the results.

(in reply to HelenaTroy)

Post #: 3

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 8:37:08 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Younger can be great. Older can be great.

It's less about age, more about compatability, connection, etcetera. You might catch some shit because of your age, or get passed over without a second look... sadly, you're just going to have to deal with it. The good news is yes, there are people out there who prefer younger subs/slaves.

Or you could always look for someone close to your own age, who might be learning right along with you. That can be a lot of fun, too. Since I see you're in Wisconsin, if you're anywhere near Madison, hit me up on the other side and I'll put you in touch with the local TNG group. While it's not a play group, it is a collection of like-minded people under 35... most between 21 and 26. At the very least, maybe you'd make some friends, one of whom might know someone looking for an eager young sub.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 4

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 8:57:49 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Locke404

Greetings and thanks in advance for the input!

I've been looking to experience a dominant relationship for a more than fleeting time period. However, in my current area, the Dommes appear to be of middle age or above. This is not a problem on my end, but it seems that many (maybe i am generalizing) see my age and communicate to me that I am "too young". I know that everyone has their boundaries, and I respect these more than most, but is the idea of a young and fit slave not appealing? Or am I being deluded by popular sitcoms? I realize that a vanilla relationship would be strained, but I feel that my "youth" would be a catch due to my eagerness and willingness to submit. Any thoughts?

Respectfully,
Locke

You know this all ready, each woman is different and therefore each dominant woman is different. This is true in terms of age as much as anything else.

Ideally, because I believe I need to consider everyone in my household, a new trainee would be in his/her 20s. I do not want anyone older than me because that is my personal preference and gets into some family of origin issues I really don't want to mess around with.

Age is only one of the first criteria I use. Someone would be in the ideal age range and still have nothing in common with us or with me especially. Someone could be outside the ideal age range and have a lot in common and fit right into my household.

I think a younger person's best bet is to get involved in their local communities. You may be tempted to just stick to the younger crowd but I say also branch out even if it's uncomfortable at first. The more experience and knowledge you can gain the more attractive I think you may become to a greater number of dominants.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 5

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 9:16:13 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Maturity is always thrown around when discussing age differences but the truth is maturity is not a tangible thing and like intelligence a person can have it in one place and not in another.

I am not a male submissive but as a female who even to this day has always had a thing for much older men the truth is where we are in life, what we want to go through in life and where we want to be in life shortly can vary greatly in our ages and for me personally my twenties were a constant big change in my values and long term goals and no one who new me or my tangible things I could show to prove my “maturity” would have called me reckless and immature. When I was with my much older men at that time it worked but the changes in our lives from both of us over time caused the pain and for it to not work out.

Two things I would like to point out are that this life is not any different then other relationships. Your eagerness to serve and your energy are nice but they are just one factor of many that would make up a good relationship. A lot of this life is normal life of conversations, routine mundane things, social obligations and so on and so on. Healthy power exchange relationships are still based in the facotrs of what is a healthy vanilla relationship.

The other thing is as we get older we get for the most part much more serious in choosing who we are going to be in relationships with. It is like we have only so many bullets in our gun and we do not want to waste them in a relationship that might not last and it is not about right or wrong but the sheer odds of a much younger man that has yet to experience a lot of the real life and hoping they will always be in tune with us to many women is just such long odds that they do not want to waste the bullet (time).

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 6

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 10:07:30 AM

Locke404

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline

So, without going into great detail, how can one prove (via online correspondence) that one is truly a mature individual? I know another big point that you have been so courteously illuminating upon is the need for common interest, but trust me, I'm about as worldly as any 20-something has any right to be.

Thanks alot for this great discussion!

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 7

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 10:23:18 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I can't think of any good way to prove your maturity online. The only suggestion I have for you is to read the message boards and make some mature, well thought out posts. Posts often provide more incite into how a person thinks than a profile.

SmokingGun made you a good offer. If I were you, I'd look into it.

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 8

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 10:51:12 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Locke, I have no desire to discourage you, but in some cases, being just 20 is going to be a factor. It does go to a compatibility issue for some. Another thing is it does limit places you may not be able to go or events you might not be able to attend. From My personal scope, yes that would matter. Considering that standpoint, younger isn't especially better.

Youth isn't especially a quality which holds the corner on the market on the characteristics of being eager and willing to submit. Those are usually the things spouted off by many, and they don't mean a whole lot until put into actual practice.

I do want to wish you luck and encourage you to persue getting involved in groups in your area where your age won't be a restriction.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 9

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 10:59:13 AM

MistressDaisy73

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

I think the main points have already been addressed, but perhaps there are a few minor things I might add. As a Domme, I am not particularly "old" but, you see, it is relative. I am 13 years older than you, and much younger than many of the older subs who compliment me with their interest. So, one point is that what is "young" or "old" is not just about maturity and commonality, but also is relative to its comparisson, as well as experience. Am I making sense? To me, you are on the young side, and well, yes, I tend to stay away from those younger than 24. However, what my reasons for this are might vary from the next Domme. And, perhaps a Domme who is, say, just under 30, might feel differently because of the place she is, in her life. I try to give younger men a chance if they seem intelligent and eager. But, I will say I find most subs under 24 or 25 fall into (just generalizing here, please don't take offense) 2 main catagories: those that just want to get their rocks off in their kinky way, and those that get WAY too emotional, too quickly. Yes, this can happen at any age, but as "toservez" said, it is about pecentages, and liklihoods.

But, one never knows. So if you find your way down to St. Louis, just give me a hollar. (wink)

M. Daisy

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 10

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 2:26:14 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

So, without going into great detail, how can one prove (via online correspondence) that one is truly a mature individual? I know another big point that you have been so courteously illuminating upon is the need for common interest, but trust me, I'm about as worldly as any 20-something has any right to be.

I'll gladly give you some pointers. First, always think with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs... that one doesn't converse very well. Show sincere interest in the person you are talking too, if there isn't any then most likely that isn't the person you need to be trying to hook up with. And here's a biggie... REMEMBER!! If you say you'll call at a certain time... do it, don't wait a few days and say "opps, I forgot". Women don't like to be forgotten... dominant women in particular don't like it. And don't be afraid to meet for coffee or lunch or whatever... we do eat and we do need liquids to survive. When a female dominant says they would like to get to know you... for the most part that's what she means. There is NO hidden agenda, no secret desire to kidnap you or rob you and leave you for dead (ok, 99.9% of the time that is), she really means "get to know you". I would start with what it is about you that you think she may be interested in... you know... in the real world. (this goes back to thinking with the head on your shoulders thing). And last but not least, if you find interest faultering.. be honest about it. That says more about you then you can know.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 11

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 7:08:41 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

No, not in my case. I've not found that younger is better in anything, including sex LOL I also seek a long term relationship and feel that I relate best with gentlemen within a 10-12 year range of my own age. (That's based on personal experience.) My experience has been that younger guys aren't as worldly and they don't have the emotional, spiritual development nor the stability of home and career that someone who interests me in a slightly older category.

A general observation -- being under the age of 21 at many of the events I attend rules you out from even attending. And, it's annoying to have a subject that can't even legally fetch me a cocktail from the bar.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 12

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 7:32:38 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I prefer younger males, but not more than 12 years younger than myself (I'm 46). I simply find I have less in common with someone younger than that. I also question the self knowledge of a very young person. So many are still figuring out who and what they are, not just in a BDSM sense, but in all things. What was a fabulous idea at 20, is not necessarily a great idea at 25 (my teen obsession with David Cassidy is a case in point!!). I realise we ALL grow in and out of thoughts and feelings, but personally, I am specifically looking for an LTR with someone who is sure that they are a slave.
I've also found that very young subs/slaves who contact Me show very little respect. Using abbreviations such as u, wanna, gonna, etc., is very offputting, as is not addressing the Domme, just launching into the email and using no ending or, horror of horrors, the one line email!! I delete them swiftly and without response.
Begging is hilarious (for the Domme!!), we have no time for those. Don't shriek desperation at her, it's the quickest way to not get a response.
I'm with peppermint. Read as many of the threads you can manage, gain as much knowledge as you can and you will feel better equiped when contacting Dommes. A knowledgable sub (not experienced, knowledgable) is much more likely to catch a Dommes eye.

Good luck!!

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 13

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 7:34:36 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Locke404

So, without going into great detail, how can one prove (via online correspondence) that one is truly a mature individual? I know another big point that you have been so courteously illuminating upon is the need for common interest, but trust me, I'm about as worldly as any 20-something has any right to be.

Thanks alot for this great discussion!

There in lies a huge problem for anyone.

How can anyone prove their maturity, sincerity, anything only online?

The best one can do is if you are interested in someone try to learn all you can about them before you approach them. Beyond the profile see if they have an online journal or they post and do some reading. If they post interact with their posts in an appropriate manner by contributing something to the thread not by flattery them.

Find some common interests and try to begin a dialog about those interests first before you jump into scene specific stuff.

Honestly, find a meatlife community near you and get involved. Not to find a dominant but to find our more about yourself and get some experience and have fun. That's valuable at any age.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 14

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 8:27:00 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Depends on what one desires. A young boy toy, play partner, finding his way is one thing. A long term partner in life is another. Those job descriptions may not be the same. For me they are not.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 15

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 9:34:32 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Your journal on the other side shows to your maturity level quite well as a start. Keep writing in it your thoughts and feelings and sooner or later it will attract that which you seek. Is younger not better? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Give yourself a little more time to make it all about you. There will come a time when your thought process will change and be better open to the Dominant you seek to serve and learn from. I dont see it quite ready yet but you have a good headway on the journey.

DREAD

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 8/30/2007 9:36:42 PM >

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 16

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/30/2007 10:07:37 PM

Locke404

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline

Again, I extend a debt of gratitude to all who have posted their thoughts and ideas. I'm glad that I posted this thread, as i'm sure that your insights will help many others in my very same position. It's funny how off my processing was.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 17

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/31/2007 8:58:59 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

The online thing is the problem. Get involved in your local community. Get "out there" and yes that means waiting for the most part until you're 21 which in come cases is silly. (IE a group that meets in an 18+ bar limiting the age requirment to 21) And I've had that happen to me....even after flashing my ID and being told it was okay. I was 20 at the time. Then again I was 20 when I met MsK. and I still found ways to get around to the things She wanted and needed from a prospective servant. Basially when you want something enough and when you've put the right kind of effort and energy out there (genuine) then you tend to have a positive result.

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 18

RE: Is younger not better? - 8/31/2007 12:53:32 PM

MistressShuggie

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

Hi sweetie—I'm 38, I date early 20s. No regrets, but it is more work than an older person. At 20, you simply lack life exposure.

It's been my experience that the early 20s have a lot worse luck in most everything; a bit of carelessness seems common.

My interest in dating is sexual as heck; I'm not dating a 20-year old to have him paint my house. I hand very little responsibility to a youth.

(in reply to Locke404)

Post #: 19

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Is younger not better?

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.141