Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In

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MistresssAria -> Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 12:58:48 AM)
I'm searching to build a relationship with a submissive, age/gender are not important to me, and I'm having some troubles with that. For a while I had posted some information on my profile about what I'm looking for, and I did get a ton of responses, but - like usual - when I post any sort of requirements to writing me back (ie: tell me about yourself, your experience, your fetishes, your vanilla life...) I didn't get too many good responses. Lots of "I would be interested in being a live-in." Obviously someone's not serious if they weren't really paying attention. Perhaps what I was asking for was too much? I work 4 days/nights a week at a tattoo shop, so on those days I only have minimal time free at night. The other 3 days of the week I may do professional sessions, but I have plenty of free time to spend then. I want a sub that can be responsible and live their own life when I'm gone - I'm not trying to have an obsessive sub who only thinks of me, nor would I want to prevent a sub from having their own social life. I just want someone who's there as my submissive when I'm home yet who I'm also very close to/friends with. Yes - I'll be strict, I'll be mean - I'm all about fun when I'm home. I live with my best friend and his boyfriend in a 2.5 bedroom apartment (subbie'd get the .5) and they are very respectable and generally hole themselves up in their room. They would not give a sub orders and would treat the sub as a friend/roommate. I like subs who are domestic-oriented and will clean, who will go to fetish events with me, and preferrably have a high pain tolerance. I am poly, but not looking for a dating relationship. Yes - I would ask for some rent to be paid, but I don't want things other than that - I'm not asking for shopping sprees! I live in a really fun part of Chicago, have access to a private dungeon to play in, have a huge collection of fun things at my own place, and I'm right in the middle of where all the fetish-y bars and events occur. Is anyone looking for something like this? Not a full 24/7 relationship, but a live-in sub relationship nonetheless? Am I asking too much? I get very attached to my subs and love them dearly. ~~~Mistress Aria~~~

MistresssAria -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 1:15:50 AM)
I should probably add that I realize no sub is perfect, and that's fine - I'm not either. But I want someone who will grow with me, and who wants a long-term arrangement - I do not throw my subs away. This would be joining a family of me, my roommates, and my friends/lovers. And this is not something that needs to be jumped into my any means.

CandyLover -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 3:14:29 AM)
I don't think you're asking for too much; it actually sounds like a very appealing and generous offer for the right person, but it's probably a combination of things keeping someone from trying it out. A lot of male subs (I'm assuming that's what the majority of your responses have been) wouldn't be too comfortable around a male/male couple, no matter how respectable they are. There's the whole age thing too; you're on the young side, your other two roommates are probably around your age, and being "the old one" of the house might somehow be more humiliating than anything BDSM has going for it. Switching living arrangements is usually trouble for a lot of people too, since there are leasing commitments and their own roommates to be concerned about. Was the rent higher than normal or anything? Maybe a lot of people just responded that they were interested, and hoped it was enough of a "yes" to give them a chance to accept if their life situation changes soon, but enough of a "no" to avoid the commitment. From what I read, it sounds like a totally reasonable request on your part, and I think you'll find someone eventually if you keep looking.

littlebitxxx -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 3:18:12 AM)
I don't see where you are asking too much. It can be very frustrating finding your special someone, for sure, but patience and perseverance will pay off. Mine did. I wanted it all - the vanilla, bdsm, M/s, at home and out - all in one person. I am now in a relationship much like you describe and loving it. Above all, don't just settle...you're worth it all, wait for it all. You'll love the result. Best wishes to you. sage

subguyca2000 -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 7:52:50 AM)
You are not asking for too much and you would be a dream to me if I was in a different situation. It takes time to weed through the wanna be's, the wankers, etc. I make it know that I am married so people like me are weeded out right away. But there are too many that are married or attached, but are just playing around on the internet. But with time, you get what you want. By the way, you have some of the best pics that I have ever seen on here. And you mentioned in your profile one of my fetishes....wearing a bandanna. Darn me!!

littlesarbonn -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 9:09:20 AM)
Sometimes it's just something as simple as location. For me, that would be an ideal situation. I live in California, however, and honestly would have little to no desire to live in Chicago, having made a lot of effort to move back to California from Michigan only a year or so ago. I would imagine that would probably be the problem for a lot of potential people who would be perfect for that type of arrangement. Like someone else said, there are all sorts of little things that may cause someone to decide against it. It's a lot different than meeting someone for coffee and deciding that there's some chemistry. The initial thought would be: "Do I really want to interject myself into a different living situation with someone I really don't know?" Logic would say that the meetings and chemistry building would come first, but most guys are probably going to be thinking about the longer term effects right off the start. It's a lot like a woman with two children advertising for a boyfriend. The woman may be great, and the guy may be looking for a relationship with her, but then the thought comes of becoming a dad in addition to being a significant other. Granted, not the same case but I think most people (men and women) would be thinking of the whole picture in a potential relationship before even hitting the response button.

mistressaries -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 11:08:21 AM)
I totally agree with the responses given here. I am in a similar situation myself, my husband and I have been searching for that elusive sub to join our family for a few years now and have many of the same ideas of things as you but have not had more than a handful of responses from anyone who is really serious about building a long term relationship. If you do find the secret formula that works please let me know...would be thrilled to know the secret. I wish you all the luck in the world in finding your suitable match. Keep trying and I'm sure it will happen for you and some lucky sub. MistressAries

ededwards -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/30/2007 11:07:46 PM)
All I can say is wow. I about fell off my chair when your profile came up. Impressive and FORMIDABLE. It sounds like you have clearly defined goals and know what you want. You are %90 there at that point.Dont work to hard at it. There is plenty of cheese in in trap. The right mouse hasnt come along yet. Chicago is a great town with great people youll get there. Good Luck.

BoiJen -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/31/2007 10:19:59 AM)
24/7 does not mean you're with them 24/7 it means ther are in your service 24/7. Which doesn't exclude them from having a life of their own it means they are at your call. Isn't that how it's suppsoed to be anyways? Personally, for me it's very easy for me to be MsK's secretary when She's not home and to clean and just about anything else I do. I tend to work rather late nights and get off in the early morning hrs (2-3 am) and I go out with friends then sleep during the hrs She's at work for a while before doing chores and what not. I'm also very much an insomniac. So this goes in my favor until She's tired of me not sleeping and bing tired lol. My point is that you can 24/7 and still have an uindependant servant. Trust me lol

awmslave -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (8/31/2007 10:29:03 PM)
I see only detailed pro session offer in your ad for $200 an hour. Am I missing something?

spankingman7 -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/2/2007 1:43:09 PM)
Really enjoyed you Ad and all the replies. As a Dom for over 25 yrs. here are a few hints to help you. Location is a BIG factor. Not many people Sub or not will move just for the sake of moving. New Job another big factor. Some of the Subs in my city, came here and returned home , WHY ? They were not really prepared in any way shape or form for what was ahead of them. I see it all the time. You have to keep trying and when you think to yourself that you can't do it any more, just take the 't off can't and it says you can. Good luck.

undergroundsea -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/2/2007 10:01:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistresssAria For a while I had posted some information on my profile about what I'm looking for, and I did get a ton of responses, but - like usual - when I post any sort of requirements to writing me back (ie: tell me about yourself, your experience, your fetishes, your vanilla life...) I didn't get too many good responses. Lots of "I would be interested in being a live-in." Obviously someone's not serious if they weren't really paying attention. It seems that the nature of responses you received led you to remove the information about what you seek at a personal level. Your profile as it is currently does not convey to me that you are seeking subs beyond clients. I wonder if it might help to not combine the sub and roommate search initially. And I wonder if it would help to have a profile specifically for the personal search. It might help to clarify if you are seeking a strictly D/s relationship or a romantic D/s relationship. I think the latter has greater requirements for interpersonal compatibility. I have pro domme friends from various BDSM events who are involved in the Chicago scene. One arranges fetish nights. The other is involved with the Club FEM (femdom group) chapter of Chicago. If you are able to look up these events, they might present avenues to find a compatible sub. Cheers, Sea

darbyib6ub9 -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/10/2007 8:58:57 PM)
~smiles~ I dont think your asking to much. In fact your very detailed and focused on what you seek. I know its hard, but you have a better chance than most to reach your desires. Your straight out forward, and direct in what you seek. What so hard for people to understand about that? Keep your courage and drive. Most of all keep your open honesty. You will find what you seek. Dont give up. All the best in your search and good luck. TC. Darby

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/10/2007 10:22:28 PM)
I have never had an online relationship turn into a 24/7 Master/slave relationship, much less a live-in one. I highly suggest getting out into your local community and meet people real time. This is how I met all of the people I've been in Ds and Ms relationships with. Now, husbands/boyfriends/lovers...I've found online! chuckle Master Fire

Stephann -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/11/2007 4:59:34 AM)
Hi there, I'll give you the same advice I give to all females who are frustrated with their inboxes. Turn off your profile. Do the work that males do; punch in the search critera you're seeking (age, location, orientation, maybe height and weight) and start writing men who pique your interest. Rest assured, the quality of responses you recieve will likely dramatically increase. People writing you are people who want to be your slave; this has nothing to do with what you actually desir. Start writing people YOU want to own. Stephan

cbtok -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/11/2007 7:23:45 AM)
OK, everyone is telling you're "not asking for too much." Your message in this forum may spark an interest. I've been to Chicago a number of times and it's a great city. There is always the possibility of someone who may find employment, school or a career in Chicago will see your post and/or your profile and be attracted. But you do have to put it out there to draw someone in. I looked at your profile. It clearly states that you "will occasionally take on temporary (possibly to long-term) sissy maids to clean for Me." Aside from that there is no mention of any interest in a live-in. You might consider placing your request in a journal entry and to be as specific about your needs there as you are for professional clientèle. On the basis of your profile and your journal there appears to be no interest in a live-in submissive. And your specification of "sissy maid" may not match others' kink. One does not necessarily have to be in full maid regalia to effectively scrub a bathroom and sometimes it really helps if one is dressed in jeans or a pair of shorts. MasterFireMaam appropriately recommends that you may find it more easy to meet someone at a local event, munch or play party and I think she's right. You need to be open, inviting and calming enough for someone to approach you at an event, though I have seen people describe excellent meetings through the use of CM. So my recommendation is that you put something in your profile or journal that invites what you seek.

RRafe -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/11/2007 8:13:35 AM)
I don't think you are asking for too much-but the odds are not good. Way too many people come to kink for entirely the wrong reasons-to justify thier various dysfunctions.

leatherette -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/11/2007 2:35:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Hi there, I'll give you the same advice I give to all females who are frustrated with their inboxes. Turn off your profile. Do the work that males do; punch in the search critera you're seeking (age, location, orientation, maybe height and weight) and start writing men who pique your interest. Rest assured, the quality of responses you recieve will likely dramatically increase. People writing you are people who want to be your slave; this has nothing to do with what you actually desir. Start writing people YOU want to own. Stephan *Stephann: That is very sound advice - I've never heard anyone else say this before, but.. some may notice I have a closed profile ;)* *MistressAria: adore your outfits and gear!*

RRafe -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/11/2007 2:49:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leatherette quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Hi there, I'll give you the same advice I give to all females who are frustrated with their inboxes. Turn off your profile. Do the work that males do; punch in the search critera you're seeking (age, location, orientation, maybe height and weight) and start writing men who pique your interest. Rest assured, the quality of responses you recieve will likely dramatically increase. People writing you are people who want to be your slave; this has nothing to do with what you actually desir. Start writing people YOU want to own. Stephan *Stephann: That is very sound advice - I've never heard anyone else say this before, but.. some may notice I have a closed profile ;)* *MistressAria: adore your outfits and gear!* Yes, extremely good advice. Only insecure men get offended at being contacted by subs etc............and you weed out the hng's and online wannabes. As well as the married and cheating that so many complain of. But it's work, and you have to pay attention. However,it does radically change how you will operate here-and you can look forward to opening your messages with pleasure-rather than annoyance and dread.[;)]

blackpearl81 -> RE: Troubles with Finding a Good Live-In (9/11/2007 5:42:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistresssAria I'm searching to build a relationship with a submissive, age/gender are not important to me, and I'm having some troubles with that. For a while I had posted some information on my profile about what I'm looking for, and I did get a ton of responses, but - like usual - when I post any sort of requirements to writing me back (ie: tell me about yourself, your experience, your fetishes, your vanilla life...) I didn't get too many good responses. Lots of "I would be interested in being a live-in." Obviously someone's not serious if they weren't really paying attention. Perhaps what I was asking for was too much? I work 4 days/nights a week at a tattoo shop, so on those days I only have minimal time free at night. The other 3 days of the week I may do professional sessions, but I have plenty of free time to spend then. I want a sub that can be responsible and live their own life when I'm gone - I'm not trying to have an obsessive sub who only thinks of me, nor would I want to prevent a sub from having their own social life. I just want someone who's there as my submissive when I'm home yet who I'm also very close to/friends with. Yes - I'll be strict, I'll be mean - I'm all about fun when I'm home. I live with my best friend and his boyfriend in a 2.5 bedroom apartment (subbie'd get the .5) and they are very respectable and generally hole themselves up in their room. They would not give a sub orders and would treat the sub as a friend/roommate. I like subs who are domestic-oriented and will clean, who will go to fetish events with me, and preferrably have a high pain tolerance. I am poly, but not looking for a dating relationship. Yes - I would ask for some rent to be paid, but I don't want things other than that - I'm not asking for shopping sprees! I live in a really fun part of Chicago, have access to a private dungeon to play in, have a huge collection of fun things at my own place, and I'm right in the middle of where all the fetish-y bars and events occur. Is anyone looking for something like this? Not a full 24/7 relationship, but a live-in sub relationship nonetheless? Am I asking too much? I get very attached to my subs and love them dearly. ~~~Mistress Aria~~~ I personally don't feel that Your asking too much... On the same token though, maybe You weren't requiring specific answers? I mean, "What do you like to do in your vanilla life" can be pretty vague if your trying to find out specifics - maybe something like "What are some vanilla things you like to do if you have a rough day at work" might yield better responses? I'm not trying to come off as being disrespectful. But, I have a hard time replying to a profile if I can't find something specific to address. If a Domme's profile posted something like "looking for a service oriented sub" that might possess me to reply to Her profile with a hypothetical situation (this would also probably be a bad idea - some Dommes may not like that - do this at your own risk lol) such as: "What would be something You would expect Your sub to have ready for You when You get home? Would You prefer him to have dinner cooked? The house cleaned? A hot bath drawn for you?" Which, also raises a good question that I'll post in a few.. Best of luck!! Sincerely, V.

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