Who is your first tier?

Who is your first tier? (Full Version)

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puella -> Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 3:12:31 AM)
I will preface this query by stating that I often find myself responding to things I read and hear in a completely 'vanilla' setting and pondering over their meaning within the format of my own chosen lifestyle. I was listening to one of my political talk shows yesterday and the inevitable news item came up about Senator Craig. The particulars of the scandal are not what drew my interest. The unlikelihood of the verity of his press announcement drew some interesting comments from some of the commentators. Beyond the hypocrisy and sordid nature of the situation...how could he not have turned to someone when he most needed it? He has been married for years, how could he not tell his wife? This got me to thinking about something particular in what they were saying (dangerous, I know)....I think it is common to assume that in a strong and healthy vanilla relationship, it is justified to think that your wife, your partner, is the person closest to you, the person you first turn to when you need help, need a companion...who is your closest confident and your chosen partner in life. As a master, how does this paradigm change for you? If something of great importance, be it ether good or potentially seriously damaging were to be impacting you to such a degree (in this case, an arrest) goes down in your life, who do you share it with, who do you turn to? Does the dynamic of this lifestyle keep you from that person being the woman (man) you own? Does the dynamic of this lifestyle make that relationship of 'life partner' alter to such a degree that you are limited in whom or how you can or desire to share yourself and the fullness of your life, good and bad, important and trivial? Does control and mastery/submission and servitude mean that that part of a relationship is no longer an option, no longer appropriate for you and the person you are dominant to? Who is your first tier...to whom do you first turn? I think, naturally for submissives, the answer is obvious; I am very interested in the ideas from the other side of the street, so to speak. Thanks so much! Jen

DavidsGem -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 3:47:04 AM)
Brightest Blessings Since he is not active on the boards I thought I would answer for him LOL. He turns to me, just as I turn to him. We share it all the good the bad and the ugly. Many of our friends who are in the same type of power relationship do the same. The Owners turn to the slave. I think from all I have read, the internet "communities" seem to think that a Owner can not be vunerable, make mistakes on the huge scale especially towards their property. Yet it seems to me that the one person that they can be vunerable with and towards is said property who knows their dark secrets and accepts them as their own. Of course I have only had one cuppa tea so this might only make sense in my sleepy mind LOL Blessed Be Gem

Stephann -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 3:57:04 AM)
I'll only answer for myself on this one. With my ex, she was my first, last, and mostly in between confidant. I trusted her in a way I've never trusted anyone else before. I suspect it will be a while before I establish that level of trust again with anyone. Until then, I mostly keep my on counsel. I don't see this strictly as a D/s issue; I think people in general are more likely to trust their partners. I will note that I find it quite common in the 'vanilla' world for relationships that should bear a high degree of trust and intimacy that simply do not. I agree; obviously this man didn't have the sort of social support and intimate relationship with his wife where he could have confessed any sorts of feelings he might have had; or if he did, they're not talking about it. Not that I blame them. Stephan

LaTigresse -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 4:15:27 AM)
Only myself. Everyone else just gets the pieces they can handle. When my road gets rough I can only turn to myself.

bandit25 -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 4:17:01 AM)
Although I simply adore Stephann's anwer, mine's the same as LaT's,,just me.

Celeste43 -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 5:07:43 AM)
Myself first, and then whoever will be the most helpful. I love The Man, but if I were summoned for an audit by the IRS I wouldn't want him by my side. I'd be yelling for my accountant. I don't think one person can be all things to another and that's why we refer to it as a support system, not one support person.

Rover -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 5:16:37 AM)
I manage my life. Other people manage what I delegate to them. John

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 5:28:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: puella Who is your first tier...to whom do you first turn? I think, naturally for submissives, the answer is obvious; I am very interested in the ideas from the other side of the street, so to speak. sorry but that statement reeks of shortsightedness on your assumption. the answer is not always obvious - i don't turn to Daddy first though He shares the top spot along with my UMs. i turn to my family first when i have problems unless it's a medical emergency then it would be Daddy. other than that - it's me.

Stephann -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 5:42:52 AM)
I have this feeling, that the most self-sufficiant people tend to be the earliest risers... Something about making coffee for ourselves? (grins) Stephan

adoracat -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 6:03:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann I have this feeling, that the most self-sufficiant people tend to be the earliest risers... Something about making coffee for ourselves? (grins) Stephan not me.....i'm up first, dont drink coffee at all, i make hubby's coffee and deliver it to him in bed, get him up and watching the news, rub his shoulderd and back for him... Sir always says that if hubby would have ever really looked at what he has in front of him, he'd have a wonderful slave, but since hubby doesnt, Sir lucked out. (according to Sir, that is.....) kitten

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 6:08:26 AM)
silly question here: when seeking a "first tier"...do ya have to seach "Tier One" (Pier One) (silly mode still active)

mnottertail -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 6:14:16 AM)
No one is my first tier. I tie others up; not the other way round. Ron

Mercnbeth -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 7:06:48 AM)
quote: As a master, how does this paradigm change for you? If something of great importance, be it ether good or potentially seriously damaging were to be impacting you to such a degree (in this case, an arrest) goes down in your life, who do you share it with, who do you turn to? puella, My "first tier" and only tier is beth; arrest or a hangnail. It is a drastic and dramatic change for me. My nature is not to trust anyone. My experience with people proved that to be a not only good idea but right. The one thing you could count on with confidence is that people live down to low expectation. Most people's help 'limit' is the border of where helping you stops helping them in some way. I am an only child. I don't know if that attitude is a result of nature or nurture, but for whatever reason I was comfortable dealing with my problems and issues alone, and I was good at it. Then there was beth... she is my slave, my possession; but she is also my life. It was unintentional, unexpected, but denying her impact on my life would deny my life. she managed to tear down the facade and strip away all veneer. she was, and is, so comfortable being 'naked' emotionally and mentally, it made me feel uncomfortable, and actually stupid, for wearing any 'clothes'. her confidence and strength and "I don't care what others think" attitude about herself was unique. It is easy to share yourself when you have complete confidence in the other person. When you can rely on a person as you can rely on gravity it becomes as natural to trust. Now I can't imagine keeping anything from her - good or bad. I tell her often how much I hate her for doing this to me. Life was so much easier without having my happiness, contentment, and well being rely on someone else. My only fear in life is the thought of somehow having to live without her. It is why the most important rule I have for her is that she is not allowed to die first. First tier? Other than beth there is no other.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 7:20:36 AM)
Gosh I can tell my partner's state of mind just by how he walks to the car- this both melts and infuriates him. The idea of him not being open to me is just kinda laughable at that point. For me, by making the choice be in this relationship, him being my confidante for all is simply part of that package deal.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 7:21:13 AM)
I don't currently live with my partner but if I did, I would turn to her first, I mean if I can't do that, why do I have her in my life? There are still lots of things I do turn to her. Heck my ex partner and I still talk about issues with school together as we are both in school.

LaTigresse -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 7:30:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: As a master, how does this paradigm change for you? If something of great importance, be it ether good or potentially seriously damaging were to be impacting you to such a degree (in this case, an arrest) goes down in your life, who do you share it with, who do you turn to? puella, My "first tier" and only tier is beth; arrest or a hangnail. It is a drastic and dramatic change for me. My nature is not to trust anyone. My experience with people proved that to be a not only good idea but right. The one thing you could count on with confidence is that people live down to low expectation. Most people's help 'limit' is the border of where helping you stops helping them in some way. I am an only child. I don't know if that attitude is a result of nature or nurture, but for whatever reason I was comfortable dealing with my problems and issues alone, and I was good at it. Then there was beth... she is my slave, my possession; but she is also my life. It was unintentional, unexpected, but denying her impact on my life would deny my life. she managed to tear down the facade and strip away all veneer. she was, and is, so comfortable being 'naked' emotionally and mentally, it made me feel uncomfortable, and actually stupid, for wearing any 'clothes'. her confidence and strength and "I don't care what others think" attitude about herself was unique. It is easy to share yourself when you have complete confidence in the other person. When you can rely on a person as you can rely on gravity it becomes as natural to trust. Now I can't imagine keeping anything from her - good or bad. I tell her often how much I hate her for doing this to me. Life was so much easier without having my happiness, contentment, and well being rely on someone else. My only fear in life is the thought of somehow having to live without her. It is why the most important rule I have for her is that she is not allowed to die first. First tier? Other than beth there is no other. And THIS is why I prefer to be alone, rather than settle for anything less. So beautiful. And someone questioned wether or not we are really happy for others...... instead I ask, how could you not be??

puella -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 7:50:03 AM)
Thank you for that offering Merc. I think that you and beth offer a lot of experience, sense and sound advice to people here and to offer such a beautiful testament really warms my crusty old heart![:)]

SmokingGun82 -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 8:07:38 AM)
I'm going to have to fall in with those that say their first tier is themselves. If the chips are on the table, the only person I trust to make the play is me. I've leaned on others before, and every time I've fallen flat on my face because of it. Whether that shows a lack of judgment on my part or is just the nature of humanity is debatable, but either way for me, it works best when I rely on myself for anything important. If I absolutely had to pick someone else, it'd be my best friend. We've been friends for over twelve years, lived together off and on for ten, and he knows me as well as any person on Earth. To steal from Jay, referring to Silent Bob, he's my hetero life mate.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 8:10:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: As a master, how does this paradigm change for you? If something of great importance, be it ether good or potentially seriously damaging were to be impacting you to such a degree (in this case, an arrest) goes down in your life, who do you share it with, who do you turn to? puella, My "first tier" and only tier is beth; arrest or a hangnail. It is a drastic and dramatic change for me. My nature is not to trust anyone. My experience with people proved that to be a not only good idea but right. The one thing you could count on with confidence is that people live down to low expectation. Most people's help 'limit' is the border of where helping you stops helping them in some way. I am an only child. I don't know if that attitude is a result of nature or nurture, but for whatever reason I was comfortable dealing with my problems and issues alone, and I was good at it. Then there was beth... she is my slave, my possession; but she is also my life. It was unintentional, unexpected, but denying her impact on my life would deny my life. she managed to tear down the facade and strip away all veneer. she was, and is, so comfortable being 'naked' emotionally and mentally, it made me feel uncomfortable, and actually stupid, for wearing any 'clothes'. her confidence and strength and "I don't care what others think" attitude about herself was unique. It is easy to share yourself when you have complete confidence in the other person. When you can rely on a person as you can rely on gravity it becomes as natural to trust. Now I can't imagine keeping anything from her - good or bad. I tell her often how much I hate her for doing this to me. Life was so much easier without having my happiness, contentment, and well being rely on someone else. My only fear in life is the thought of somehow having to live without her. It is why the most important rule I have for her is that she is not allowed to die first. First tier? Other than beth there is no other. Merc, I think this is the most beautiful thing I have read in a very long time. While I am not usually an emotional person, your post truly brought tears to my eyes (especially having had the pleasure of spending time with the two of you and seeing what you describe first hand).. Thank you.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Who is your first tier? (8/30/2007 8:26:36 AM)
As someone who has met and spent time with Merc and Beth this is exactly who and how they are. An inspiration to us all.

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